All Comments on 'Missionary Work Pt. 02'

Very good but how did he find out? Looking forward to part 3.

Come on. You can do better. Blaming it on the taste of his semen because of the fish he ate? She never commented on that or talked it out? She was a complete slut, fucking everybody in town including his brother which calls for some big time family drama. Let it go at that instead of crappy little ploys like sardines.

Turns out his wife was as stupid as his brother since she thought her six regular lovers and random store pickups didn’t mean anything. One suggestion: if you are going to use short, choppy chapters, tell the readers in a preface. Your writing gets the reader barely into the story and then you hit the brakes. The first two parts together would have been much better.

You left out a significant and substantial part of the story. HUGE jump in there where there is a sudden unexplained reference to someone named Glenda and the POV seems to have switched suddenly to Bobby who is suddenly visiting a lawyer. NEDDS TO BE FIXED.

Meh. 1 page. Do better

So, a woman "loves" a man who disgusts her??? This one is even more ludicrous than part 1. I read this in the hopes it would put a proper ending to the start that left readers hanging. It did not. It just added stupidity. I won't waste time reading any more of this author's submissions.

Story started then jumped to the end.minus 1 if l could.

Good so far

"I was crawling the walls but didn't want to appear slutty" - It's one thing "not wanting to appear slutty," but holding out on your husband while slutting it up with others makes no sense. I know that diet can affect the taste of semen, but this just seems extreme.

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"When I arrived at the airport" - We're in Glenda's POV, then with NO indication you switch to Bobby's? POV changes are never good, but if you MUST do it, use some sort of break, "******," or "~~~~~~," or something.

Geez! Who’s narrating? It’s all over the place. Unreadable.

The shift from her to his POV was jarring. Poor writing.

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Otherwise, very average story. Well….below average actually.

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2 **

Sadly, the story is going downhill. It doesn't help that you're two chapters in and haven't written enough to really be called one chapter.

5 stars. Looking forward to pt 3

Didn't you leave something out? Like half the story?

Sadly disorganized writing. 2 stars.

Can't wait for Pt. 3!

"When I arrived at the airport, I took a cab to the lawyer's."

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That's where you suddenly switched POV, from her to him -- with NOTHING to indicate the switch.

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This is only 2 days after posting the first part -- the one without a chapter number to indicate it wasn't a complete story before opening it -- which is far too short to write this one. That means you knew it wasn't a complete story, and you couldn't be bothered to indicate that.

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If you care so little about you own story, why should anyone?

Make the MC more wimpy. Come in Chymera. We know you can do it.

Fish again?

It's good to see you rethought the revenge porn online shit.

I guess we will hear about remorse on the next one. Please try to be original and skip that part.

And another chapter!

4

I apologize for the POV shift. My word document had a break line there, but that was somehow edited out when I posted the story. I missed that on review.

The story is so absurd that it's quite funny to read. Chymera described Glenda as a combination of a narcissist bitch with strong sociopathic and nymphomaniac traits, which is the best kind of personality for staying single in life. She would be a total hit working as a social worker in the housing projects with young thugs. I'm certain after she munches some carpets too, she will be an incredible switch hitter in the major league. Thanks for the story.

WTF? Did switching perspectives with no discernable hint give you whiplash? Man, get a writing coach and an editor, you desperately need both.

Needed to better explain why he didn't change his eating habits after she pleaded for him to stop, especially the part where it impacted their sex life. 4.2*

OK, Chapter 2, I guess. Are we supposed to rate one chapter at a time? Isn't that like rating each individual ingredient in a recipe before you've tasted the completed dish?

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So far the wife is simply unbelievable. She's fucking several different men and thinks she can keep that secret? And she supposedly thinks fucking over your husband is a minor offense, like denting the fender of a car? If she's really that stupid then the dumb cuck got what he married, so he deserves what he's getting. Morons on parade; great literature.

Yeah, what about Doug? That should be interesting.

You jumped around in introducing the husband finding out about her actions. Proof reading would have solved that glitch, unless you were in a hurry to finish the story. It was interesting and deserved more plot

Why not at least finish her POV in the first part? Then label Part 2 as his POV?

@chymera - Literotica strips out extra blank lines. Yes, it's annoying, kind of like how it strips out double spaces after a period. You just need to include some sort of character(s) on your break lines.

I couldn’t tell who was narrating half the time.

Second: he knew the fish was revolting to her and he ate it anyway. She begged him to stop because it even made his semen foul tasting and still he wouldn’t change…that’s on him.

She shouldn’t have married him because honestly, even if she was faithful to him, she was miserable.

And having posted that crap to Facebook would have been seen GUARANTEED! Which means the legal ramifications should have happened.

You chickened out.

Wait....what? POV whiplash. If part 1 felt like a rough draft, this one still had the bar name showing on the cocktail napkin upon which it was rendered. Kalimaxos is gutsy for not posting as ANON, because readers/authors on this site are famously churlish, thin-skinned, and prone to chronic butthurtedness in the face of critique of their BTB Champion Author or themselves. To his credit, OP, chymera, is one of the good ones, so hopefully, he will take it in the spirit it was given. He does need to find a good, aggressive editor (one who tells a writer what they need to hear and not what they want to hear).

Story where the husband is selfish and doesn't care if he has sex with his wife or not so somebody will.

it was toilet

1.) You don't seem to quite get what btb is.

2.) Not sure who you want us to like. You went through a decent amount of trouble trying to make Bobby out to be the bad guy, by liking fish. So you want us to like the wife?

I did give you an extra point for your clever reversal with the dead fish smell!

Really? That's all the revenge, explanation, or consequence we're going to get with Glenda?

Better than the first one

🙊🙈🙉💨🤬

So much fun