All Comments on 'Mistakes Can Happen Ch. 01'

I get what you were trying to do with the sisters but they felt more cartoonish in their hatred for their brother than simply siblings who dislike each other. Sort of made the story a bit harder to enjoy as the relationships didn't feel real as a result.

You are really good writer though, but I just felt how you portrayed the sisters as openly wishing for their brother to die was a bit over the top. You can have them dislike him and do it in a realistic way.

Liked everything about it.

I enjoyed it, although the intense hatred of the sisters does seem over the top. That kind of hate isn't natural and goes way beyond the irritation of sibling rivalry. That said, will be interesting to see where the story goes from here.

You make a point of describing Nina as an exact copy of Mom, so maybe mistaking her bent over the fridge, and only realizing his mistake after he's buried inside her. And, standing up for himself with his newfound confidence, maybe putting his twin in her place as he fucks her into submission.

Dad already sounds like he's checked out, so either he finds out, or gets caught in an affair, leaving the picture, making Matt the man of the house, with three wet pussies to service. Lots of possibilities, good luck.

I really loved and the love between the mom and son is so good and emotional. Can't wait for further parts

Fully agree with GingerCat1 ... ejoyed it anyway!

I love a good mother/son story and this certainly is that. I do agree that I thought his sister wishing him dead and telling him to kill himself was to extreme but I look forward to what you do next.5*****

Nooooo! Point-of-view change! The instant killer of the mood in any sex story!

I started reading it, and I made an honest effort to like it, but I simply could not. Something about the way you write feels unatural and stilted. Your prose has very little flow, and it's the same with your conversations. They feel off, and I have a hard time believing people actually talk the way you write.

I advice you to get someone to read over your stories, before you post them on here. There are quite many typos, and sometimes, you don't say things correctly. For example I believe you meant to say the main protagonist fell out of his father's GOOD graces, not the other way around.

Also, the two sisters are awful characters. And I'm not just talking about their personalities. The hate they have for their brother is just... stupid. It's like they simply decided to hate the poor kid, and that was it! Siblings often dislike each other, but I half expected Irene and Nina to tie their brother up and drown him. It's just too much.

I do like the story and read to the end, I think it has promise. I agree the the writing in parts was a bit stilted, but that just needs practice.

I don't mind the different view points but that may be a bit easier to do from a third point of view instead, just a thought.

Details can be good, minutiae can bog down a story. There are areas where you can smooth 3 sentences to 1. Or 5 words to 2, details early to set a scene but don't repeat those details and staying too detailed in the action loses the flow of it.

I look forward to more chapters.

Thanks for the warning, especially of there's 6 Literotica pages of this, which works out to between 50 and 60 in Word.

I read a few comments and through in my two cents. I really enjoyed the overall story line, but it needs a little more substance on the plot lines you have left dangling. Why is the father ignoring a vivacious, beautiful wife? Anyone who read the LW genre know why, but I want to hear you say it. LOL! I agree the sisters hatred with no explanation for it is unnecessary to that extreme unless you intend to fold it back on itself. Is Nina hot for her brother (one of those threads I mentioned)? He's a geek, so what's his hidden talent/angle for a future? If his mom is going to risk divorcing for him, that'll be an important thread you've left undone. All these unanswered issues should have been foreshadowed, at least a bit, in this chapter. As for scene/POV changes, leave out the "point of view" and just list names. Only do it unless there's really good reason for that type of transition where we readers would be confused if you leave it out. I'm not saying don't, just be carful... 4*

Your story caught me in the first paragraph and continued up until the end of this first chapter, of what I hope will be at least 5 or 6 more chapters.

Please consider letting mom get pregnant at least 2 or 3 more times with Matt. I think he would make an amazing father. What would really be a happy ending, is if the father found another woman and divorced her, so she could live with Matt as long as she wanted on the other side of the country.

Keep up the good work - thanks and a 5 to you as well.

Sooo hot cant wait til he gets his mom pregnant and milks her udders

I gave you 4 stars great story almost gave it a 5 but like the others I'd like some more story as to why the sisters hate him so much.... I'd bet its because one or both are fucking daddy or they secretly want to fuck their brother... I also agree that you need to expand on why the dad isn't fucking his wife anymore is he fucking one or both his daughters or is he cheating outside the home...

Also you need a bigger vocabulary I don't need to hear over 20 times that the moms pussy is wet or soaked it helps to add other words in there as their are many different names for a pussy and cock

Loved it! Very hot! Can't wait until the next chapter. Five stars and a favorite point!

hope next chapter is following soon.

A very yummy start! I'm looking forward to more of this story. Thank you!

Great start, please continue ASAP

Scores 5/5

Waiting impatiently for the next chapter.

Multiple POV's changing so quickly is really off-putting. I didn't even want to finish the story. 1*

Promising start.

Not voting, because a 4 would only drag this down, and you have not earned a 5.

It would be nice if Lit allowed fractional voting.

Like the story a lot. AAAA++++

Yeah, yeah, yeah...oh, such a whiner in the one who "cannot give 5, because a 4 would drag this down"...then why do you have to comment?? Just leave the site...find another story...AND, you know there is no "fractional voting" here...why wish for it?!

Story is wicked bad...SSSOOO looking forward to the next chapters...are sisters going to be included...¿new attitude changes in the works? Ha, ha, ha!! Would serve both of them right!

Definitely 5 stars...!!!

Loved it!!!

Very nice story gave it 5 stars