- Incest/Taboo
- Momma's Boy Ch. 01
- Comments
All Comments on 'Momma's Boy Ch. 01'
by ElleLongCock
- 10 Comments
Anonymousabout 2 years agoCrappy. Wait until you've at least reached puberty before writing again. Also: pay attention in grammar, spelling, and creative writing classes.
NotTheWickedestabout 2 years agoFor any story to be comprehensible, the flow of ideas in phrases must be controlled by suitable punctuation. You write very long phrases, butting and bunching everything together, which makes following your thoughts difficult. You should learn to use commas and semicolons; they represent the rhythm of the action. I counted only two commas (I might have missed some) in the whole text, and they were three words apart in the same sentence, albeit correctly used. Also, you should check for repeated words; there are three "before" in the third phrase from the end.
Organize you thoughts and structure your text; your stories will become more enjoyable.
Anonymousabout 2 years agoAnonymous #2, you're in idiot who should keep your thoughts to yourself. That is not good, healthy criticism at all. Like, :Crappy. Wait until you've at least reached puberty before writing again." Like just stop criticising another person's work, that they voluntarily put out to show US, the readers.
Now, better criticism for this story would be As NotTheWickedest stated "Organize you thoughts and structure your text; your stories will become more enjoyable." I agree that there needs to be more punctuation to emphasize the story. However, there are many exceptions to this rule in stories that are very well done. Mark Twain is a good example to read in that. This needed more fleshing out and more editing. I think the fact that it's so short is also what hinders the story as it leaves before it really gets going and it leaves much to be desired in this. Not bad as far as a 'jackoff' story. However, if there will be more written by you, there needs to be more structure.
