Mom's Touch But Don't Look Policy

"I don't care."

"Tell me," I said, "Beg me."

"I want it. Want your seed. Put it inside me. Please."

"Oh, Mommy!"

I drove one last time, deep as I could into my mother. The pleasure raced up my shaft.

"Yes!" we both cried out as I inseminated my own mom for a second time. I filled her so much, it came seeping out the sides. My ecstasy overwhelmed me, as well. Overloaded every nerve ending. Blasted through every cell. Until my body shut down and I collapsed, wordless, into my mother's warm embrace.

Mom held me tight. Kissed my forehead and cheeks.

"Oh, you did it," Mom said, "You made me a Mommy again. Such a good boy you came for me so good."

We lay there, holding each other like lovers. Because that's what we were.

*

We were two hours late to get Dad. We braced for it as soon as we saw him, but he was too tired to shout. He just glared at us. When he saw we were ignoring him, he started grumbling to himself. When we didn't pay any attention to that either, he stared off. Distant.

We made him sit in the backseat. I drove and Mom sat next to me. The highway was empty and dark. Everything was opening up again, but the roads still felt abandoned. I looked over at Mom and we shared a smile.

The world was ours for the taking.

*

We sat out in the backyard, the sun beating down on our backs. Both of us shirtless, Mom in her sports bra while I was bare. The heat was almost too much for us, but we stayed outside.

Mom held my foot in her hand. Carefully, like one wrong move would ruin everything, she painted my toenails bright, girly pink.

"I'm marking you," she explained, "So all those little sluts at school know you're mine."

"It's more likely to be seen by the hockey guys," I said.

"They need to know it, too," Mom said.

I was leaving for school in a couple weeks. I didn't know how long school would stay open this time. The rumor was, if things needed to shut down again, they'd keep us in the dorms so we couldn't spread the virus.

"I've never dated a jock before," Mom said.

"Mom, I'm not..."

Mom shushed me with her finger. "I was always quiet in school. Athletes were all so confident and cocky. I thought they were assholes. Drama guys, though, they were safe. Friendly. Like me, they were the weirdos that didn't fit in anywhere else. Creative and oh so cool."

Mom let go of my foot, but she kept talking as she twisted the nail polish bottle closed.

"Your Dad and I had done plays in college before. We were in the same clique. I didn't have a boyfriend. He was seeing this other girl on and off. Cindy Cummings, if you can believe it. They were in an off phase. Your Dad and I started fooling around backstage in between rehearsals. Nothing serious."

"You've told me this part before," I said.

"It was the night of the big show. Your Dad and I were backstage. We were already done with our scenes. Nothing left but the curtain call. Your Dad started, um, playing around with me. You know, back there."

"I know," I said.

"He got my pants off. We were rubbing. He slipped in. Just like that, my first. A whole crowd of people -- my school friends, my professors -- were only a few feet away on the other side of the curtain. My mind blanked. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to feel him. Inside me. I grabbed your dad's hips. I wouldn't let him go."

"There's a part of it that's kind of sexy," I said.

"I didn't even cum," Mom said, "Two months later we both knew. My parents, my dad especially, made it clear. I had to keep the baby, but I could let go of my dreams."

"I'm sorry, Mom, that's terrible."

"It is what it is. I married your father. We struggled through raising you. At some point, my whole world became my son. My little boy. I didn't have a life beyond you. I think your father resented it. When you started hanging out with him in high school, he was happy. Not because it meant more time with you. Just because he knew it would hurt me."

I stood up to hug Mom. I couldn't help it. She looked so vulnerable in that moment. She let me wrap my arms around her. We crashed together onto the folding chair. Mom's cheeks were wet.

"Your Dad and I, over time, our feelings washed away. There's only resentment now. Then you left, and I really had nothing. I built my whole existence around being a mom. But what happens when you leave?"

"You could be a mom again," I said.

"That's what I wanted," Mom said, "That's why your dad and me were trying. But his heart wasn't in it. I think your father left a long time ago. His body stayed, but the rest has been gone."

"You're young," I said, "You have so much more life in front of you. Your life. Not mine or Dad's or anyone else's."

Mom smiled weakly and kissed my cheek. "You truly believe that, huh?"

"You can have anything you want," I said. Mom chortled. Then she saw the look in my eyes, and she nodded. Serious.

"Anything?" she asked.

*

My first week back at school was brutal. I hadn't been homesick as a college freshman. But as a sophomore, I was a wreck. It got so bad, that when I sat down for lunch one day, I hallucinated seeing Mom at one of the other tables.

The cafeteria was busy, and I was in a rush. A couple of my teammates were already sitting at the table. I fell into my seat and tucked into my lunch. I felt a pair of eyes on me. I turned to look and there she was.

But, of course, that was impossible. I'd left Mom back at home weeks ago. We'd emailed a few times, but nothing more. She was busy, I was crazed. It was OK. I must have missed her more than I realized, to be hallucinating that she was in the cafeteria with me.

I glanced again, knowing she'd be gone.

But the woman was still there. And the more I looked, the more I became convinced that it was my mother. I stood up, legs trembling. I had to hold on to my tray to hold myself up.

"Hey Pinktoe, you OK?" one of my tablemates asked, using my newly bestowed nickname.

"Yes," I said, "Fine. Just... Need something."

I wandered over, my eyes narrowing down to the one path that led me to Mom. She'd cut her hair short, which sucked. She looked a little thinner than I remembered. But she'd done her makeup really good, which was awesome.

"Hi," I said, when I was close enough for her to hear me.

"Hi," she said, turning to look my way. "I'm Julie, I'm new."

"Nice to meet you, um, Julie," I said.

Mom extended her hand and squeezed mine. "You want to join me for lunch?" she asked.

I told her that I did. I forgot about my food back at my table and stumbled into my seat.

"You're a student here?" I asked. I felt the tears start to fill my eyes and I forced them back. The hockey team was already picking on me enough for my painted toenails.

"I registered a few weeks ago, yes," Mom said, smiling at me slyly. "Just one class to start."

"Where are you... What are you..." All I could do was stumble.

"Your father and I are taking a break," Mom said, "I have an apartment in the city. About a ten-minute drive from campus."

"Oh," I said.

"I'd love for you to visit," Mom said.

"Me too," I said.

"I was at home, missing you. Then I remembered some very wise person telling me I could do anything I wanted with my life."

"You can," I said.

"Turns out, I might be college material after all."

"You are."

"It was time to move on," Mom said, "From a lot of things. Also, considering how things are shaping up." She patted her tummy meaningfully. "I figured it would be better for me to be out of the house."

"You're..." I stared at Mom in shock.

"Perhaps," Mom said, "But why don't we keep that under the covers. For now."