All Comments on 'Monkey Business'

dumb cuck shit.

truly just a fantasy written for entertainment. You should have picked another topic. I think the entire story was foolish and inane. I'm sure some stupid scientist has probably tried this. I hope they got AIDS.

I think they were fucking the monkeys in africa. Hell thats what the natives do

I'm sure i have read some shit more stupid and inane, but for the lifs of me I can't remember when

What was this bullshit? When a story has so much bullshit about science, the only category to put is: "Sci-Fi & Fantasy"! He was lucky that "monkey" Dave wouldn't want to fuck him in the ass...1* (where are the negative ratings when we need them?)

...of the original author of the "Bonobo Studies" series. Like,you, he got most of completely wrong, applying more great ape behavior than Bonobo behavior. But unlike you, he covered it well with means to accept his outlandish scheme.

Those stories involved injections that forever altered brain chemistry and instinctive behavior. Women created a hierarchy among themselves and the "alpha" or bonded male services each of them daily, unless traveling. Then the women would care for each other until his return. He was a scientist, but became an alpha male by virtue of daily fucking most of a dozen women.

This one suffers from a lot of bunk, a failed device to allow us to suspend disbelief so we could accept the storyline and enjoy it. It failed miserably.

1. Spelling fails in several dozen areas. Yes, it matters, you boob.

2. Vocabulary. Too many misused words to count. An epithet is not a compliment.

3. General storyline. Start with an outline, develop your characters. Make sure they act like real people. Read your dialog out loud or to someone else to see if it sounds realistic. If not, fix it. When you decide upon a device to allow an altered reality, you must be at least robust enough to sound like real science. That means there must be enough real science there to hold it together. This missed by a country mile.

4. I don't know how it is out there in the far northwest, but in most parts of the world an Italian, Spanish, French, Portuguese (or any other Romance language and culture you can name) name for a female usually ends with an "a", while men's names end with an "o". So, if I use that yardstick, I have to conclude that Marcello was either a TGirl, Transgender man, or you simply got it wrong. Marcella, not Marcello. But even that s an extremely rare use for a woman's name.

If you have an exception in the real world, she might be Greek, but my Greek friends laughed until they cried when I suggested that, showing my extensive ignorance of their culture and language. Your efforts to get it right, constitute you improved writing.

If you try this again, I would suggest taking a more structured approach, getting. Editorial help (there are helpers in this forum that are generally as good as the pros), and better research around the science or tech you purport to write into your story, and hammer out your "devices of exception to reality" into something approaching believable BEFORE you submit it to this audience or any other. In this case, the "brainwave transfer was an interesting idea, but wholly empty without something more "science" to prop it up. And for god's sake, study up on Bonobo monkeys in more detail, before you attempt anything like this again. You got the matriarchy right, but left most of it behind in service of your sex-driven comforting scheme (another major oopsie).

You will otherwise suffer painful scoring and overwhelming harshness in the comments every time you don't fix these kinds of problems.

You were brave, but perhaps a bit foolish to think this would be well received.

I know you got a lot of negative comments, but this was a good story. The twist on why the husband is a cuckhold is part of the twist as far as a story goes. This is more like a group sex category, but I still liked your writing. Keep going as that how one gains experience. I'm not a writer and I doubt that the majority of the Anons are either.

Regards,

Santacruzman

Okay, it's fiction. Thank goodness.

But, you did know that Marcello is a man's name, right? If it were female, it would end in an 'a'. Makes the weird story of "cuckolding for the sake of science" even weirder, when the husband's screwing a man named Marcello.

Try again, with better names and no fake science...

Two stars, barely.

Why waste your time on this dumb ass shit.You are fucking weird.

Very clever and insightful; nicely crafted and humorous!

are the 'writers' attempting to see who can reach the bottom of the septic tank first?

and if so why?

You'll notice that the brainwave excuse was never challenged nor proven, it was just a reason given to justify the promiscuity Julianne practiced with her coworkers while in Africa, and to allow all the swapping and fucking around to continue by including the clueless spouses. I guess the Matriarchy issue was included to explain why Jack was acting so submissive? Hell, even Nelson raping his wife couldn't get this Northwest pussy boy riled up. And while Jack was horse fucking Marcello's ass and pussy, why didn't he wonder if his dear wife was not needing and getting the same from Dave? I noticed the topics of pregnancy and STD's was not discussed in this supposedly scientifically based story.

So in the end, what was the point of this story? It appeared to be a group of coworkers who decided they enjoyed fucking each other so much while on their trip that they developed an excuse to continue, and include their spouses to sweeten the deal. The group fucking eventually got boring, as it always does, so they ended it. Except it will happen again with the next trip, and new fresh meat to fuck around with. And guess who is going to be the monkey while Julianne is off trying out new sex partners and developing her next scientific excuse for being a whore.

Not sure about this at all, probably wrong category.

It should be in Sci-Fi because of the brain wave transfer. Very good work being trashed here because the audience is not correct.

A light-hearted little tale in which you were careful to balance things out so that everyone got their fair share.

So as a scientist these people reverted to animal behavior . To top it all hubbyy let it happen. Sick.

I love bonobo monkeys!

- Nice Smile, Chicago

Marcella,Marcelle and (rare) Marcelli are women name.

There's no other way to say it. One star. This one was cuck crap.

"We usually used our vaginas to assist Dave's needs." - Oh, how thoughful. Poor Dave must have been so needy.

There was a great concept here. But the plot was so poorly conceived.

Firstly, Julianne's "thesis" was to experiment with her marriage whether she knew it or not. And that marriage and decisions concerning it were not hers and hers alone to make. The husband should have been consulted and informed all along the way and either permitted to veto or divorce the slut without contest. Perhaps a post nup just for her experiment.

Secondly, he was a pathetic cuck wimp. No right thinking man, loving his wife and protecting his marriage would ever accept the risks and damages to his relationship AND his potential health from letting her fuck around.

Thirdly, although the trio of fucktards were emulating Bonobos, the husband was not and in his dispickable acceptance of their behavior he took on the submissive behavior of those male Bonobos. A) He was not a fucking Bonobo. B) He was not party too or a part of their cheating experiment. C) He was kept out of the loop until the "research" was finished and given no reasonable cause to excuse, tolerate or permit such dispicable lack oft trust, respect or input into his own marriage.

He didn't even seek restitution. The whole support staff knew what went on and even joined in so his cuckoldry it public like his humiliation. This cuck deserves multiple STDs and Dave's bastards to look after.

And after all that.

"Julianne is the love of my life and I intend to let her know often that my life with her is good."

Sick

1*

this is satirical comedy, ok. Otherwise it's the dumbest story ever. Even worse than "Of All People".

Otherwise nearly the worst story. Had potential.

this is either satirical comedy or it's crap. Or maybe both.

For more reasons than just the brain wave transfer...

I think one of the lower primates write this. Surely no human came up with this.

Huh?