More Than Words

"Oh they aren't for me honey, they're for you!"

Shae stood there, staring at the beautiful mix of flowers wondering who they were from. "Her fingers delicately reached for the card and took it, opening it with shaking hands. She read it silently before smiling. She held the card to her chest as she leaned forward smelled the fragrances of the various flowers. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and immediately text Ryan back as per the cards instructions. "He remembered me."

***

Ava sat on Shae's bed, watching her try on various outfits. She loved how excited her friend was and offered idea's on what to wear before they finally settled on a simple yet elegant black dress that was cinched around the waist and lace sleeves. It was a compromise that allowed Shae to show a little more skin yet still feel covered. She looked at Shae and snapped her fingers, "Damn girl, you fine!"

"You think so?"

"Mmhmm. He's gonna love it!"

"I've never been somewhere this fancy before. Are you sure this is alright?"

Ava looked at Shae and furrowed her brow, "Girl trust me, you are stunning and he won't be able to take his eyes off of you."

Shae hugged Ava tightly, "Thank you Ava, I love you."

Ava hugged her back just as she heard a knock at the door, "Love you too girl. Now go and get your man."

Shae ran to the door and was in awe at the sight of Ryan standing there. She looked him over quickly and saw that he was wearing a teal collared button up shirt over black slacks and a black blazer. She smiled at him when she saw his eyes widen.

"Wow, you look incredible."

"So do you," Shae said softly. She looked behind her and looked at Ava who was smiling and waving at her to go. She took Ryan's open hand and followed him to his car and headed to the restaurant. It was a very high end place that was on her bucket list to try one day and yet here she was. She watched as Ryan immediately got out and ran to her side of the car, helping her out. She noticed he crooked his arm and took it as he led her inside. She was surprised when the hostess recognized him and immediately took them to a table. She felt like a princess in this place as she was treated to smells, flavors, sights and sounds, and most importantly, the tastes of food so exquisite she began to understand what people meant when they had said it was better than sex. Throughout it all, Ryan had been so attentive, making sure she was happy, listening to everything she had to say, and staring at her in a way that made her feel like she was the only woman in the world.

After some time, the real world began to nag in the back of her mind, "Ryan how can you afford this place?"

"Well I'll have to eat ramen for a month straight," he said with a smirk before realizing Shae was serious. "It's fine, I learned to save my money at a young age. Not saying every date will be this extravagant but I wanted to make tonight a special night."

"Every date?" Shae had picked up on those words and smiled, blushing.

"Well, I was hoping there would be a second date, and maybe a third one?"

"I think I'd like that," Shae said before biting her lip.

Ryan smiled at her and took her hand in his, "That makes me very happy."

That first date did indeed to lead to a second and a third before Shae and Ryan finally admitted to each other that they liked each other. They went out on quite a few more dates before they just started spending time together, often times finding stores that sold music and talking about the various bands, singers and other artists. They went out on a few double dates with Ava and her boyfriend as they all got along. Ava would often remark how nice it was to see Shae finally happy again.

Shae woke up with a start one morning and began to calm down once she realized she was in her bed. She looked at her phone and looked at the last text from Ryan which read, "Good night beautiful." She smiled and breathed a sigh of relief before she got up. As she walked out into the living room she could hear the coffeemaker brewing and knew that Ava was up. She saw her friend standing with her back to the counter, just waiting for the hot liquid to finish brewing and walked up to her, leaning her head on her friends shoulder.

Ava could tell something was on her mind, "What's wrong boo?"

"I had that dream again."

Ava put her arm around Shae and held her. "It's all in your head girl. He really likes you and he's nothing like Mike."

"I know, I just can't help it. There are so many other girls prettier than I am, why do I deserve him?"

"You shut up with that nonsense. You are beautiful and it's not about deserving, he chose you. Girl you gotta stop with those thoughts."

Shae pulled back, her eyes welling up and nodded. "You're right. I just keep over thinking."

"Yea I know."

"Besides, he wants me to go to his place after I get off work. He wouldn't want that if he didn't like me right?"

"Exactly. Now get those thoughts out of your head. I gotta get ready for class. I'll see you later tonight? Or maybe in the morning?" Ava said with a wink.

"Oh shut up," Shae said with a laugh.

"Girl ... what you and he? You haven't?"

"Not yet."

"Maybe that's why he wants you go to his place," Ava said with a wicked laugh.

***

Shae found a parking spot in the small lot for the apartment complex. It was a smaller complex than most and had a cozy feel to it. She walked across the lot and climbed the steps to the second floor and knocked softly on his door. After a few seconds Ryan opened the door and she saw his smile, the one that made her feel as if everything was alright.

"Hey baby," Ryan said as he stepped aside, allowing Shae to walk in. It was a small one bedroom apartment but he was proud to be on his own and out his parents place finally. Shae was there the day he signed the papers and wanted her feedback on the place. Ryan closed the door before pulling Shae close to him, kissing her softly. His hands ran down the back of her waist following the curves of her rear before landing on the swell of her ass. He felt her melt into him as he held her, the feeling of her breasts pressing into his chest. He reluctantly pulled back, a smile curling his lips as he stared into her eyes. He pulled her inside his place, "I rented a couple of movies, wasn't sure which one you wanted to watch."

Ava's words came back to her and Shae sat down on the couch, inwardly disappointed but the night was still young. She quickly dismissed the thoughts, Ryan was a gentleman and wouldn't just call her for a booty call, though as she looked him over she decided she wouldn't have minded.

They settled on the couch, snuggling into each other as they watched a couple of the movies that Ryan had rented. When the second movie finished they were leaning close to each other, their faces nearly touching as they stared into each other's eyes, their hands on each other's bodies.

Shae leaned upward and pressed her lips to his as she willingly gave herself to him. She felt his reluctance and pulled back, searching his eyes. "What is it Ryan?"

Ryan seemed to be in turmoil as his eyes looked deeply into hers. In a near whisper he said, "I want to, but can't."

"You can't?"

Ryan looked away, not wanting to face her.

"Can't or won't?" She waited for his answer and only found him looking at her. She had begun to wonder why he never seemed to want to do more than kissing and her own thoughts began to flood her mind. She sat up, pulling away from him. "Maybe I should just go home."

"Please don't," Ryan said softly.

"Tell me why I shouldn't."

"Because I don't want you to."

Shae looked at him, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. She slowly shook her head and got up off the couch, walked to the door and left, not looking back. She got into her car and drove home, not really remembering the drive itself and found Ava and her boyfriend on the couch. She didn't say a word and went straight to her room where she shut the door.

Ava sat up suddenly and ran to Shae's door, "Why you home so early girl?" She stood there and waited for Shae to answer but didn't hear anything. She felt Matthew touch her arm as he stood there next to her and she looked up at him.

"I'll just go home, I think she needs you," Matthew whispered.

Ava nodded before she kissed him softly, watching him as he left. As she softly knocked on Shae's door she heard Shae crying softly and opened the door. She sat down next to Shae and put her hand on her friends back. "What's wrong Shae?"

***

Ryan randomly decided to go to the mall and see if Shae was working there. It had been a few days since he had heard from Shae as all of his texts had gone unanswered. He walked in through the door that was closest to the help center and went straight up to the counter. He saw Janice was there and looked around but didn't see Shae. "Hey Janice, is Shae around?"

"No she called off today."

"Oh, uhm thanks."

"Ryan? Hey stud," a high pitched female voice said in a manner that drew attention to the speaker.

Ryan turned at hearing his name and saw his ex girlfriend walking towards him. She was surrounded by three of her friends and was headed straight for him. He realized he had nowhere to run to and just stood there. "Caroline."

Caroline walked straight up to him and put her hand on his chest, smiling coyly. "Hey baby, you really should call me. I miss you and that big hard dick of yours." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before walking away with her friends.

Ryan looked at her and watched as she walked out with her friends before looking back at Janice who was staring at him, her face twisted in a mix of hatred and disappointment. He didn't know what to do and just walked into the mall, trying to lose himself in the crowd. He had no intention of calling Caroline and it had been some time since he had seen her. He hated how Caroline still teased him mercilessly and had hoped she had gotten over their break up, but he had just been proven wrong. As he rounded the corner he felt himself suddenly stop as he hit a brick wall.

Ryan stumbled back and opened his eyes. It hadn't been a brick wall that he had hit but was Matthew, Ava's boyfriend. He stood there, just as tall as Matthew, but Ava's boyfriend was built. When he fully realized who he had run into his face softened. "Oh hey Matt."

"Damn bro, still running into people huh?" He had heard the story of the first time Shae and Ryan met from Ava and loved to tease him. "Dude what's up with you and Shae?"

"I don't know. She just suddenly left my place the other night and I haven't heard from her."

Matthew took Ryan by the shoulder and walked him over to a side area that was quiet. "What do you mean she just left? What did you do?"

Ryan looked at the floor, suddenly embarrassed. He remembered that night and had been wondering what went wrong ever since. "Shae came over and we watched a couple of movies. We started kissing and I knew she wanted to have, you know."

"What, sex?"

Ryan looked around, trying to see if there was anyone within ear shot before answering. "Yea, or at least I think so."

"Yea alright, and then what?"

"I told her I couldn't."

"Couldn't or wouldn't?"

"Couldn't. You see, here's the thing." Ryan stopped and breathed heavily before resuming. He looked at Matthew and suddenly wanted to just disappear. "I'm a virgin."

Matthew waited for a second, sure that there was something else but eventually realized that was Ryan's whole hang up. His lips slowly curled up in a smile before he let out with a laugh that could be heard echoing off of the walls.

Ryan stood there, staring at Matthew incredulously. He felt small and insignificant and was once again reminded why he rarely ever mentioned it. Sure some found it "honorable" that he had saved himself this long, but other's thought it was a joke.

"That's it?"

Ryan simply nodded in reply.

"Seriously, that's it?"

"Yea alright, fuck. Look truth is, I'm a virgin so of course I'm afraid of making a fool of myself."

"Damn bro, why didn't you just tell her?"

Ryan looked at him, "I was, I mean, I wanted to but ... I just got cold feet. I was afraid she'd think less of me. I mean, I think I love her. I do love her." He stared off into the distance as the revelation hit him. He had indeed fallen in love with Shae and it was in that moment that he knew he wasn't exactly saving himself for marriage, he had just wanted to save himself for the one he knew he loved.

Matthew looked at him, his smile faded and he could see that Ryan was struggling with this. He heard what Ryan had said and instantly knew the seriousness of his thoughts. "Look man, let's go back to their place. Ava told me they were just having a girls day and eating ice cream or some bullshit. I'll even go with you, at least this way you can't get scared and run away."

Ryan looked at him, "Are you sure?"

Matthew chuckled, "Yea I'm sure. I'm not going to let you fuck this up anymore than you already have. Besides, Ava has told me how much Shae is always saying how much she likes you. Look, you drive and I'll follow. That way just in case you and Shae need some 'alone' time I can take Ava out."

Ryan smiled, "Alright." As he walked to his car he suddenly felt better about himself. As he got in he was once again smiling.

***

"I knew it was too good to be true! That's why he wouldn't have sex with me!"

Ava sat there on the couch as she listened to her friend yell and scream. She had been sitting there with Shae just watching some movie that neither of them had actually been invested in when Shae got the phone call. She had heard Janice say that some woman came up to Ryan and talked about needing Ryan and that he should call her later. Ava immediately felt guilty for pushing her friend and did her best to comfort her.

"I mean, why would he want me? I'm just a fat -"

"Stop it!" Ava screamed. "Do not go there. This is all on him."

"You know it's true though. Janice said she was thin and -"

"Yea I know what Janice said, but fuck him! He made his own choices. Just forget him."

"I thought he was different. I can't believe I let myself fall for him."

Ava got up and pulled her friend into a hug, holding her close. "Trust me, it's not your fault." Just then Ava heard someone knocking and pulled away reluctantly. "That's probably Matt, he said he was going to come by at some point."

Shae let go of her friend and sat back down on the couch, pulling her legs up with her as she hugged a pillow tightly. She looked up when she heard Ava suddenly yell.

"What the fuck do you want asshole? How dare you show your face around here!"

"What are you talking about?" Ryan said, not understanding what was happening.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, fucking some slut. What you didn't think we would find out?" She looked at Ryan and saw the look of realization cross his eyes. "Yea that's right, Janice called and told us what she saw."

Just at that moment Matthew came running up behind Ryan and stopped suddenly. "Shit, what the fuck did you say?"

Ryan turned to look at Matthew, "Nothing!"

Ava reached out to try and slap Ryan but suddenly found herself being held back by Matthew. "Argh! Let me go! Go ahead Ryan tell her about that bitch at the mall who wants your cock!"

Ryan's eyes went wide at the realization that Janice had called Shae about the encounter. He hadn't prepared himself mentally for this and felt panic. Without thinking he slammed his fist into the wall and walked away.

"Yea that's right!" Ava said loudly before yelling at him in Spanish. "¡Pinche pendejo, me cago en tu madre!"

"Hey that's enough, go talk to Shae, I'll take care of him." Matthew said as he gently pushed Ava back inside.

"Yea you go take care of him. Fuck him up!" She slammed the door shut and went back Shae who was still on the couch, though she was now crying.

Matthew ran after Ryan and found him standing next to his car, his fist bleeding from the impact of the wall. "Dude what the fuck was she talking about?"

"Caroline, my ex."

"So what, that whole thing about being a virgin was shit? You fucking some side piece?"

"No! It's nothing like that. Look Caroline is a grade 'A' bitch. She couldn't handle it when I broke up with her. She wanted sex and I wasn't ready yet. Every time she sees me she teases me. She saw me at the mall and did it to me again. Only this time Janice saw it and she must have misunderstood the whole thing and called Shae and now I've really fucked it all up."

"Who's Janice? How many women are you talking to?"

Ryan looked at him in disbelief, "Shae's coworker?"

Matthew acted as if he was going to say something then stopped, the realization of what was happening hit him. "Damn man, what did you do in a previous life? You got some serious bad mojo going. I can see now why she thinks you're cheating on her. Your ex showing up, you not wanting sex, yea bro she totally thinks you're cheating on her. Look, I like you so I'm going to help you fix this. The hardest thing will be getting the watch dog off. By the way you tell Ava I called her that and I'll end you. She's got that typical hot temper that you always hear Latina's having."

"Yea so I noticed," Ryan said sheepishly. He was just thankful that Matthew was willing to help.

Matthew balled his fist and pulled back like he was going to strike, looking at Ryan and smiled. "Just kidding. Come on." He led Ryan back up the apartment and opened the door and stepped inside. He saw Ava about to get up and put his hand out, "Stay! Ryan has something he needs to say before you go killing him."

"Yea well he better that mother fu-"

"No!" Matthew said loudly, putting his finger up like he was scolding a child. "Babe seriously, this is just a massive misunderstanding. Now let the poor kid speak."

Ryan walked in just then, his hands in his pockets, his shoulders slumped and he kept his eyes on the floor. He couldn't look at anyone in the room for fear that he'd mess this up once more. "Shae, I'm so sorry. For all the misunderstanding I've caused. What Janice saw was my ex Caroline who loves to make my life a living hell. What you mistook as me not wanting to have sex with you is so far from the fucking truth." He paused and looked up tentatively, only looking at Shae.

Shae sat there and looked at him as she hugged the pillow tighter. "Go on."

"Truth is, I wanted to, I really did, but I ... I'm a virgin. I was afraid you'd think less of me if I didn't know what to do. I don't know why I kept that from you and I'm sorry."

Shae heard his words but needed more, "And what does Caroline have to do with this?"

"She never got over the fact that I dumped her. She pressured me into wanting to have sex with her, but in the end I turned her down. I realized I didn't love her." Ryan looked up as he realized he was staring at the floor again and forced himself to look Shae in the eye, "I ... I love you."

Shae slowly stood up, still clutching the pillow and took a step forward before she threw the pillow as hard as she could at Ryan, smacking him squarely in the face. It would have knocked his glasses off had he not reacted quick enough. "You stupid asshole," she said as she walked up to him. She saw him flinch as if preparing to be slapped as she raised her hand, but instead of slapping him, she wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him close. The weight of his head rested on her shoulder and she wrapped her other arm around his waist. Slowly she felt him wrap his arms around her as they held each other. She held onto him and realized the feelings that had led her here to this moment. She had let her previous relationships cloud her mind, the anxiety of a failed love had made her focus solely on what she thought was him cheating. She had convinced herself that he could never fully love her and instead needed someone much thinner. She knew she was wrong now, and the way she felt his hands clutch onto her told her that her thoughts had been unjustified. "You know we have a lot to talk about right?"