Moving On

She sighs. "You never asked me."

Dan starts to say something else, when VJ raises his hand, tells Dan he wants to speak with Ginger in private. She nods and they repair to the wood deck out back, with its bamboo chairs topped with brown cushions. The deck faces west, absorbing the warm rays from the afternoon sun. VJ sits coiled on the edge of his seat, his right foot pumping, his hands balled into fists, resting on his knees. "So, I guess you've already started to expand your horizons. You like this dude?"

More than she's willing to tell. The last thing she wants is to hurt him, her beloved VJ. "He's a decent guy, VJ. Look, we had one date. I'd hardly call him my boyfriend. You're my boyfriend and I still love you."

He nods, looks down and shakes his head. "But not enough, because you wouldn't be going out with someone else, wouldn't suddenly scrap plans we've talked about for over a year." He grits and huffs. "We no longer want the same things, it seems to me." His foot pumps faster.

Sensing his anger brewing, she speaks softly, hoping it might keep him from exploding. "I was trying to tell you that at Gettysburg, VJ. That doesn't mean I no longer love you. It means, as you say, that we no longer want the same things, that we're no longer headed in the same direction. I can't pretend otherwise. I won't deceive you that way."

He relaxes his foot and leans back in his chair, staring off into space, his eyes fixed somewhere between the tool shed and the four-foot wood fence that divides the Harper property from the one next to it. A minute passes before he speaks up. "All right, now what? You plan on seeing this so-called personal trainer of yours again? And if so, where does that leave us?"

She slides her chair closer and takes his hand. "VJ, we've always been honest with one another. I think that's one reason we've stayed together for as long as we have. So, being honest, yes, I plan on seeing him again. Where does that leave us?" She pauses, shakes her head. "I'm not sure. Obviously you're free to date others as well. In fact, given our present situation, I'd encourage it." She sees him shake his head and make a face, sorrowful and bitter, as if he just swallowed a mouthful of unsweetened grapefruit juice. "Baby, we're only nineteen," she pleads. "We need to explore before settling down or even planning to settle down."

He stands up and grunts. "I know, broaden our horizons, right? Well, you go broaden yours, Ginger. Mine are broadened enough. See you around."

She watches him hop down from the deck and then disappear around the house. Moments later, she hears his car door slam, and then the roar of his Jeep peeling out of the driveway. Her eyes mist up, and by the time Dan comes through the sliding glass doors, munching on some powdered sugar pastry, tears roll down her reddened cheeks.

Brushing crumbs off his dark goatee, he says, "Did you and VJ break up? I saw him leave in a huff."

She shakes her head. "Maybe, I don't know, dad. All I know is that moving on to broaden your horizons can be very painful."

"So tell him you're sorry, that you made a mistake. Boys like VJ don't come along every day, you know." He ducks back in the kitchen, grabs a couple tissues, then comes back out.

"Thanks." She blows her nose. "You're right, they don't. But neither do guys like Brad Stover. And it's not so much about Brad as not forcing myself to stay committed to something I'm not ready for. I know how fond of VJ you and mom are. But please understand."

He steps over and hugs her. "Look, you're my daughter, I love you. Whatever you decide is okay with me. Just make sure you know what you're doing."

Her cell goes off. "It's Brad," she whispers to Dan. He takes the hint and goes back inside. Then: "I'm fine, Brad. Just a little upset right now." After she explains why, he offers to back off, to give her more time. "Thanks, but I don't need more time. I'm excited to see you again, and not just when I'm on the treadmill. Dinner next week sounds great."

She stands by the deck's railing, absorbing the warmth of the fading afternoon sun. Her eyes focus beyond that wood fence, beyond the house next door, as if she's gazing into the future. She smiles as she feels her sadness beginning to lift. Yes, moving on can be painful. But, for her, it's the right thing to do and undeniably exciting—if the way she felt in Brad's car before leaving Falling Water is any indication. She wonders what sort of lover he is, what sort of lover she'd be with him if they ever do get horizontal and naked. IF. She takes nothing for granted.

She thinks back to high high school. She and VJ: inseparable and in sync. That post graduation beach photo after they both turned eighteen: the two of them, so happy, so together. It seems like only yesterday but also, at the same time, ages ago. At eighteen she felt she knew what she wanted. She was in love. Her life was set. Or so she thought. That once cryptic song lyric she heard plays in her head: "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now." Now she gets it. Boy, does she ever.