All Comments on 'Mr. & Mrs. America, Aftermath'

I feel there's 'something' missing! Jo Didn't get to discover Mike was still alive & what had happened to him. The fathers reaction to receiving Mikes hand in the post and the ending left me with the impression that there was more to come; so much so I keep wondering ...'What's next'?

Will there be anymore Q?

5*

VBR

19pvc44

You did a good job destroying this story don't bother with a sequal

I liked the original for the idealistic forgiving nature that the original character had... it was sweet and provided a character that was bigger hearted than most. This version had to create more “unbearable” situations to steer our hero in a new direction. (I did find the beginning when they clinked glasses to celebrate the “successful mission” to be unbelievable). But I understood that you were crafting a scenario that would explain the more anger fueled protagonist.

Bravo I look forward to more.

I am more a fan of the Jezzaz character who let his heart rule. I am amazed you could look at that and say, no it would be different - and then do such a fine job of changing to another believable character. Fun story, too.

Thank you for wonderful entertainment. 5* of course.

Annie.

Sure is a good tale. But you confused iman" with "imam." Bad mistake for a prof. of Middle Eastern languages.

it a great story but you change Pete's name couple of times at the end you kept calling him Jake

Yes, thankfully you are right. This is the kind of story one writes if the author and MC have a functioning pair of testicles. Five stars.

This one was excellent...

Excellent, more please

Readers of Jezzaz's original story visit this one if they preferred a little harsher ending. If that's what they are looking for they shouldn't be disappointed. Now I'm stuck and have to hunt down the sequel (s) to the sequel. Signed: BTW

I really wanted to like this story but as soon as it found some traction it would slide into a bit of nonsense. The whole Mike died under mysterious circumstances screamed that he would be showing up sooner than later. The main characters were well developed, but their actions were a little over the top. Why wouldn’t the wife and parents just talk with him and explain that they had very bad feelings about the situation. Faking a pregnancy and a subsequent miscarriage borders on psychopathic behaviour which would only manifest into something worse as the marriage continued. The whole ‘almost affair’ was unnecessary and if it needed to be part of the story then there would have been signs and his mother should have revealed it immediately. I can almost see a follow up story where down but not out Mike seeks his revenge or something like an early draft of a “TAKEN” script.

Thank you for taking your time to develop this story. It was enjoyed greatly.

Twignberrys.

I read it in the wrong order ... it didn’t matter though it was just as powerful .. I couldn’t help but notice the time line though ... I appreciate its your universe what happens happens .. well done to elaborate on another’s story yet make it your own.

It didn't work with the original in my opinion. Just my feelings. No one enjoys or readily accepts being manipulated but the MC would have to have been a gigantic idiot to not realize he was being manipulated and controlled for over 20 years. If that was the case he would have made a useless operative and the subsequent adventures would have ended with swift death. Could Jo be as dishonest and sociopathic underneath... perhaps but again, it would have been observed. No way the MC would have missed everyone lying to him. It just doesn't mesh with the events. Quite frankly, if he was that easily fooled then he was oblivious and would have never been selected anyway.

I can't tell you how happy I was that you set the ending from Jezzaz's story straight. Both stories were very well written. But his ending sucked the big banana. Yours was eminently more believable and satisfactory. The only disappointment is that I don't see any continuations? Maybe I'm blind. Thanks for the story!

Why at the reunion in the the restraint,did he give his wife gifts that were worth more than the one he gave the children,surely it should have been the other way round?.Also why did he not have Mike castrated?.

Extremely well done...the cliff hanger at the end was great!!! I await your next one!!!

Where he is the typicla LW weak will testosterone deficient husband.

This was a stretch but believable the entire time I was immersed in the story.

After reading the first this was like a cool satisfying drink of lemonade to wash the foul remnants of the original away. Thank you.

Escaped into the S7 world for the third time. The walls of home isolation disappeared for a little while. Better get to work and accomplish something today. Have you ever been approached about getting this produced? I for one would love to see it on Netflix or Amazon.

i have now read both stories whilst having to read the first to understand the second i wasn't impressed with sorry Jezzaz i that personally that the story rambled but did set an outline second story much better still a bit Indiana Jones but loved it me six stars

That was nauseating. It isn't rocket science. Why didn't they get him neutered as well?. It would have made him less likely to do something aggressive and harm himself.

Nobody with any self worth would go back to any of those people.

The Lowest I have ever Gave this writer

Morning, I did so.ewhat enjoy the story but you left way to many unanswered questions. Not sure if this Is the only story with these characters but, this story needs to carry on with some closure on several levels, like does he actually find a woman that he can be happy with, does karma finally bite his x in the ass, how does his daughter and son in law fair, along with his other daughter and hi is son. That's just a few of my unanswered questions. I know it's a fictional story but leaving so many questions open like that drives OCD people like me crazy.

Good story, lots of detail. But I did read the original a while back and thought that he had decided to forgive in that one. I guess he changed his mind. Makes for a better story.

really not bad from the excitement end , but the romance sucked. I don't know if I would have pulled the trigger on the divorce. But I'm not a scholar. The Bear kind of approves, but it was a letdown.

The BEAR

In the original it seemed he chose to forgive them and here it seems her suddenly changed his mind? Yeah it doesn’t make any sense plot wise continuing from the previous one.

Wahhh I had a good life.

Actually delete my last comment because this is more "me."

This is basically a story about an upper class white male (VERY privileged) guy complaining about how his family manipulated him to give him a life that most people would be desperate to have. Yeah, they lied to him and i would probably be mad too but fuck, this guy is seriously consumed with privilege. Talk about being blind.

Good story.

Would have given it 5* anyway—but the WOKE BS from the “privileged” little supercilious shit required a counterbalance.

I expected more , weak . Why do we have to embrace the gay issue especially the frustrated women . Liberal crap they even had to marry another mockery to mans existence . Have any of you idiot really been around the (Female gay issue) I have for years , not a very nice group. The gay male seem to have a better grasp on there deviate sexuality .

Really didn't need to be written.

Long read but interesting. His ex-wife was a very manipulative woman who couldn't bring herself to say the two words (I'm Sorry and ask for forgiveness) that would or could of salvaged their marriage but sadly that didn't happened. I have a feeling in the next episodes Pete and Jo may have more relations, or maybe not. Well written. 5 stars

I read it, all nine pages, and for the most part enjoyed it. But for a guy who had always wanted to be a spook, and had taken more than one oath not to talk about it, he sure had a big mouth. I mean, at the family dinner after the trip where he was shot, he ‘told them enough about his travels to satisfy them’. He gave his son a 300 year old dagger that no doubt could have been tracked back to the area the S7 group operated in. He sent a cache of jewels to Israel which probably could have been traced back to one of the hotspots the S7 visited. He tells them about his work “translating the scrolls”. Jeez, to any good intelligence service he may as well have drawn them a map and mailed it to them, telling them where the S7 could be found. Oh wait, I know, he could trust his family. Yeah, it’s nitpicking, I know, but it’s just maybe a little indicator that he might not have been nearly as good as spook as he thought he would. I still gave the story 4 stars though.

The kind loving wife, just a bitch, and she wonders why her man would not forgive her.

It took her the whole story to finally realize all he wanted was an apology.

Always brings to mind something I read years ago; "Man's ability to rational anything is unlimited", so true in real life and in all these stories.

I do agree with one other commenter/reader, why do we have to address and include the the gay/lesbian queer factor in everything we read and see? Why do we think we need to show our understand of their abnormal life styles? Yes they are people, they love and hate, some are smart some are dumb but they are abnormal because of their sexual preferences They make up less than 2% of the population. By the simple definition of abnormal they are not part of the norm. I wish they would quit trying to force 'normal' people to accept their 'abnormal' life style.

I am so tired of the Guys still having Sex with Slut wives .. Think of the STD's they could catch . He should have told the Kids . Not to mention the way She wrecked and Controlled his life .

I really loved this and I hope we don't have to wait too long to get more in this series, thanks :D

She will die with her secrects...from start to finish...I loved this story........

I don't care how many times I read your story and all of your work, simply fantastic and 5*'s. So well developed, written and delivered. Bravo!

This is probably my 3rd time through this excellent tale. The only difference is that today the destruction of the past and in some cases the present, the destroyers are alive and well in the United States and around the world. They have nothing to add, they just destroy. Antifa, anarchists, Black Lives Matter, Marxists, ISIS, terrorists, they are all the same. They have nothing to build on except their need to destroy what others have built.

Thanks again for a fine story 5*.

Qhml1 is a very talented author and I have enjoyed all of his other efforts. That said this story left me shaking my head due to the silly premise of the original story. I could not accept the idea that the mc got all jacked out of shape at the horrible manipulation by his lifelong friend and family. While I understand that all stories on this sire are fantasies, most have a semblance of credibility. This story is just unbelievable from the first page of the original story. Qmhl1 was faced with a Sisyphean task trying to rehabilitate this storyline, just not possible. It was incredible to think that Pete would react to "the letter" in the manner he did. The man was a respected college professor with a job he loved and a family he loved. No way he goes insane 23 years after the fact. I still applaud Q's effort however. 5 stars

Great story! When will we get another chapter???

A very entertaining movie, one that would never be shown on Hallmark.

I'm with him on his father being dead to him as well as his reactions to the revelation that his mother was aware of what they did, albeit after the fact. She did keep the secret so she bears some responsibility. I found it telling that they were never mentioned in connection to the wedding.

The one thing for me beyond her not apologizing till the end that would have destroyed any chance of the marriage continuing on any level would have been the fake pregnancy and miscarriage. I can't fathom the absolute disrespect and utter cruelty that displayed, then have his mother describe in detail how she heard them gloating over it a year later and did nothing. Sure she confronted them but did that do anything for Pete, the guy who was devastated? Let's be clear here it was by the four of them. When he was agonizing over the 'loss' of their baby his wife didn't even care, Pete was right, you can't lose something you never had.

Someone commented along the lines that when he found out twenty years later it shouldn't have been a big deal. That person is as morally bankrupt as the four who perpetrated and covered up the offense in the first place. It was twenty years ago for the four of them, it was TODAY for him. Then there are the ones who took offense at Sherry and Fatima's relationship. Me thinks they protest too much.

I'm still waiting for that 'conversation' with Jeffers, with the new Pete it should be entertaining.

This is the second read for me on both versions and I believe they were both very well written from different points of view. It helps that I enjoy the stories with all of the little details that Jezzaz and Q put in, the ones that drive others batshit nuts. I think it's interesting that I don't much like Hemingway for the very same reason, I'd like his much better if I could take out about every 4th and 5th word. I don't know which one of these I prefer, Q's was more Indiana Jones with a definite ending to the marriage while J's was a painful reconciliation that I don't know would survive the betrayals. No matter what others say *****'s on both. Signed: BTW

one minor detail i was wondering is what happened to the grandparents.. surely they mustve been at the wedding

I have always like your story but this story I really find it you over do it. It's too long winded and over do it. The main character become too self-centred and out of character. It became apparent from the moment he survives till the end of the story it's too much of what he felt rather than what he have. Selfish and idiotic person. This is just my personal views. As always I appreciate your story and always enjoy your story. Thank you.

Ali Singapore 8r5Y4y

on the other hand, the odd grammatical atrocity:

¨I have enjoyed the friendship of he and his wife¨, terrible...

writing ¨you´re¨ instead of ¨your¨, totally different meanings...a major error, even in middle school...

i´ll keep reading, and commenting.

´

Well, it was well written and amazingly credible from the plot line. But it totally ruined Jezzass’ story for me. I think this would have been more enjoyable for me if it had been stand alone.

Great story! So thoroughly enjoyable. Looking forward to possibly more. Thank-you

One of my favorites!!!

Decent Story but no link to the original. Everyone seems to have mutated.

You could post this as a stand alone story. If you write a sequel, it would be apt to stick to the characters.

Cheers !

I read to page 2 and skipped to the end. I read the original story by Jezzaz. Unfortunately their story didn't make sense to me. Yes, it was well written but the story premise didn't make any sense. In the original story Jake's step brother Mike leaves Jake an 'to be read after my death' letter in which he confesses to engineering a conspiracy between Jake's wife and Jake's dad and himself to stop Jake fulfilling his dream of becoming a spy working for the NSA. The plot is for Jake's wife to pretend she is pregnant for five months and then has a miscarriage. This is all to stop Jake attending interviews at the NSA. After missing two interviews the NSA, CIA or FBI are no longer interested in employing him.

Apparently the reason for this conspiracy was so that Jake would lead a happy life. Mike had experienced life working for the NSA and realised that the sort of life would destroy Jake's character.

I thought in this follow up the author would answer the question as to why Mike decided to confess the conspiracy to Jake. Jake had no idea about the conspiracy so why confess it and leave his wife and father to pick up the pieces. Makes no sense and neither author explain the reason.

The other issue I had was to use a miscarriage as a reason is really cold I don't know if the author realises how devastating a miscarriage can be for a family especially having carried the baby for fie months. Any father knows what happens when the wife gets pregnant, there's Ultrasound scans, baby classes, visits to maternity, visits to doctors, blood tests etc. Loads of things happen when your expecting a baby yet this isn't addressed in the story it's not even glossed over.

There is no way a women would be able to pretend to be pregnant for 5 months even if the husband didn't realise it other women would know.

Well written stories but a bad story premise.

I have only 3 issues here. 1) The whole thing with Mike not really being dead? Not buying it. At least he got what was coming to him. 2) Pete/Jake not having the courage to sit his now-grown children down and tell them the whole story. He should have realized that his wife and parents were too arrogant to ever do so, and taken up the task himself. They deserved the truth!! Period. 3) Jo. What kind of a nitwitted imbecile is she? It took a messy divorce, preceded by her inability to accept responsibility for her actions for the first past 20+ years, for her to finally admit that it was all her fault and to apologize. Not too mention the fact that her apology was too little too late!

I usually like this authors stories, but this one really missed the mark.. The principal character is essentially unbelievable, the story line is outrageously unbelievable, and the ending just doesn’t bring any closure. Not an enjoyable read at all.

This is really unlikable regardless of the rating. Dumping ashes, knocking out his 60+ year old father. Abandoning his kids. Fuck this guy. And if you think this is all reasonable behavior, you need some therapy yourself. It's not even escapism. It verisimilitudinous. The exposition is believable. Everything after is adolescent. -Starsong1977. Still love you Q but this is hot garbage.

I'm sorry but this is the worst story you have ever wrote. It's so contrived. Everything is also convenient and it lines up for the main character far too perfectly for there to be any vermesilitude in the story. It's way way overrated. Starsong1977

Mmmmm...IDK. You make Jo way more heartless and conniving than she appeared to be in the original story. Yes there are legitimate issues with Pete's dad, Mike and Jo's conspiracy to keep him out of the "service". This story just takes off for left field and enters the realm of make believe. More of a tale of "Peter Through the Looking Glass"! Would have preferred a (much aligned by other jaded souls) reconciliation. But that's me preferring to see restoration of families, lives and love over chaos and destruction.

Oh, come on now. Pete's too good of a heroic figure to just let quietly slip into oblivion. Except for the dead and the lame, all the present characters surely have their own tales to tell.

I agree with punching the dad. I agree with splitting with the wife. Everything else was, over the top, out of character, strange and unnecessary. It’s was so unrealistic, and improbable I couldn’t even get into it. It was just a weird story.

Your MC is an asshole, a justified asshole, but still an asshole!

I love a story where the husband comes out better than before, but fuck, this guy is an absolute asshole. Very unlikable, only focused on himself, not realizing the tremendous favor his wife and parents did him, though yes, it was a dick thing to do, and his friend was an obvious shite for doing it.

Worse though, was how convenient things were for him when he decided to go on his little adventure. That part was just way too artificial.

Then at the end of his adventure, frankly, that should have been his epiphany moment where he realized his wife was right all along. Instead, he reveled in sinking to the shite's level. Worst of all, he didn't even recognize that he'd become a much crueler, hollower, and all around more unhappy person after his little adventure, something his wife had hoped to avoid him becoming when she first manipulated his life, though admittedly, that was a shit thing to do too.

The sperm donor and wife got off far too lightly!

Only one word: brilliant!

Hooked

Wow

Brilliant story

Enjoyed the intrigue and the action

Please keep writing - and yes a sequel would be great

Enjoyed the story. Only suggestion is that if you're going to introduce specific martial arts you learn something about them first. Your comments re judo bear no relationship to the sport.

Love the story, I've read it several times now. So much better than the original. Thanks for posting.

This was SO MUCH BETTER than the original !

Enjoyed the story, however I could not decide if it was about Jake or Pete?

Did I miss it? Did he get revenge on her "almost" affair partner? And why not go for the annulment if you can? Who cares that the truth comes out. That truth being exposed would be perfect revenge!

An excellent follow up on the original story as this one wouldn't have been written without the original. I've always loved that line: "If I new then what I new now.............." Don't we all. Ignorance is not bliss and results in failures that can have traumatic effects on many people.

Sorry, but I think Peter’s a little full of himself after their little run and gun, head for the border adventure. He said he couldn’t tell anyone what he was doing but he bragged about how the stuff they were bringing out might change history. And he loved telling Jo how he looked a man in the eye and killed him, and used his wits to help his friends and himself escape. Some spy he is. She didn’t need clues, he as much as told her that he and his friends were the S7. Yeah, James Bond he ain’t. If he pisses Jo off too much she might just go to The NY Times and out the whole bunch of them. Just an observation, I like the story so far, looking forward to the next chapter.

No, I like the original better. But they are not the same stories. Here It becomes a cloak and dagger story. The guy becomes a superhero in all arts, suddenly there are archeological treasures together with magic swords popping up all over. Ah and precious stones. In the original we are reading about humans. It is well written as always but…

Original was better, this one is really out in left field and unbelievable.

First, I did not follow your suggestion and read the original story. This story is congruent with what I believe to be your style of writing. After reading several of an author/s works, I tend to settle in on a voice and style of speech. I like it! This tale stands on its own. Well done! Finn

wow a little bit of every thing in this one five star

The guy is a total jersey. He acts like 3 yo deprived of his toy pitching fit on the floor.

Yes his family did the right but badly.

But why was that necessary at all when could seen to that Agency would not accept him.

Why the letter?

Why would Jake destroy everyone who loved him.

This nowhere near the quality of "I'm going to burn the bitches care.

Poor submission and well short of your ability.

So is the MC Jake or Pete? Other than that it wasn't too bad.

l LOVE THE ORIGINAL AND THIS STORY JUST AS MUCH

5 stars and 10 for writing to entertain all of us

I like the fact that Jo got what she deserved.

5*

BJ

Very nice. I liked it better than the original.

I completely disagree with the point of view expressed below by Anonymous 3 weeks ago. What Jo and his father did was despicable. His brother laid out the honest cards for him; perhaps one of the few honest things he ever did.

The MC analysis of Jo was spit on; she was a near conscientiously narcissism whose overreaching goal was to control everyone around her to meet her needs.

Jo made my skin crawl.

I would rather the author not put the MC back in bed with his wife. That act was totally not consonant with the character of MC.

Beyond that I thought it a great story. Couldn't help see a bit of Indiana Jones in this.

Excellent story, and a great follow-up to the original. Sure would be nice to see the sequel!

Oops - I didn’t see the S7 stories - my bad…

Boy this sequel escalated fast. The biggest betrayal was the fake pregnancy and fake miscarriage. That would be a real problem to overcome. But I doubt it would lead to divorce. The rest of the stuff about his "dream career" in intelligence is peanuts in comparison. But in this story is elevated to ultimate betrayal. Would have been nice to see the wife's perspective. Her motivations could just as easily come from love and fear, not the narcissism mentioned by so many in the comments section. Nah I will stick with the original. This an extreme interpretation of the original with its own wholly different plot branch. Some of thr MC's indignation and severing of relationships makes him look like a 3 yr old.

I stopped after two pages. This was a travesty and an insult to the original author.

The author of this story has some scary hang-ups.

The new character acts like an utter fool. He misreads, misinterprets, mis-diagnoses. A completely disgusting character not worth the time.

Oh my God this author should of called himself Old McDonald because he just loves cuckold doodle doos like LOVES THEM🤣🤣

2nd reading for me. The original Mr. & Mrs. should be read first. I sort of could do without the detail of the fantastic sex, but it fits, so it's okay. Good adventure tale plus all the marriage deceit.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This is not a worthy sequel to the original. MC acts at times like a child. Yes his wife betrayed his dream out of fear. After reading the first fornhim to jump to this state suggests he is paranoid and cannot forgive and is enamored with an intelligence career. The original was way superior. Jo hurt him but a divorce and then jumping off the deep end is not appropriate. Uggh.

Another great stories and will written!

Poor sequel to the original. In reality two completely different stories. Only the names are the same.

I truely liked the story.

A bit too much of the work side. At least he got to do his dream. As for the end. It was not for me. They should have stayed together. However it was your story. I will read it again.

Appallingly awful. Essentially the same story this author wrote about the CEO who fired her husband.

Your protagonist was just a conceited, self serving cheat. 2 stars.

Not a bad story apart from the name changes. The MC flits between Jake and Pete! Also Emil is killed and buried, then makes a brief reincarnation then is dead again.

This is a common failing in Literotica, as a lot of writers do not seem to check their work before posting or probably do it too soon after they have finished so they don't spot them because it is too fresh in their heads that they speed read and miss it

MC behavior is stupid for someone supposed to be smart. And he lashes out and separates from the people who love him. And pissing on his friend's ashes? Come off it. Totally off base. I stopped reading after page 1, and looked at page 9 to see that MC and Jo had split. What a drag.

Ruined the original, which i really enjoyed. This guy was full of himself and a hell of a whiner... like a 6 year old that never grew ill... which i guess is what he was still dreaming of playing secret agent. Then things are thrown in that just felt out of character to justify his idiocy. Would have been a better story not basing it on the original. Turning his friend into a rapist, wife into a control freak who wanted an inferior man, and almost cheated but got caught... really was just too far from the characters in the original. I'll pretend this didn't happen and accept the ending of the original as it was intended. Bummer, i do like alot if your stories but this forced your shared ideas onto a story where it didn't fit.

Agree with Allnigher... Totally ruined the original story.

Like God and superman merged into one petulant child and did a Back to the Future, part VII.

This is the first of your works that I've read that I didn't enjoy.

As other commenters have said, your characterization of the MC comes across as petulant and unrealistic, and doesn't align with Jezzaz's original story.

Definitely an improvement over the original garbage, but that's not enough to make it a good story. The MC was an idiot who waffled more than Waffle House on a Sunday morning. There were definitely parts that were good with reactions that were more realistic than the original, but it was overly wordy and you simply drug it out too much only to suddenly surge forward, like with the divorce.

So why is it that Mike was allowed to live? Why wasn't he tortured, raped and limbless (cock and balls included)?