Mr. Bra Fitter

He stepped out of his vehicle, walked up to the woman as she unlocked the door, and said, "Mrs. Thomas, you are wearing the wrong size bra."

"I beg your pardon!" the middle-aged woman responded. She sounded indignant. "How do you know me?"

Her face was red. She yelled, "How dare you comment on my breasts."

The dapper older man replied calmly, "I'm not making a judgment about your breasts. I'm commenting on your bra. It's the wrong size. It is not properly supporting you, and it is ruining the look of that very pretty dress.

"I bet it's uncomfortable," he added.

Tracy stared at the stranger.

"We have never met," Eros said. "As a purveyor of women's clothing, you must be familiar with the many studies that have shown that eighty percent of women are wearing the wrong size bra.

"Don't you agree that nothing ruins your day more than an ill-fitting bra? The constant adjustments, poking wires, and slipping straps consume your day and eat away at your soul."

"Who are you?"

Eros bowed his head and said, "My name is Ross. I confess that our meeting was not accidental. I have been retired for years, and I'm bored playing a cowboy on my little ranch not far from here.

"I ran a brassiere manufacturing plant. I know everything there is to know about bras. I love helping women look their best and being comfortable."

"What does this have to do with me?" Tracy asked.

"I enjoy the interaction with customers," he said. He frowned and added, "I'm too old to put up with the hassles associated with owning a store.

"Here's my proposition: give me floor space and a dressing room. I'll source the bras, be the bra fitting specialist, and we'll split the profits 50:50."

"I sell bras now. Why do I need you?"

"May I be blunt?"

She nodded.

"Do you sell that many? Your selection is limited. Worst yet, you carry many of the same brands as Wal-Mart, and they sell them for less. I read the trade journals. I know how adversely it affects small business owners when Target or Wal-Mart opens a store nearby.

"Amazon and other online retailers are also taking a bite out of your bottom line. To survive, you must adapt. What's your niche? It's not your pricing or selection. It must be superior customer service.

"Your large competitors are not providing customer service. You have a flair for fashion; you help women pick the perfect outfit. I could make sure they are wearing the right bra."

"I must have the final say on the inventory," Tracy said. "I'm not having pornographic bras in my shop. No open cup bras or titty tassels. This is a small town. You must conform to our values."

"I wouldn't think of it upsetting the clientele. I understand this is not a sex shop. I'm talking about standard bras. Everyone carries 32-38 in A through D cups. We will offer more choices and make sure they are wearing the correct size.

He pointed to the box truck and said, "Let me show you my wares."

They walked to the truck. It was full of bras. They were different colors and designs. All were styles Tracy would wear.

"These are fine," she said. "Your idea has merit, but you need to pay for floor space."

"Give me twenty-five percent of your floor space, and I'll pay twenty-five percent of your mortgage and electric bill. Let's try it for twelve months and see how it goes."

"Wow!" Tracy thought. "That would more than make up for my loss of sales."

"How much would that be per month?" Ross asked.

She gave him the number. Ross pulled out his wallet and paid her three times that amount in cash. He said, "Here is my payment for the first quarter. Can I move in today?

"And we split the profits on bra sales?"

"Yes. Do we have a deal?" Eros asked and extended his hand.

"I believe we do," Tracy said. She shook his hand, smiled for the first time, and added, "I need this in writing."

"Of course. I'll have my attorney draw up the paperwork based on the terms we've agreed upon," Ross said. "I have one more requirement, since we will be representing ourselves as the 'Bra Experts', any woman working in the store, including you, must wear a bra I size."

Tracy blanched.

Ross gave her a sincere and friendly smile, and said, "Dear, this is not some elaborate scheme to look at your breasts. Wouldn't you like to see me in action? See my demeanor and skill? After all, your reputation is on the line. You are promoting me as an experienced bra fitter.

"What higher praise and better endorsement could I have than if you could honestly say, 'He knows what he's doing. He did me. I was wearing the wrong size bra, and now my bras are comfortable and supportive.'"

She unconsciously tugged on the side of her bra. It was digging into her ribs. She blushed and realized that the old bra she had on was probably the wrong size. She said, "This bra hurts, and I look dowdy."

She put her hands under her boobs, lifted them, and said, "My boobs should be up here. The dress is designed with the expectation that they would be higher on my chest."

She dropped her tits, tilted her head down, gave him an embarrassed smile, and said, "Let's do it. I could use an expert's advice."

They went into the store.

She locked the door so they would not be interrupted. The dressing area was separated from the merchandise by a curtained doorway. Inside, there was a space in front of a full-length mirror. Three private dressing rooms with curtains for privacy were off the center space.

Tracy put her purse on a bench seat in a dressing room and said, "Do you have a tape measure?"

He nodded, pulled it out of the pocket of his navy blazer, and showed it to her.

She stepped into the large common area, turned her back to him, and asked, "Could you undo the zipper?"

He did.

She pulled the top half of her dress down, turned, and faced him.

He studied her bra and breasts and said, "Most women think puberty ends at eighteen, and your boobs stop growing.

"What they don't realize is that breasts don't stay the same size forever. Age, weight loss, weight gain, pregnancy, and even a new exercise regime can cause a change in the size and shape of your breasts.

"Women shouldn't be surprised that they will wear a variety of bra sizes over their lifetime."

He poked and prodded her and her bra. He slipped a finger under her bra strap and the band. He tugged on the gore, the junction of the bra cups.

He said, "Further complicating the process is women cannot rely on labeled bra sizes. There is no industry standard when it comes to sizes. A 34 B from company X is different from a 34 B from company Y.

"Manufacturers cut their bras differently, which affects how they fit so one company's 34 B might be equivalent to another company's 34 C."

Ross slipped a finger in each bra cup and ran it across the top of her breasts. He snuck a finger under the underwire in the side ban as he talked,

"You're old enough to remember when clothing designer models were all tall skinny white women. The dress they made would be a size four or six and look great on the runway. When it went into production and had to fit normal size women, who wear a size twelve or sixteen, it didn't look as nice."

Tracy nodded and said, "I do. For years designers used unrealistic models. Now, many dresses are designed for real women.

"Bra manufacturers are also unrealistic and cheap. They don't want to pay for dozens of designs, so they ask for instructions to make a 36 C bra. They tinker with it and make everything from a 28 A to a 40 DD.

"As you would expect, their 36 C's look and fit well, and every other size suffers.

"I didn't know that, but it makes sense. Everyone is concerned about costs."

"Please raise your arms over your head."

She did. The bra rode up and exposed some underboob.

Ross looked her in the eyes and said, "Sorry for the long-winded explanation, but there are a lot of reasons women are wearing the wrong size bra, and many of them are out of their control.

"Please remove your bra."

She nervously bit her lower lip and unhook her bra. She leaned forward and let it fall into her hands.

Ross took it from her and read from the label, "38 D."

He placed it on her purse, circled her again, and examined her body. She was not as fit and lean as her daughter. That was not surprising, she was eighteen years older. For a woman her age and a mother, she was in good shape,

She had heavy tear-drop-shaped breasts with large dark nipples and areolas that women who give birth have. Her breasts sagged, but not excessively.

Ross said to himself, "She sunbathes topless. I wonder if she does it in the nude?"

"May I?" he asked as he held out the tape measurer.

She nodded.

He took the measurements and said, The numbers I have are 36 and 41, so your bra should be a 36 E. I can understand why you aren't wearing that size. It's not normally stocked.

"I have spillage when I wear a 36 D. My boobs felt squished and oozed out of the cup," Tracy said. "I don't carry bras bigger than a D cup, so I put on one with a larger band.

"It didn't fit great. It didn't feel great, but it was better than a 36 D bra."

"You don't need extra room around your chest."

"No. I don't."

"It's a common mistake when selecting a bra to choose too large a back band and too small a cup. It causes problems. When you raised your arms, the bra rode up, and the bottom of your breasts popped out."

Tracy giggled and said, "I never reach for anything over my head because my underboob pops out of my bra, and there's no discrete way to get it back in. "

Ross smiled, nodded, and said, "Many people don't realize, but the band is the most important component of the bra. More so than the shoulder straps and cups.

"It is the band that does most of the work supporting your breasts. If the ban is too big, your breasts slide down your chest and bounce. I noticed that when you walked across the sidewalk to your shop, and that's why I said you were wearing the wrong size bra.

"More evidence that you're wearing the wrong bra can be found on your sides. Since the band is loose, the bra can move, and it has irritated your skin."

He pointed to her ribs and said, "Those abrasions were caused by your loose band."

She gently touched them and nodded.

"I have bras in a wide variety of cups and sizes, so the women of this town will have comfortable, properly sized bras.

Tracy was still standing topless in front of Eros. He appeared to be in no hurry to dress her, and no the least bit ashamed of taking a prolonged look at her breasts.

He said, "Your problem is not unusual. My expertise and inventory will solve it. There is one more issue I want to address. It's not a problem you have, but many women don't have a matched set. They have boobs of different sizes. Sometimes, they vary by a full cup size.

"They are forced to choose, and one boob suffers. I have bras that have memory foam inserts, so they won't have issues with gapping, and they will not have that odd uneven look with one boob appearing deflated.

"That is an issue for some women," Tracy agreed.

She put her hands on her hips and asked, "Ross, how long do you plan to have me stand here half-naked?"

"No amount of time would be too long, in my opinion," he said. He grinned devilishly.

He flirted with her and said, "You strike me as a woman who is used to having men admire her. Are you going to try to make me believe you're shy? You obviously have no problem sunbathing topless. Or do you sunbathe in the nude?"

Tracy was of two minds. She blushed and covered her breasts with her hands, and she smiled, showing she enjoyed his flirtatious words.

Ross turned on his heels and said, "I'll be back with a couple of bras for you to try."

When he returned, he was all business. She tried on a few bras and selected two.

"I like this one and the black lace one. I hardly notice I have a bra on, yet my breasts are where they used to be twenty years ago." She giggled.

"I can't believe one is an E and the other is an F cup! I don't have gigantic boobs. When I think of an E cup the word 'enormous' jumps into my mind, and an F...Oh my God! An F is for 'fake' or 'fucking enormous boobs'!"

They laughed.

"36 is the proper band for you, and who cares what we call the cup sizes? You are getting full coverage. There's no spillage, and you have a nice rounded shape.

"Pull your dress up and look in the mirror."

She did, admired herself in the mirror, and said, "This is better. I don't look like the frumpy old lady with her tits down around her belly button. And it's comfortable!"

"So the consultation was worthwhile?" Ross asked.

"Yes. Thank you!"

She hugged him.

They spent a few minutes walking through the store and discussing where Ross could display his bras. She agreed to give him some of the window space.

She'd make space for him today, and he'd set up his shop inside her shop tomorrow.

^^^4:03 p.m.^^^

Ross popped into Tanya's bedroom after she'd returned home from school.

"Ah!" she screamed. Her hand shot up to her chest. "You scared me!"

"Sorry. I have news. I met your mother today, and we are business partners. I'll set up the bra store inside her store tomorrow."

"That's great."

"She should be in a better mood. I gave her a bunch of cash for rent."

"That'll help. Money has been tight, and it has been stressing her."

"Now, we need to work on getting your folks back together. I want to casually bump into your father and get him to be nice. Is there a bar he frequents? Or a favorite lunch place?"

"He takes his lunch and eats at the job site. He likes The Last Chance Saloon. Since my folks have been fighting, he doesn't rush home. You can catch him there after work.

"What are you going to do to him?

"Don't worry. I'll be careful. I'll get him to treat your mom as he did when he was courting her. Give her flowers. Be attentive. That kind of thing."

Tanya nodded.

"We've eliminated your mother's money problem. I need you to help make your mother sexy. That will get her in the mood to reconcile and make your father more amenable to getting their relationship back on track."

"What do you have in mind?

"I want her to be sexy at bedtime. What does she typically wear to bed?"

"The same thing as me. We wear long pajamas when it's cold. With the weather warming, we now are wearing cotton tank tops and shorts over our bras and panties."

"Show me."

She reached into her drawer and pulled out some gray cotton clothes.

"Is her sleepwear as drab and unsexy as that?"

"Yes. She has a pair just like this." She attempted to justify the choice and said, "Our focus is on comfort."

She realized that his description was correct. She shrugged and added, "It isn't sexy."

"No. It isn't."

He placed a finger on his chin and said, "Going from that to silk or see-through lingerie isn't likely to happen? Can we sex it up?"

They were quiet for a moment.

"That top and shorts could be fun and sexy," Eros said, "if she lost the bra and panties."

"Why would she do that?" Tanya asked innocently.

"Because you are going to convince her to," Eros said. "Bras are made to hold breasts up. If a woman is sleeping, why bother with one? Especially if it is uncomfortable.

"There was a belief that wearing bras helped to prevent sagging, so you should wear them 24/7, but that hypothesis has been disproven. The current consensus of medical experts says that sagging breasts have more to do with genetics, pregnancies, weight fluctuation, age, and size.

"The ligaments that hold up your breasts are going to stretch, causing your boobs to droop. No bra or amount of bra wearing is going to stop that from happening.

"A stronger case can be made that wearing panties to bed is superfluous and detrimental."

"Really?"

"Yes, they cause UTIs," Eros said. "Yeast and bacteria thrive and proliferate in dark, moist, and warm places, like your vagina. Not wearing panties allows the vagina to get fresh air that relieves dampness and keeps the vagina healthy.

"A secondary benefit is taking a break from panties prevents vaginal odor. The moisture from sweat, secretions, and heat trapped in the genital area by underwear can cause the vagina to develop a strong and unpleasant smell.

"Going sans underwear allows the vagina to get more air, releases heat, and lets the sweat and fluids evaporate, thereby helping to reduce odors to a minimum.

"In surveys, people sleeping without underwear say it's more comfortable, more relaxing, and they sleep better. Tests show that after a good night's sleep, their brains function better."

"I get the UTI, odor, and comfort angle," Tanya said. "Why would it affect your brain and help you sleep better?"

"When you sleep without underwear, air can circulate freely around the genitals, helping to keep the area cool. Many people struggle with nighttime heat which interferes with restful sleeping.

"Being cool also helps you sleep better because your body sees a lower internal or core body temperature as a signal to initiate sleep. No underwear means you fall asleep sooner.

"A nice long sleep improves your brain's ability to get rid of toxins, which is a normal activity that happens during deep sleep. These toxins hamper the brain's signaling with the rest of the body. Without clearing them, your cognitive capabilities and creativity can be decreased the next day."

"My mind is foggy, or I have a headache if I don't sleep well or get enough sleep," Tanya said. "I didn't realize why. Periodically, you need to restart your computer to get it to run better. It makes sense that you need to clear your mind."

"We have our plan. Today, I'll plant the seed that Tom should treat your mother nicer. After dinner, you wear your bed clothes without a bra and panties, explain why, and convince her to do so.

"I'll rekindle your parents' natural attraction."

"Is it as simple as that?"

"Yes."

"Emm...I'll be embarrassed if my father saw me dressed that way."

"Why?"

"I don't want to be dressed sexy for my father."

"He won't see you that way. Your mother is his woman. Her body arouses him. You are his daughter. He loves and is proud of you. He recognizes you are a beautiful woman, but not in a sexy 'I have to fuck you' way.

"Oh!" She was surprised by his graphic language but strangely reassured.

^^^

Eros chose the elegant old man form for his meeting with Tom. He was perched on a barstool at The Last Chance Saloon at five o'clock. He engaged the other patrons in conversation and had them laughing so much that they bought him beers.

Tom came in around twenty minutes past five, looking beat and friendless.

Eros let him rest, unwind, and drink half his beer before talking to him. He entertained the group and got Tom to smile and join the conversation.

"Gentleman," Eros said, "while I have you gathered here, I like to present my theory on how to handle a woman. Please let me know if you think I'm mistaken.

"Women are like dogs..."

Some in the group chuckled; others murmured 'Uh-huh' and wondered if he was going to give them a sexist, misogynistic, anti-woman rant.

"Women are like dogs," Eros repeated himself. "Both need to be trained on how to behave, how to play nice, and how to steer clear of destructive behavior.

"For dogs, bad behavior includes chewing on the furniture and chasing cars. For women, their destructive behavior is expecting men to read their minds and needing constant reassurance from us that we like them."

A man murmured, "You're right about that." Others concurred.

"When you know your dog and your woman inside out and when you spend time training them every day, the two of you will develop an unbreakable bond.

"Dogs aren't meant to be left in a backyard all day long. Neither are women."

The men laughed, picturing their wives outside chained to a post in their yard.