All Comments on 'Music Box Ch. 01'

Really short so not a lot to say! Intriguing start but your reader will need more including the world building that makes that comment, “ Ba har. A moment when men and women have said to see off world sighting,” narratively intelligible.

That needs some unpacking, don’t you think?

You have written a very interesting story of which you should expand to include what your introduction hinted at. The story did leave me wondering what you meant when you stated that his land and home was in trouble

onlythelonelylove I agree with you, will try to explain myself better. I think I focused more on trying to drive interest in this chapter. The next chapter will be longer... I think, am currently drafting and in a month I hope I publish it and would love more feedback.

*****Something tells me this is going to be a long story. Looking forward to next chapter I will comment further then. Thanks for sharing.

Can’t vote. It’s just a intro.

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9