All Comments on 'My Adoptive Family are Succubae Ch. 01'

Fantastic story, cannot wait to see more. However, there's a lot of spelling/grammar errors where the wrong word is used.

The writing is great but just can't get into another slut gets the virgin guy after showing him what a slut she is. Realizing it's fiction even still no dude wants some slut that is constantly flirting while fucking other dudes right in front of his face

The story is hot and has a lot of potential, but I would suggest you get one of the site editors to go through your work from now on. The story was filled with typos tensing errors. I still want to read more of the story but it was pretty jarring.

This looks like it will be a fun read.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Its a very good start to the story but you do need an editor. I do like the premise though

Great story! The mental by play of the two main characters was great. You need an editor in the worst way. I understand that you are doing this for free as a hobby but when I have to stop reading to decipher what you are trying to say and it happens repeatedly it kills the erotic nature of the story. Would have been 5 stars without the numerous typos. 4 stars.

Great story only slightly marred by a rash of typos on page 2. Organisms? Have somebody review before publishing. It isn’t anything a spell checker would catch.

Good story, but have someone edit it. Where instead of were, please.

A very interesting start and definitely hits alot of my buttons, brother/sister, monster girls in love, and the shy virgin who needs a push. Look forward to see where you take the story.

Great start. Keep writing.

Lots of typos, but otherwise a solid start. Look forward to the continuation.

Waiting for more

I am really looking forward to the next episode

confused--- Are they just ignorant self-centered cunts or just not written very well?

How should iI feel no contempt with the story with statements like:

"We both know his parents weren't as pure as he thinks they were, at least not by the end" does not bode well

"You can make couple turn their back on monogamy after only a few hours at a bar" a the power of majic...

Both females use excuses and delusions of how it is always the victims fault- no matter if they enjoy the outcome or not. Being lurded and having no real choise but the ones they favor is having no choise at all!

Paired with the doom of all that might have been a good story including succubae who are not evil/indiferent

" we can influence, and even compel, but the decision has to be theirs, on some level." - on some level eh?

Right know it just reads like the textbook excuse from assholes who bring others into a predicament and then play innocent

to be clear:

In the figurative sense you wrote about person (A) pushing person (B)-

but if B is stumbling into Person (C) making her stumble and fall it is only Bs fault...

Thats what they doing with e.t. their hormones, spreading rumors, etc

But this actions have long lastig consequences

IF you intend to make them cunts relatebale (rather nice persons or my way or the highway) - good luck because one way or another this story is half cocked ATM

Let´s see what you are doing with CH02

3month and counting...

"To be continued."

maybe

To be continued? maybe never?

I really like this story and hope it continues

Has the potential for greatness, but I’m afraid John’s just gonna be another notch on her (revolving) bed. I hope if this goes MMF or NTR it’s clearly labeled, because that is GROSS.

Blair wants his virginity. What does she have to give him?

I liked to see more of the mother-daughter lesbian action.

Maybe lay off the religious aspects? Kind of a boner killer.

He’s a traditionalist. Leave it at that.

I hope you keep writing. I love MFF, but not if they keep violating their victims.

It’s his turn to show the error of their ways.

I like this story very much, and hope it will continue

More!!!

Will this story continue? I sincerely hope so

please write more of this story

En Ingles, por favor!

Would have been a pretty good story had it not been for the dot dot dots and the misspelled words. Load that into a text reader and see how good it maybe. Maybe take a few college level English Literature classes! Then come back and show us what you have to offer. Edit your material before releasing it!

I'm not usually one to comment on spelling/grammar/misused words. But when it gets to the point where you have to pause every two or three sentences to work out what is being said, that kills the flow for me and any possibility of enjoying what I'm reading.

So repetitive. So, so many basic spelling and grammar errors. Such a clear first draft.

What’s the name of this song?

EXPOSITION!

It’s not woven in well,

but it’s good to know!

The plural form of succubus is succubi. Not succubae