All Comments on 'My Amulet'

Try to avoid huge paragraphs and extended use of italics.

I agree with Hard to Read. Also, try to remember whether the gal you're fucking is named Sonia or Tracy. This is very amateurish adolescent stroke crap - get a good editor.

Story might be good, but writing style is horrible. Seems like one huge run-on sentence. Difficult to read because it's like someone talking telling you the story. Audible is one thing. Reading is quite another.

Entire first page is misformatted I think with italics left on. I tried to read through anyway and it really needs an editing pass to simplify and structure it. Long run on sentences and huge paragraphs are really hard to read.

It isn't a bad story, but it is obviously heavy on teenage fantasies. A good way to continue this would be to have some horrible consequences happen that the amulet couldn't fix as a way to get him to rein in his irresponsible wishing.

Also, since the story hinges on using magic to make his sex partners compliant this would better fit in the mind control category. It doesn't really fit in incest since even if he and his step-mother were involved, sex between a single, adult step-parent and a consenting adult isn't really incest. It might be a bit taboo, but not incest per se.

You do have a story and told it. Don't get discouraged, be encouraged that people cared enuf to help you learn.

I wish you good luck.

Thanks Don

I appreciate all of the comments. I know what I need to work on now, and I promise to do a better job. This is my first story I ever submitted anywhere, I was a little nervous and rushed it in.

Thanks again everyone!

for a first post you did well, just work out the kinks. great thing about this site is, you can ask for help. side note..... you cant end it here you left this wide open for a great series.

keep it going

Unless you are blogging or tweeting all of these events as they happen LIVE, you do not need to write it all in the present tense. You are telling a story, not narrating your life. Change this for next time please.

I agree with another post that this whole thing reads like a teenage fantasy. There are so many holes in this story, both literary and literally, that it stretches credulity past the breaking point.

The writer needs to find an editor to help with the grammar, tenses, and identities. At one point "I' becomes "he", and then switches back to "I", and when he is fucking Sonia, she suddenly morphs into Tracy, then back again.

On another point, why does the central character in these fuckfests always have to be an 18 year old virgin superstud, with a cock twice the size of anything the women he inevitably ends up fucking have ever experienced?

It seemed to be rather convenient that the six women he most lusts after suddenly turned up in the same place, and he fucked their brains out one after the other - a feat 99% of men can only dream about. Then I remembered that he has a "magic" amulet that grants his every secret wish. Including, presumably, an indestructible hard on, and an inexhaustible supply of cum.

I guess it must also have been his secret wish that his employer's husband - last seen glaring after them with no idea where they were going - should mysteriously turn up in full costume and beat the shit out of him, then handcuff him so he can fulfil another secret dream. To get his ass reamed out by a succession of monster cocks.

The ending was a little confusing with the texts and him wishing that it didn't happen already and i wasn't a fan of the end when the husband got his back, you know most people wouldn't feel guilty so why make him then the husband getting his revenge.

Apart from that i was really liking it and looking forward to him getting the other women like at the beginning not finding out he had them already but in costumes.

I felt like I was being told a story from a kid by the way it reads. Too much information in certain areas. I don't like the ending either.

Great story came at least 4times I read this three times it's really good I need more lol

Perhaps it was just rushed, but the rest of the story was great.

I was hoping that the next day it would have been his step mother wanting another go around with him when she finds his costume hanging in his closet, and realizes that it was him that gave her the good fucking she had that night, and she gives him the best fuck of his life, and tells him that his cock is hers from now on.

Perhaps his next door neighbor / his boss Sonia , wants him to keep on fucking her since he's the best man she has ever been with, and she tells her husband to go fuck his little slut and leave her alone.

Thanks for the good read.

It was a good story for the most part, then at the end it all falls apart, as other have said. I'm reading this, enjoying it, and all of a sudden he gets raped by three guys?!? What the fuck?!? Where did that come from?

So here is the constructive stuff you want to hear. Stop writing stories that sound like you are telling the story via txt message. draw the story out a little longer if needed. Use " so I said, " blah blah blah" instead of using- so I did this and this is what happened. It makes the story feel rushed. Other than that, great story!

So he is fine with getting gang raped and doesnt care that his boses husband stile his amulet?

I felt it rushed in places & moving too slow in others.

Also, at least 2 OBVIOUS mistakes!!!