My Black Sheep Ch. 02

Whatever it was it would be bad, but she would deserve it.

She watched, disaffectedly, from the corner of her eye as Amelia ran her hand under the water, nodded, and then shut off the flow of it. When the action moved to where she could no longer twist to follow it, Shelby stopped trying and simply faced forward. Her body was not hers to control at that moment. She had surrendered that, willingly, and did not want it back. Not yet, anyway.

Unsurprisingly, there were Amelia's fingers, rifling in and out of her asshole again, spreading fresh lube. She winces as two fingers from each hand, judging by the direction the curled, slipped inside of her, and her eyelids did strange things as Amelia pulled them apart. This was nowhere near the strain of taking a fist, although the pieces of information her exhausted brain had at its disposal did not add up to anything she could make sense of.

Not until the hose end slid inside of her, and Amelia turned on the water.

It was warm, and it was fast, and it filled her much more rapidly than the milk had. Shelby cried out and tried to rock forward, not realizing that the hose was flexible and more than long enough to simply follow her. She wiggled her hips thoughtlessly, as though she might dislodge it, and tried to squeeze her asshole to pinch the tubing and staunch the flow. None of these had any effect. Within seconds, her belly was swollen again. Achingly full, like four decadent meals all at once.

When she had been pregnant, she had often felt as though her body had not been designed to fit this new thing within her. Ian and Kelsi had rearranged her, shuffling and displacing organs. Her skin had stretched, belly distended, but the cause had been alien; a thing apart from herself. This was different — as if every part of her was taking up the maximum amount of space it had ever been allotted, all at once.

Shelby curled her head down, chin tucked to her chest, and saw that, between her breasts, she looked four months pregnant again, and the water was still flowing.

Five months.

Six.

Amelia shut off the water, and moved to hover over her backside, but Shelby was only barely aware of her. Her belly was enormous. In her mind's eye, the stretch marks on the sides of her waist were pulled back out, looking like normal skin again. She hated that she loved it, and loved that she hated it.

The hose sliding out of her ass was just about the least of the things that had been done to her, but she winced all the same. Faster than she could blink, the hose was replaced with something else. It was briefly much larger, straining her rings for one eye-popping seconds, and then it settled into something much more manageable.

A plug, her tired mind suggested.

"Alright," Amelia said, slapping the side of her belly. It wobbled with a dull thud, fluid gurgling around inside of her and Shelby shuddered.

Secretly, she wanted Amelia to do it again.

"Get up, girl."

She turned slowly, looking back over her shoulder, and stared at Amelia dumbly, as her sister reached back over her head and unknotted her hair.

"Would it help if I saidhyah?"

Shelby worked moisture into her mouth, swallowed, and gave Amelia a flat stare.

"I said, get up."

"I can't," Shelby croaked.

Her little sister moved around in front of her, dropped into an easy squat, and reached down to hold the loose wrist strap that should have been around her right wrist. Shelby stared at it uncomprehendingly, and tried to summon the memory of when this had all started. She'd strapped her own ankles, and then gotten her left wrist, and then Amelia had...

"But," she said, hoarsely. But nothing.

Amelia let the strap fall from her hand, and Shelby continued to stare. Had she really been sitting there all this time, gripping the rubber handle and not fighting to escape at all? Had she not even once tried to pull free? The truth of it defied even her wildest ideas about her own desire to be bound; the bondage equivalent of a placebo effect had been enough to keep her docile. She had held the key to her own cage, and never even once tried the door.

She felt lightheaded, and slightly dizzy. Her fingers were wretchedly sore when she tried to let go, having stayed clenched in the same position for what had surely been several days. It took her a minute to flex and work the life back into them, to be able to manage the leather buckle that actuallyhadrestrained her left arm. She tried to rock back onto her heels, weight still balanced within the rig, and nearly toppled. Her center of gravity had shifted so quickly, right back to when she'd been about to burst carrying Kelsi, and her brain was not so quick at making the adjustment.

Amelia came around behind her, and helped with the straps, but Shelby was barely paying attention. Her belly was so full and so solid, smooth all the way around, and she couldn't stop touching it. She ran her hands over and around it, drawing on the soothing muscle memory of having done that while pregnant. It had been a constant, unconscious thing, like clicking a retractable pen, and a thought began to bloom in her head.

For the first time in forever, as she stared down at her belly, the world felt right.

Amelia ran her hand slowly around and along Shelby's ass and, seemingly satisfied that her plug was holding, slipped her arm into Shelby's armpit and hauled her to her feet. She felt unsteady, legs struggling to balance her, and her belly moved so much. It was intoxicating: distracting to the point of exclusion, like the rest of the world had melted away.

As she always did, her little sister delivered on the darkest thoughts in her head, and delivered another open handed slap to the side of her belly. Shelby gasped, and the building warmth within her grew hot.

Amelia said, "I hope it was worth it..."

Though she heard this, and the words tumbled around in her brain, Shelby did not process this. Not really. Nor did she process the dangerous half smile on Amelia's lips. Nor the fact that Amelia was holding the bucket.

"...you selfish, prideful cow..."

She slid her hands around and under the sides of her belly, and hefted its weight. It was enormous. It was distended. It was gorgeous. Her skin moved. She shifted her feet, to a wider stance, and it was just like riding a bike.

"...so drink up, buttercup."

It wasn't until Amelia held the bucket in front of her, a metal thing maybe eight inches across at the top and five inches across at the bottom, and obstructed her view of her magnificently bloated belly, that she really saw, and really listened. And then she realized.

"No," she groaned, looking down into the bucket. It was still unquestionable milk, with the same slightly yellow tint that she always produced, but she knew where it'd been. Did it look slightly darker? She couldn't tell. "No!"

"This," Amelia snarled, keeping the bucket a few inches from her lips, "is the price of your greedy, thoughtless pursuit." The milk sloshed thickly, crashing up the sides of the bucket in waves. "It was never about me. It was never about Kelsi. None of it. It was aboutyou, andyou alone!"

She wasn't yelling; she didn't have to. Shelby's own guilt was erupting from the lakebed of her consciousness, streaking upward to the front of her crowded, tired mind, and with it came the crystal clear realization that it was over. All of it.

Her hands trembled as she reached up and took the bucket, and once the thing was in her hands Amelia let go, shook her head, and gave her a withering parting look.

"You can see yourself out,Shelby."

Shelby stood alone in that room, staring down at the bucket, for a long time. She caught her breath. She composed herself. She'd been put through the wringer more thoroughly than even her darkest fantasies, and as the fever passed she let the disgust and self-hatred wash over her. She did not hold onto them, but simply acknowledged them. There would be time to live with those feelings later. She turned to the little drain in the floor and, with an almost painful reluctance, poured out the bucket.

Shelby moved carefully, treating her belly with all the reverence she had while pregnant, and picked up her bra. It seemed a silly thing to put it back on. There was no way her tits would fill its cups right then, and possibly not for days. Such an expensive set, with so much potential and promise, now useless. She held it in her hand, thinking about the literal price of it, and laughed disheartenedly; the bra was so specific, so carefully designed, to present breasts as these desirable orbs, and there was not a chance in hell that it could serve that function right then. It didn't matter how good she looked; Amelia was never going to look at her the same way again.

Thathadbeen the point, but...

She set the bra on the counter top and retrieved her dress from the floor. It was a wrap dress, built for maternity, and would have required very little adjustment to fit back around her. It would not highlight her tits as it had earlier, but that ship had sailed. She couldn't put it back on, though. Not yet.

The drain in the floor laid there, staring at her like an unblinking eye. She knew what she had to do. She had to let go of the dream, no matter how much of a balm it was to her tired mind. With care, like the swell in her belly was real, she lowered herself into a squat and removed the plug. It was hard not to cry.

When she was ready she wrapped the dress around herself almost haphazardly, picked up the bra to join the heels in her hands, and staggered out of the room barefoot, one hand resting absently on her belly.

The lights were almost entirely out in the apartment excepting one above the stove in the kitchen. It cast a low, orange light, but it was enough to cast shadows; it was enough to spot Amelia sitting at her kitchen table, and the half full bottle next to her. Shelby stood there, bare feet against the cool concrete beneath, and watched her for nearly a full minute. Her sister took long pulls from the bottle, hiccuped, and exhaled in a rush. Vodka, if she knew Amelia.

She started toward her little sister, and fixated on the burgeoning thoughts in her head.

"Just go," Amelia said, miserably. She was slump-shouldered, forearms resting on her knees, with her head hung down in front of her. She did not look up.

Shelby carefully set down her heels and bra, wanting to make sure they were no part of what was about to happen, and slowly walked around the table.

"I don't want to do this," Amelia said, more softly. Her eyes were unfocused, staring through the floor, and she had to paw at the table until she found the bottle again. Her head came up when she took another long drink from it, and locked onto the way Shelby was still holding her now-deflated belly.

It wasn't until Amelia was staring at her that Shelby realized she was doing it, and it was empty now, but it was such a soothing thing that she didn't want to stop. It was startling to realize how much she missed feeling Kelsi, but she pushed that aside for the moment and dealt with the problem in front of her.

The bottle lowered slowly from Amelia's lips, as it seemed like she'd lost track of what she was doing while watching Shelby's slow moving hands, and then Shelby saw her moment. She darted forward and kissed Amelia.

Her little sister's shock lasted for three full seconds, during which time she did not kiss Shelby back. Her lips, though, were soft and warm, and just when Shelby felt like her sister was about to fight back, she darted one hand down along Amelia's smooth abs and under her jeans. Amelia grunted into the kiss and tried to lean back, but there was only so far she could retreat before she reached the chairback, and that leaning gave Shelby the access she needed.

Her fingertips found short, curly hair, and then, shortly after, her middle finger slid down between dewy lips. Her wrist was pinched tightly by the button of her sister's jeans, but that was a distant thing. Amelia jumped, like she'd been hit by a jolt of electricity, and Shelby stayed at that spot. She kept it small, with little circles and gentle brushes.

Amelia leaned her head forward, pulling back from the kiss but letting her forehead come to rest again Shelby's, and gasped. It was just like the first time; quiet and understated, and if she hadn't already seen it once before Shelby might have missed it altogether. Amelia's orgasms were small things, but they were beautiful.

With her eyes lowered, Amelia's eyelashes stood out against her pale cheeks, and it was a moment of singular beauty.

As the kiss broke, and Amelia caught her breath, Shelby whispered, "I love you. You aren't a monster, you are a good person."

Her little sister's face closed off, eyes squeezing and lips pressing to a thin line. "No," she said, hoarsely, "no, no. Do not make this about me."

"How could I not?" Shelby asked, flinching, "I don't exist without you."

"You made your choice," she hissed, still writhing and wriggling in her chair. "You fucking—"

Shelby realized she had to fight, now or never, and her eyes lit up with fire. "You trapped me, and you stacked the deck. It wasn't fair. Admit it."

Amelia stared at her, agog.

"You went through with it just enough, past the point where you knew I wouldn't be able to stop, and used that as an excuse to shut yourself off. I'm not stupid."

"I di—"

"You knew," Shelby said, "and you know my weaknesses." Her hands went back to her belly, and when she spoke again she'd picked up speed and confidence. "You even said you knew! I mean, fine, yeah, maybe not my most well thought-out plan, but you knew, andyou let it happen. No, worse than that, you manipulated me into going further than I ever wanted to go."

Every time Shelby met her eyes, Amelia dodged and looked away, but never for long.

"My fantasy wasn't anything like that! It was supposed to be like after Dad's funeral, butsober. You might not have known exactly what would happen when you put that machine in front of me and walked away, but I bet you had a pretty good idea. You pushed all of my buttons, knowing how vulnerable I was, and then you gave me an impossible choice. Well, I reject the choice entirely."

"You don't get to just undo choosing pleasure over your sister."

"It wasn't all me. It takes two to tango, right?"

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Amelia asked, as she slipped off the side of her chair and created space between them.

"You could have closed the door," she said. "You could have saidwait here, I'll be back in a few minutes. Up in that fucking shrine to me, you could have stopped me from following you, but you didn't. You knew."

"Shelby," Amelia said, as she pinched the bridge of her nose, "even if that were true,and it's not, you are a fucking adult. Take some fucking responsiblity for yourself for once in your goddamn life!"

She licked her lips and shook her head. "You don't understand. This? Right now? This is... this is the first time I've had a clear head since the beginning of Kelsi's third trimester.Think about that for a second, okay?"

Her little sister's brow furrowed deeply.

"Okay? Five months without being able to think straight. I've been losing my goddamn mind over one thing or another. I haven't been sleeping." The ends of her sentences kept turning up, like she was asking questions. "I can't remember the last time I had a solid night of sleep. I mean, I'm... I'm standing here right now, realizing that... that I miss Kelsi." Tears filled her eyes rapidly, turning the whole room into a watery shadow.

"You'll see her twenty fucking minutes, Shel, what the f—"

"No," Shelby screamed, laying her hand flat over her belly. "I miss Kelsi. Here." It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life to swallow, to get around the lump in her throat. "She's gone. I've been like a zombie for months now, drifting from thing to thing, and I got nowhere. I couldn't..."

"Are you going somewhere with this?"

"It took you, the person who knows me best, to give me back that power."

"Do you hear yourself?" Amelia said, snappishly. "You sound insane. Maybe you were the crazy one all along."

Her mind raced, thoughts connecting and colliding. Then she said, softly, "You took something nameless, that has been haunting me, and you gave it a name. Pulled it out into the light. I think you know what that feels like. How powerful that can be"

Given the sudden loss of color in Amelia's face it seemed to be true, but then she said, "I don't think incest is a miracle cure for post partum depression."

For that brief, fleeting moment, she'd gotten through to her little sister, but the door closed so quickly that the wind from it bowled her over. "No," she said, pathetically, "that's not what I—"

"You're no good for me, and I'mabsolutelyno good for you, Shelby. If either one of us had half a brain we'd stay as far apart as possible, and the world would be better for it." She pressed her lips together for a moment, blinked hard, and said, "You asked me to do that, and I liked it. So help me God, I liked it. I hate myself, so... thanks."

The neurons fired again, like fireworks. "You were wrong. Earlier. Idounderstand what I was asking of you. You have to sit here thinking about all the things you just did, and how you've still gotta sleep with yourself, and tomorrow you still have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror, right? Right?" The last, delivered with a frantic near scream that sounded alien even to her own ear. "I've gotta do that too, you know. I just got off on... onall of that... to anembarrassingdegree."

Amelia looked at her quietly.

"You might hate yourself but trust me it's no different on this side of it. That was... extreme... I did things that... I can't believe what I just did in there, and I know I enjoyed it. I came. Over and over again. I can't ever undo that."

"Don't compare us," she said acidly. "I turned you into that."

"Didn't I do the same thing? If we're being honest with ourselves? Didn't I start this?" She brushed her thumb across her cheek, and sniffled. "You didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do. I was free the whole time and I didn't even try to escape. Not once." She took a step forward, but Amelia kept the distance between them. "What I need, and what I think we both need, is to tell each other it's okay... and we are okay."

"We're about as far from okay as it is possible to be," Amelia said, her voice cracking painfully. She wrapped her arms around herself, and shook her head as she looked down and away. "No." Her shirt stretched tight around her, and Shelby knew she was grabbing it to have something to hold on to.

She took another step forward, and this time her little sister did not retreat. "I never told you this, but that first time? I wasn't called back by my coaches. I... I ran away. I couldn't deal with... with what had happened, and the way you made me feel."

Amelia moved to speak, lips parting.

"No," Shelby said, interrupting, "let me finish. It was alway there. It had to have been, but I couldn't get my head aroundany of it so I ran away. I ran away, and I dealt with it all alone. It was really hard, and now I think it must have been worse for you. You were younger, and I should've been there for you. I should've told you it was okay. Told you I was okay."

"No," Amelia screamed, "you weren't! Nobody runs away when they're fine!"

Shelby took a deep breath and threw out her last line. "I was scared." It hurt, like ripping out a thousand splinters all at once. "Amelia, I ran away once before. I should have made this all okay then, but I couldn't. I don't want to run away again."