All Comments on 'My Bully Takes My Mom Ch. 05'

Well now, that was beautiful. Can't wait to know what happens next. The story ain't finished right?

Wow just wow good for kevin. He got revenge on the whole damn school and he got laid. So the big question what the hell happened? Besides sex with students is very much illegal can we get a description of the charges. Like who got arrested for what. Which teachers oh and I'm guessing it goes deeper. Marcus have been busy so I'm assuming alot of families would be destroyed as well. I hope so I really like erotic stories with consequences. I hope the next chapter just to finish off Kevin's life before the sigh alternate cucked ending god I hope not. Yes just one more mention of his mom Rachel need to see what shes done. I think a phone call or hell she find him some how. I think a conversation with mother and son would end it especially if kevin is fit, successful, and a ladies man. Damn good show sir you're bringing in a balance to the incest cuckolding genre.

A very good character 4 and a great way where the MC comes out on top and became the harbinger of his teacher, his school and of course Marcus burning downfall. Burn them all.. I would kinda like to know why what I'm assuming are feds to come down and arrest everyone but that is just a minor detail. I'm curious how the conclusion will end. Will he come back to town, will he see his Mother or talk to Aunt again. Is he going leave Marcus as is or tell him he cause all this to happen, how the SLS brought him down. I'm curious how all of this will play out.

Please keep writing and more sex

Excellent!! Perfect ending!! 5 ⭐️ Way to go Kevin!!!

have waited ages for this part and was not disapointed I do hope there's more to come its so well written and the story is brill

So glad you decided to rewrite this chapter! Ending was perfect! So glad Kevin got revenge & found love! Finally the little guy came out on top!!

Can you please post the alternate version of chapter 5? I want to know what happens to Rachel and does she get pregnant with Marcus's baby after taking all his cum inside her pussy. I know Rachel and her son Kevin will probably not reconcile with each other if at all but just him knowing that his mom is pregnant with his bully's black baby fulfills the fetish.

Hope marcus continues to bully him. He should cuckold our mc again

Like that he got his revenge, but think you should have tied everything up better. What were people in school arrested for? What was in the folders, especially mom's? You left allot of open questions...

Excellent ending! I am glad you decided to revise the chapter, this is a much better ending. Happy for Kevin!

No getting Marcus arrested is NOT enough. All involved need to be burned. Like the woman who went to Marcus's house to do his laundry. She was happy with the deal as were the other slut women. All need to go down. Especially Rachael. Let's hear what Cindy found out.

Great chapter & ending to this story. I have to say the only thing that bothers me is you leave out a lot details in the story. What did everyone get arrested for & what did Kevin write on the note he sent & who did he send it to? Did Davis get arrested? What was on the files? More detail about things happening in the story & what’s going on would be better. Overall great ending & glad to see Kevin get his revenge. Can’t wait for the conclusion to see what happens to everyone.

Still have conclusion to do. Will explain a few things and should wrap up the story nicely.

Get an editor. Story is FULL of gramattical errors, misspelled words, and typos. Otherwise, enjoyed it.

Yuck

This could have been more escalating episode of lust and desire but all it felt like was frustration and disappointment miss a amazing opportunity .

a alternate ending would be better where Rachel finally gets her ass filled with Marcus huge cock or she getting double penetrated by Marcus and his friends or a gangbang involving Rachel and aunt cindy with Marcus friends making kevin watch the whole thing.

So far I've really dislike the story. Not because of the writing but the subject matter, terrible people doing terrible things to a pretty nice guy is to the shock of no one terrible. However I held off rating the rest of the story to see what direction it goes, either "the character must suffer forever" or "revenge is a dish best served hot". The fact that you did the latter has got me re-evaluating the story and glad I didn't rate it yet. Right now its standing at about a 4 for me but depending on how you got from here it might go higher.

Finally, the little guy got the W!!!!! So happy Kevin got revenge on everyone, especially those who allowed him to be bullied! Awesome ending to this story!

I am glad Marcus knew it was Kevin that got him in trouble! If I was Kevin I would of took pictures of him in handcuffs & sent them to Rachel!!

Um yeah, you can see in the other chapters that when Marcus gets Rachel to do the more hurtful things where other people can't hear, he's whispering something to her, to get her to do as he wants. I was so hoping for an incest mom/son love ending, well I still am, maybe throw in Cindy, and Ally as well. I'm surprised Kevin didn't check the Blackmail files earlier to see just what was in there, if only to see if his mother was listed in there.

Because the whole 'going out with Aunt Cindy' thing seemed like a good place for Rachel to tell Cindy about the nightmare that she's going through. This story has so many oppitunities to be a incest mom/son love story ending, from the whispers from Marcus to Rachel, to the girls night out that ended up with Marcus in his house, screwing his mom. Also the 'let's go to New York', strikes me as a point where Rachel wanted to take Kevin as her lover off in another state. Because the potential blackmail Marcus had on her could've been anything like his father wasn't biologicially his father and that's why he took his own life, or maybe he was always sterile and thus took his own life and/or Kevin was actually adopted by Rachel and his father, thus making it not incest, but still a mother/son love story?

I assume the cleaning lady was someone that Marcus is blackmailing and screwing, and maybe she's so happy because he's NOT screwing her and screwing up her life?

Congrats on writing a bully story where the said bully doesn't somehow magically win automatically, or have external influences to 'show' that it's alright to be a bitch about it and say eat a creampie from the bully, while said 'father', 'mother', and supposed 'girlfriend' push them into it, with even the 'father going, this is great isn't it?'

Sorry for venting it's just that the whole 'bullywins' shit pisses me off so much, it's for stories like this where the MC gets a dose of will and says fuck this, I'm out of this madness, that I click the stupid bully stories, I like the MC to actually win goddamnit!

Well done, You turned it around beautifully.

I will be honest with you, first couple parts got you 1 from me, this one go 5.

PS: put another chapter at least, to tie the end.

Anonymous Blackmail question, Kevin’s father didn’t kill himself that was just what Marcus said. He was killed when a semi truck ran a red light when Kevin was 12.

Great ending you've chosen. Loved it.

I'm sorry but this chapter wasn't really good at all

The revenge was just boring

And the sex was pretty vanilla

I am honestly Abit disappointed with how this chapter turned out I thought there would be more with Rachel and Marcus but nope

I probably won't be reading anymore chapters of this story again because now it's just not worth reading anymore

I apologize for the bad review

very sad this seems more like an action movie than a sex story everything went very well where the sex and lust remained where the gangbang of the mother and marcus and his friends was left is very sad how the story changed very depressed

This is easily the best chapter of this story and it's not even remotely close...

Shame, this had potential to be the best NTR story since Conflicted. Oh well.

I love that you wrote about Kevin getting revenge on the school & his bullies!! I think most people who read this story wanted Kevin to come out on top! That is a compliment to your writing you wrote a character that people liked & felt for. He didn’t deserve to be bullied or for his mother to “throw him away” She was all he had in life & she abandoned him for a dick! I hope he never forgives her for picking a 18 year old bully over her own son! Im glad you switched the chapter & there was no more sex or gangbang for Marcus & his friends. Let him have a gangbang in jail!! Thanks for listening to the majority of your readers & changing the direction of the story!! You did a great job!

Wonder if Rachel was arrested too?? Maybe that’s why she wasn’t at the school that morning?? Hope you let us know what was in the blackmail file!

Terrible. This entire chapter seems to exist solely because people felt bad for the protagonist (why the fuck are they reading cuck/bully fiction then??) so the author pulls a random revenge plot out of his ass to quickly give him a nice ending. Nothing says this better than literally introducing a new character, a super hot girl who inexplicably and for no explained reason wants to fuck the protagonist, who up until then was a scrawny loser.

The saddest thing is, the idea of a revenge plot wouldn't even have been bad, had the author just bothered to put effort into it.

It has a lot of potential, but the grammar issues break a lot of the immersion. I can't be sure if you're a non-English speaker or just a new writer; regardless, you need to consider getting someone to beta-read or edit your story for cohesion and grammar issues.

Still, it would be nice to see if this story (or universe) gets continued with what you've set up here.

Ok seriously, this was amazing!!!! You made Kevin a REAL character with agency and that takes skill. I really like and respect that! I really hope we get back to see Rachel and more fallout from her decisions I am into this!!!!

Two notes: I wish we had more backstory on Ally and Kevin, like he had been going to the diner for a while prior to this chapter, and had met her previously. Like she had been into him before he bulked up or something making this feel a little more earned. Also a proof reader would be great if you could get it (It's clear you are doing it but you are missing a spot here and there).

Stephen King said, “Bad writing is more than a matter of shit syntax and faulty observation; bad writing usually arises from a stubborn refusal to tell stories about what people actually do― to face the fact, let us say, that murderers sometimes help old ladies cross the street.” Or in this case, that scrawny little shits sometimes CRUSH their bullies! Nice job and please keep it up!

I do prefer revenge/happy endings as they are the hardest to write and enough rare. The problem is the story is stilisticaly different from the original , conflict..dialogs and final tension are missing. It is too mutch of a description (sorry for my english) .Considering the excelents previous chapters could be a matter of how was aproaced the end. I will follow your storyes, good luck.

1- I'm not going to lie saying that this chapter was disappointed.

Because you rush to Kevin reveals himself very quickly, he must have been more submissive, but little by little he planned his revenge, meanwhile the mother must have continued to be more corrupt:

1- Things like going to a party and basically having sex in front of everyone.

2. dress like a whore to go pick up kevin, while the whole school looks at his ass.

3- Fucking with the direct and corrugated teachers.

4- To end up being the gift that would be given to the basketball team, for winning the first game and the last one because of Kevin's revenge.

5- With all the stress generated by the match, they would put her aside and at this point Kevin would have the final confrontation with his mother, where he abandons her and she is left alone, because Cindy finds out about everything he did, through videos and abandons her too.

6- Marcus and Kevin, what happens in this chapter, one remains in jail ruined and the other rich.

7- An alternative ending could also have been made, where Marcus is the one who wins, he triumphs a bit as a professional player, but his career stagnates, so he redirects all his effort to enter porn, where he triumphs and then puts the mother of Kevin, as the most hardcore pornstar, doing a 0% pussy gang bang, where Kevin appears as a millionaire, but watching the mother's gangbang, leaving as if he could never get over that stage.

I commend the author for writing what the majority of the readers wanted. Sometimes in this shitty world you just need to see that the little scrawny shit comes out on top & gets the WIN!! To those of you that got your panties in a bunch because you didn’t get your gangbang to wank off to, ughh chalk it up to the SLS getting their way in the story!! Awesome job to the author!

I cant wait for part 6

Hi AoS1666 I think you did an excellent job with this series. I think you shouldn't do the alternative ending mainly because of what Kevin discovered. 4 words students, teachers, milfs, and blackmail. That right there is a set up for a mini series starring marcus. Kevin story is wrapping up please give the kid something good. I have a feeling marcus had done this before. The ease it took to steal a mother away the boy had done this shit before. Also the feds showed up like that? My guess is they've been working on a case dealing with someone in that school then hey here comes some evidence. Bravo and stay the course. Kevin's gets a win and the cucked bully readers of this story gets a series describing the shit marcus made other people do.

Well what a disappointing story, I had not presented such a sudden and bad change since Got, I do not understand why make a bully story if you are going to regret it, the next when you start writing a story think about it, because what you did here was very bad, you started writing a horror story and halfway you changed the genre to comedy.

Pd: I really don't understand what people are doing reading a story called "MY BULLY TAKES MY MOM", if they don't want to see that category, for reasons like these, it's that many stop uploading their stories to Literorica, they write verbatim that genres of his stories are, corruption and bully, to begin to gerse exactly those genre in the story in the comments.

Pd2: Very disappointed with the writings, Kevin's revenge would have been a very good thing, if it had been raised with the necessary time, but from one chapter to another he stopped being a loser to a champion, I imagine that for the next chapter , Kevin will fuck his mom, then all of Marcus's family.

How long till chapter 6 comes out??

Hate to be a dick but I have to agree with some of the people upset about this chapter, I understand that there were a ton of people raging in the comments of the last few chapters, but that happens in literally every cuck story out there. I feel like you took a really brutal story about betrayal that seemed to have a very definitive, tragic direction for the protagonist and made a last second switch up to please all the commenters.

The problem is that they didn't want a different outcome, they just wanted a straight up different story to begin with. And changing things up so significantly completely betrays the style and tone that it was seemingly building up to. I really hope you post the alternate version to give an idea of what the story was originally going to be.

I don't know if it's a pressure thing, or if you genuinely prefer this version, but I just really feel like letting the audience dictate the direction almost entirely does nothing but make for a very disappointing outcome. Just my two cents, entirely meant to be constructive criticism and I hope you take it that way.

Thank you all for the feedback. I appreciate it. And yes, that goes for positive feedback and the negative feedback.

I knew chapter 5 would be dividing in terms of who likes and and who did not. I will be doing an Authors Notes section to give some explanations so won't do that here.

But first chapter 6, which is the conclusion. It will answer a lot of the questions I have read in the comments. I had intended to leave some things unanswered till the conclusion.

I have it about half written. I should have it submitted for posting hopefully by the end of the weekend at the latest. I will post on here when it has been submitted.

Finally one of these stories has the redemption arc. I’m so happy to read this. Great chapter!

I keep checking every day to see if chapter 6 was submitted. Do you know when you will have it finished? Hopefully soon! I can’t wait to read it.

Sorry for the delay on chapter 6. Some personal things have happened that have kept me from being able to finish.

I will be finishing it for submitting tomorrow night. Usually takes 2 to 3 days after submitting for it to post.

Bruh, don't listen to the others. I love the turn the story has taken. Revenge is only as good as the pain and humiliation caused before. Keep it going in this direction!!!

Let's see kevin get some revenge!

No worries re the delay! I hope you and yours are all ok! Really looking forward to seeing the final chapter (I hope you write more stories of this type)!

@AoS1666 Things happen in life. Hope all is well & things worked out for you.

Very hot story enjoyed reading it cant wait for the conclusion. 1 of my fav stories keep up the good work hope your next story is just as good

Loved it. Glad to see redemption in one of these stories finally!

Not that I like to be obtrusive, but what's going on with Chapter 6?

Your. series. rocks! I cannot wait to see where you go with this. I really love how you made Kevin his own character! I hope you keep writing!

It seems we will never get to see what happens. Looks like chapter 6 isn't coming any time soon.

And chapter 6? What happend?

Just wanted to let everyone know chapter 6 is on the way. I apologize for the delay. I have not been able to do any work on it until today.

I appreciate your patience and understanding. I do hope this will provide a conclusion to Kevin's story that you will all enjoy.

AoS1666 no worries! I appreciate the story! Keep up the awesome and I hope you write more in this genre!

Hope you finish the story soon really enjoying this story really great story so far.

Hate to be a dick but I have to agree with some of the people upset about this chapter, I understand that there were a ton of people raging in the comments of the last few chapters, but that happens in literally every cuck story out there. I feel like you took a really brutal story about betrayal that seemed to have a very definitive, tragic direction for the protagonist and made a last second switch up to please all the commenters.

The problem is that they didn't want a different outcome, they just wanted a straight up different story to begin with. And changing things up so significantly completely betrays the style and tone that it was seemingly building up to. I really hope you post the alternate version to give an idea of what the story was originally going to be.

I don't know if it's a pressure thing, or if you genuinely prefer this version, but I just really feel like letting the audience dictate the direction almost entirely does nothing but make for a very disappointing outcome. Just my two cents, entirely meant to be constructive criticism and I hope you take it that way.

I really like this story so far and the twist at the end was something different to the usual way these stories go. However, I love the way these stories usually go as well. Would we be able to get an alternate ending where Marcus wins? You have been building towards the mother takin it in the ass and whatever Marcus was going to make her do at the championship games would have even hot I'm sure. Lots of things that are still unexplored, imagine the humiliation of finding mum and aunt Cindy having a threeway with Marcus, or both participating in a gangbang with the team and some of Marcus's other sluts, teachers and students. The files on the computer you could do mini stories just of the son watching them. I hope you keep writing as this is s potentially great universe you have created.

Well what a disappointing story, I had not presented such a sudden and bad change since Got, I do not understand why make a bully story if you are going to regret it, the next when you start writing a story think about it, because what you did here was very bad, you started writing a horror story and halfway you changed the genre to comedy.

Pd: I really don't understand what people are doing reading a story called "MY BULLY TAKES MY MOM", if they don't want to see that category, for reasons like these, it's that many stop uploading their stories to Literorica, they write verbatim that genres of his stories are, corruption and bully, to begin to gerse exactly those genre in the story in the comments.

Pd2: Very disappointed with the writings, Kevin's revenge would have been a very good thing, if it had been raised with the necessary time, but from one chapter to another he stopped being a loser to a champion, I imagine that for the next chapter , Kevin will fuck his mom, then all of Marcus's family.

Can you please post the alternate version of chapter 5? I want to know what happens to Rachel and does she get pregnant with Marcus's baby after taking all his cum inside her pussy. I know Rachel and her son Kevin will probably not reconcile with each other if at all but just him knowing that his mom is pregnant with his bully's black baby fulfills the fetish.

Good ending. The stupid mom has what she deserves.

There are already too much stories about stupid kids who take ludicrous abuses without saying anything.

Thank you everyone for your comments and your patience. Greatly appreciated the feedback.

The conclusion his complete. I just have to edit and submit it. That will be done tonight.

As many of you have requested it, I will post the alternate version of chapter 5.

Also, I will do an author's notes section. I will explain not only why I changed chapter 5, but some why I did some other things in the story.

I do have an idea of a new story I am planning on writing. I hope to start that within the next week or so.

Thanks again for joining me on Kevin's journey!

AoS1666 Thank you! I look forward to reading not only your stories but also your thoughts and notes!

If I were you I would NOT post an alternate version of chapter 5. If these people don't like revenge and redemption stories, their problem

I wouldn't release the alternate version of chapter 5. If you are happy how the story came out than that's what matters. Why ruin it for those who like the revenge & enjoyed Kevin's journey. Sometimes people need & want a happy ending. Thanks for writing look forward to reading more of your work. Again please consider not releasing the alternate ending!

I think most of your readers are happy how the story went. I think a few are pissed that you switched it but the majority wanted Kevin to get revenge & come out the winner. Only thing that matters is that you are happy with the ending which I believe you said you were. I would suggest not releasing the alternate chapter I feel it will ruin the story. I think people can read your notes & see why you decided to write the story as you did & that will be enough.

After reading all the comments I would say that most readers liked the story & the direction that it went. I don’t believe you should release the alternative chapter.

Once again, thank you for all the comments. I do read them all, both positive and negative ones.

Chapter 6 has been submitted so should post in 2 to 3 days.

As for the ongoing debate on releasing the alternate version, yes I will release it. I just to do a grammer and spell check on it. It is rough, but I am not going to polish it off as that would take too long, and it is the alternate version and not cannon.

Once that is submitted I would submit the authors notes which answers some questions and explains some choices.

Hey,

i think that you SHOULD realease the alternate version. Not that i am not happy with how the story is currently going, on the contrary i like it a lot.

But if you have an alternate version that you want to express, you should be able to express it even if it’s only for a few people. No one is forcing anyone to look at it and be disappointed. Personally i will not read it because i like the story like it is now but if other people want something different then they should have it :D

Lol. The same guy commented not to post it 3 times. WE WANT THE alt version.

ratings pretty much tells u ch..5 was a mess but alt version can fix it , just like Snyder cut

totally pure crap. Started good with a weakminded soyboy. He should have ended up wearing his moms clothing on his knees beside his mom serving the real men. Ended up a pure fantasy of what these little sissy geeks wish would happen but will never happen. Another way it could have ended up was with the waitress being a girlfriend of the bully's brother leading him somewhere to be tied up and taunted by her and the brother laughing at him and taking all his money from his game before allowing him the choice to either live as a slave to them or taking his life.

Probably for the best. Ally would eventually find somebody bigger and better, breaking his heart. Good burn of Marcus!