All Comments on 'My Cousin Fucked My Girlfriend'

Ick

Let me give you a word of wisdom about continuing to write:

Don't.

I think your writing needs a lot more detail. It's very important, especially in erotic writing, to pay attention to emotions and sensations.

How do Asad and Georgi react when Irsam comes into the room? How does the atmosphere change? Why doesn't Asad make at least a cursory attempt to stop Irsam from assaulting his girlfriend?

Sure, he's scared, but tell me he's "frozen with fear and shock, heart racing but somehow unable to move a single finger from the game controller." Tell me about how he found out his cousin was involved in a gang and became afraid of him.

Be descriptive!

Also, the way you described the characters definitely implied a racial dynamic, but you didn't follow through with it and it just fell flat.

(Disclaimer: please keep 'racial dynamic' kink in the bedroom, otherwise it's just regular racism and that's not cool at all.)

Please keep writing! Good luck!

Someone's been dreaming about fucking his cousin's girlfriend for a bit too long. They think they're the bees' knees too lol. Stay in school and don't do drugs, kids.

already left a comment and it was not posted or was removed. Language was good no excuses.

Wow, you got a lot of hate. Anyway. Your pacing needs work. One second you are describing how the woman is running away, and then somehow israam's nuts are in this dude's mouth? Stretch the story out a bit.

Waste of time.

Go get a new pair of balls, you're not man enough apparently

You are a worth less piece of shit, I bet you love to drink from other guys cum from your dominant wife's pussy(oops you live in the basement of your grandmother I get it). May be you drink piss for breakfast and dinner everyday . Go and jerk off to this comment you sick retarded perverted fuck

I enjoyed the story but it lacked flow. i wish your GF was also pakistani