My Descent into Slavery Ch. 15

Farah quickly left the group, while the rest of us continued. We reached Seattle and docked while we were in group.

******

"Tell me about your feelings for James," Dr. Sadiq said.

"I love him a great deal," Ateefah said, in her hypnotic trance.

Dr. Sadiq had already hypnotized Farah. She'd not professed a deep love for Leo. I'd argued that their relationship was just beginning and there was no way to know what depth it might reach unless they started dating under a set of limitations that allowed it to be explored.

"We can always remove the limitation if their relationship doesn't progress, but they'll never know how it might end if Farah doesn't quit having sex with other people."

"I suppose you're right."

"I could tell you I'm always right, but we both know that's wrong. I had a professor who always used to say, 'I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken,' thereby proving the contention that he wasn't always right. I just know this sexual limitation isn't permanent, so it won't hurt to explore it."

He agreed to make Farah feel ill about having sex with anyone other than Leo. "Isn't he the one who bought you for two hours of fucking?"

"He is, and I'll make sure he knows that the rules now apply to him as well. If he wants fidelity from Farah, he has to give it, or I'll remove her limitation and he can suck dirt."

"I thought you were going to say something other than dirt."

"I thought about it, but you being a good Muslim, decided to alter my expression."

He laughed and finished his work with Farah. We were doing Ateefah now, then he'd do me for the last time before he left.

"How do you feel about Henderson?"

"I'm physically attracted to him."

"Do you love him?"

"No."

"How do you feel about Maahnoor?"

"I like her. She's been good to me, helped me a lot with my baby. I'm attracted to her too."

"So it's only a physical attraction you feel, and you have no desire to take her husband from her?"

"I would never do that. I just want to have sex with him. I'd like to have sex with other men. I'd enjoy sex with other women as well, Maahnoor included."

Dr. Sadiq looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders. What could I say? We'd all been fucked up.

"Ateefah, I want to help you resist the temptation to have sex with other people. Is that okay with you?"

"I'd like to remain faithful to my husband. I love him a great deal. I'm trying to get pregnant again."

"Does James know you're trying to get pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Ateefah, every time you have sex with James, it will make you very happy and contented. He will give you much pleasure when he has sex with you. Each time he does, you'll feel energized and alive. Sex with any other man or woman will make you feel ill. You will not feel happy or content or energized when thinking of sex with someone else. Your stomach will churn and you'll get a stomach ache, not enough to throw up, but ill. Tell me what I just said."

"I will enjoy sex with James and feel sick if I think of sex with anyone else."

"I want you to imagine having sex with Henry. How does that make you feel?"

She thought a few moments. "I don't feel good."

"I want you to imagine having sex with Maahnoor. How does that make you feel?"

There was the same pause as she imagined sex with her friend. "I still feel ill."

"Do you like Beth?"

"She's very nice. The sex with her was so good."

"I'd like you to think about sex with Beth. How do you feel now?

"I feel sick thinking of sex with her."

"I want you to think about sex with James. How does that make you feel?"

"I want to have sex with him right now. I want to have a baby with him."

"I'm going to tell you a phrase. If anyone says this phrase to you, you'll fall into a trance, just like this one. You will not remember the phrase. You won't be able to tell anyone what the phrase is, but you'll always go into a trance if someone says it to you. The phrase is, 'Emerald fields glistening with dew, lie under clear blue skies.' Is this phrase clear to you?"

"Yes."

"Repeat it for me."

Ateefah was silent. "I can't say."

"Ateefah, except for your special phrase, I want you to remember our conversation. You'll remember what you talked about and your answers. You'll awaken feeling refreshed and alert. When I count to three, wake up. One, two, three."

She blinked a few times, then looked at the Doctor. "I feel good, thank you."

"We need to test whether it works when you're not in a trance. I want you to imagine sex with James."

Ateefah got a big smile on her face and said, "I love my husband very much. I would enjoy having sex with him."

"Think about having sex with Henry."

She immediately got a sour look on her face. "Ugh."

"Emerald fields glistening with dew, lie under clear, blue skies."

Ateefah dropped back into a trance. "What is your special phrase?"

"I can't say."

"Ateefah, please hold your hand straight out for me." She put out her hand. "I want you to stop listening until I tell you to lower your hand."

"Yes, sir."

"It seems to have taken. Do you want to write the phrase down?"

"Please." I wrote it on a piece of paper and tucked it into my phone case.

"I'd repeat her instructions about once a week for two months, and then only as needed."

"Why are you doing me every three days?"

"Because I'm opening you up to two different people, and I feel that may need more reinforcement than normal." He smiled. "Plus it gives me an opportunity to talk to you and ask how everyone is doing. You're a fascinating person to me. Moral and immoral at the same time, in different ways."

"I find you equally fascinating; religious but not dogmatic. You believe what you believe, but don't try to force it on others, even if they're Muslims who've fallen away from Allah."

"I do regret that, even though I understand the reasons why it was necessary. I like that you support their religion as much as you can, given the limitations of their circumstances, and don't try to convert them more to your own way of thinking."

"I'm a great believer in individual faith, the underpinnings of moralistic belief and what its intent is, and making judgements for yourself as to the worth of any particular dogma or tenet. I wish Islam weren't quite so rigid, as it puts people like our freed slaves into impossible positions. I find it difficult to believe that anyone who lived 1400 years ago should be deciding how I live my life now, in any but the most general terms. How could Muhammed know what life would be like now? Obviously, it's the same for Christianity. Broad guidelines for living a good life without doing harm to others, not a blueprint for every aspect of my life. And anyway, people twist the teachings sometimes and make them completely opposed to what was intended. How people can take the personal journey of jihad, the fight to know yourself and find Allah, and turn it into a holy war against unbelievers is mind boggling.

"In Moorish Spain, Muslims were the most tolerant leaders, allowing Christian and Jews their own beliefs, as long as they didn't try to convert Muslims. Christianity brought the Inquisition, and the Jewish diaspora, as they condemned every religion but their own. The religion of love thy neighbor as yourself and turn the other cheek becomes burn witches at the stake and torture everyone who doesn't profess Christianity. That's not love."

"No, it's not."

"I will never try to take what is good about Islam and denigrate their entire belief system. All I would ask is they consider what the purpose is behind any particular belief and pay more attention to that, and not what someone else tells them it means."

"Which is why we understand each other. Ateefah, you may lower your hand." Her arm dropped. "When I count three, you will awaken, refreshed and alert. One, two three."

She woke up. I said, "I'd like your permission to speak to Maahnoor and Henderson about your hypnosis. I believe it will help you to repair your relationship with both of them."

"That's fine."

After Ateefah left, he hypnotized me.

******

I said goodbye to Ranger and Pony Boy before they had to leave. Sahar had fucked Ranger again while we were doing the hypnosis. Neither of us had fucked Pony Boy. Hopefully, Ranger would sleep good on the plane having been well drained. Then, I found Leo and told him he didn't get to fuck me anymore.

"Why not?"

"Farah wanted to explore a romantic relationship with you, so she got hypnotized to become ill if she thinks about sex with anyone other than you. If she's got to practice fidelity, so do you. It's only fair. If things don't work out, I'll remove her limits and you can fuck me again. The same applies to any other woman. You were the one who said it couldn't go anywhere as long as she was fucking other people. That's been fixed, so you need to do the same."

"Cool. Maybe I'll try going on a date with her."

"Since she gave up sex for you, make it a great date."

"I can still have sex with her, can't I?"

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't. More critically, so would she, so fuck her good. Make sure she doesn't regret losing the other fucking she could be having."

Leo laughed and next I went to find Maahnoor and Henry.

"Ateefah was hypnotized. I got her permission to talk to you about it. Will you listen?"

"I'll listen," Maahnoor said.

"So will I," Henderson said.

"Ateefah is not interested in either of you, except sexually. She doesn't want to steal Henry, but she did say she wanted to have sex with both of you. She's physically attracted to you both. I think her attempt to have sex with Henry, was as much directed at Maahnoor as it was Henderson. She just wants more sex and she likes you both. As of her hypnosis, she gets ill thinking of sex with either of you. I don't think it will be an issue in the future, so feel free to resume your friendship."

"What about James?" Henry asked.

"What about James. You do realize that you were the only one who was going to have sex with another woman the way Ateefah conceived of her plan, don't you. James couldn't have sex with Maahnoor unless her conditioning was removed. He might have thought he might be having sex with Maahnoor, but he couldn't have. That may not have been as clear to him as it was to you. The only two people who would have gotten extra sex, were you and Ateefah. James was out in the cold. Ateefah doesn't want him having sex with anyone else. She admitted as much when I tried having sex with him. He might have been expecting more sex, like you were, remember; 'emergency sex'. You knew Maahnoor got ill if she thought of sex with anyone else, so either you agreed to this plan knowing she wouldn't be having sex, or expected her conditioning to be removed. So on some level, you wanted to have sex with another woman as well, knowing Maahnoor couldn't have sex with James, or you were expecting her to want sex with other men again because her conditioning was removed, and you could both have sex with someone else.

"Don't act too high and mighty as far as James was concerned. He wasn't doing anything you weren't planning on as well. The only thing you didn't seem to know, was it was a chance for the women to experience a double penetration, which may have included your wife. James thought everyone was in agreement, and not that you didn't have the whole story. I don't believe James would have fucked Maahnoor unless he thought you were on board for the whole thing. He's a little younger and perhaps more willing to explore than you are as a result. He remembers what it was like on the ship when he was screwing all the single pussy he wanted. He thought if you were both willing to share your wives, he could have a little of that back, but with his friends, and not every Tom, Dick and Harry. To me, this whole plan was for two married couples to fuck around, and you all knew that.

"I'm not going to point fingers and tell you what a fucking mistake you were making, because maybe it works out for you, but if Ateefah doesn't want anyone fucking James, and you don't want anyone fucking Maahnoor, then where is the plan? I don't think any of you were raised to think it would be a good idea to fuck around on your spouses, but you're probably all changed people from how you were raised. I know the two women are."

"Did you not want me having sex with James?" Maahnoor asked.

"I would have given Dr. Sadiq permission to change your hypnosis."

"So you did think it would be a good idea to fuck each other's spouses?"

"In an emergency, yeah."

"What emergency would there be if I can't think of sex with anyone else without being ill. I'd only have an emergency if my conditioning was removed. There is no emergency otherwise. It would be just as easy for Ateefah to be conditioned as she is now, unless you want sex with other women."

"Maahnoor has you in her crosshairs, Henry," I said. "That is what you wanted, wasn't it? Relatively guilt free sex with another couple? You're friends, living in the same house, raising two kids together. What's a little nookie between friends. Do you regret getting married? Both the women have been questioned about their feelings. What are yours?"

"No, no, I don't regret getting married. I love Maahnoor. I really do. Maybe it's just seeing everyone else having sex with different people all the time."

"I'll tell you the same thing I told my group. This ship, and everything that goes on aboard it, are an aberration from normal, everyday life. The voluntary slaves on it, are submissive. Part of our submission is our enjoyment of sex. But even I don't want unlimited sex. It's why I got counseling. I put control of my sex first in my Master's hands, before I was captured, and now it's in Sahar's. Someone needed to be in control of my fucking, and it couldn't be me. I like it too much, so I've given control to someone else. Unlimited fucking is not healthy. It's not good for relationships. People have expectations of relationships. Farah wants to control her sex so she can have a relationship with Leo. That's his expectation for a solid relationship. But I'm not like everyone else. I don't think like everyone else. I don't react like everyone else. Infidelity does not concern me in the slightest. As long as I'm feeling love from the other person, I can enjoy them having sex with other people. I'm not jealous at all. So what I do and what I tolerate, is vastly different from what most other people could tolerate.

"You know how you felt when Randy Andy fucked your wife. That's you. That's the way you think, believe, behave, all those things. It pissed you off. If Sahar had willing sex with that fucker, it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. This despite the fact I bit his fucking cock off when he shoved it down my throat." Both of them looked at me in surprise. "That's right, I bit his cock off because he was the lousy bastard who betrayed us, who helped get me captured. He came to gloat and take his reward. He fucked my ass and then shoved it in my mouth. I let him get all the way down my throat before I bit it off at the root. He died. Mahmoud killed him because he was going to die anyway and he wanted to take me with him. That fucker is dead, and I'm glad.

"The point I'm making is, I'm missing a jealousy gene. You have to ask yourself, what do you really want. Do you want to see Maahnoor fucking other men? Do you want to take the chance that the next child she has, isn't yours either? How are you going to feel if she does? Are you still going to love her after she's fucked twenty, thirty, fifty other men, even if you can fuck other women in the process? What does that do to you, knowing she's enjoying herself with someone else? Me, I take pleasure in the pleasure someone receives, whether I'm responsible for it or not. I-do-not-care. Period.

"So what do you want, Henry? Do you want to open your relationship up, and both of you can fuck other people to your heart's content, or do you suspect it would end your marriage? I can do it. I can remove Maahnoor's conditioning. All she'll have left is the cravings left there by her slavery. She'll likely go back to fucking anyone who wants her, a prick like Andy or not. It's what she was trained to do. It's what I was trained to do. To fuck indiscriminately. If that's what you want, I'll do it. Maahnoor will probably agree because she got used to loads of sex. More than you can probably provide. I could easily fuck four men ragged. So do you want a wife and a family, or a whore, so you can both fuck whoever you want? Why don't you take a day to decide, but unless you want a whore, don't pull this 'let's all live together and fuck' bullshit. It doesn't become you, and don't you dare blame James for having the same twisted thoughts you were."

"I don't need a day to decide. I want a wife and family," Henry said.

"What about you, Maahnoor? Do you want a family, or do you want to fuck whoever you want?"

She was silent for a long time. Henry was getting really nervous that she wasn't answering.

"I want...." long pause, "a family." She stopped again. "But I don't want Henry in my bed tonight. I'm realizing he might have been hoping to fuck on the side, while I twiddled my thumbs and took care of the baby. He acted so torn up about my fucking Andy, but he might have hoped to fuck another slave girl who couldn't help being the way she is. He put me through hell for several days. He can go through hell for one. If he still wants me, he can join me in our bed tomorrow night. If not, I'll be speaking to you about my conditioning."

"That seems fair," I said. "Henry, find yourself somewhere else to sleep tonight. Your wife is justifiably pissed off."

When Henry left, I said, "You scared me. I thought you might choose to be a whore."

"It's what I wanted him to think, but I don't want to be that person. I want to be a wife and mother. I didn't like being a slave. I was one, and I took what enjoyment I could from it, but it was never what I wanted."

"I know. Do you want company tonight?"

"I can't have sex with you without feeling sick."

"Me neither. It's just for company."

She laughed. "Thank you. I'd like that."

******

I told Sahar at supper I was going to spend the night with Maahnoor. Master and Dr. Sadiq looked up in interest.

"You aren't fucking her without my permission, slut."

"I'm not fucking her at all. She's married."

"Where's her husband?"

"They had a tiff. He's sleeping elsewhere tonight, so I offered to keep her company."

"Does she have the baby tonight?"

"I'm not sure."

"If she does, I'll keep you company. I think I need to learn about babies if I'm going to have one. If she doesn't I'll let you keep her company all by yourself. Maybe I'll fuck your Master."

"Have a good time." I kissed her.

"They had a tiff?" Dr. Sadiq said.

"Maahnoor realized that perhaps Henry wanted to have sex with someone else. That perhaps he wasn't that shocked when Ateefah divulged her plan. He should have known better than James that she couldn't have sex with anyone else, so any talk about emergency sex, meant he either knew she wasn't going to get laid, or he was hoping to bed Ateefah even if she fucked James as well. He said he wants a wife and family, but she kicked him out of their room for the night."

"Do you agree with this?"

"Whether I agree or not, I'm not interfering. They're both adults who need to make their own decisions in life. Henry was nearly as deceptive as Ateefah was. Considering the fuss he made when she had sex with that other bloke, it certainly seemed like he was ready to take advantage of another opportunity presented by a freed slave who hadn't quite got her shit together."

"What if their marriage breaks up?"

"She'll not be abandoned, regardless. She has the money provided when they got married, plus she's been earning a paycheck in the kitchen and laundry. She'll be trained and given employment. She'll have opportunities. Henry says he loves her, and I believe he does. And she doesn't want to go back to the way things were before. She wants control of her sexuality. They have to figure it out together. I can't make choices for them. I'm not that far removed from being out of control myself. Whatever decision they make, has to be the right decision for them, as I can't live their life. Captain, send Yasmine to my room thirty minutes after supper to do her slave agreement."