My Fantasies

The very thought of them finding out what happened tonight scared the hell out of me.

"I'm not going to say a word – I won't say a word – I promise!" I said to him as he ran out of my bedroom.

It had been almost two weeks and I hadn't seen or heard from Tony. He quit coming to the house to see my brother. There was a strange ache in my heart and I felt incredibly lonely. I desperately wanted to see him again, but there was nothing I could do.

What we had done was wrong, that much I was sure, and I also knew that nobody could ever-ever find out about us.

Every night alone in my bed the memories were strong and vivid. I jerked-off to the smell and taste of his penis and balls. I thought of his finger in my ass and fantasized it'd been his cock. I was masturbating four-five times a day since that night.

One night walking home from the store I took the long way because the weather was finally warming-up; it was a nice night and I wanted to enjoy it.

As I approached a familiar house I stopped in my tracks and stared. Sure enough, Tony's car was parked in the driveway. I'd gone to school with the kid who lived there. Some people said he and I looked so much alike we could be twins.

I stared at his house from a safe distance wondering why Tony would be there. The kid had no brothers or sisters; there would be no reason for him to even know Tony.

The longer I stood there the madder I got. I wondered if the kid was sitting on Tony's lap looking at men on the internet with him; I wondered if Tony was touching him the way he touched me. Then I got madder yet, picturing them naked on the kid's bed.

I wondered if the kid was sucking Tony's cock.

Tony doesn't need him—he's got me! I could make Tony happy if he just gave me the chance. After all, before he left that night he kissed me and said I was "the best little cocksucker" he'd ever had.

I turned away from the house and hurried home. Tears were in my eyes. I felt a throbbing pain in my heart and wondered why Tony would prefer him over me.

Another week went by with no Tony. I was still fantasizing about our night together whenever I jerked-off, but I had a sunken feeling Tony and I would never be together again.

Then a couple nights later at the dinner table my mother said something that made my ears prick-up.

"I feel so horrible for Evelyn...she's worked so hard raising that boy...her being all alone like that...."

The only 'Evelyn' my parents knew was Tony's mother. I saw my dad shoot my mother a sharp look. A look that meant 'Be quiet—don't talk about this in front of the boys'.

When my dad finished eating he told my brother to meet him in the living room. We finished eating at the same time and I followed my brother into the room where my dad was waiting.

He took one look at me and said, "Go to your room!"

Luckily we live in an old house where sounds traveled easily through the ventilation system. I couldn't make out complete sentences, or even what the topic of their 'talk' was about, but I clearly heard my dad shout the words "Tony" and "faggot" and I swore I heard him tell my brother "If I ever find out you're a faggot too--I'll kill you!"

I heard my brother stomping up the stairs to his bedroom. His door closed with a loud slam. I was so scared I was shaking. I didn't know what to do but I had to find out what was going on.

I knocked on my brother's door and opened it just a crack.

"Jimmy," I said very softly.

"What do you want, twerp—get out of here!"

I was closing the door when I heard him say, "Wait a minute—come in here!"

"Get over here," he said after I closed the door. He was sitting on his bed and I stood before him. His eyes became beady and narrow.

"All the times Tony was here—did he ever try anything with you?" he asked suspiciously.

The hair on my neck stood straight as a cold chill ran up and down my spine.

"No—no...what do you mean? What's this all about?" I asked.

"Tony's a faggot—did he ever make any moves on you?"

"N-No—of course not! What did he do? Is he in trouble?"

My brother slowly shook his head then said, "Well, I guess you're old enough to know about this stuff...you need to know this...Tony's a faggot and got caught with a kid a few blocks from here...you know, the kid who walks by here a lot?"

"Oh my God," I said.

My skin began to crawl. How I felt about what Tony and I had done was one thing, but for other people to find out about it was unthinkable.

"What do you mean they got caught? Caught doing what?" I asked wearing my most innocent face.

He laughed. "Oh, you little twerp...what do you think faggots do? Tony got caught butt-fucking the boy---that's what faggots do, you know?"

My face turned red. I'm sure my brother thought it was because of the topic, but I was remembering Tony's last words to me: "I'm gonna fuck your sweet ass next week, boy!"

"Tony's going to prison...his life is over...now he's the one who's going to get butt-fucked every day."

My brother stared at me hard; it scared me the way he looked at me.

"You know, twerp...I've never seen you with a girl...how come you've never had a date with a girl?"

My face turned red again. "I-I dunno...whenever I want to ask one, I get all nervous and chicken-out...mom says I'll get over that—mom says I'm shy...."

It was the fastest lie I ever came up with.

"Yeah..." he said, "you're still young...but I want to warn you..."

"About what?" I asked.

"If I ever find out you're queer...if dad and I ever think you're a faggot—first, I'll beat the living shit out of you—then dad will kill you!"

And the look in his eyes told me it would happen just that way. I left his room in a scared and mortified stupor. My heart was pounding and I broke out in a cold sweat.

I lay in the dark on my bed, eyes wide-open, staring into the abyss.

How is this possible? Why is Tony going to prison for having sex? What is so wrong about two people making each other feel good? This just wasn't right! But I also knew my brother's threat was very real.

For the rest of the summer I decided to get a jump on college by taking a couple of classes. I figured the more classes I took and the more credits I earned, the sooner I could graduate and be able to move to another town and get away from my father and brother.

By day I was a hard-working student concentrating solely on school work. I fought my emotions every step of the way.

I couldn't get 'those' thoughts completely out of my head though. Every night before bed, I would go to the website Tony had shown me, and start from there.

The internet is wonderful place where you can start on one page then follow links all over the world and before you know it you've visited dozens of sites.

By the time I was through, my hand, belly and thighs were coated with jism, right there on the chair in front of the computer screen. The last thing I always did before going to bed was to make sure I erased all of my browsing history.

I felt like an outlaw. I truly believed if anyone ever discovered my dirty little secret I would be thrown in prison, or even killed.

I was hoping—even praying—that these thoughts in my head would simply go away as I got older, but every night – every damn single night – I fantasized I was bending over with my legs wide apart and Tony's beautiful, hard cock was sliding in-and-out of my asshole.

THE FOREST THRU THE TREES

"I don't know why you want to go home with him?" Eddie said petulantly. "I told you: he's only concerned with his own pleasure – he won't even touch you if he doesn't have to, his apartment is a pig-sty, he doesn't wash his sheets, he's crude and abusive and dumb as a rock and he's a lousy kisser! You can do so much better than him...why on earth do you want him?"

"Eddie," I said. "LOOK at him!"

We both stared at Rocco as he bent over the pool table to line up his next shot.

"Look at that ass, Eddie – the man has a perfect ass!"

Eddie frowned. "So what! He's got a nice dick, too, but mentally he's twelve and his emotions are non-existent!"

I sighed and said, "I know you're probably right, but I just have to find out for myself."

Eddie sadly shook his head. "Johnny, you're my best friend in the world and I love you, but your taste in men makes me so mad I want to scream!"

I knew that Eddie was right, of course. I'd only 'come-out' a couple years ago, but since then the guys I'd met, and the sex we had wasn't what I had expected.

My love life could be summed up by the cliché: if it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

I glanced at the pool table and saw that Rocco had just the eight-ball remaining. I double-checked the chalkboard, and sure enough, my name was at the top of the list. If Rocco won the game, I'd be playing against him.

"You know, Johnny," said Eddie. "We could still catch a late movie, or...or you could come over to my place. I've got a bottle of chardonnay in the fridge...."

Suddenly we heard Rocco's victory shout and I hopped off the barstool and almost ran to the pool table.

I tried hard not to let Rocco see me staring at his body as I approached the table. He was 5'10" and 180 pounds of pure muscle. He wore undersized tee shirts and the sight of his biceps took my breath away.

After I'd racked the balls Rocco came over to me.

"You know this is a ten-dollar table, don't you cutie?" he said staring down at me, referring to the price of the bet we'd be playing for.

"Well, ah, Rocco, maybe we could play for something more interesting," I said coyly, trying to hide my trembling hands.

"You want to up the bet? How much you wanna play for?" he asked, narrowing eyes.

"No-no, I mean, is there anything you want besides money?" I asked as my heart fluttered.

"What's better than money?" he stared dully at me.

I swallowed hard. I didn't think this would be so difficult.

"Well, ah, maybe there's something I could do for you...." I said.

I looked into his beautiful brown eyes for about ten seconds before I saw a smile cross his lips.

"Sure-thing, cutie," he said. "What the hell, it's getting late. When I win you'll come home with me and give me a suck and a fuck – how's that sound?"

I winced and blushed but managed to say, "Okay."

Rocco quickly downed a shot of tequila then broke the rack. He didn't make any balls. I made three 'stripes' before I missed. Rocco missed an easy shot and it was already my turn again. I had several balls I could have made easily, but chose the most difficult shot on the table. I missed. Then Rocco missed another easy shot and I realized my plan wouldn't be that simple to carry out.

I put top-middle English on a straight shot and when the cue ball followed my ball into the pocket I said, "DAMMIT!!"

"You're not very good, are you cutie?" he said, laughing at me.

I felt my blood boil but I stayed silent.

He finally made a few shots in a row, and became cocky. He came over to me, put his hand on my butt and spoke loud enough for the guys around me to hear him.

"I don't think I've ever 'had' you before, sweet cheeks – have you ever sucked me off before?"

My face reddened as I shook my head.

"Nah, I didn't think so..." he said; then made another shot. "You sure are a cute little thing. I might have you sit on my cock before we even get home!"

I heard some of the guys laughing.

I wanted to get the game over with and decided to switch to Plan B.

I made the rest of the stripes on the table and had an easy bank shot on the eight ball. I snuck a glance at Rocco – he wasn't saying anything and he definitely wasn't smiling.

I intentionally put the wrong English on the cue ball again, and watched as it scratched in the corner pocket where I knew it would go.

Rocco shouted and laughed.

"I hope your mouth doesn't suck as bad as your pool game," he said, and all the guys laughed again. "C'mon, let's go, sweet cheeks - you can practice your game in the car by playing with my balls...."

What in the world did I ever see in this guy? I wondered. His words repulsed me, but when I looked at him my heart melted one more time.

I briefly panicked when he put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. It was a demonstration of ownership – he was showing the guys that I now belonged to him.

"Rocco, I, ah – I need to say goodbye to a friend at the bar," I blurted out.

"Sure thing, cutie - I gotta take a monster whizz anyway...I'll meet ya at the front door," he announced and went to the men's room.

As I left the pool table I felt the eyes of all the guys on me. By accepting Rocco's words and actions, I knew I had demeaned myself to the point where the other guys now viewed me as just another piece of meat. I stared at the floor as I passed by them.

Eddie was draining the last of his drink when I stood beside him.

"That was one sorry spectacle," he said disgustedly.

"I know," I said softly. "I don't know why I did that...."

"Because you think with your dick – that's why!" he said. "You know you don't have to go through with this if you don't want to."

I sighed. "I know, but I made a bet and lost...."

"You want to see him naked, don't you?" Eddie said with a wry smile on his lips.

"More than anything...." I smiled back at him.

"HEY, SWEET CHEEKS – GET OVER HERE!!"

We both heard Rocco's booming voice. He was standing near the front door waiting for me.

"I better go...." I mumbled to Eddie.

"Johnny," said Eddie. I stopped and stared into his eyes. I felt my heart strings twist. What was that look in his eyes? Was it anger? Was it disappointment? I wasn't sure.

"Johnny," he repeated. "You have your cell phone – call me if you need anything. Call me and I'll come and pick you up? Promise you'll call me."

His voice was strained. There was something very unsettling about his voice.

"I'll call you, okay – I promise!" I said. Then I saw that strange look in his eyes again and walked to Rocco.

I took one last look at Eddie before we went out the front door. He still had that look on his face as we left the bar.

Rocco's strong arm pulled me close as we walked to his car. I felt his control over me. My prick became semi-erect. I loved his strength.

"You're in for a long night, sweet cheeks. I haven't popped my nuts in three days...."

Now, if only he wouldn't talk....

His car was an old Chevy with cracked and peeling vinyl seats. He had me sit next to him. After a couple tries, he started the car.

"Play with my cock on the way home," he said matter-of-factly.

I placed my hand on the front of his jeans.

"Open my pants first, dumbass!" he said angrily.

I felt a cold shiver run up my spine as I fumbled with his jeans. He chuckled when I tried to lower them. Finally he assisted me by lifting his hips and I was able to bare his crotch.

The smell from his groin was overpowering. It was all I could do to keep from gagging.

"Get down there and take the head in your mouth," he ordered. "And I want to feel plenty of tongue!"

The closer my face came to his crotch the more sickening the stench became. I tried to raise my head to breathe, but he held my head to his foul-smelling dick.

I became scared. With his strength, I knew he could snap me like a twig if he wanted.

"Use your hands and mouth to get it hard," he said.

I held my breath and took the soft knob of his penis into my mouth. I lathered his cockhead with my tongue, and caressed his limpness and his balls with my hands.

It seemed like a very long drive to his apartment. I worked feverishly the whole way trying to make him hard, but when he parked the car and turned off the engine, his dick was just as soft as when we began.

"Don't worry, bitch," he said. "When we get into bed I'll have you lick my asshole – I always get a hard-on when a pretty boy's tongue is in my ass!"

Oh my God! I thought. What have I gotten myself into?

He pulled me out of the car and held the back of my neck as we went inside and walked to his apartment. His grip was so tight he was hurting me. There was definitely no chance of escaping him.

I grimly thought he was holding me from experience. I wondered how many boy's had run away from him until he learned his lesson.

When he slammed shut his front door it sounded like a jail cell door closing behind me.

"Here it is, cutie," he announced. The place looked like a tornado had ripped it apart, and he acted like he was proud of it.

"Get your clothes off, cunt – put them on the chair!" he barked at me.

There was no question that I would have to go through with this. I decided to do my best and try to make him cum as quickly as possible.

He stood in the middle of the room and watched me strip. When I was naked he crooked a finger at me and I went to him. He took me in his arms and kissed me on the lips. His tongue forced its way into my mouth and I thought it best to placate him. I sucked on his tongue.

His mouth tasted as nasty as I expected.

He ran his hands over my back then he cupped my asscheeks and pulled them apart. His finger was at my anus. With little fanfare, he pushed his finger into my asshole.

I yelped at the intimate invasion.

He laughed and said, "Your pussy better be tight for my cock, you bitch...."

I tried my best to loosen my sphincter. I could feel the walls of my seldomly used rectum clasp onto his finger.

"Oh, yeah, baby – you got one tight cunt – my cock is gonna love fucking your asshole!"

Suddenly, and with his finger still buried inside me, he pushed me towards what I guessed to be his bedroom. Once in the room, he flipped the light switch.

One bare light bulb illuminated the room. The place reeked of semen and urine. The bedcovers were already pulled back (actually, I doubt if he ever made the bed).

"Lay on the bed while I get naked for you," he said, as he shoved me onto the bed.

I was breathing hard. Besides panic and fear, I felt a new emotion overtake me while I watched him get undressed – excitement. I admired his biceps and flat belly and when he pushed his underwear down with his jeans I inhaled as I stared at his long, flaccid penis.

I perversely wanted to see that bad boy hard.

He made to get on the bed and I moved over thinking he would lay beside me. I could feel the crusty sheet on my naked flesh and wondered how much dried cum and urine I was laying in.

He had another idea. He placed his knees on either side of my slim body and he moved forward until his butt was directly over my face. I dreaded what he would demand next.

He spread apart his cheeks and lowered himself until his anus was on my mouth.

"Tongue-fuck my asshole, bitch. I'll get hard with your tongue in my hole!"

Oh my God! I pushed my tongue into his greasy asshole and licked at the sandpaper-like walls. What is that taste? Oh God....

Why would I think his toilet hygiene was any better than his other hygiene? I fought the urge to vomit.

I felt him moving above me. He was reaching for something on his bedside table. I heard a lighter flick then smelled the aroma of marijuana. He took three deep drags then put the joint back on the table.

My tongue worked non-stop. The quicker I could get him hard the sooner my tongue would get a break.

I gripped his asscheeks in my hands and pried them further apart. I burrowed my tongue inside him as deeply as it would go. He took it as a sign that I loved licking his asshole.

"Yeah, you bitches are all the same. Once you taste a man's asshole you can't get enough of it!"

My eyes were closed and my hand fumbled around until I felt his cock. It was showing some signs of life and I worked even harder on his asshole. Soon he was fully erect and grunting from my ministrations. Then he lifted his weight from my face and moved slightly backwards.

"Here it is, baby – is this what you want?" he sneered at me.