All Comments on 'My First Photo Shoot'

Enjoyed it and as an amateur photographer, wished I lived in Vegas so I could do a shoot with you..

I like the story better from your point of view. It seemed more personal.

As a new writer on this site, I love trying to get the pace right and the sex hot. This is fun!

I hope you have more stories to tell, especially if you can draw from real life experiences.

I just started reading and noticed a couple of things right away. In the first two paragraphs, you have five sentences in a row that start with "I". You need to figure out different methods.

You need to write out numbers under 100: "Twenty-four", "five or six dollars" etc.

" I started looking at ads on Craigslist and actually looked at some ads in porn magazines." No need to repeat "ads" or "looking/looked", e.g., "I started looking at ads on Craigslist and even in porn magazines."

"The door was answered by a man who looked to be in his 50s. He was going grey and looked a little out of shape." You could substitute one "looked" for something else, like "appeared."

"I wasn't dating anyone at that time, although I had been dating and going out. I was a little plumper than I wanted to be and probably didn't give off a self-confident vibe. That was probably affecting my chances for dating." - Dating dating dating. Probably probably.

"I was desperate for money and not a prude "

" I needed the money and I wasn't a prude."

"He wanted me naked under the smock".

"You want me naked with just the smock and the heels?"

I won't go on, but if you want to improve your writing, you need to think about all these needless repetitions and how to avoid them. If you just want to write stroke stories, ignore all the above. I hope this is helpful.

Fuck off grammar Nazi!!! At least do not hide behind anonymity...

Don't be put off by "English Teachers" who insist on forming correct proper English sentences! We aren't all so fussy. The story played out very well and it was believable whether true or not. Well done. (and so were they!)

Love the pace, the detail, the sex is so well written.

Agree with Ray Roberts and masterslave. This was a good and provoking story with great sexual appeal. First person narrative should be written as you speak and grammar protocols best ignored. You have done this very well making it very readable and extremely enticing. Your fascination and enjoyment of older men warms us all :)

Really enjoyed it. I’ve also answered ads on Craigslist for photo shoots. I went in the knowledge that the guy wasn’t interested in just taking pics,

But of course nor was I... Looking forward to the next story. X

Have read this story several times now and each time find it very thrilling and love the description 'jungle down there'.

Bob is my favourite of the two as he seems considerate and wanting to please Lisa both orally and verbally and l was glad that he was able to climax.

The first time I read this story, I certainly enjoyed it. It flowed smoothly along, I thought the arousal was well-paced, and -- most important -- I felt that the main character was authentic. When she said, "I felt this" or "I felt that," I was inclined to take her at her word.

That's not a "given." We readers see plenty of cardboard characters, whose most important features are the numbers that describe their boobs or cocks, presented by authors who use the same templates for pace of arousal, sequence of sex acts, and numbers of orgasms.

"Lisa's" authenticity was particularly important because she was a woman who was approaching a situation that might become sexual -- entirely alone and without bringing anyone to support or protect her, "in case of" whatever. We have all seen how male authors usually present such a female character. I think we male *readers* need to see how a woman might *really* approach it, how she might *really* experience it.

In re-reading the story, I have been pleasantly surprised to notice additional things about "Lisa's" thinking, imaginings, and feelings -- things I had not noticed before -- things that I had not expected to see, *because I'm a guy.*

It's good to find a story that rewards re-reading.

fun story, would love to hear more from you

This is a really erotic story. i love the narrative and the detailed view.

very well written

Very well written with plenty of detail. I like the slow build up,to John entering the picture. I certainly was aroused, and wished I had a role .

A common mantra in respect of when someone begins writing is to use your own knowledge of life. Not necessarily of your own life experiences, although sometimes you can’t avoid it, but of life generally. So you made a good decision with this, your first, story. Apart from the personal aspect it does also have a positive feel to it. Although you do need to work at both the technical side, as has been pointed out, and developing a rythmn when narrating the story, whatever tense you may be writing in.

You’ve seen the criticisms so I won’t go into detail except to say you will have to try harder. But it’s only your first story. Don’t worry too much about the bad comments but also don’t get carried away by the praise. My first story wasn’t a Pulitzer Prize winner. In fact the comments were pretty bad, much worse than you’ve received, so I know what it’s like.

I share with MasterSlave00 and Ray Roberts the annoyance of those who write a critical review and don’t put their name to it.

You credit a friend with the editing and say he’s going to write it from the man’s viewpoint but, with all due respect, and just considering the quality of the editing I assume he’s only a beginner as well. What you need at the moment is an experienced editor to look at this story for you, or failing that, a proof reader. The actual plot itself is good. It’s like when the script produced by the screenwriter doesn’t match up with what’s in their head.

You can also learn a lot from reading stories in the same categories as you want to write. Don’t worry about the ratings. The good ones will have you thinking “why didn’t I think of writing it that way” and the bad will have you thinking “I hope mine isn’t as bad as that.” One of the problems with criticising your own work is you often can’t see the wood for the trees. You need someone stood by the roadside give their opinion.

I’ve given 5’s to stories which were really good and ignored the spelling mistakes etc because there weren’t many and didn’t spoil my enjoyment of the story. Unfortunately I thought your story was average, quite a lot of mistakes, and because of that I haven’t voted at all. Rightly or wrongly, if I can’t give a 4 or 5 I don’t vote. I don’t want a new writer to give up because their rating is low so I give an honest criticism instead.

I put my first story up for criticism in Story Feedback and afterwards felt like giving up. But then I thought “bugger it, I’ll show them” and I think I have. So don’t give up. Show everyone what you can really do.

I only gave 4 stars so that I could give 5 next time. This was an excellent first submission, nicely paced and engaging. I enjoyed it very much, thanks!

Well, now you can add published author to your list of achievements. After reading the story and the comments, I want my comment to be; The story was fresh and believable. Believability is an important element to any good story and this, in my opinion, overcame the few beginner's issues. As authors, we share intimate parts of ourselves in our characters and our words. You did this here and that is one of the reasons the story can stand up so well.

It need not be a true story for you to share in this way, just sharing your thoughts/dreams/fantasies through fictional characters and settings are still a part of sharing yourself. I've also noticed the upbeat and engaging way you have joined in on the Forum side of Lit. Your personality shines in both this story and your words on the Forum — so, just a welcome and a hope that you will find more stories to share and that you will get back as much as you give here on Literotica. Thank you for a bright moment today!

Really fun story. Normally I like more character development so that I can understand the people involved. But in this case it was not needed. Just the natural human craving for sexual release explained the people involved. I like how quickly things escalated too. I like stories with a slow build up but this one drew me in right away and I just wanted things to happen fast and they did.

Ultimately I think that the real question about most stories on Literotica is the question of whether or not the story turned the reader on. This story go a rise out of me. Great first story. I hope we get more.

wonderful story, Lisa. I thought it was well written and it made this old man HARD. Something not easily accomplished. RICHARD

I gave you a 5 star because you deserved it. very well written so vivid I can't wait to read about some more of your adventures keep them coming...

I’m no expert on the writing...may it be right or wrong. I will say it flowed nicely. It kept me right there with your characters. I could easily visualize exactly what was going on.

Whether from your personal experience or fantasy.... You were able to capture me from start to finish. A short sweet Arousing story. I can’t wait to read more.

Thank you for the enjoyment.

It didn't go all perfect, but it went well enuff. Why ? Because it sounded authentic. As a man who has had some amazing erotic adventures I liked the realness of it. More please.

You had me riveted from the start, awesome story. :-)

I enjoyed this story a lot, primarily because there was a ring of truth in it. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if it turned out to be largely autobiographical. Overall it was well written, yes there were grammatical mistakes but so what. For a first time effort it was well done, and I'm looking forward to reading the sequel.

I loved the story, 5 ⭐️. The description of what was happening was powerful and intense. Two lucky men imo.

Lisa... Super hot! Love the exhibitionism and the shared and wanted passion! Great job.... Jay Dexter

I love girls who put out for the camera and I love to hear how it feels to unveil ...

I like your approach here, especially in the buildup. You were descriptive but in a very matter of fact way. Sentences are short and nothing flowery. There was a bit of backstory to our hero but not too much. Great first story.

I so love the detailing of how you felt in this!! It's absolutely amazing!! I could feel each and every move you made!!

So exciting and I could easily visualize this “photo shoot.” Job well done.

Your story painted a wonderful picture in my mind of your beautiful body on display.

Fantastic! Look forward to reading more from you.

super hot story

Such a delicious story, Lisa. I love how you went into all of the details of what you were thinking, what you were feeling the entire time. Thank you for sharing your first phot shoot story with us.

why is your profile banned ???!!!!