My Game of two Halves Ch. 02

"He told me?"

"Absolutely no secrets between you two then?"

"Yes there were lots. He would never tell me who for a start. But I am pretty sure it was one of his high school teachers and for a young boy it must have been brutal and degrading."

"How did you guess?"

"I did know it was at boarding school, he did tell me that much. I would guess that it must have been just after he started and it was probably a certain teacher. He must have caught him doing something with another boy and had that over him. It was illegal then of course. He was quite small in those days he had a big growth spurt in his second year. He is very cute in his early photos"

Mary continued, "Not so long ago we went to a school reunion and he was very friendly with the teachers, all except one which he avoid like the plague. This elderly teacher came over once and seemed to want to say something. Robert went really red and pulled me away totally ignoring him. He would not say why. I made a discrete enquiry and one of the other teachers confirmed this old guy was gay. He came out of the closet when the law was reformed."

"So, when you were being raped you thought of that."

"I was thinking what it must have been like for a helpless boy. It drew me very close to Robert at that point. Even though my pain was intense I at least had gone through childbirth. It must have been terrifying for someone naive and unworldly.

When the chief and his son were finished the Chief ordered to let us all go. He spoke English and actually thanked me for educating his son and apologized for the other pig and said he would be dealt with. He was even going to give me the gun with one bullet so I could deal with him myself."

"You wouldn't though? I can't imagine you killing anyone."

"I have been trained to kill you know."

"Have you actually killed anyone?"

"Er no." Mary put her head down with an odd smirk and continued. I know I would, given the right circumstances."

"I'd better watch it then."

"Yes you'd better." And Mary burst out in a giggle. She recovered her composure. "Actually I cannot think of any situation that would cause me to shoot you. I would turn the gun on myself before I did that." That was said with an earnest and determined look on her face.

She followed it with a kiss on the forehead. Words can kill, some say; conversely that little statement turned me on. I was totally surprised at being affected sexually by that statement and it gave my appendage a little thrill.

The conversation went back to Mary's predicament.

"I noticed you had stitches in your bum when I was massaging you."

"The chief tore me. He had a very large cock and he did not restrain himself. By the time I got to the medics, I had that, Burns and other injuries. I wasn't on the pill at the time; it was my fertile time so I had to have the morning after pill."

"And there's the trauma."

"And the trauma." She repeated

"So why are you getting me to bum you?"

"I am trying to normalize the sex. It is both to give us a good sex life but I am trying to make the thought of me being sodomized less of a dominant thing in my memory. Robert did have relations with others so he must have coped with his rape somehow."

I wondered whether Robert had coped with it that well. It's not something that Mary and I repeated regularly but from time to time we went through it as a kind of ritual.

I always knew when a request to do it was coming up. Some event or something would trigger her. She was always tense and restless beforehand and would calm down after. There was always the strange guttural growling, which I suppose originated during the rape.

When she eventually stopped making that noise, the ritual came to an end. I took it that she had come to terms with it. We did continue occasionally partake in a bit of anal sex but by then it seemed to have lost its connection with the trauma. Certainly there was no growling. I kind of missed the growling in a perverse sort of a way.

Our relationship continued to cement. We were not always idyllic. I would get a little depressed occasionally and I would annoy Mary. She hated me being self-deprecating and my tendency to put myself down. Her tendency to order me around when she was in one of her officious moods would annoy the fuck out of me. Once it almost caused me to walk out. Mary got into a panic and toned it down after that.

We became quite dependent on each other both emotionally and with our family activity. I could now say our family because that is the way I was seeing it. After two years when my divorce came through, we started to talk about marriage. I could not believe it was two years, it seemed like 10. I had not seen Georgia at all since the day she walked out. Everything was organized through lawyers. She had not wanted counselling and I agreed. I had no idea where she was, what she was doing and did not think to ask.

At about the same time Mary discussed with me resigning from the army. She was by this time a Lieutenant Colonel. In Sudan she saw herself as serving the Women, not the political masters. Unfortunately political masters direct the military. This made her disenchanted with the military. Life was never her own in the army and she was often having to spend periods away but she never returned to a combat zone although the spectre of combat deployment was always there.

I think she saw the army as barrier between her and me. She had become noticeably more family orientated and wanted another child. Also she could never divulge much about what she was doing in the army. Her phrase to me was she could only tell me what I needed to know. It annoyed the fuck out of me. I wondered what it was like for women during the war when they were separated from their husbands and they had no idea what they were doing. At the time I trusted Mary but when things began to happen, the secrecy ate away my trust in her.

World tensions had continued following that first skirmish but there had been no our outright war and New Zealand had not been involved in any repeat action. Although we never discussed it, I always imagined that the Army would at some time get her back. In the meantime I anticipated and craved the family to come.

Before enlisting Mary had completed a psychology degree. She had never been an army psychologist as she had not really enjoyed her degree. With Her experience with PTSD and exposure to the treatment she became interested in becoming a clinical psychologist. She asked me if I would support her. There was no question I would but it spurred me to finally ask for her hand. I secretly purchased a ring and organized to do it in front of the girls. I never thought she would ever refuse. Thinking back it was a risk but in the end it could not be more perfect. The girls went ape shit!

It was just an ordinary night. It was Mary's night for cooking. She was incongruently dressed in her camo outfit and an apron. We had finished our main meal and she was getting up to bring dessert. I stopped her saying that I had something very serious to say. Mary frowned and the girls went silent, were puzzled and stared at me. I had the ring in my pocket. I went down on one knee and it was all on.

I had hardly got the words out when two little girls were out of their seats and hugging me. Mary was taken aback. The girls were shouting "put it on. Put it on." I had to say "Hang on she hasn't said yes yet." With that Mary silently stuck her hand out for me to put the ring on. Fortunately it fit and slipped on easily. She still wore her old rings. That did not matter for me. Once on, Mary stepped back looked closely at the ring on her finger and shouted "Yesssss!" The girls left me and grabbed their mother pulling her to the ground. Next we were all on the ground hugging and kissing. I got up a grabbed a bottle of bubbly and Mary got glasses. The girls started shouting "we want brothers!" Mary told them to hold their horses, one thing at a time.

The girls wanted to tell their friends and it all morphed into an impromptu party with a number of parents and friends turning up. The next day would be Saturday so a couple with girls our children's age offered to take Annie and Elsie for the night.

Mary and I ended up having the most uninhibited night of sex since that first time. This time it seemed both our demons had been put to rest; Mary Liked to think that it was that night that our first child together was conceived as she had previously gone off the pill. I don't know but it was an entirely appropriate night for it to happen.

Of course Mary still suffered from her PTSD from time to time but it was rare and never restricted our life style. In fact we had become quite social.

My next hurdle was to tell our parents. Mary's were overjoyed. I approached mine with trepidation.

I was remiss in that for two years I had seen little of them. Mum was Quaker and did not approve of my association with the military. When I sat her down to tell her that I was marrying an army officer she was beside herself. She said she was disowning me, let alone coming to the wedding. I let her get it of her chest then I gave her both barrels. I was livid.

"You have a totally distorted and biased view of military that you will never understand."

"She is trained to kill people Vaughan. Kill! Get that into your thick head."

"She has never killed anyone she has saved more lives than you will ever do in your life time. "

I then decided to tell her about Mary's story but I had to swear her to secrecy.

Mum snorted, sneering and tapping her nose. "Yeah, yeah typical army secret squirrel l stuff, was it?"

"No I don't want you telling anyone this because it will embarrass her. She is incredibly modest."

Mum reluctantly agreed to hear the story.

I recounted it but it was the final bit that got to her.

When Mary was set to leave South Sudan, a kiwi C130 flight arrived, delivering aid. She took the flight to return to New Zealand. 5000 local women turned up at the airport to see her off. Word of her exploits had spread and local women saw her as a heroine for sacrificing herself to save the lives of local women and children. A presentation recognizing her courage in the service of Sudanese Women was given to her by a deputation including the President's wife. The kiwi crew from the plane came out lined up and gave her a Maori haka in honour to her mana. This strange ceremony impressed the locals and it was followed a cacophony of shrill warbling from the crowd. Hence forth the local women called her "Haka Kiwi." She is now part of their history and hardly a damn soul knows who she is in New Zealand."

My Mum was in tears

Point taken

She came to the wedding.

In fact they became firm friends although they did agree to disagree from time to time.

Mary accepted the new engagement ring and put away the old but she asked if we could reuse Robert's wedding ring. I had no objection it was a plain gold ring as I would have purchased anyway. The wedding was held in Robert's Father's Church. This was typical of Mary. Like me she was agnostic. She really did not care what religion anyone was but she respected them for their beliefs and she liked to accommodate those she held respect for. This had its limits. Her beliefs were based on what she saw as verifiable fact. Her dictum could be "I know therefore I believe" as opposed to "I believe therefore I know". Too many wars have been fought under misplaced belief usually driven by unreasonable bias or self-serving political agenda.

She wanted a white wedding this time. Robert and she had been married in a civil ceremony. Ours was quite an affair. It was also a last hurrah for her leaving the military and a number of military officers lined up swords drawn as we left the church. Helen had consented to be maid of honour. She had reconciled with her husband who had been a close friend of Robert's.

James, an architectural colleague and friend of mine since student days, consented to be best man and of course Mary's father gave her away. It was, all in all a brilliant day. No dark clouds spoiled the day. I was happy to see that Helen was now settled. She and her husband Jeff were together again now and she was no longer being deployed overseas.

Life goes on. Mary resigned from the army and eventually qualified as a clinical psychologist. Along the way we had one more child a boy, Robert, named after you know who. My architectural practice was thriving and we entered a period of family normality.

It was a Saturday morning. It was quite early and Mary and I were home alone finishing a cooked breakfast with the children. There was a knock on the door; unusual for this time. I was dressed in my striped dressing gown as I opened the door holding Robert who was now a toddler. There stood Georgia.

I took a double take. I had not seen Georgia since she had appeared in Court. She looked older course and she appeared tired. She was not dressed well in a baggy top and loose Jeans.

Georgia looked into my eyes, "Vaughan?" She looked at Robert, "is he yours, he's lovely, what is his name?"

I was quite taken aback, stuttering " oh ah, Robert."

Mary arrived by my side. I hadn't answered.

"You don't remember..."

"Of course I do, it's just such an unexpected shock. Mary this is Georgia my ex.""

Mary stepped in to help me, "Georgia, Come in, Come in. This is unexpected but you are welcome."

Tea was served and Georgia consented to some toast and marmite.

Pleasantries were exchanged before the reason for her visit was discussed.

Georgia stuttered for a start it was something that she was finding hard to explain.

"You know I had a son?"

"No not at all. Who to?"

"I think it was you."

"What, you never said. Were you pregnant when you left?"

"Yes."

"You did not seem pregnant at the trial"

"I'm afraid I hid it, I had a long baggy blouse thing I was wearing"

"What's his name?"

"Vaughan."

"You're kidding me?" That hit my like a bombshell

"Well it can't have been mine; it must be one of those who attacked you maybe Mike himself."

"I never believed it was his."

"We could always get the DNA tested." I quickly continued; "anyway it really does not matter, the father is the person who you bond with and raises you. Who would be his father figure?"

"Well nobody really just Claudine and I."

"Are you still with Claudine?"

"No, we had a row. She took off with Vaughan about three years ago and she came back recently, dumped him on me and left. Vaughan's a mess. You were the only person I could think of to help"

Mary and I looked at one another. The ever compassionate Mary spoke first; "for a start, whether we help or not is not predicated on a DNA test."

I continued, "Just tell us what's happening and we will see how we can help."

With that Georgia broke down. It was difficult to hear her through her sobbing. She was at her wits end. She had nobody to help her. She had money but could not keep him where she was renting. Vaughan has been in trouble with the law but he has drug problems and worst of all, though he was only 14 he is HIV positive. The woe went on.

This is when Mary is at her best she clicked in; she arranged for Vaughan to go into care while some form of rehab program was arranged. Within two days Georgia had moved into a little granny flat we had out the back. Mary had organized a part time job for her and they had been shopping for new clothes as her older ones.

I was extremely curious to what she had been up to for all these years and how she had got into this mess. Her relationship with Claudine had been a lesbian one. This astounded me, as although I had wondered about it she gave no hint that she would consider sex with a Woman. She explained it by saying that Claudine was a psychiatric nurse who exploited her vulnerability by seducing her.

She said that she now knows that she must be fundamentally bi and has had relationships with both. At the time she was "off men" and Claudine had used her time while Georgia was in hospital to get her confidence and convince her she was gay. The relationship had been on and off since the trial. Claudine was dominant and abusive.

Georgia had imagined that love with a lesbian would pure and unadulterated by male ego and aggression. Georgia discovered that a woman can have those traits too and it ended when Georgia got sick of Claudine sleeping with other women. Something she did quite regularly. Georgia by then was trapped with Claudine's circle of friends.

Georgia had been working a journalist for a small suburban Newspaper but it was not making money. When Claudine turned up, they had a huge violent argument and her boss used the situation to lay Georgia off. She didn't have the energy to pursue an unfair dismissal grievance.

She got back to her flat to find Claudine had stolen most of her clothes and anything else of value she could stuff into her car. She left Vaughan there. Vaughan was really sick and very arrogant. Georgia could not control him; it seemed he had a P addiction. He went through her medicine cabinet and stole some tramadol. He brought weird people into the flat and they made so much noise that the other tenants complained and the landlord wanted them to leave. It all triggered a relapse of her anxiety from the PTSD and Georgia ended up in hospital care, for a bit.

Mary spoke for the first time, "For a start it seems Claudine scuttled your possibility of decent treatment for your PTSD. You have obviously been getting some help recently."

"Yes, I have been seeing a Doctor Carson through the hospital"

Mary knew Carson and approved, "Any way that is all history now. You obviously want to get back to a new normality or you wouldn't have knocked on our door. Let's see if we can stabilize your life. I take it you are on some kind medication?"

"Yes, I am but Vaughan got his hands on them so I need to get a repeat prescription."

"The key is to stabilize your life and then start rebuilding it. You need to give yourself a future. I personally know what PTSD is like. Let's set a target you want to be in a years' time."

So Georgia was back in my life. When she arrived back I felt nothing but compassion. Mary did not seem threatened by her return at all, in fact I thought her welcome was a little over the top."

I only met Vaughan once and I felt no compassion for him. He was extremely arrogant. I could not believe he was my son and actually saw resemblance to neither me nor Georgia. Georgia and Claudine had married and were listed on the birth certificate along with Georgia. Georgia had made herself the dominant caregiver and when they first busted up when Vaughan was eleven, they divorced and Claudine had taken him.

I was straight with Georgia saying that I could not accept him as my son but Mary and I were prepared to help Georgia so that she could help Vaughan. I had really got over the grief of the break up with Georgia and was in a very solid loving relationship and family. Without Mary I would probably be less keen to help her as much as I did but I did feel some responsibility for the break up.

I felt I had failed someone who was obviously sick, we had split and I had paid no alimony. She had taken no share of our assets. I felt I owed her and Mary and I agreed that she could rent an apartment in a small complex we owned. Georgia subsequently moved out of the granny flat to her own place.

By the end of the year Georgia appeared to be well established and on the road to recovery. She was known to have gone out with a few men who she met on line and seemed to have a steady. She had become a regular member of our small social group which included Helen and her husband Jeff, architectural partner Pania and my best man James and his wife. Socially we met quite regularly; we had a loose book club, regularly had card evenings and took in shows or concerts.