All Comments on 'My Hotwife and Damon Ch. 01'
by Medinamaybes_swing
- 14 Comments
Anonymousabout 3 years agoThis is very well done. It takes the hotwife scenario and puts it into a more realistic setting than most stories. Thank you for writing this. I enjoyed the little tease.
Odiouserabout 3 years agoKinda cool. I like to encourage a new writer and you should definitely keep on the good path. My advice about this one is that your choice of 2nd person narration, by the person who is not involved in the action was pretty strained. It would read a lot smoother if it was 2nd person from HER perspective or even the all-seeing 3rd person narrator. A part two might be interesting, but it is not required. You present a believable hotwife first time. But we are not so deeply invested in background descriptions of the couple that there is much value in another story about her next one.
LenardSpencerabout 3 years agoSince this is your first posting here, I'll be kind and constructive. You need to understand Point of View (POV) You start from the POV of the husband. But you then write, not from the wife's POV but from the husband observing and knowing what his wife is thinking, POV. That is impossible! It's like an invisible eye-in-the-sky watching and somehow knowing private thoughts.
If you want to change the POV over to the wife, that's ok. She can then report what she is thinking. But you can't then flick over and have the husband knowing what is happening until such time as the wife tells him. It's a huge issue and a writer needs to understand it. Good luck with future writings. Just remember, you are not some deity that sees and knows everything so you can't write as if you do. Cheers.
Whackdoodleabout 3 years agoDo NOT write in second person. Your readers are mostly men, you have no idea what WE will do.
So telling me “you are not happy with the selfie” is fucking ridiculous because I wouldn’t take a goddamn selfie in the first place.
Write in first or third person only. Or better yet, never write again if this is the best you can come up with.
“You think to yourself: Holy Fuck, I am a piece of shit author and I shouldn’t write anything because my mere presence pollutes this site.”
Anonymousabout 3 years agoMy wife is a very shapely, cute, 30-year-old soccer mom and she has gotten more strange cock at our children’s athletic competitions than anywhere else. There is always a window of say, 90 minutes or two hours, which intensifies the passions. It always has to be surreptitious, so the other soccer moms don’t find out. And she always has to send me pictures.
She has a very tight, white pussy and she loves to have it stretched by black athletes. She usually starts coming before they even get ther big cocks stuck in all the way! And her love canal practically vacuums their potent cum into her womb.
My wife just loves reading about other competition moms who chose to become hot wives. Spread the love, spread the legs!
As other commentators have said, your writing needs a lot of work. However, it shows great potential. We look forward to your next chapter.
Anonymous11 months agoMy daughter played basketball straight thru until college, I'll admit to hooking up with a black dad several times when she played in high school The sex was pretty hot, would make for a good story, that's the type of IR story I read, a realistic vicarious experience, so up your game. This was an ok story, the series not so much but that's because the whole slut, cuck, whorewife situations sometimes don't read as real. Please write again.
Medinamaybes_swing@Medinamaybes_swing
