All Comments on 'My Journey: Blacked and Married'

By the time her husband gets home she should have a black baby bump to show him

Good start, but using actual dialogue is hotter than relaying it second hand. So for example, from your last paragraph, instead of "...telling him how good that was. He throws me a dish towel and says clean that up,"

try:

I said, "that was great." He throws me a dish towel and says, "clean that up."

Horribly written, do a little research and you'll soon find that black cocks and white cocks run the same world wide with an exception here or there in all races. Too bad you got sucked into the whole bbc, tiny white dick lie. I won't be reading anything else you submit if this all you have to offer. You pissed away the opportunity to make a good first impression. I gave it a 1* only because they don't have negative scoring.

Another useless whore makes a mockery of honor, loyalty and common decency.

Great first try, I hope you continue to post. How much is true and how much is fiction? Thanks again for posting.

I'd give you 3 stars for encouragement.

The plot isn't bad, but it lacks on direct speaking.

If you want just tell a story without make feel the interaction beteween the characters it is ok.

But in that way, the reader left all the sparks and it ends like reading something boring.

Using more dialogue and less storytelling can add different perspective and more interest about it.

In spite of what a few anonymous fools say, your story was quite good for a first effort. I can never understand why guys read a story then comment about how the wife is a whore and their should be honor in a marriage when you know they were jacking off the whole time they read it. Keep writing. I would love to hear more of your thoughts and ideas.

Don't mind the haters. Here's hoping this is a true story and you have more to tell about him bathing your cervix with seed.

Sure the sex was hot, but.... Not much of a marriage. Wife didn't even hesitate in going after the guy she was already flirting with. And by the end it was clear she doesn't care about hubby at all. But then maybe Hubby is finished with her and their dead relationship and getting better pussy now.