My Journey by GHayes

As our lives progress we all evolve. A "normal" mid-west upbringing. Go to school during the week. Go to church on Sundays. Summer jobs, later with after school sports or after school jobs. A few light sexual thrills on dates. Graduation from high school and then off to a university and beginning to encounter the real world. A few heavier sexual thrills as a very limited budget for dates and availability from studying would allow. And then graduation from university and immediate entry into the military.

The constant hard work to become a military pilot with the thrill of flying and the pride of accomplishing that goal. Encountering people from other countries that really wanted to kill you. Beginning to realize that as you matured as a pilot and as a man and became more self confident that you were also beginning to become an object of desire by the opposite sex. The beginning of a sexual free for all in the States and foreign countries. Some with conventional dating, But others, with the surprise of learning that being a sex provider in some countries is thought of as a "normal" career, with some individuals paid for their services.

And the woman/ friend/ lover you never forget. The woman whose narcissism absolutely controlled everything you did -- who was concerned only with her satisfaction and instructed/ ordered everything that you did to satisfy her desires. Whose beauty controlled you. Only her (never yours) many and varied desires -- tender, prolonged, somewhat kinky or absolute debauchery. And reaching an understanding with yourself that while you would never be able to tolerate a full time life with this woman that, while you were together, to please her with her orders to control you, and everything you did following those orders, gave just as intense pleasures to yourself. A military reassignment ended that relationship with a bit of relief on your part but also a built in need within your psyche.

Switching to a job with a major airline and moving up the list to the "big iron" realizing that the salary was a nice benefit but mostly it was the pleasure and power of making a hundred tons of airplane do exactly what you caused it to do. The pleasure and power of being pilot in command of a plane, a crew and several hundred passengers. Of the necessity of fulfilling the mental weight and responsibility of that earned power. The requirements of that authority in ending the careers of a couple of flight attendants -- the senior mama types -- who had decided they had more knowledge of what would safely take care of passengers and that they were the "actual" person in charge instead of the real Pilot In Command. Once those incidents happened it was well known throughout the company that you took your job and responsibilities seriously. Much to the thanks of both pilot flight crew and many flight attendants that very much wanted the structure of knowing their captain had their best interests and more importantly, their safety always on his mind.

So, by that time you are approaching middle age and enjoying life although occasionally a bit bored. One such time being on a long layover in San Francisco, with plans for a gourmet meal at a favorite restaurant that evening but not sure of what to do for a full afternoon on a day with beautiful weather in the City by the Bay. An internet search on a laptop on many topics and stopping on a chance ad by KL (not giving her full name for this story) a dominatrix, More or less on a whim I called her number and spoke with a woman with a beautiful low pitched speaking voice, very no nonsense, businesslike, who wanted to know my experience level -- little. Then explained I could come see her in a couple of hours for a three hour "newbie" appointment and what her fees were. I agreed. She said bring my camera and gave me her address, which by chance was only four blocks from my hotel.

And those three hours changed my life -- or more exactly made me realize the part of my life that I had been missing. Nudity for me but not her, it was a big plus that she was absolutely gorgeous. Her using my camera to picture me as I was ordered to strip. Kneeling on the floor to kiss and lick her hi-heels, kissing and licking her body all the way up to her knees but absolutely no farther. A ball gag being strapped on my mouth. More pictures of me and my erection as the session progressed. Ropes to the extent of my being completely unable to move or free myself. Her touching me all over and judging my responses. Light then heavier spanking, humiliating comments of how small my erection was compared to her other clients. Pictures front and rear with commands to hold my cock up for the camera or spreading my cheeks to completely display my ass. Her comment that next time she would have me wear panties for the pictures and noting my cock's twitching as she made her statement.

The ball gag being removed. Her donning a strap-on to require my kissing, licking and then sucking in as much as my throat would take before gagging. Her taking obvious pleasure from taunting me as a virile male having close up pictures, being required to stare directly at the camera while licking and sucking on a large plastic cock. Constant verbal humiliation but also constantly noting my reactions for what I was being forced to experience.

Being bent over, face down, on a stand with my arms, legs and torso strapped down and legs spread wide apart. Asked what did I think was going to happen. My saying at first that I didn't know, burning with embarrassment. More pictures taken of my spread legs and wide open ass. Asked again what was going to happen. I finally answered that if she chose to she was going to fuck me. Then asked the Big question of was that what I was hoping would happen. At first I could only nod in the affirmative but she required me to voice my need and request for her to fuck me. ("I can't hear you.") Then answering louder and then louder still.

The tiny tube inserted into me and much lube injected into my helpless anal tunnel. The initial head of her cock invasion of my ass with some associated pain. The wait for a couple of minutes for the sensations to turn to pleasure and then the relentless surging of the strap-on in and out, each stroke with more and more length going into me. Realizing that her pubes were hitting my butt. That I was taking her cock all the way into my waiting ass. Her comments how much she was enjoying using my "little brown fuck hole". The touching and stimulating my prostate. More pictures. The instruction that I could not cum until given permission. Several stop and starts, over about a half hour, requiring me to beg, pleading louder and louder, for release.

Finally a rapid tempo humping into my back door chute with her hand simultaneously pumping on my cock, permission granted, and causing a prostate stimulated orgasm that was so intense that I nearly passed out. Leaving me unable to move, to even think let alone speak for some time. Unstrapped from the fuck stand, helped to rise and led into the bathroom to shower, to begin to mentally function again. Emerging from the bathroom, still naked. Led over to a large sofa, laying down almost like a baby into my mistress's arms to begin to re-enter the real world.

She said we had arrived at the most important part of the"newbie" experience. We went over the activities and she questioned me in detail about each and what I had experienced and enjoyed or not enjoyed. The more we talked the more she noted and pointed out to me that I was really communicating with the entirety of my pauses to reflect, my words, their inflection, and my body language, which in some instances was bringing a surprising physical reaction to what I would have thought was a completely used, lifeless and non-functional cock.

She had me sit up, came around to stand in front of me, towering over me, and instructed me to pay close attention. She said for future visits with a dominatrix, whether her or others, she would tell me what I should ask for.

She was no longer asking my opinions but giving me her professional assessment. She said I was unimpressed with pain and much preferred the sensual side of domination. She said my primary turn-on was the joy of completely giving up control -- the complete opposite of the requirements of my profession. In conjunction with this the obvious activities that I would need -- she didn't say want, but need -- nudity in front of an attractive, clothed woman. Verbal humiliation as a wimp with a tiny penis. Pictures or even movies taken of my humiliation as a permanent reminder to keep in a private computer file but also to enjoy the exhibitionism of a record being kept via photography. A desire to be humiliated by more individuals than just a dominatrix, another part of exhibitionism. An anal fetish but even more an oral fetish that yearned for the feel of a strap-on cock in my mouth as preparation to take the strap-on into my ass. That having an orgasm would be a nice activity but was not necessary as an absolute requirement for me to reach great personal satisfaction in pleasing my controlling, demanding domme.

And, the biggest surprise of all to me, that as much as I had the need to suck on the strap-on cock, that to be required to do the same with a real one might be an even bigger need, if I was man enough to admit that to myself.

As she led me to her door to return to my hotel she pointed out that she had saved me thousands of dollars with psychologists to learn about myself. She was, of course, completely accurate.

I had four more sessions with her over the next 2 years until she retired. The next to last time, with three of her attractive female friends avidly watching. Assisted by the male she called her bull, she required me to prove, in front of her chosen audience, that I was man enough. That a male would be present she let me know but the added audience was a total surprise and a huge additional humiliation as I was "forced" into putting on a show for Mistress and her friends. As my Mistress said you can't un-suck a cock. So I should always be aware and proud that I had become a genuine cock sucker or, as my Mistress called me, "a cum drinking faggot" as I nearly cried with humiliation

And the last time, as a reward for being a good boi in following her orders in each appointment, had me being the subject of a private movie. Her camera was running as I was ordered to strip off my clothing including slowly removing the panties she had me wear leaving me in a pair of tennis shoes and nothing else. Walking naked out of her apartment and down a long hallway, through the doorway into the adjoining garage and to her car and into the back seat, all with her video camera with its red light on. Then we took her car, picking up her bull few blocks away and then heading several miles out of town to a forested area that she seemed to know well but that I had never seen. She pulled off to the side of the dirt road we were on and stopped the car.

She got out of the car and standing by the door took off all her clothing for the one and only time I would ever see her gorgeously naked. She again turned on the video camera and instructed her bull to get out of the car and strip also. When he was naked, his big cock was enlarging at seeing her, as my much smaller cock was also. She had the bull get a large canvas bag out of the trunk. Then had me get out of the back seat and had us each walk on a small path farther into the woods as she followed us with her camera running. We came to an overlook on one side of a hill. Across the way was another hill about a hundred yards away on which we could see several trails.

She opened the canvas bag and took out a good sized tripod, set it up and mounted her video camera on it aimed at myself and the bull. She said she was ready for a show and for anyone who might be walking on the trails. I was compelled in my embarrassment and humiliation at being naked out of doors to ask if we could be arrested and she commented that was a risk we were going to take, to get on my knees and start sucking because she wanted the bull nice and hard.

She had us turned sideways to the trails across the canyon to give a good view for her video but also to anyone walking the trails that stopped to look in our direction. By this time I was burning with humiliation, with embarrassment and pent up lust. She walked around to stand behind us in full view of the camera as she got a close up view of my mouth opening to be a cock sucker for her movie. The bull called me his little fluffer as I began to suck on his battering ram of a cock. His hands went behind my head and pulled my mouth and throat deeper until I was gagging. He established his rhythm with his hands on my skull as he pulled my mouth, stroking successively deeper, achieved the flutter of my throat as I gagged on the edge of his cock, back out for a couple of breaths to recover and back sucking again.

In spite of my discomfort I couldn't help but begin to reach for my hardon to grasp my shaft in my fist. My mistress was waiting for this to happen as she stepped behind me, grabbed each hand in turn and slipped on a ziplock behind my back. The bull again began his stroking into my slobbering mouth becoming almost uncontrolled with his approaching cum.

That was when she ordered him to stop instantly and like a good subject he complied even though breathing deeply in frustration. She had him help me up so we were both standing side by side. And then she lowered herself onto her knees in front of us and commanded a double jackoff. One of the bull's hands on his cock and the other on mine. She commanded that she be given a "pearl necklace" of cum. And that is what she received as our moans grew louder and finally burst into a near roar as our ropes of cum shot onto her breasts.

And that was also when the people, not a crowd, but maybe a half dozen hikers who had gathered across the way started whistling and cheering their approval of the show that our mistress had arranged for them. As we turned to look at them a couple were using their cell phone cameras so I had no idea if the camera telephoto lens were good enough to see our faces in detail. I live with the possibility that I may someday be on the internet being a fluffer for a bull and a spurting cock for a demanding woman.

The equipment was put back in the bag, we walked back to the car meeting no one and drove back into the city, dropped off the bull and returned to Mistress's apartment. I again had to slowly walk the hall naked and video camera was running.

As it was our last time she ran off a flash drive of the video she had made. She also shared with me the name of the man she was marrying who would be her slave as well as husband. (He is nationally known, incredibly rich.) I occasionally see pictures of him on the internet with an occasional view of his beautiful wife accompanying him.

I have a feeling I will never again meet the perfect dominatrix but that doesn't mean I won't continue the search.