My Journey into Spiritual Sex Ch. 01

Preface

Hi, I'm Rachel and this is another instalment in my story about my sex life. It is an account of my explorations over the last few years of what I call 'spiritual' sex. Relax- by 'spiritual' sex I am not into anything to do with spirits and the paranormal; I am talking about the convergence of sexual energy, with spiritual energy which I have discovered to be a dramatic, intoxicating, and compelling combination which takes sexual pleasure to a whole new level. When I began to take an interest in exploring a spiritual path it seemed to me that spiritual energy and sexual energy are both forms of passion and being alive. Rather than being opposites, they are in fact complementary, or perhaps even the same life force. I have discovered that practicing spiritual sex can elevate sexual pleasure to a truly whole mind and body experience. In fact, I will make some bold claims that spiritual sex can enable sexual energy to go beyond the physical sensations of pleasure and orgasm, to a state of heightened awareness and expanded consciousness. To sum it up when you have a bloody good orgasm for a few moments you actually forget about everything else and actually become one with all there is. We feel everything more deeply, and you can no longer distinguish between elation, euphoria, ecstasy, bliss and orgasm. I do not expect you to be convinced yet, but I invite you to walk with me through my recent experiences and discoveries of this whole new dimension to sex.

I have been writing about my sex life on Literotica for quite a few years now and my revelations have always been popular. (Thankyou). Both guys and girls often write to me and say that what they really like is that is that my stories are real life and not fantasy, and secondly that they are written from the female point of view. Readers often ask me for a new story but obviously I actually have to have some more experiences in order to have some more to write about! I love to hear from readers, and many have asked me for an update on what I have been up to. Well now another four years have gone by and I have! As I say I have written several short stories about my different experiences and if you have not read my stories before, in order to best enjoy this latest one, you would be better to read some of my earlier stories first. This latest story will then make more sense if you know more about me and what has gone before.

You can find my five previous instalments under my name of Rachel6. They are best read in chronological order i.e.:

1. Rachel's life As an Exhibitionist

2. Rachel Is Shared

3. Rachel's Exhibitionism Nemesis

4. Rachel Reveals More

5. Rachel Reveals All

The last one 'Rachel Reveals All' combines all of the first four stories into a single novel. Thus in 'Rachel Reveals All' I related most of the interesting sensual and sexual experiences of my life up until my mid-forties. At the end of 'Rachel Reveals All' I said I did not know where my situation would lead. I was in a polyamorous relationship with my husband Andy and my dear friend and lover Tony. I was having interesting sexual encounters at the spa that we visit, but although I was having a lot of fun, I felt that my sex life had plateaued. I did not know where else it could go or what new sexual experiences were left for me. At that time, I imagined that further hi jinx at the spa would form a big part of it. Or maybe I would just start to grow old gracefully and my libido and desires will subside. I hoped that Andy and I would stay together. I love life and going into a future which is unknown is all part of its fascination to me. I did not know whether there would be another instalment. As I said at that time, I felt that my sex life had hit a cul de sac and I could not see what I wanted to do next to keep up the interest and buzz. My journey of sexual exploration seemed to have reached an end. Oh boy! If only I had known what was coming next. I could not have been more wrong. As I say I would prefer readers to tackle my earlier stories before this latest one as you will understand me more and enjoy this latest submission more.

This latest submission will pick up my story since I wrote 'Rachel Reveals All' in 2015. Four years have gone by since then and I am now one year away from the Big 50.

As with my previous stories this one is intended to be an insight into the thoughts and actions of a real girl / woman who is a closet and sometimes not so closet exhibitionist. This I fear will be a fairly tame story for some readers as this is a story about a real woman and you need to get to know a bit about me and my feelings along the way in order to get the most out of it. If you like fast moving stories where the sexual gymnastics start in the first paragraph before you know anything about the characters, then this story will not be for you and you should move on. My story is erotic, but it is a slow burn and you need to get into the rhythm of it. What makes it erotic is that these are real events that have all happened to me. It is not an unbridled fantasy like most erotic fiction where anything and everything can happen but probably did not.

This is especially true because the sexual experiences on my spiritual journey have been perhaps less extreme and hard core than the things that happened to me in my younger years but are nevertheless hopefully intriguing and erotic in a subtle way. What I am trying to say is if you just want traditionally hot encounters and you are not familiar with stories about my life already then you would be better served to read one of my earlier works than this one. This story is intended to describe what spiritual sex is really about by someone who has actually explored it rather than the fantasises that are often written about the subject.

This is an unusual story in that it will give you a rare insight into the mind of a real live mature woman exhibitionist. No real woman will normally be available or willing to share these real-life emotions, confessions and insights and I am only doing it because I enjoy it and it is a turn on to tell you exhibitionist and voyeur aficionados what it is really like being a lifelong exhibitionist. I have a husband, a reputation, and a career and I cannot just do the things that people make up in unbridled fiction but in this story, I will tell you what I have done in real life. No one in my family and very few of my friends know these things about me but such is the bizarre nature of the internet that you, whom I have never met, will. Naturally neither would I want them to know about my secret life.

If you do not like stories about the urge to exhibit one's body and be naked in front of others, then please do not read it. Similarly, if stories about having sex in public offend you then please do not read it. You have been warned. Finally, if you disapprove of me, I appeal to you to keep it to yourself and not leave spiteful feedback criticising me as a person.

How can I be so candid and indiscreet about telling you about my life? As I say, I feel driven to write about my experiences because I both enjoy it and find it such a turn on. But obviously, Rachel is not my real name although I do like it and it does suit me, but I need to protect my anonymity if I am going to share all this intimate stuff about me. However apart from the names of some of the other people in this story everything else is real. I would hate any of my friends to know about this side of my life. Obviously, our close friends Tony, and Andrea and my husband Andy do but they thankfully keep my secret, not least because they also would not want their lives coming into the public domain. Much of the content of this story concerns what went on during two retreats that I have taken part in. The organisers and guides of those retreats were happy for me to use their real names but most of the participants preferred me to identify them by false names when I told them of my intention to write this book and I have honoured their preferences.

There are a great many ordinary people out there living ordinary lives who harbour secret desires and fantasies. It gives such people an outlet and a release to have the chance to read about the actual experiences of a few who are prepared to actually share their experiences with others. For some it is enough just to read about others and live their lives vicariously through them. For others they go through their lives feeling unfulfilled and frustrated. Only you can judge who is right. Many readers email me to say they feel the same urges as I do but are frightened to act on them. They would love to have the courage to do some of the things I have done. All I can say is that with everything in life it is choices. What you gain on the swings you lose on the roundabouts. Everything has a cost. If it does not feel right to you to risk your marriage or relationship just to seek sexual thrills, then don't. My personality is such that I do not seem to have any choice as I am so driven to do risqué things.

A Little About Me

Let me tell you a little about myself. I'm now in my late forties and have been married for twenty- odd years to my husband Andy. We have two now grown up children and we live in the south west of England. I have shoulder length hair, which is now a sort of medium red- brown shade courtesy of regular trips to the hairdresser. However, over the years, I have had it various shades of blond, and auburn and even black for a while but that did not suit me, and I hated it. If I had all the money that I have spent at the hairdressers, I would be a rich woman. I am pretty in a girl next-door sort of way. People say I have a nice smile and that my eyes and face light up when I laugh which is as often as possible.

I have always had to watch what I eat but have kept the weight off and remained slim and weigh about 135 lbs and am 5'5" tall. I have always liked to dress in such a way as to make the most of what I have and look as attractive and feminine as I can. I work full time in a high street office in a professional job (don't want to give too much away) and so get the chance to wear smart two-piece suits with above the knee skirts. When the sun comes out, I look nice in my short summer dresses and skirts. I love to look and feel sexy (which is most of the time) and have always enjoyed sex in all its forms but at the same time, I am quite a needy person who needs to be liked. That is why I really do care what readers think about me, and I love it when I get flattering and admiring email but equally hate it when I get critical and hurtful feedback. So, if you do write to me please be nice! I am a sensitive soul.

I always wear nice lingerie and just the thought that it is there turns me on. Back when I was twenty, I was very slim, probably too skinny really, and my breasts were smaller too before I had had children. I am only about 34 inches now but back then I was sporting no more than 32 inches but they were very firm and pert.

I met my future husband Andy at the beginning of my second year at Bristol University. We were not on the same course and we just got talking at the bar in the students union. We clicked right from the word go and it was one of those situations where within half an hour you just knew that as a minimum, we were going to be great friends and there was sexual chemistry between us from the outset. We became a couple pretty much immediately.

If I am honest, I have always been an exhibitionist-I was born like it although of course I did not know that it was a recognised disorder with a name until I was grown up. What I do know now is that it is a very strong compulsion that is very hard to overcome. I have always had a thing about enjoying taking my clothes off. I adore swimming in the nude in the sea although the opportunities for this in the UK are obviously very rare. Increasingly I discovered that I found brazenly exhibiting my body thrilling and I wanted more and more of this thrill of teasing blokes and even girls to be honest. Anyone will do! I just love being naked in public although sadly due to all the obvious reasons I have not actually done it that many times. They say there is a stripper inside every woman-well there definitely is inside this one.

Somewhat paradoxically and contrarily I am only an exhibitionist when I choose to be and am in the mood. As a woman I get tired of men you meet always staring at your breasts and legs first before your face especially at work. I hate it when you are chatting to them and you see their eyes running over your body lasciviously. I know many women feel the same. It is strange because as an exhibitionist you would think that I would like this, but I do not. It does not work that way. I told you I was contrary.

I have always loved the feel of being naked and always loved running my hands over the cheeks of my bum and over my thighs and breasts. From a young age I have loved squeezing my thighs together when I am naked and feeling the sensation that I get of squeezing my pussy between them. I love the feeling of cool air around my fanny when I take my knickers off and the greatest delight is jumping into a cold swimming pool or a warm Jacuzzi stark naked. I love the freedom of nakedness and the complete lack of restriction through not wearing clothes. At home I prefer to parade around naked or semi naked as often as possible although I do not do this when the kids are about.

I have always wanted to take my clothes off in front of people and find it a real turn on. I just do not understand why most people are so worried and embarrassed about even a glimpse of their bodies being seen. If I am in a changing room at the gym the other women usually go to such lengths to keep covered up and not be seen even by other women whereas I love the excuse to parade around naked legitimately and dry myself without any shyness at all-quite the opposite actually. I would actually prefer it if changing rooms were mixed but I suspect not many women would agree with that. My condition, if you want to call it one, is that I am a compulsive exhibitionist-not a slut.

When you read my story some of you may be shocked or appalled at some of the things, I have done but I want you to know that I do not consider myself to be promiscuous or loose; I have not had that many sexual partners compared to what you hear is the norm for young people today. I have stayed married to my husband and been married only once and not so many people can say that, nowadays can they? Ok to be fair we now live in polyamorous relationships with another couple (Tony and Andrea) but even so.

I need to have feelings for a man I have sex with. I do not believe in pure physical animal sex and get no pleasure from it. Ok I have broken this rule on a couple of occasions through being drunk or exhausted and tired, but these experiences have only affirmed my beliefs. I do not like to simply have sex. I need to 'make love' to a guy with all the kissing, foreplay, emotions, and cuddling that goes with it. Nowadays I feel strongly that I need to know a man first to have sex with them. I would never be someone who would look for casual sexual encounters on the internet on e.g. Craig's List or on Tinder on your phone. I am only interested in actually meeting and knowing people and becoming friends with them first.

It Started with Mindfulness

Since my last submission, as I expected, for a while I continued to visit the naturist spa in Bristol and that was where I occasionally continued to partake in encounters with other men usually in the company of Tony. Usually these encounters were just flirting and fun, maybe with some touching or masturbation but almost never ended in full sex. I enjoyed these to a certain extent, but the novelty started to wear off, and I began to feel a little used and the experiences started to feel empty. I became a bit too well known at the spa and had a bit of a reputation to the point that too many blokes just assumed I was available to paw and grope as their right. The novelty was beginning to wear off and I wondered if there might be something different out there for me.

At that time, I also joined a naturist swim club that met weekly on a Wednesday evening and I have to say I did enjoy that a lot. I must tell you that swimming naked is so different to swimming in a costume. I do not understand why it makes so much difference and is so much nicer, but it just is. It just feels so pleasant on your body as you traverse the different temperatures in the pool. Your whole skin seems to become one erogenous zone! I do not know why I had not joined it years ago. They have a lane for swimming lengths and that was my interest really. I am a reasonable swimmer and I love bashing up and down that pool with the freedom of not having to wear a cossie. I have to say the great majority of those that attend are men, and women are in a small minority. And I am absolutely the only woman who does lengths. All the other females that ever come stick very closely to the male escort that they came with, and no other females ever come on their own. Why are women so timid? Well at least these women come at all. Ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent of women would rather die than swim naked in public. Well here in the UK that is true anyway. Curiously most people (including the guys) get in the pool and then after very little time congregate and chat. For most it is more of a social thing. Neither Tony or Andy ever come with me. When I have completed my lengths, I too enjoy chatting with some of the guys and it was in fact through this group that I first met Joshua who became my masseur in Bristol.

Another curious thing is that many of the guys obviously discretely play with themselves at regular intervals to try to retain a semi-erection in order presumably to be 'bigger'. Size seems to matter in that gathering at least. Honestly why are men so insecure about their size? Trust me size really does not matter to any woman. Once a penis starts to enter you the pleasure is all in the entry and around the mouth of the vagina. Most of the pleasure and nerves and sensitivity is all at the entrance of a vagina. It is not about going deep. In fact, large penises being thrust in deep can be very painful and uncomfortable. It is not the size but what you do with it as they say. I blame all the porn on the internet that only ever seems to show huge pricks being thrust roughly into women who are always writhing in ecstasy.

My journey into exploring spiritual sex started with my interest in mindfulness. I'm going to make this part as brief as possible because this is not a book about mindfulness, and neither are you reading my story in order to find out about such things. It is necessary though to tell you as succinctly as possible how my journey into spiritual sex began. At this time about three years ago I became a searcher into the more deep and meaningful stuff about life and happiness. People describe this as addressing the ache that many feel that there must be more to life than this. I was as I am sure you have already identified a fairly shallow woman who was driven by a fairly selfish and single-minded desire for sexual encounters with two men and occasionally more, and to get my kicks through exhibitionism. But I started to ask myself the common midlife questions of whether I was really happy, and was there more to life than this?

I began attending a Buddhist meditation group, which I know sounds out of character, but I was persuaded to attend a meeting by a female work colleague. I have to say right from the very start the things they were saying resonated with me. Not the airy-fairy stuff about reincarnation and rebirth, but the more down to earth stuff about calming the mind and understanding that we are what we think, and that how we have a choice about what we think and how we respond to life. I quickly became an avid consumer of self-help books on emotional and spiritual intelligence, mindfulness, happiness, etc. I could not get enough of it and started to practice regular meditation. I actually moved away from the Buddhist group in favour of an independent meditation group where I made a number of friends who were also on a similar journey and were kindred spirits. I must emphasise dear reader, and it is important to me that you understand this, that I had not 'found God' or something. I am not religious in any way and neither is spiritual intelligence and mindfulness anything to do with religion.