My Journey into Spiritual Sex Ch. 01

And then the bastard moved up and knelt beside my back and began massaging my shoulders and back. He had me reaching boiling point and had just left me to simmer for a while. Then he moved around to my head so he could kneel there and massage my back down to my waist. Whilst he was there, he gave my head a good scratch which is always delightful although I was worried how I would get my hair back presentable again to return to work.

It was then time to turn me onto my back again. He got himself back kneeling between my legs. He spread them apart again and I was happy and eager to help spread them myself. He massaged my breasts for a few minutes. He teased my nipples which were standing very pert. I was smiling as he then moved down to my stomach and spent a little while gradually working in circles down over my stomach and increasingly further over my pelvis. Then he was unmistakably including my mound in his treatment. His fingers worked around my mound pushing firmly and he was millimetres from his fingers actually touching the lips of my vagina again. I was desperate for more and he knew it. I kept trying to spread my legs wider and could not resist heaving my bottom up and down a little trying to get him to stop teasing me.

And then at last -heaven- he ran his finger down between the lips of my vagina. I could tell I was soaking down there. He did this several times as I lifted my bottom up to meet him. I was so desperate for him to plunge his fingers into me.

He quietly reminded me about enjoying the touch now and to try to not get into the old habits of always wanting things to progress. I meekly agreed. But it was bloody difficult.

He began a soft chant about embracing the universe, letting his energy and the energy of the universe flow through me. Stuff like that. He asked me to embrace and honour our sacred connection and love. He then launched into some chanting in a foreign language- Sanskrit or Pali I think. I had not a clue what he was saying but it sure felt mystical and created a sacred and transcendental ambience.

When he finally got to massaging my clitoris, it was just utter bliss. He was still chanting softly in Sanskrit! I was in some parallel universe floating away out of the earth's atmosphere! He had made me wait for this magic moment. His magic fingers moved in circles. And then he asked me, whispering, if it was OK to put his fingers into my vagina! All very formal and proper. Of course, it was. I thought he would never get around to it! And then he just entered the entrance of my vagina with the tips of two fingers and hovered. I heard myself emit an involuntary groan. I felt utter sublime pleasure and an inexplicable sadness all at once. I could not help lifting my hips up off the mattress to meet him. He asked me whether this was OK. Was I alright? Of course, I was bloody alright! I was in heaven. He was just being professional I suppose. All part of the etiquette of tantric massage.

Lying there I thought I had only just met this man and knew very little about him really but was feeling this intense love for him! How mad are we-temporarily insane really- when we are in the hands (literally) of someone who is pleasuring us? Joshua was my tormentor and I was his slave. I thought it is like a case of that 'Stockholm Syndrome'. My stupid heart was bursting with love for Joshua and I was loving our intimate time together. On top of that I hoped I had found my spiritual sex guru-my mentor.

Joshua played me with the skill and precision of a concert musician. It was interesting to me to be tended to by a professional qualified therapist who does this for a living-a sex guru. I had been frigged so many times in my life, but Joshua had a whole new level of competence and skill.

He had me so intensely aroused now. Joshua was sitting cross legged between my splayed legs. He was rapidly plunging his magic fingers deeply in and out of me. He was a master of female anatomy. With my feet planted on the mattress I could not resist offering up my pussy up to meet him to assist his access. He was still chanting softly alternately in this ancient foreign language, and then in English. He was going on about energy, the universe, the yoni, the sacred yoni flower, the flower of Venus, some goddess or other. Stuff like that. It was all a blur, but he was certainly adding to the mystical ambience. I really was in a heightened elevated state of consciousness alright. But I just wanted relief. I only wanted to die in an earth-shattering orgasm. Nothing else mattered. He could have done anything to me then. He could have just rammed his erect penis into me. I could not have resisted in any way. I would have just pulled him in. But he didn't do this obviously.

As I approached my orgasm, I chuckled at how he had me in his hands (literally) and I had no control over the situation. As he relentlessly brought me to a crescendo, I stared into his eyes with a big smile on my face and he stared right back into mine. We locked our gazes, staring each other out, until the dam burst, and I started shouting and crying out in ecstasy and heaving and thrashing about. My cries of uncontrolled pleasure eventually turned into uncontrolled cries of sorrow and I had no idea why. I degenerated into a sobbing mess. I sat up and Joshua cuddled me. He told me this reaction is common. He said it was what experiencing higher consciousness is all about. It manifests itself in both extreme awareness of the bliss of being alive, and extreme fear of our own mortality and frailness. It is what happens when the mind is at a higher level of consciousness and awareness than is usual in normal life. He said another way of thinking about it was that I was so full of love and happiness that my body and mind could not handle it and I had to cry to release some of this energy. All I knew was that I felt an emotional wreck.

After a couple of minutes of cuddling me and stroking my forehead Joshua said that he was sorry, but I had come too quickly which he felt was partly his fault. Really? I thought it had been a fucking amazing orgasm and was completely satisfied. I still needed more release apparently. I had 'stuck energy' apparently. I needed to come again else I would be tense later. How does he know all this? He told me I needed to trust him.

He stopped and changed the music to just the sounds of ocean waves on a sandy beach. He said, "Right now I want you to try something different. I am going to put a blindfold on you. Is that OK?"

I nodded. Joshua covered my eyes with a rolled up warm towel.

"I want you to transport yourself to the sandy shore of a deserted Caribbean beach. Imagine it is sunset and the sky is crimson red. The palm trees are waving lazily in the warm balmy breeze. I want you to ignore me and forget where you are. Can you do that?"

I replied that I would give it a go.

It was a short journey for me from the cloud I was floating on down to the sandy beach he described. I made myself comfortable on the sand and settled down to watch the sunset. Joshua went off into his Sanskrit again and I just felt exhausted and sleepy. I descended into a dreamy state and the images became more confused and chaotic. All was good in the world.

I felt so relaxed just lying on this beach listening to the waves arriving near to me. I tuned out from Joshua's voice and listened only to the gentle rhythm of the waves. I momentary felt the pleasure of Joshua's fingers gently entering my vagina again and I spread my legs. And then a strange thing happened. As I drifted away in my Caribbean paradise, I noticed that each wave brought its own wave of pleasure which travelled through my pelvic region and down my legs. The waves of pleasure between my legs seemed to be perfectly synchronised with the waves arriving on the beach. The physical pleasure became stronger with each wave. I never wanted to leave this beach. It was the beach of total ecstasy. And then the waves became stronger and began to over power and overwhelm me. As they became too powerful, I was submerged and consumed by total pleasure. My body was gently convulsing and no longer in synch with the waves.

I did not try to fight the pleasure. I just let it wash right through me for as long as it wanted as I rolled around on the sand at one with the sea and universe. It was like watching and observing myself experiencing the pleasure. I really had drifted away and lost touch of time and where I was. It seemed to go on and on for ages. Weird wasn't it?

Eventually I was roused from my trance by Joshua removing the towel from my eyes and talking to me like an anaesthetist does when they bring you round after an operation. He was saying," You have been asleep. You have had a massage."

Joshua signalled the end of the massage by ringing his singing bowel.

I gradually surfaced feeling very groggy but pleasantly calm and at peace. Joshua explained what had happened and how using his hands he synchronises the vaginal stimulation and masturbation with the sounds of the waves. He said the technique is very effective and consequently popular. I could only agree. He said my second orgasm had been much slower and much less frantic and thereby much more beneficial to delivering a lasting feeling of well-being. Oh, well-he is the expert.

I could not wait to get back to Joshua for a repeat performance, but it was quite a lot of money, for me anyway, so I left it about three weeks until I went to him again, and again another three weeks before I went for a third time. You have to believe me that by now I knew I was onto something special. Joshua was able to transport me to a pretty special place floating with the clouds and feeling spaced out, serene and content, and yes sexually satiated. A rare taste of feeling total well being and inner peace topped up by a healthy tiredness from mind blowing orgasm(s). What I was not sure about yet was what exactly constituted a 'spiritual' massage? What made it different? But I was open to believing and beginning to be convinced that it was.

I asked him once what was his record for consecutive orgasms he had given a woman during one appointment? He said he thought it was nine although that was a two-hour appointment! 'Blimey', I thought -I have a long way to go to match that!

It was after my third visit that Joshua sat me down in his office again and said he wanted to tell me about something that might be of interest. I was intrigued. He told me that he was involved with a spiritual retreat in the South West that I might enjoy and get benefit from. He said that it is not advertised, and is only by personal invitation from people involved with the retreat or who have been themselves. He thought I would fit in perfectly and it would be up my street. It was called a 'Naturist Meditation Retreat' and that described it well apparently. The idea of a naturist retreat alone was enough to sell it to me, but the meditation content would be a very good fit with the journey that I was on. Joshua said that these retreats also include a lot of yoga and talk a lot about naturism, nudity, exhibitionism, sexuality, promiscuity, spirituality, owning being yourself and being free etc. He thought I would enjoy all that and he was right; I felt excited about maybe going on one. Joshua looked up the dates of the upcoming retreats and said he would contact them if I wanted and put me forward. I thought it would be nice if I did go that there would be someone there that I already knew.

Joshua also recommended some articles on the web containing stuff about what is called spiritual sex and I went off very keen to digest them.

Spiritual Sex

I studied the articles recommended by Joshua intensely. This in turn led me to others and I found that like every other subject known to man there is an enormous amount written about this on the internet. I wrote earlier, in the chapter about how my journey started, how I had this growing nagging feeling that there was more out there; a special place that you can find that would bring together my journey of sexual exploration and spiritual exploration. It would be a sort of convergence of sexual and spiritual energy that could be some sort of ultimate cosmic mind-blowing experience. I really could not understand it or articulate it any more than that at the time. It was just an intuitive feeling that became an increasing obsession that I could explore my sexual energy in a spiritual context that could take me to a whole new level of consciousness.

Well by the end of my research I was left in no doubt that what I had intuitively felt might exist really did and many people had got there first and written about it. This is what I found out. Many of these articles were long and detailed. I do not want to devote pages and pages to repeating what I have read. If you are interested in finding out more then you should consider searching the internet for Spiritual Sex yourself. My only aim is to convince you dear reader that my intuition was right and that I was on to something worth pursuing.

There is only room here to tell you some of the key assertions that influenced me and pushed me a long a bit on this journey of exploration.

Energy: The basis of all this is the concept of energy. What is often called the energy of the universe is also within us all. It is the basic life force and the fuel of passion and feeling alive. We are told that we must trust and follow the energy and allow it to flow freely through us and not try to suppress it. If we do this, we can feel bliss, joy, love, fulfilment and passion. When we allow ourselves to fully experience our feelings, we come alive.

Sexual Energy cf Spiritual Energy: Our backgrounds and upbringing have often taught us to believe that sexuality and spirituality are opposing forces; that you cannot be virtuous if you have a lot of sexual desire because sex is a 'sin' and thereby 'unspiritual'. Whereas in truth sexual energy and spiritual energy can be more helpfully seem as the same force. It has not always been so. Many ancient societies had cultures whereby sex was sacred, and celebrated, and not a sin, and sexuality was regarded as an expression of the life force.

People who try to deny their sexuality in order to be more spiritual, create a conflict within themselves. Some people may be frightened of where their sexual energy will take them. People who try to deny their sexuality in order to be more spiritual end up blocking the very energy they are seeking. Sex can also work as a catalyst for cultivating spiritual well -being. To lead a spiritual life, you need to embrace and respect your sexuality just as much as any other part of your nature.

Of course, it should be stressed that the free expression of your sexual energy is never a licence or justification to do anything that harms another person.

Higher levels of Consciousness: The act of lovemaking can alternatively be seen not as a base physical act but as something sacred and profound. People are taught to deny their sexuality, dismissing it as a 'lower physical instinct' and encouraged to 'rise above it' as if there is some distinction between 'lower' physical cravings and 'higher' spiritual functions. In reality the opposite is true, and it is the sexual orgasm that gives us a taste of transcending our limited selves, and feeling boundless even if only momentarily. This type of sex can be described as a feeling of boundless pure bliss, warmth, and identity -merging (or ego loss) especially during orgasm. When spiritual sex is consciously practiced, mindfully, there follows heightened awareness and expanded consciousness and feelings of ecstasy. In its extreme people talk about merging with the life force, and experiencing the self as pure energy, in harmony and union with the universe.

Tantric Sex or Tantra: Many writers believe that it is what is called 'tantric sex' that is powerful enough to lift us to exceptional levels of conscious awareness. Tantra is an ancient Sanskrit word that means a method of spiritual liberation through expansion. Tantra traditions go back thousands of years to the roots of yoga. However, to put this is context tantric sex was originally just one of many methods and practices which include primarily meditation and yoga where the goal was not sex as such but to calm the mind, transcend ordinary consciousness, and become enlightened. Nowadays there are therapists, workshops and retreats that train people to practice tantric sex and thereby experience heightened states of sexual pleasure. Blissful states can be reached when the body is completely relaxed, and erotically charged and stimulated through massage, touch, breath, sound, and smells. Every tissue of your body can be alive with pleasure, but such skills take time to master. People describe 'whole body' orgasms.

Connection with Lovers: It is also believed that spiritual sexual expression between two lovers can generate unusually intense feelings of deep union, bonding and love that briefly take us beyond our sense of isolated self and enable us to feel as one with and merged with another human being even if momentarily. In this way we can merge our identities and lose our ego especially during orgasm. The lasting benefit is greater connection with your partner thus reinforcing commitment in a relationship through loving communion. Some writers talk of achieving spiritual union, and even a merging of souls.

Discovering Your Sexual Energy: The main point is that everyone is different. Some people will want to sexually express themselves more than others and e.g. with many lovers, or few lovers, with the opposite sex, with the same sex, or both. Also, it is vital to understand that allowing the free-flowing expression of our sexual energy is essential to having a healthy and strong sexual appetite and experiencing good sex and orgasms. We have to acknowledge and be self-aware of all our old beliefs, judgements, and attitudes, and prejudices that keep us from fully experiencing our true sexuality. That does not mean you necessarily have to change these beliefs. The point is to be aware of them and to make conscious choices. If we cut off our sexual energy and try to suppress it then we will suffer from conflict, frustration and unfulfillment.

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So, my interest was fully aroused, and it was massively opportune and timely that Joshua had offered to put me forward for the naturist meditation retreat that he helped with. I was so excited to continue down this path of exploration. I was in suspense waiting to hear from Joshua. Thankfully I did not have to wait long. About a week later he called me to say that if I was still interested, I was in and they would offer me a place. He had the dates of the upcoming retreats and vacancies and I was able to choose the first. I had to wait about six weeks and arrange the week off at work but that was all sorted. Joshua and I arranged to travel together to the retreat. The magical spiritual massages that I had had with Joshua had given me a taste of this new world and at that time I was just bursting with anticipation, enthusiasm and excitement to experience more. I felt that with meeting Joshua and those spiritual massages that I had hit the ground running on my journey into spiritual sex.

I looked forward to this week at the naturist retreat with great anticipation. I really thought this was going to be so perfect for me and had very high hopes. You can read all about how it went and what happened in Chapter 02.

Thanks for listening. Have fun. Love from Rachel x