My Journey into Spiritual Sex Ch. 01

I have to say that neither Andy or Tony joined me on this journey, and both tolerated it but thought I was 'out with the fairies'. Neither of them tried to dissuade me from my new path, but equally neither of them had any interest in it. Probably so long as I was still available to jump into bed with, they didn't care about this new part of my life. In a funny sort of way in a polyamorous relationship with effectively two husbands you divide and rule and have more freedom, independence and power as a wife than you do in a normal marriage if you can understand that.

Now I really do not want to go on about this period of my life except to ask you to trust me and understand that whilst this stuff might not work for everybody it really was working for me. I was amazed how over time I was able to develop deep inner peace, serenity, and contentment and feel love for myself and those around me. I really did cultivate the ability to live in the moment and could honestly describe myself as truly happy to a degree that I had not felt before. Anyway, this stuff was really working for me and I felt a whole new level of contentment and insight about what life was about. I felt a liberating sense of freedom that I had so much more control over my thoughts, desires and my life in general.

I must stress that at no time did I start to feel puritanical or a need to be good and holy! Quite the opposite really. I felt more and more that I owned my life and feelings and was completely free to go off in any direction I liked and could redefine myself and my life in any way I chose. I already knew that in the past I had had some awesome experiences exploring my sexual desires that at times had felt pretty profound. Experiences that had felt all consuming, exhausting and overwhelming on occasions. And I had this growing nagging feeling that there was more out there; a special place that you can find that would bring together my journey of sexual exploration and spiritual exploration. It would be a sort of convergence of sexual and spiritual energy that could be some sort of ultimate cosmic mind-blowing experience. I really could not understand it or articulate it any more than that at the time. It was just an intuitive feeling that became an increasing obsession that I could explore my sexual energy in a spiritual context that could take me to a whole new level of consciousness. I had no idea where or how I might find this combination or even be totally sure that it existed. Later on, in my journey of exploration, I would meet people who had been there before me and would be able to help me find this place, and even explain and define what I came to know as 'spiritual sex' meant.

My First Naturist Spiritual Healing Massage --They do exist!

Initially my beliefs and yearnings led me to search for what I called a spiritual healing massage. What I had in mind would be a relaxing naturist full body massage with a spiritual meditative healing bias. But did such a thing exist?

I imagined a spiritual guide and teacher who would perhaps chant loving affirmations whilst rhythmically massaging his healing hands all over my naked body. This would, of course, be accompanied by the mandatory relaxing music, and the burning of incense and very soft lighting. I would submit myself to this teacher suspending disbelief and become evangelical in following my new guru! Through this life changing experience, I would reach a higher level of sublime pleasure and consciousness in this fusion of sexuality and spirituality! Now as you can see this had become more of a fantasy for me that I kept embellishing. I just felt drawn towards something but did not know what exactly. It was just that I could not help believing that something like it was out there somewhere. I just felt driven to search for it.

I started to Google these words and in fact I was surprised by the number of people who were offering versions of what appeared to be what I was looking for but usually with the word tantric thrown in as well. They were all over the country of course but there was one offered through a thing called Craigslist not too far from me although not in Bristol. This was a masseur who called his studio, 'Serene Sensations' and was offering 'Spiritual Tantric Healing Massage'. Close enough I thought.

I did not follow this up straight away but coincidentally I got chatting to this guy, Joshua, in the pool at the naturist swimming club who told me he was a masseur. I then realised that the site I had been looking at previously was the website of this masseur guy that I knew from the naturist swimming club. When I checked again there was a picture of him, and I recognised him straight away. It's a small world I thought.

On his website he described his therapy as 'the fusion of love, inner peace, and the stimulation of the second chakra otherwise known as the sacred sacral chakra. Located in our hips, sacrum and genitals, it is where we experience the joys of intimacy, creativity, pleasure, our desires and sexuality. The sacral chakra is associated with our emotions and the centre of our feelings and sensations. It is particularly active in our sexuality and the expression of our sensual and sexual desires. Motivated by pleasure, it is the driving force for the enjoyment of life through the senses. Opening your sacral chakra allows you to "feel" the world around and is the foundation of our feelings of well-being.'

'Wow!', I thought. 'That sounds like a hole in one. I could not get there soon enough That sounds so what I am looking for'.

The blurb went on, ' Tantric massage techniques are used that are designed to open up your heart, awaken your senses and balance the energies to enable you to attain a higher sense of ecstasy and a feeling of peace. Under my careful direction I will help you connect with your sexual energy by enjoying a stimulating massage that nourishes mind, body and spirit, and which will quite literally leave you feeling totally serene.

At Serene Sensations I treat your body as a whole. Everything is included; nothing is excluded as in conventional massage. You will be massaged from head to foot, (and everything in between), with a deluge of massage strokes ranging from the lightest touch to deliciously long flowing strokes from one end of your body to the other in a single motion. What I offer is a unique blend of professional yet sensual massage, a discreet refuge and oasis just for you, and the opportunity to explore erotic and sensual touch in a safe, clean and respectful space.'

This time I called him straight away in the evening actually. He remembered me and we spoke briefly on the phone about the type of massage therapy that he offered. Luckily, he had a spare slot the very next day. I was glad as I was excited and could not have coped with having to wait a few days.

When I arrived, I was unusually nervous and had second thoughts about what on earth I was getting into. I had taken a slot out of my work schedule that day so was dressed in my work clothes of a dark grey two-piece skirt and jacket suit and white blouse. The studio turned out to be an extension of the therapist's house on the ground floor, so we walked through the hall and kitchen out into this room that was dedicated to treatments. Joshua was tall, thin, with a beard, and long greying hair tied in a pony tail and a welcoming smile and peaceful manner. He was dressed in a yellow short sleeved polo shirt and cream shorts under a white smock loosely tied with a belt. I would say he was about the same age as me. He exuded a loving and calm energy.

He quietly asked me to make myself comfortable on a soft sofa while he sat in a chair at his desk but turned towards me so he could study my face and eyes and get to know me better. He asked me to call him Joshua. He asked me to begin by telling him what sort of treatment I wanted. How embarrassing is this I thought. I hardly knew myself and, if he was really that good, I really wanted him to use his intuitive powers to tell me what I needed- not the other way around!! What was on offer I wondered? I thought he looked more like a drop out weirdo than a massage therapist. I glanced around his treatment room and there was the usual array of framed certificates all sporting big rosettes. Who reads what is on these qualifications I wondered? They could say 'certified serial killer' and no one would ever notice. How can there be so much to massaging someone to justify all these different certificates? But it became apparent that I was going to have to lay myself out there and try to articulate this feeling I had that there might be a sort of enhanced super erotic massage that was based in a spiritual context. As I said it, I thought it just sounded ridiculous. He would think he has a frustrated mad woman on his hands!

He thought for a moment and then asked me if I had read his website and what he offered? I said that I had and that was why I was there. I said it sounded exactly what I was looking for and asked him to just give me his usual treatment and try to sense any special needs that I had! I immediately did not like how I had expressed that!

Joshua saw how uncomfortable I was and came to my rescue. He said that what he offered was a healing spiritual counselling session combined with a full body oil massage. I noted that he specifically did not use the word erotic massage. But then he went on to say that the treatment was not 'goal centred' and it had no right or wrong course or ending. 'Hmmm', I wondered. I had little idea what to expect. I could only think, 'Well it's only an hour and a half, I'm here now, and what will be will be. It could be a disappointment- and a waste of money even, and if it is no good, I won't come back.' But despite my rapidly dwindling confidence, to be honest at this stage of a massage with a new therapist the unknown aspect of what is about to happen is always a bit of a thrill.

Joshua then said, "I can give you a relaxing treatment that will address your whole mind and body and leave you feeling very serene and content. But when you say spiritual context, I would like to clarify what you have in mind. I call this a spiritual massage and by this, I mean a massage that encourages you to be in the moment and hopefully performed in a mindful manner where we try to raise your level of consciousness. In other words, sexuality should go beyond the pure physical act."

So thankfully he answered the question for me, and I was let off from trying to explain what I meant any further. I was relieved that he was no longer putting me on the spot and taking my quest seriously. I encouraged him to go on.

"The problem with most sex today is that it is goal centred and by that, I mean it is preoccupied with performance and reaching orgasms. What we call genitally focussed sex with a rush to rapid relief and let down. Most people find that immediately after an orgasm their thoughts switch to something else unrelated and there is little lasting benefit or change in their feelings of well-being.

"Another vital part of spiritual sex is feeling connection with your partner at the time and indeed with the universe as a whole."

I was happy to let him lead me. I replied," OK", in a positive tone that said I am listening and prepared to give it a go.

Joshua said, "Why don't we get started and see how it goes. Let us go through to my therapy studio."

He got up and opened the door to his therapy room and I followed him in.

"I'm going to leave you to take off as much as you feel comfortable with and will return in a couple of minutes. Lay down on the mattress on your back when you are ready with the towel over you."

Joshua went out of the room and left me to it. Well as you know I have had a lot of massages and of course I was going to take great delight in taking everything off. I hate having a massage where they ask you to keep your panties on, or even more ridiculous wear some of those horrendous paper pants. This was after all supposed to be a naturist massage anyway.

I looked around and started to notice my surroundings. His 'therapy studio' was an absolute delight. I saw that unusually he did not have a conventional massage table in the room. Instead there was a mattress on the floor surrounded completely in white linen centred under a four-poster canopy. Very cosy I thought if he is going to lie down in there with me to attend to my squidgy bits. I cannot tell you how much I loved it. It was perfect for me. I had grown to love the paraphernalia and ritual of spiritual and Buddhist meetings. It was all here with knobs on. The two windows were covered by blackout Roman blinds with a night sky with stars design. They let in no natural light.

The lighting was very low and around the room there were figures and effigies and giant Buddha heads and tall hand carved wooden meditating goddess figures. He already had the mandatory Eastern style relaxing music playing in the background. On the walls there were many traditional Indian, Hindu and Buddhist framed paintings. There were many aromatic candles burning around the room emitting a wonderful lavender fragrance.

I was relieved the room was comfortably warm. I hate having to be covered up by towels simply because the room is too chilly. I was hoping to eventually be lying on his mattress completely naked and uncovered. I was so receptive to imagining myself floating away on some deep meditative magic carpet of self-discovery if you can make any sense at all of all those mixed metaphors! I know many readers will think I am a bit mad but then you know that about me already.

I carefully folded my suit and blouse on a chair, removed my underwear and stockings and then settled down as instructed lying on my back on the mattress with the enormous towel that was in there over my chest, stomach and legs. After what seemed an unnecessarily long time Joshua knocked on the door and I called out for him to re-enter. What had he been doing for all that time? How long does he think it takes me to take my clothes off? I can do it in seconds!

Joshua had removed his smock so was now just in his tee shirt and shorts. I was relieved about that as I never really see why a masseur needs to strip off completely as well. I know some do but the justifications are very dubious, I think.

Joshua changed the music to some Indian sounding soft calming music, that to me sounded exactly the same as the music it replaced, and dimmed the lights right down even further so that the room was only illuminated by the candles. He then deftly climbed in to our 'tent' inside the four-poster canopy and it all felt very intimate and cosy. A real oasis from the world for a while. A delicious escape from the irritations of my work I thought. Hope I turned my phone off.

Joshua signalled the start of the massage by ringing a singing bowel like you get at the start of a Buddhist meditation.

He started by kneeling next to me on the mattress and holding my hands in his. He squeezed them in a comforting way and lifted my arms up into the air. After a minute or two he then slowly laid my arms down beside me again and placed his hands on each side of my head holding very still for a while. He then placed a hand on my forehead. He said, "I want you to breathe slowly and deeply and concentrate only on that. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out." I was used to doing this at the Buddhist meetings.

He then placed his palms on the towel over my tummy and repeated again like a hypnotist, "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out." He slowly moved his palms to be pretty much on top of my breasts still through the towel and pressed down holding this position for a long time. He said quietly, "Feel the energy of my hands flowing through you. Feel the connection. Feel our spiritual union."

I was putty in his hands now. He could do anything to me. I had surrendered. I was going to enjoy this.

After a while Joshua moved down the mattress to my feet and started to caress them one at a time lifting them up so he could massage them with two hands. Whilst he was doing this, he was sat cross legged in the lotus position holding my feet in his lap. Can you believe he could do that? My God he was supple. He began pouring lots of warm oil on my lower legs that smelt of almonds. As he lifted them up one at a time the towel started to slip away up my legs.

He then manoeuvred himself so that he was kneeling between my legs. He gradually worked his way up my legs stroking the calves and then my thighs. Unlike most masseurs who concentrate on one leg at a time he seemed to be able to progress up both my legs at the same time which worked much better I thought. His touch was amazing. I became desperate for him to reach my upper inner thighs and groin. I found it hard to resist lifting my thighs up a little to persuade him accordingly. But he sensed this and very softly guided me that to get the most out of this spiritual massage I must try to resist looking for more, to go further all the time but to just contemplate and savour the sensations now. He assured me that everybody does this; it is how we think to always want more-to always want things to develop instead of just savouring the now. He urged me to try to just be in the moment. He did then start to travel over my inner thighs with his palms and thumbs both at the same time. He softly chanted about the importance that everything is enough, that his touch at any moment is enough. He wanted me to lose all thoughts of wanting more, going further. He asked me to just trust him and the universe to look after me. So, I did! I think he was saying in his own way, 'All in good time.'

Just as it was getting irresistibly tantalising, he made one longer sweep up over my groin and abdomen under the towel and returning with his thumbs travelling over the sides of my pubic bone. It was delicious. A promise of things to come.

He then suddenly moved back to my head and with his loving touch kept placing his thumbs or fore fingers on each side of my temples and began gently chanting. He was chanting softly about letting his energy flow through me. He invited me to feel the rhythm flowing through me. I think he felt he needed to relax me more, to prepare me more by hypnotising me to become fully receptive to his treatment. He was used to judging this.

He asked me to turn over onto my front. He said that unlike most massages he turns you more than just once during the massage. He held up the towel to give me privacy to turn over behind. I was surprised given that we originally met at the naturist swimming club. He clearly does not know me very well yet! He laid the towel back down over my back. The time had come for me to say, "I don't need a towel over me-unless you feel more comfortable? I prefer to just lie naked. I find a towel distracting and unnecessary."

He replied, "No, I do not need it. Many clients do not have one. It is entirely up to you. However you feel most comfortable."

So, the towel was gone hopefully for good.

Joshua then went to work on the backs of my legs. He gently spread them apart and knelt between them. His strokes gradually worked all the way up them and over my buttocks. It was gorgeous. Gradually his hands moved over the sides of my legs and holding one at a time he ran his hands down the length of them to my ankles. Then he put his hands down both my hips and after a few strokes he kind of brought them down under my sides to lift me a little off the mattress by my hip bones. It is hard to describe but being lifted and manhandled like this is very sensual. He poured more warm oil over my legs and began exploring up my inner thighs again. I must say that when a masseur slides his oily hands up between your inner thighs and approaches your vagina for the first time in a massage it is heavenly. As his forays travelled ever further, he was almost imperceptibly gently touching the lips of my vagina such that I did not know whether it was deliberate or an accident. He then moved to massaging my buttocks both at the same time and letting his hands flow over them and down onto my hips and upper legs. He kneaded and squeezed my buttocks and as he ran his hands down them, he increasingly allowed his thumbs to run down the crack between them. His thumbs were definitely travelling over my anus and down the crack towards my vagina. Again, I was not sure whether this was deliberate or accidental! I suspect this was all part of his tantalising teasing techniques. However, he then did this one more time where he applied much more pressure travelling down the crack and unmistakably over my anus and then reaching the lips of my vagina. He had touched me intimately for the first time and I could not resist lifting my bum to meet him.