My Little Ventrue Pt. 08 Ch. 08

"Meditation? Uh, no. Quieting the mind? Doubt I could ever do that."

"Then, little Ventrue, you are in for a painful learning process."

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They ran into the obvious roadblock the moment he tried meditating: Jack never stopped thinking. Always thinking, always analyzing, like a typical Mekhet. If a Mekhet had sired him, it would have fit, though Jack didn't really have a desire to learn every secret or anything. He just had one of those minds that liked to analyze, to practice hypothetical conversations, or to just voice his own hypotheses to see if they made sense. Most things made sense in the mind, but once you put them to words, it was a lot easier to spot flaws.

Or, he played music in his head. Usually it was metal music, but even when he was just getting up to cross a room, a random diddy might play. No matter what he did, his mind loathed inner silence, and refused to ever let it happen.

The key aspect of meditation, was silencing the mind. Apparently most learned by focusing on their breathing, using the focus as sort of a shield against intruding thoughts. And if you did have an intruding thought, you had to learn to let it go. Don't latch onto it, don't process it, just, release it.

Yeap, he sucked at meditation. It wasn't his focusing that was a problem. He'd always had better focus than most. The problem was he was good at focusing on something like a manic psycho, obsessing over it, and pouring energy into it. Focusing on his breathing felt like focusing on watching paint dry, and his mind screamed to be let loose.

He sat on his butt, on a pillow, in one of the cells in Elysium. The door was locked, with Daniel and Elaine outside. Despite their utter silence, he could sense Elaine's presence, and Daniel's. They were distractions. On top of that, breathing was pointless, and doing it was a very manual process for a vampire.

They spent a few days trying different approaches. Jack put his life on hold, his duties, his Invictus job as a Right Hand, to try new things with Elaine. Michael understood. It needed to be done, and if they didn't get this working, Jack would forever be a liability.

But Elaine had an idea, a scary idea, but an idea. And it fucking worked.

Jack stared into the flame of the candle, and focused on its shape. The curl of the flame; he dismissed the thought that tried to analyze why it was shaped that way. The difference in colors; he dismissed the thought that analyzed why there were a few different colors. The way it danced in the stale air; he dismissed analyzing the still air, and how a candle flame could dance in it. He kept his eyes on the burning aura, and let his mind grow quiet.

There was nothing else, just the flame. Only the fire existed. Vampire bane.

Jack.

And there he was. The curse, a voice in his mind, but nothing more. A thought, to be dismissed.

Jack. You can't ignore me.

Jack sighed slowly, and stared at the fire. A drum solo ran through his head, something from Lamb of God. He dismissed it.

Jack, I'm not just a thought in your head you can suppress. I'm a person, stronger than you, and I will not be silenced.

The flame danced, and Jack watched the orange and amber, until they drowned his thoughts in their eternal canvas. Fire. Simple, alive, and it reduced anything Kindred to ash and dust in seconds.

You can't silence me. I can silence you, because I know control, but you... Jack... Jack! If you silence me, the fuck are you going to do when shit hits the fan, and you need me?

He cast his thoughts into the flame, and let it devour them. All that was left was silence.

Shit's going to get rough eventually, and you're going to come crawling back to me. You can't control the power of the curse. I can. You're nothing without me. When someone's on death's door, and the only person who can do shit about it is you, you'll come running back to me. You're nothing without me! Nothing!

Words on the air, that drifted into the flame. Meaningless.

He smiled as he closed his eyes, and let his mind relax. The silence continued, like a small stream, and he could tell it separated himself from the curse. With time and effort, Jack could make that small stream into a raging river, and the curse would never be able to cross it.

He got up, and knocked on the door. Elaine stepped in.

"How did it go, great grandchilde?"

"I think we're making progress. He tried to talk to me, but I managed to ignore him. Like, completely." Just like the curse had ignored Jack in the Great Below, straight up ignored Jack to the point Jack might as well have not existed until the curse expended their vitae. How the tables had turned.

She sighed relief and touched his shoulder. "That is a step, then. It had helped me, but my circumstance was different than yours."

"It's a great first step. But, next time, let's get rid of it completely."

"That... will be difficult. My thralls have found little in my archives, but there are some mentions of the Lancea et Sanctum."

"Sounds like a place to start. I'll see about talking to Damien and Maria." He'd been avoiding Damien, but he had good reason. "And I need to talk with the hunters. Harcourt, ideally."

"How about your mother?" a third voice said.

Elaine and Jack looked down the hallway, and Jack winced as he realized it was his mother talking. Shit, another person he'd been avoiding, and probably shouldn't have been.

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The two of them entered her bedroom, and he spent a little time looking around at the walls where she'd hung up curtains, and the hilariously grand and massive vanity table. The mirror, wide and tall, showed off the various things she had scattered on the desk, and he stood in front of it as he looked down at them.

A picture of his dad, James, with his mother when they were young, back in the nineties. A picture of Mary and Jack when they were kids. A picture of Jack, not long before he died. A picture of his mom with Mary, something they took after Jack died, when she was finally moving on with her life.

"You've been avoiding me."

He winced. "Yeah." Christ, the guilt hit him double hard, and he picked up Mary's picture. His mom had finally managed to put her life together, then lost her daughter and her life in a single night, and now the only thing she had left, him, was avoiding her. Fuck. Fuuuuck. "I'm... sorry, about that." She really shouldn't have gotten these pictures, but she did. Antoinette probably didn't approve.

"I thought you were just being a boy, a man, doing what all young men do, and growing up."

"I mean, yeah, but no. We're vampires now. That old family approach to things doesn't really apply anymore." He set Mary's picture down, and joined his mom on the edge of the bed. She was in a suit, just like him, though Antoinette liked her suits with a little more artistic flair than Invictus.

"Then why're you avoiding me?"

"Because it wouldn't be fair."

She blinked at him. "What? Fair to you? I don't--"

"Fair to you."

"I'm... not sure what you mean."

Sighing, he gestured to himself as he turned on the bed, one leg pulled up onto the blankets so he could face her. "Mom, you're a fledgling. Your job right now is to learn how to manage being a vampire. The only things on your mind should be"--he counted off on his fingers--"learning how to hunt, how to avoid the sun, how to keep your head low, and how to maintain the Masquerade."

"Well they're not. I'm concerned about my son." She turned to face him as well, and she glared at him. It was her Mom glare. A powerful glare, but Jack had gotten used to facing it down, after his dad died.

"You know about the curse."

"That doesn't mean you're not my son anymore."

"Mom, come on, I need you to stop jumping on that reflex, and listen to me."

"I don't--"

He swiped his arm across the air, hard enough to make the bed shake slightly. "Listen. To. Me!"

She recoiled a little, eyes wide, and he ground his teeth as he looked down. Hard to tell if that burst of anger was the curse, or just him, frustrated that his mom fell into old habits so easily.

"Jack..."

"That old family life is gone. You're my mom, but you're a vampire first. Hell, you're the Prince's childe before you're my mom. No one, and I mean no one, not one single vampire in this whole city, is going to think of you as my mom first. You're Antoinette's childe first, and they'll interact with you based on that. And me, I'm Jack, the guy who survived Lucas, the guy who survived the azlu, twice, the guy who beat the hunters. The cursed guy, who's dangerous."

She looked down, obviously wanting to say something, but knowing full well he'd interrupt her if she did. It wasn't the listening he wanted her to do, but it was better than a meaningless argument.

"This week, I went to another realm, Mom. Like, literally, another realm of existence, full of ghosts."

"Ghosts? Like..."

"Yeah, like Mary. My friends nearly died there. I took on a fucking azlu there"--his swearing earned a wince from her--"and beat it on my own. My other friends showed up to rescue us, and the curse nearly attacked one of them, just because I was annoyed they spoiled my fight." He got up and started pacing, eyes looking around randomly as he tried to summarize his crazy life in a way she could understand. "And that's just the curse, the latest and biggest problem, being a thorn in my ass. Before that, I was getting pulled into important roles in the Invictus, from organizing insider trading, to literally showing up in dark alleys and exchanging briefcases full of money. In the chaos of a bunch of elders dying and Natasha leaving, I became a Right Hand. The werewolves and monsters showed up, and I found myself playing liaison between them and vampires; Avery and Azamel have some rough histories in Dolareido, and the Prince and the Invictus thought it'd be a good idea to use me as a communication buffer."

His mom stared at him, eyes wide. Some of this she knew, some she didn't, but this was the first time he'd dumped it on her like this. He had to. If he gave her the information slowly, to try and parse like Damien or Natasha or Antoinette might, she'd rationalize each individual point away. Better to bury her in the truth until it broke her stubbornness.

"But," he continued, "despite all that, I spent the first chunk of my vampire life not dealing with that. At first, I was just a dumb vampire, learning the ropes. Julias... Julias, he held my hand, and taught me the basics. Taught me how to hunt, how to feed, how to avoid the sun, how to use my Disciplines in a bunch of different circumstances. And when he wasn't doing that, Antoinette was helping me. And the two of them gave me time to get over my personal shit."

"Personal... shit." She struggled with swearing, and he almost laughed. "How did that go?"

"It was hell, Mom. I killed someone my very first night, Mrs. Pavala. Drank her dead in a frenzy, and when I came back to my senses, I ripped her fucking head off to disfigure the corpse, so no one would point out the fang marks." His mom knew about Pavala. She didn't know about him decapitating her corpse. "I spied on you and Mary a bunch of times. I visited my own grave. Just... just getting used to being a new person was brutal. A lot of vampires kill themselves in the first few months after their embrace."

"Antoinette told me that. I..." She shivered and rubbed her arms. "When I first woke up, and she told me Mary was dead, I... I thought things like that. But but, that's when she showed me you!"

He sighed, sat down beside her again, and grabbed her hand. In the past, that'd be something she did to him. Seemed only fitting he do it for her.

"I'm here, alive, much as a vampire can be, and I don't plan to go anywhere. But my life is one giant pile of crazy, with a lot of high stakes gambles. You know how many years I should have been a vampire before dealing with the shit I deal with now?"

"No."

"Fifty, for the political shit, for being a Right hand, for dealing with Azamel and Avery. A hundred or more for the fucking monster fights and realm hopping. The shit I'm dealing with is not normal, but I've managed. It's not a normal situation though, and you shouldn't get involved in it." He pointed a finger at her, and jammed it into her shoulder hard enough to make her wince and smack his finger away. "You, for the next few years at least, should be focused on nothing more than just learning to be a vampire, and enjoying the good parts of being a vampire. Find the things that are good about it, and embrace them. Being a vampire can really suck, but it can be really awesome too."

She smiled at that, and met his eyes again. "Awesome?"

"Yes, awesome." Ok, time for the sex talk. Why he was giving the sex talk to his mom, he didn't know, but it was important she realized how different things were now. Thank god he wasn't alive anymore, or he'd be vomiting everywhere from sheer awkwardness. "Go get laid, Mom."

"What!?"

"Go get laid. Find a mark, drink them and fuck them." More cursing too, because he needed their mother son relationship to evolve, or Samantha was going to get herself killed trying to protect him from something. "Hell, with Antoinette teaching you, I'm sure you'll be a master of Majesty in no time, so, have yourself an orgy."

"Jack!"

"I'm serious! Go, have an orgy. Enthrall a few kine and go nuts. Maybe go find Isabella and enjoy some time with her ghouls... and her and Hella, if you're into that." He didn't think his mom was bi, but the fuck did he know? "Go spend some of Antoinette's money on some male prostitutes from the entertainment district. Hell, go to Devil's Corner and rent out a whole troupe of hookers, if you want. Or just ask Jessy if you can borrow her ghouls. I know she'll lend them to you. If you want, go talk to the witches, and see if they'll hook you up. I know they're basically in an orgy twenty-four seven."

The mention of witches made her squirm. She'd have looked away too, but her eyes were already locked on her legs, the whole conversation obviously overwhelming her awkwardness limit.

"Jack..." She squirmed a little more, wriggling in embarrassment until she found the words. "Jack, I'm sleeping with Jacob."

"Say what?"

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~~Beatrice~~

Three weeks after her first meeting with Elen.

It was getting easier. She didn't think about him as much anymore, and didn't feel guilty when fucking Jen anymore, either. The guilt hadn't ever really been a problem; Julias would have wanted her to find some solace in Jen's arms. It was more the ache and misery that'd been a problem, and as the months went by, it faded.

She'd been worried that maybe her sessions with Black Blood and the immortal Elen would have her swimming in memories about Superman, but they didn't. It was a project for her to pour her passion and energy into, and that made it easier. Maybe she'd get to have Julias back, maybe she wouldn't, but holy fuck she was going to try. And that made it easier, took the edge off not having him in her life.

"Samantha's moans were really cute last night," Jen said. "Sounded like they were being gentle."

Triss nodded, and twisted her body to get a better angle. She and Jen sat in their shared alcove, naked, and were in middle of having their legs wrapped around each other, to celebrate dusk. And they had the fur curtain pulled open, cause, why the fuck not. She didn't care anymore if people watched. The only people in the cave were members of the Circle, and honestly, it was kinda fun, letting them see sometimes.

In a little bit, Jen and Triss would go outside, and take a trip to speak with Black Blood again. But, a little sex first, to start off the night proper.

"That a good thing?" Triss asked.

"I think so. With a woman like Samantha, she'll have her strongest climaxes from rough sex. But a night of soft, tender sex? Emotions were involved."

That made sense. Samantha reeked of the sort of woman who read trashy romance stories with the same shirtless guy on the cover, a guy who would treat her softly outside of bed, but treat her like a dirty dirty girl once in bed. It was a cute thought, for sure.

Triss frowned at where her legs were locked with Jen, and where their slits were squashed together. Scissoring sucked.

"This is like slamming two clams together, Jennifer."

"Because your technique is atrocious. Come on, get in closer and grind, not thrust."

Triss rolled her eyes. This whole thing was Jen's idea, and the girl was a master of sex, but this attempt at expanding Triss's boundaries was a failure. After a few more minutes of grinding and not finding a position Triss enjoyed, she collapsed back on her fur, and stared up at the ceiling. Her head drifted to the side, and she looked out at the empty cave.

Othello lay in his alcove, fur also pulled wide open. He was getting his good morning, er, evening blowjob from Madison, like usual, and like usual, he did it halfway in the opening of his alcove so everyone could watch. After having seen it hundreds of times, Triss should have grown bored of it, but she didn't. They were both gorgeous, and it was arousing as fuck to watch them together.

So, with some porn to watch, Triss gave her hips a few extra swaying grinds. It barely registered on the pleasure scale.

"I give up."

"You, are hopeless." Jen reached down and slapped the one butt-cheek Triss had not pinned under a leg to the floor.

They both raised their heads and looked out to the cave as the shuffling of feet announced someone walking. Shy, soft steps. Samantha's steps.

And Samatha came out, into the cave, alone. She wasn't dressed, instead wearing one of Jacob's furs wrapped around her, and she walked on tip toes as she came out into the cave, eyes cast in the direction of Othello's hole in the wall.

Well well well, the Daeva's sex drive had been awoken. It certainly wasn't like she wasn't getting her fill from Jacob, based on the moans, but if she was sneaking out here for a peek at what Othello was up to, maybe Jacob had left? The fucker's Cloak was strong enough he could do that without any of them noticing.

Samantha froze when she spotted Jen and Triss. But before she could turn and flee, Jen waved, and waved her over. Chuckling, she prodded Triss, who rolled her eyes, and also motioned Samantha over. Yeah, sure, invite her over for a chat while Triss and Jen failed at tribbing. Perfect time for a conversation.

Samantha blinked, several times, before she came over to them. She averted her eyes quite a bit, staring at the floor as she got closer, and hell, Triss couldn't help but chuckle at that. The woman was so much like Jack when he was younger.

"Samantha," Jen said, voice soft, calm, and smooth like silk. "How are you? Where's Jacob?"

"Jacob, uh, he had to do something... witchy, I guess. And, um, I realized this morning -- evening -- that my clothes were all torn up, so I thought I'd ask Othello. Cause..." She looked over her shoulder, and her gaze lingered on the man, still mid blowjob. Yeah, Samantha definitely wore her kinks on her sleeves. "Cause he's always here, and I figured Madison might have something?"

So Jacob was gone then. He had some pretty important shit in his alcove. Leaving Samantha in there was a potential disaster scenario. Then again, Samantha was too nice to steal anything, and it wasn't like she could read any of the ancient texts. Hell, Black Blood was trying to teach Triss how to, and progress was slow as fuck.

"Well, they're a bit occupied, as you can see," Jen said, "but we have clothes." Still with her legs wrapped around Triss's, Jen smiled at Samantha, got comfortable on the furs on her side, and locked her legs tight so Triss was trapped on her back. Ok, apparently Jennifer, Queen of the cave, had decreed she and Triss were to remain leg locked until this awkward conversation was over. "But first, you have to give us some good gossip."