My Mother, the Spy

"What the fuck" came out of everyone's mouth at least 3-4 times each over the day.

They all passed each document around as they read them, none of them could believe mum had another life that none of us knew about.

Everyone was in shock at the medal tray especially the O.B.E.

But the real shocker was a birth certificate of a baby girl, a Heidi Taylor in May 1943. Born to Harry and Alice Taylor.

Alice was the first to speak in an almost silent whisper, "We have a sister?...mum had a baby with this Harry bloke!"

All of us sat in stunned silence, shocked at the prospect of another sibling.

Another round of "What the fucks!" and much more scotch.

Our mum had gone off to war as a spy, fallen in love with another man and had his baby, she had betrayed our father. And where is this girl now?

The night ended with more tears all round and goodbyes with solemn promises to keep silent about the day's happenings until my next meeting with Anthony Ashford on Thursday.

I arranged with him to get passes for me and three others for Friday so they could come with me.

Billy, Mary and Alice all had to sign the dreaded forms to be allowed to hear and see mum's files.

Mr Ashford opened up the first file, it read.

"Alice Springfield was assigned to MI5, Secret Service on May 15th, 1939. For a period no less than 59 days for temporary field office duties under order of and reporting directly to Admiral A. Hennessey. She was transferred less than a week later to another division not named by order of Mr. W. Churchill."

"Churchill, THE Churchill?" Alice asked.

"Yes, he was the minister for war at that time." Said Mr. Ashford.

We all looked at each other even more flabbergasted than we had been before if that was possible.

He continued,

"Assigned to Biggin Hill airbase to undergo field training for special ops commencing late winter 1939. Passed out with honours November 1939."

"Codename: Apple. To be transported to destination 7. 23rd Nov. 1939"

The file had attached photos of mum in a wrens uniform next to a spitfire and a pilot, it was our dad, he looked so young he must've only been 17 or 18.

Mr. Ashford continued,

"Alice was dropped by parachute into occupied Belgium 27th July 1940. Her object to locate and the local French and Belgian resistance fighters and report to London."

"She jumped from a plane? She was afraid of heights!" Alice interrupted.

Mr. Ashford looked very amused as he continued,

"Your mother stayed there for nearly four years fighting with the resistance. She married a Harry Taylor as cover, he was an American-Belgian national fighting alongside her in 1941. It gave her the paperwork needed for her mission.

At this time Mr. Ashford opened another file on his desk, this one showed mum had married dad also, but this marriage was in a small chapel on Romney Marshes in Kent on February 26th, 1940

Time for another round of "What the fucks!"

Mary's turn to chip in with "She was married twice? Mum was a bigamist?"

Mr. Ashford said, "Yes, it looks like once for love, the other for her country."

"So, she was cheating on my dad?" Alice asked.

"No." Mr. Ashford stated, "We were at war, needs must."

"She was married your father just before she was flown to Belgium. They had a few months as man and wife before the war would part them, in their case for a very long time."

Again, we all sat in silence, apart from Alice, she was sobbing quietly into her handkerchief. I pulled her into myself and comforted her.

Mr. Ashford handed her a box of tissues and started again.

"In late November word came that she had been captured and imprisoned, interrogated and awaiting execution.

Nothing was heard of her until her aided escape in the December of the same year. She made contact with Special Operations in early January of 1943. Alice and Harry went into hiding reporting to London as and when possible."

"In April 1943 a light aircraft was dispatched to bring a pregnant Alice and her husband back to Britain. It was shot down over Ostend. The pilot, J. Johnstone, your dad, escaped capture."

"Dad! Our dad!"

We all said simultaneously, high emotions were overcoming all of us now, including Mr. Ashford. He was going through nearly as many tissues as each of us.

After clearing his throat Mr. Ashford continued,

"Your father made his way to a friendly farmhouse, he later made contact with the resistance. A week later I am afraid Harry was killed saving your mum from enemy forces."

Beth the young girl who took us in earlier came in with more tea and biscuits,

"Thank you, Beth, I think we all need a break." Said Mr. Ashford.

He passed the tray of biscuits around while Beth poured five cups of tea. We all composed ourselves and he continued.

"Now where were we, ah yes, your father James had made contact through the resistance with Alice, he made his way through occupied territory to her with their help. They were both trying to reach France when she went into labour. Alice gave birth to a baby girl in a small convent just outside of Ypres."

Mr. Ashford looked up from his paperwork dropping his glasses to the end of his nose.

"You all had incredibly brave parents."

He pushed his glasses back up,

"It was too dangerous to stay there so they left the convent in July 1943. The baby was left with the nuns for safety. In September 1943 they landed in Dungeness, Kent."

Mr. Ashford opened another file dated 1949, "1949? Where have six years gone?" I asked.

"I am afraid that during the latter years of the war an awful lot of files went missing, your mothers and fathers seem to be amongst some of those, sorry."

"Dad's? You had files on dad too?"

He went on to say,

"Yes, we had a file on your father, in 1949 your mum and dad were decommissioned and went to live in Essex. During the ten years your mother was in MI5 and Special Operations she received the O.B.E. and various medals for gallantry and bravery."

He pointed in my direction,

"You were given them last time you came here. She was written up for commendations by the highest ranks in the British Army and was highly thought of by Mr. Churchill himself. She saved hundreds, if not thousands of lives you should all be very proud of her."

"You said earlier that you had files on our dad, was he in intelligence too?"

"Yes, after the war, but his files were lost I am sorry. But know this, he was a hero too. He flew many missions over Kent and France, he had a few kills to his name. But most importantly for you, he saved your mums life and brought her home."

We were all in tears now, holding to each other tightly. The thought of their ordeal was really hitting home now.

"Thank you, Mr. Ashford, thank you so, so much."

Even an ex-army man like he obviously was, he had tears in his eyes now too. He stood to shake our hands, but I pulled him in for a group hug, he thanked us for our mum and dads service and showed us to the door.

I turned just as we were leaving and said, "What about the girl, Heidi, where is my sister?"

"That I am afraid, sorry I do not know. For that you will need to dig into your mums' diaries or family, sorry."

I still had the bigger diary that we found in the safe to go through properly, hopefully some answers may be in there.

Over the next week I had found eight names and addresses, six in Belgium and two in France with hopes of finding something out. The money in the vault totaled £17,550 in cash, the bank helped us in converting the old notes plus the accounts that we needed to look into. It totaled to £106.700p.

I could use my savings to investigate, then replace it when the probate came through.

So, I had the funds now to research into finding my sister and who knows, maybe even visiting her. She would be nearly 80 now and much older than us, hopefully still alive.

*************************************************

The first entry of the larger diary was of her time at Biggin Hill.

Diary entry: 27th June. 1939.

"The barrack is sparse; we start training tomorrow. We were taken on a tour of the airfield; the pilots are dishy. I met a nice young man today, James. He took me under his wing, literally, he is one of the pilots. He is so handsome."

28th June. 1939.

"The training is hard, my body aches. I have never had to do the kind of things we are asked to do; I don't like the officer in charge, he is mean. He made us jump off the top of an eight-foot ladder to the ground. He called me a lazy good for nothing little tart today! I was not impressed, he is horrible."

30th June. 1939.

"James asked me if I would go to dinner in the town with him tonight. We were all given two days leave. I do like him, I hope this war is over soon, it probably will be. I think mummy would like him too."

3rd July. 1939.

"James kissed me! He is my first ever kiss me, it was all I had hoped for. He is wonderful."

I read for hours that night, mostly it was everyday things that she wrote about, but it gave me insight into my mum that I had never known before. I went through so many boxes of Kleenex, Ben needed to go to the store to get me more.

I learned so much about my mum's feelings for my dad in their few weeks together, she confessed that she fell for him, the moment he first kissed her.

July 24th, 1939.

"My first jump. James will be accompanying us in the plane this afternoon, I must admit I am worried. My friends Edith and Charles are jumping too. Charles has one jump under his belt, he tries to comfort us, but it doesn't ease my worries."

July 25th, 1939

"Oh, it was so exciting, scary but so exciting. We were tethered and he just pushed me, the first five seconds I lost my breath but after that, God it was wonderful, I want to jump again."

The next few entries were a bit mundane, but there were a few of my mum's new feelings for dad. The next shocking entry was over three weeks later.

August 16th, 1939.

"I think I love James. He is a kind man. He made love to me last night. He was my first. He was gentle. It hurt at first, I had no idea men were that big. I know it was the first penis I had seen let alone touched but it was huge! I hope I pleased him; I am sure he has done it before because he knew just what to do I know I will have to leave him soon; my mission will be upon us before we know it. He has my heart, and it will break to leave him."

Ben found me sobbing my heart out on the sofa at 1am.

"Love I was worried, I heard you. Are you ok? I think you should stop reading if it upsets you this much."

"Ben, she loved him so much, I feel like I never really knew her, or him after reading these. She has opened me a window into their lives, it is so sad and so romantic all at the same time."

*************************************************

I hadn't eaten all day, I was starving. Ben made me a sandwich and bought it in to me.

"Come to bed love, the diary will still be there tomorrow."

I was so full of love and swirling emotions for my mum and dad. Ben took me to bed, and he held me in his arms until sleep overtook us.

I awoke the next morning to an empty bed; Ben had left for work. I looked at the clock, it was 10.45am. I never slept in this long, I am usually an early bird.

I made my way to the kitchen for a much-needed caffeine hit. There was a bunch of roses on the side from Ben, I loved this man so much. With all the stuff in my head I burst into tears again.

"Fuck, where is all this water coming from? It seems endless. I am crying at the slightest bloody thing!"

I took my coffee into the lounge and collapsed into my comfy sofa pulling the cushions snugly around myself. The diary was sitting on the coffee table where I had left it last night, begging me to lean in and open it.

I resisted for all of ten minutes, the pull was too great. I had to know more.

August 26th, 1939.

"Charles broke his legs today in training, he landed hard. It bought a stark reality to what we are doing. The dangers have become very real. He was taken away; we will probably never see him again. It is just us three girls now."

"Jesus," I thought.

The next entry was in September.

Sept 2ndth 1939.

"Germany invaded Poland. War looks inevitable."

4th Sept 1939

"War."

My sister Alice came over to read with me,

"Bloody hell, reading this, it's like we are living through it with them!"

Sept 17th, 1939

"Dear diary, sorry but we have been on maneuverers in Wales, I didn't take you with me as we only had the clothes on our backs. My god, it was a hard few weeks. Cold, miserable and hungry. I am glad to be back in my barracks."

3rd October 1939

People here are worried; talk is of Germany not stopping at Poland. Hitler could try for Belgium or Netherlands. Maybe even more.

26th October 1939

"James's best friend Bob was downed today, friendly fire. His body could not be recovered. The plane blew up. I can tell he is shaken but will not show it. I feel for him, he has gone to tell Bob's parents."

November 13th, 1939

"Dear diary, sorry I have not been able to update you again. More maneuvers. The top brass is getting worried now, war with Germany near our borders is entirely possible. Worrying times."

Just reading these accounts from her diary transported me back to feel like I was by her side. Both myself and Ali felt so sorry for what she was going through. I know it was in a time long past but reading her writings made it feel very fresh to us.

The next month or so were about the more mundane tasks her instructors had the three ladies doing, they questioned what on earth they were posted there for. It was all map reading and orienteering.

She did learn to speak French though, that was another thing we had no idea about.

13th December 1939

It is Christmas soon, some of the boys cut a few trees down from a local forest. They erected them, one at each end of the airfield and some in the mess halls. We are decorating them tomorrow. It has cheered everyone up here no end.

15th December 1939

The decorations look wonderful, James has asked me to go to see his parents with him next week, I am contemplating asking him to meet mother and father when I get leave over Christmas.

20th December 1939

The mood is happier now at this time of year, but we get messages on the radio about the conditions in Poland, it brings the mood down to think those poor souls are dying out there.

"22nd December 1939

James's mother is lovely, she baked us some pies to bring back for the pilots. They will love him. She treated me like one of her own, she asked me what my intentions were towards her son, I did laugh.

24th December 1939

"We are going home later tonight to see mother and father. We will stay over until Boxing Day. Mother has made a cot up for James in the spare room. I dare not tell her I have slept with him here in my dormitory nearly ten times now. The girls cover for me, and I cover for them if they get lucky."

"Damn, Ali, she was a bit of a goer was our mum, eh?"

We laughed as we read the last few entries, it made a pleasant change from the tears.

25th December 1939

"It's Christmas day. Mother is baking a chicken and roast potatoes; we are eating early because father wants to take James down the tavern. He wants to show off my boyfriend the spitfire pilot to his cronies. My parents have taken to James, mother adores him. Dinner was lovely, it has been too long since I was home. I have missed this, mother cried when I said we would need to go back tomorrow.

3pm and there was such a commotion in the yard, father was singing at the top of his lungs. James was doing his best to keep him upright, he poured my father into his favourite chair, and he was asleep within five minutes, drunk as could be. It was very funny.

My mother looked lovingly at James; she had a tear welling up in her eye. She looked like she was bursting to tell me something.

James took my hand and we walked to the woods. It was a crisp afternoon; the birds were singing as we crunched the broken branches underfoot. James took me in his arms, and we kissed, I wanted him to take me there and then over a fallen tree.

He lifted me onto the old oak tree and stood between my open legs. I thought he was going to make love to me but, he stepped back and fell to his knee. I swear my heart stopped.

The next words I will never forget until my dying day. I said YES."

I turned and looked at Ali, she had already gone to pieces, tears flooding down her cheeks, it set me off. It actually felt like we had been present the day my dad asked my mum to marry him. We hugged as if we were the last people on earth and not wanting to ever let go.

"I can't take any more of this Sal, I am going to dehydrate. How on earth have you done all of this by yourself the last few weeks, I'd be a wreck."

"Ali, look at the time, you need to get home for the kids."

We made our tearful goodbyes with her saying she would be back tomorrow. I was going to go back to my reading, but I was emotionally drained. The next thing I knew Ben was shaking me awake, the diary was open on my lap. I had slept nearly three hours.

"I think you have done enough reading for today, Sal."

I told him of my day with Alice, of the war and how dad had proposed to mum. We went about our normal existence away from the diary for the rest of the evening.

Ben made love to me that night, I don't know if it was my readings, but that night I had never felt closer to my husband ever.

I dreamt wonderful, sweet dreams until dawn, I got up and made Ben a packed lunch for work. I hadn't done that in years, I thought I would make more of an effort for him.

***********************************************

The diary once again beckoned my attention, and I went running.

4th Jan 1940

A new year but not a lot of joy to spread around, Hitlers armies were advancing through Poland heading to the Baltic countries. We have been ordered back to HQ London; we are to leave first thing in the morning.

18th Jan 1940

Dearest diary, we are to be deployed to Scotland for a month. I have to leave you here with James. I will miss him so.

Alice knocked at the door at 9.30am, she had Mary with her.

"You started without us?"

"Sorry, I just couldn't wait."

I bought them both up to speed on the writings of mum and we sat at the dining room table taking turns in narrating her story.

23rd Feb 1940

So glad to be back, I have missed James so, so, much. He has grown what he thinks is an airman's moustache, he looks so funny. He thinks he looks so distinguished; it is a few whisps of hair about 1/4 inch long ha, ha.

25th Feb 1940

"War has become real for us, James is being deployed to France to help train the Free Polish, his squadron are flying tomorrow. I have been allowed to go with him overnight to Lydd. Please God, keep him safe."

We all knew mum and dad had served, but we had no idea they had both been so involved in the war effort like this, why oh, why had they kept this a secret from us?

26th Feb 1940

"The happiest and saddest day of my life. Without my knowledge James had organized a surprise. WE JUST GOT MARRIED!"

"Shit!" was the collective response from us.

"Don't stop Mary, keep on reading. What happened next?"

Mary read on,

"It was wonderful, the little chapel on the marsh. I am Mrs. J. Johnstone. As of five hours ago, I am so happy. But so sad he is leaving me in two hours. We have just consummated our life together; the girls gave us an hour. Its freezing out there I better let them back in soon. Honeymoon over."

"The dirty buggers!" Mary laughed.

"With her mates just outside the door too!" exclaimed Alice, "Who would'a thought they were so brazen."

27th Feb 1940

"James has gone, he flew out yesterday, I cannot stop crying. My instructor ripped into me this morning; he has no sympathy. We had to train on as if normal, I am struggling knowing my husband is closer to danger."