My New Girlfriend Pt. 03

"What the hell do I do?" I say out loud. I consider every option, lie and tell her I was at a friend's house and run the risk of being caught. Tell her I was out for a drive which is something I like to do, but then again, I have hands free. Come clean and tell her everything. At this point these are all I can come up with. My head says I should lie, my gut say tell her. I feel like I want to throw up and need to take a breath to calm myself down.

I finally concede defeat and go with the see what happens approach. I approach the building and the doors open. I head down the corridor, as far as some double doors which I find to be electronically locked. I must have been through this entrance a hundred times but it didn't cross my mind to think this door would be locked at night. I turned around to head to the A&E entrance knowing that would be open. As I turn, I see a man sprinting towards me carrying a bag with him. He runs up to the door and tries the handle.

"It's locked," I say, while walking away looking over my shoulder.

"Shit!" He shouts. He seems agitated as he looks around the immediate area before rushing over to a box on the wall. The hospital intercom I think to myself, why didn't I think of that. He presses the button and the intercom rings. I stop in my tracks to watch.

"Can I help?" A female voice says.

"My wife is in labour," he says in an anxious tone.

"Ok I'll buzz you in," says the voice. I hear a buzz, he reaches for the handle and opens the door wide then hurries through. I quickly run towards the door and slip through the door before it closes.

At this point I realise I have no idea where my mother is. I decide to head to the ward where she works and ask there. I know all the nurses from that ward and know it will be no trouble.

After a fairly long walk I reach ward twenty-eight. I try the doors but they're locked so I press the intercom.

"Hello?" Came a familiar voice.

"Hi Jenny, it's Simon Cath's son," I say.

"Two minutes Simon," she replies.

I stand there awkwardly, looking at the posters on the walls. I can't help but think how morbid they all are, lung cancer, breast cancer, skin cancer, liver disease, lung disease and everyone's favourite sexually transmitted diseases.

I hear the magnetic door release and I turn around to see Jenny opening the door.

"Where the hell have you been?" She whispers.

"I was out with friends, what happened?" I ask.

"Your mothers had an accident. She's fine, I think she's just hurt her leg," she replies.

"Where is she?" I ask.

"I'm not sure, I haven't had an update I've been on my rounds, give me a second," she replies. She swipes herself back into the door, opens it part way and sticks her head around the door.

"Billie? Do you know where Cath is?" She says in a kind of a whispered shout.

"Fourteen," came the response. With that Jenny closes the door.

"She's on fourteen. Come on I will take you down and get you onto the ward," she says.

I walk with Jenny in silence, the corridors of a hospital are an eerie place to be at night, dimly lit, almost silent with the hum of the air conditioning and the random beeps coming from the machines. I listen to the soft thuds of Jenny's feat as she quick marches slightly ahead of me for a short lady she's hard to keep up with.

We arrive at the door to ward fourteen and she swipes us in. We walk down a dark corridor to the nurses' station where two nurses are sat talking.

"Hiya, this is Cathy's son could you tell me what room she's in?" Jenny interrupts.

"Yeah, she's in three," the portlier of the two replies.

"Oh, you're in trouble," the other says. I give her an awkward smile and walk with Jenny towards the door.

"In you go. You might want to hurry up. chances are they will kick you out soon," she says.

"Thanks Jenny," I reply. Aware the nurses are watching me I place my hand on the door handle, take a deep breath and open the door.

I walk in and see my mother on a bed with her leg raise up wearing a protective boot. She looks to be asleep. I carefully close the door, walk over to a chair next to her bed and place down the bag containing her things.

"I already have clothes Simon," comes a voice from next me causing me to jump.

"Shit mom! You scared me," I respond.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asks. I feel my nerves getting the better of me as my heart instantly begins to race.

"Never mind that what happened to you?" I ask trying to divert the conversation.

"It's nothing too bad. I was walking up the stairs carrying a sample tray and I missed the step. I fell forward and smashed my shin off the step...Luckily, it's not broken, just a fracture. The worst part is I split the skin on my shin so badly you could see the bone," She replies.

"Ouch, does that mean you have stiches?" I ask.

"Yeah, thirty of them," she replies. "They were going to put me in a cast, but as I also need to keep the wound clean, I have to wear this boot instead."

"How long are you going to be in here for?" I ask.

"I should be out in the morning, luckily being a nurse, they're bumping me to the front of all the queues," she replied.

"Then it's a bit of a waste of time me heading home," I reply. "I might as well hang around here for you."

"Well apparently, you've not been spending much time at home recently. Care to tell me where you've been? I noticed you tried to shift the conversation," she says in a sarcastic tone. My anxiety spikes, how does she know I've not been staying at home? I think to myself.

"Nowhere," I reply. "I was out with the lads on Sunday."

"What about Saturday and Monday night?" She replies.

"Nowhere really, just out," I reply.

"With who?" She asks.

"Friends," I reply.

"Which friends Simon? I messaged Dave, Nick and Ian they all said they haven't seen you since Monday morning," she replies.

"I have other friends," I snap back.

"Who are they then?" She replies.

"It doesn't matter. I went out, stayed out late and that's it. Not exactly a crime," I reply defensively.

"No, it's not a crime, but can you tell me why you're lying to me?" She replies.

"I'm not lying," I reply.

"You're not telling me the whole truth," she replies.

"Because it's not important, just leave it!" I reply abruptly.

"I know there's a girl," she replies. My heart sinks and my body tenses up.

"T...There...There's no girl," I stammer, knowing instantly that I've just gave the game away.

"Come on who is she?" Mom replies expectantly.

"No one," I reply.

"Tell me! Who is she? It must be serious because this has been going on for months," she replies.

"Nothing has been going on for months," I object.

"Simon, come on. You've been up and down like a yoyo. One day your happy and the next you're a snappy, miserable little bastard. She must be important to you, so who is she?" She replies.

I pause for a second, part of me screaming just tell her and another part of my is thinking up more lies. I know lying isn't going to work and I've already been caught. I feel my only other option is to try and get her to leave it alone.

"Yes, there is someone but I can't say who," I reply.

"Fine, I will ask the boys when they come over on boxing day. Actually..." she reaches for her phone, "I will message them now and ask them," she says as she reaches for her phone.

"No don't!" I shout. "They don't know about it."

"Why don't they know? Simon you're not sneaking around with one of their girlfriends, are you?" She says disapprovingly. I consider using this as a lie. Mom would keep quiet and I could just say it was over and everything can go back to normal.

"Oh my God it's not that Becca is it, Simon?" She says angrily. "How could you do that to your best friend? You can tell him or I will. I'm not having you do that to a friend!"

"It's not Becca!" I reply.

"Then who? I'm serious Simon I will tell all your friends unless you tell me!" She scoffs.

"Why are you being like this? She doesn't have a boyfriend and is in no way connected to any of my friends," I reply.

"Then why the secrecy?" She asks.

"Because...Because we don't want people to know," I say.

"Why?" She asks.

"Because it's better this way," I reply.

"Do you love her?" She asks.

"Yeah," I reply.

"Then why hide it?" She replies "If you love someone you should want to tell the world."

"It's not that simple," I reply.

"Simon, I swear, you better tell me what's going on right now!" She snaps angrily. I stand a stare into space thinking about what I say next. I don't feel ready, for all the pumping myself up, telling myself I'm going to tell her, all I can think is think of something Simon. My bodies shakes violently and I've lost the ability to think clearly.

"Can you at least tell me her name?" Mom asks in a calmer tone. I look at her and I know it's time to throw in the towel.

"Mom...If I tell you can you keep it secret?" I ask.

"Oh Simon, how bad is it?" She asks.

"Mom, I need you to keep it secret and I'm probably going to need your help," I plead.

"Fine, not a word will leave my lips," she relents. I'm so scared I can barely open my mouth. I begin to cry. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. Mom sits up straight and reaches for my arm.

"It's ok," she says softly, as she strokes my arm.

"Her name is Hallie," I blurt out, instantly wanting to suck the words back in and stop them being heard.

"Hallie?" She says confused. "Why do I know that name?" I stand there in total silence terrified at what comes next.

"Hallie?" She says again, clearly in deep thought. I watch as moms' eyes grow and her eyebrows slowly rise. Her eyes snap back to look at me as she slightly tilts her head to the left.

"Hallie...The...The trans girl...From your school?" She stutters. I stand there in total fear, I drop my head and stare at the floor.

"Simon?" She says. I stand there and nod.

"Simon, look at me?" She says softly. I lift my head slightly and look up towards her.

"Simon, are you dating a trans girl?" She asks calmly. I look back to the floor and nod, tears running down and dripping off my nose.

"Simon, come here," she orders patting the space on the bed next to her. I can't move I stand there frozen in place.

"Simon, please sit," she says again calmly. This time I cautiously sit beside her, looking away from her and down to the ground.

"Simon, look at me," mom asks, placing her hand against my chin and gently turning my head. I look at her right in the eyes.

"Simon...you said you love her is that true?" She asks. I nod in response.

"Are you sure?" She asks. I nod again.

"And you're aware of what will happen if people find out?" She asks. Again, I nod.

"And you still want to be with her?" She asks moving her face a little closer to mine. With that I break down sobbing. Mom quickly throws her arms around me.

"Oh, come on sweetheart, don't cry everything's going to be ok," she says. I'm can't stop, a swirl of emotions flies around my head. Fear, pain, relief all explode out of me in an instant.

"Sweetheart it's ok. I'm not angry," she says.

"I'm sorry mom!" I blurt out.

"For what?" She asks.

"I didn't want to fall for her...It just happened," I reply.

"Well, that's a good thing, it means it's for real," she replies.

"We just started talking and hanging out. Things built from there and then I found out she's trans and it ended... I tried to hate her. I tried to forget her...But I missed her and the more I tried not to, the worse it got," I reply.

"So, you didn't know when you two started?" She asks curiously.

"No, it wasn't like that then. We'd barely spoken before and we got on really well and became close," I reply.

"That would explain these last couple of months. I'm guessing the two of you were apart for a while?" She asks. I nod in response.

"When did the two of you get together then? Because you still weren't yourself last week," she says.

"Friday," I reply.

"Friday?" She exclaims, "how can you be in love with her if you've only been together since Friday?"

"I've loved her for months," I reply. "Even when I was trying to hate her, I knew I was in love with her...And I hated myself for it."

"I take it something happened between you two on Friday?" She enquires. I nod in response.

"Well, I hope you used protection," she replies.

"Jesus, mom!" I yell. "I didn't realise that's where you were going. I though you meant something happen, like we talked and sorted things out or something."

"Sorry," she replies. "Just to confirm, you have slept together?" I take a deep breath in and adjust my body.

"It's not something I want to talk to my mother about," I reply.

"I know that. But if you did, I hope you used protection. The anus is a very vulnerable place, infections and diseases can spread very easily. If she's had other partners, she could easily pass them to you and vice versa," mom replies.

"Jesus, I really don't want this conversation with you mom!" I reply in disgust.

"Sorry, it's the nurse in me. I just don't want you putting yourself at risk," she says.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, she was one hundred percent a virgin," I reply flippantly.

"Well even still...Doesn't mean you can't pass things on," she replies.

"Can we change the subject please?" I plead.

"Ok, can I just ask one thing? Why her?" Mom asks in a serious tone.

"From the very first conversation I had with her I walked away smitten. She was so shy. It took a little while to get her to open up, but when she did, we just clicked. We got along so well I couldn't believe it, I still can't... When I found out she was trans it broke me. I wanted to hate her so badly but I just couldn't. It took me a long time to realise the reason I was hurting so much wasn't because she was trans but because things had ended between us," I reply.

"That's probably the most mature and insightful thing I've ever heard you say," mom said.

I laugh and shrug my shoulders.

"Mom, I know she was born a boy. I know she has male body parts, but to me she's a woman. If you met her and didn't know she was trans you wouldn't think twice that she's a girl. In fact, nobody even suspected it when she started sixth form and it's not because of her physical appearance. It's the way she acts, her mannerisms, how she reacts to things and her personality. And because we've spent so much time together. I know it's not an act, it would be impossible for her to keep it up," I reply. Mom smiles at me warmly.

"Can I meet her?" She asks.

"Oh, you're never going to meet her," I reply.

"Yes, I am Simon," mom replies. "I want to meet her. I want to make sure you're not taking a risk with this relationship for no reason."

"I honestly don't see our relationship as being a risk mom. I've been with her and I've been separated from her and I chose to be with her every time. I have five or six more months till my exams then after that I'm off to Uni," I reply.

"You're going to university?" Mom responds in a surprised tone.

"Yeah...Well if I can get my grades up, I will be. I'm going to see if I can redo some of my coursework when I get back in January and then get my head down and study like hell," I reply.

"And what are you going to study?" Mom asks.

"Finance, at least I think that's what I'm going for," I reply.

"Finance? Is that what Hallie is going to study?" she replies.

"No, she's going to do economics, she wants to go into banking" I reply.

"Why finance?" Mom asks.

"Hallie's dads own's a brokerage firm and Hallie says it would be the perfect job for me," I reply.

"Is that really something you want to do? Be a stockbroker?" Mom asks in a concerned tone.

"Yeah, actually I find it really interesting and I think I have what it takes," I reply.

"Well remember nobody likes brokers and bankers," mom says.

"Well at least we will be pariahs for our jobs not our relationship," I quip. Mom laughs.

"True...True," she says.

We continue talking for a little while until a nurse comes in and asks me to leave. I arrange to pick mom up in the morning, I just have to wait for her call.

By the time I get back to the car its almost five. I sit in the driver's seat, start the engine and turn up my heater to clear condensation off the windscreen. The temperature has dropped to five below, all I want to do is get home, get warm and get some sleep.

As I wait, I check my phone, I have no messages or missed calls. My thoughts turn to Hallie and I'm struggling with the thought that she might end our relationship. All I want to do is see her, talk to her and reassure her everything is ok.

Driving back all I can think of is what's going to happen. The thought of waiting several more hours to find out my fate is eating me up inside. Even though I'm exhausted, I find myself driving towards Hallie's instead of home.

It doesn't take long to arrive. I slowly pull into the estate and coast to a stop outside her house. I switch off the engine and then the lights. Everything's perfectly calm and quiet. I look up at Hallie's house, the house is in darkness and there's no sign of any movement. I sit back in my seat, place my head on the headrest and rub my face with my hands. I start to have second thoughts about being her and think about driving home. I let out a huge yawn and my eyes begin to close.

I'm awakened by a knock on my window. Tired and disorientated I can't even open my eyes. I flail my arms around in fear that someone's trying to get into my car. My eyelids feel like they're glued shut, I raise my hands to my face and start pulling on my eyelids to try and open them. I hear several knocks in quick succession. I try to tell the person to leave me alone but find myself mumbling incoherently. I hear the door handle repeatedly being pulled on. I desperately grasp the door handle to stop them opening the door.

"Simon!" A muffled voice shouts through my window. Hearing the voice brings me round a little bit more. My head feels like it's going to explode. A shiver goes through my whole body and I take in a large breath of air as I begin to come around.

My eyes begin to respond and begin to open. It's still dark outside, I find myself slumped in my seat, I sit myself up and place my head back against the headrest as my eyes regain focus.

"Simon!" A voice calls out. I look out my door window and see Hallie in her Kimono, leaning over facing me with her hand on my window. I'm still groggy as I reach for the handle to open the door. Once unlocked Hallie wastes no time in opening it.

"Jesus Christ Simon!" She says, while crouching down beside me, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"Have you been drinking?" She asks.

"No...Just really tired," I yawn. "How long have I been out?"

"Simon, you only pulled up five or six minutes ago. I heard a car pull up, looked out and saw it was your car. I got dressed and came straight down," she replies.

"Christ, I was completely out of it," I reply.

"I know," she replies. "Come on, come in the house."

Hallie helps me out of the car and walks me up to the house. We enter and she guides me to the living room and sits me down on the sofa. I rub my face and look up at her standing in front of me.

"Hey," I say, my eyes still adjusting to the light.

"Hey," she replies.

"Sorry for waking you," I say.

"It's ok. I wasn't asleep," she replies. "What were you doing sleeping in your car?"

"To be honest I didn't plan to I was just exhausted," I reply.

"What are you doing here?" She asks.

"I need to know what's going on between us? Things were left in such a bad place, I just couldn't wait anymore," I reply.

"Simon I...I just don't know," she sighs. "I love you, but the stress is killing me. I can't be the reason your life gets ruined...I won't be."