All Comments on 'My Priority'

Such a sweet and loving story you have created. It goes so in depth with many of the characters that it allowed me to really have an interest in them and care about their outcomes. You have such an interesting take on gender and sexuality that it was not only beautifully accepting but also incredibly refreshing in its presentation. I enjoyed this story so much that I reread it before deciding to comment so that I was sure that I hadn’t missed anything or possibly got confused along the journey. It isn’t that the story was difficult to follow or confusing but I got interrupted multiple times for hours which isn’t appreciated when someone is deeply enjoying a beautiful piece of literature such as this.

Thank you so very much for giving me this story to enjoy so that I could manage to get away from the problems of life for at least a little while. I saw this was your first story posted and I applaud such wonderful work. I will be looking for your next posting with rapt attention.

Mitchell

I don't think I can add much more to what Mitchell said in his comments other than I would love to see this story fleshed out as a published work.

Awesome job. Cannot wait to see what else you have for us.

William

Mitchell and William; I can't thank you enough for your amazing comments. Thanks so much!!!

Sorry for the late comment; for some reason my previous one did not go through or something. I'm still new to this site from an account perspective (long time lurker lol), and not used to stories, comments, or pictures going through a moderation period.

Alas; thank you so much, I'm very happy that I was able to provide a concise story with a world that allows the escape from current events. I think it took me 3 weeks or so to fully write, but I am going to perform some edits now that the contest is over. I'm estimating that it needed at least 3 more days of editing on my part, but I barely made it to the contest on time! :) The important part is that I still told the story exactly as I wanted to tell it, so I'm very happy that you enjoyed it. Thanks again!!!!

-Gem

This is a very impressive first story and quite a meaty one for being a first upload! There is a good amount of world building, setting up a sense of place rather than going full bore into the sex. Trevor's story was very well done and something that very easily could be a myth from our world. Plus the playing around with gender is something I always approve of and was done very well here, in a much different way than I usually do but it's interesting to see.

And the super horny but restrained scene on the Ferris wheel was oh so very good. Consider me interested to see what comes next if your first story was this strong.

Joshana, thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting!! I really appreciate the words from a seasoned writer, so it makes me happy that you liked it! Ah, that scene was pretty incredible, and I especially loved writing how jarred Gemini was when the Ferris wheel ride had ended. Honestly, writing any kind of sexual tension is really fun, so my next will have plenty horny adventures. :)

SweetAlien,

You have a very engaging story here that is good. It would be very good with some editing for proper word usage, grammar, and spelling. As is it was written, it was fairly distracting for me. It looks like your comments indicate you wanted to edit it so maybe you were thinking of that already. Consider also looking into passive voice and how to avoid it. "My hand did XYZSomething" is a common one you had throughout. Perfect example of passive voice. You did something, your hand did not.

You could also do with a little bit of adjustment to the flow- some parts were disjointed and the continuity of the story was off somewhat.

I truly enjoyed the characters, the romantic nature of this, and the hints at the erotic urgency of their budding relationship. Very well done on that aspect. I think the ending was a complete letdown, unfortunately. It felt very "wrap it up" to me and could have used more development. The way I read it, Gemini expressed her feelings before the holidays and immediately afterward her father was there congratulating her and Trevor on their wedding. If something was supposed to indicate some time had passed beyond just a few weeks, I missed it entirely. A little more background in the epilogue could very easily clear up the confusion. I was just getting excited about where their story was going to take them and it abruptly ended. Perhaps that was a deadline thing; I think you have a lot of potential to continue developing this and remove the epilogue entirely or fill in the space between.

This is my own bias as someone who doesn't genre blend much but mixing the fantasy setting with steampunk and a lot of "modern" vocabulary and mannerisms just felt off for me. Some people like it and you shouldn't necessarily change on my account but consider whether it was your intent to mix genres or not. If not, then maybe rethink some setting choices. If so, you've done a good job mixing the genres in a reasonable capacity, I think.

All that said, I'm adding you to my favorite authors list to watch for more from you in the future. This was an excellent foray into crossdressing and gender-fluidity (and storytelling in general) that I really liked. Keep it up.

-bkr

Hello bkr,

Thank you for your words, I am glad that you still liked the story regardless of its more unpleasant flaws. :)

To answer your question regarding editing: yes, much of the current editing flaws, incorrect words placed by my hurried choice with auto-correct, and missed grammar are all due to running into the deadline. What originally was planned to be a quick romance turned into a story three times its size with character development and me wondering how I was going to make it. To be honest, the sex scene and the ending were cut short before submitting the thing at the last minute. Yes, I agree, the more outstanding flaws are quite distracting even for me when I re-read it.

I do admit that I got my point across in the story but I had since gotten ideas on how to extend it and what sort of themes or feelings I wish to explore with these two.

Interesting point on the ending; I had at first worried that it was hurried but later believed it to be an elegant way to wrap it up. This caused me to worry that changing it would be equally disappointing to the readers. Now that you have mentioned it, I feel a bit more allowed to change it. In the case of the epilogue, a few months have passed at best. Hopefully will get to editing this month; I've been plowing some heavier hours into work and not sure when this will occur.

As for the passive voice goes, it was more used to avoid repetitive words. I have seen it utilized best when there is an element present that excuses it.

Haha, I admit that I like the vocabulary used in this case but that is purely of my personal bias. I find myself rarely enchanted by language and mannerisms that are written to mimic human history as I find them to be either too reserved by nature or simply unrelatable from a personal standpoint. It's not wrong, just not preferred for me. You guessed it - I intended to mix a sort of growing technology along with an inherently magical world and manage to condone this by utilizing the concept of a different planet. When overall choosing this style, I had already weighed my options and considered how oddly it may be received based on that alone - but I like it and accept the consequences of that overall decision.

Again, thank you for your words and encouragement. Future work will be better planned and given the appropriate time for editing on my part to ensure that it is released with a quality that even I approve of. With that said, I cannot promise perfect fidelity from mistakes (even my favorite books have few of them immortalized in print) and there will likely be amateur flaws present on my part. But yes, future work will boast a higher quality, so thank you for looking forward to more. :)

-SweetAlien

Would love to see this play out on the silver screen someday.