My Psycho Ex-Girlfriend

I still remember when the fourth season of my favorite show, "My Psycho Ex-Girlfriend" became available on my favorite streaming app. It was two parts comedy and one part musical and I loved it. I was glued to my TV, unable to tear myself away from the antics of the protagonist, Erika Clump. She was so stupid, always doing insane things and then trying to cover them up. I decided to watch all four seasons that weekend and as I watched, I realized that Erika was getting crazier and crazier as the seasons wore on.

She was basically a stalker and she had followed this guy, Jon, to Arcadia because she had a crush on him in eighth grade. I watched as she systematically destroyed every part of his life until she was the only thing in it. It was awesome to watch someone with such a horrible mental illness portrayed as the star of a show! I couldn't look away. I just wanted to know how crazy she would get and how long she could stay out of trouble without Jon finding out that she was completely nuts.

I guess you could say that I sympathized with Erika. I was a bit of a psycho mess myself and I fantasized that one day I would get an opportunity to stalk a guy and make him mine the way that she had. It was wishful thinking. I hadn't had sex in almost two years and I knew it was mostly because I was so nuts that guys couldn't seem to get past the first date with me without wanting to run. I wasn't the type to have sex with a guy right away. I needed some type of connection. Watching Erika, it gave me new hope and a bit of confidence in myself that I hadn't had before.

I vowed to get myself out there in the world to try to meet a guy like Jon, someone worthy of my stalking behaviors. I would have sex with him as much as possible and I would let it all happen without worrying or trying to control it the way that I always did. This time things would be different. I was learning from watching this show and I was going to be more like Erika. I was going to finally get laid. Who knows? Maybe I would even have period sex like Erika did.

It was getting late. It was almost 3am and I had been watching the show all fucking day. I had barely eaten, opting to have some food delivered but then barely touching it because I was so into the show. Erika was in trouble. She had lied to everyone about everything and they were all finding out what a psychotic liar she was. Jon had dumped her. Everything was in the toilet for her and I couldn't stop watching her trainwreck. I wanted to see her crash but at the same time, I felt sorry for her. I could barely keep my eyes open and I knew I was drifting off. I tried to grab the remote control to press pause, but before I could I was out, just like that.

I could still hear the show playing in the background as I slept, the theme music coming on every forty-five minutes as Erika continued to make poor choices all night long. I woke up to complete disarray, discarded ice cream bar wrappers littered the floor and even the bed. Except, something was very, very wrong. I hadn't eaten any ice cream the day before and this wasn't my bedroom. The comforter was beige and my comforter on my bed was pastel pink with flowers on it. I wasn't sure where I was but I knew it wasn't home.

I got out of bed and recognized where I was. I was in Erika's apartment! I recognized some of the quirky decorations from the series I had spent the past day watching. I thought I was dreaming but there was a knock on the door and when I opened it, there was Jon! I hadn't realized how short he was in real life, but he was just as sexy as I had imagined he would be and I realized that this was my chance! I was going to have a chance to fuck Jon Chang just like Erika did.

"Hi there, can I help you?" I asked him, trying my best to be seductive.

"Where is Erika? I need to talk to her!" Jon looked like whatever he had to tell Erika, it was urgent.

"I'm not sure where she is. I just woke up in her bed a few minutes ago and I don't remember what happened," I admitted.

"Wait! Did you have a lesbian experience with Erika? She was talking about going to that lesbian club the other day and I thought she was kidding, but now I'm not sure."

"I seriously doubt that!" I laughed. "I'm not a lesbian. In fact, I'm 100% heterosexual and looking for a willing guy." I tried my best to be flirtatious but I'd never been good at flirting. I was awkward and weird, a lot like Erika. If Jon had been into her, then surely I had a real chance!

"Wait. Are you propositioning me? You know I'm a go-go dancer now, right?" He did a few undulating moves that made me laugh more than they turned me on.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing. Why? Is it working?" I smiled and tried to flip my hair over my shoulder the way I had seen the popular girls from my high school do.

"Is there something wrong with you?" Jon asked with concern.

"What do you mean?"

"Have you looked in the mirror today?"

"As a matter of fact, I haven't..." I walked over to the mirror in the entryway and took a look at myself. I was shocked at what I saw. I had chocolate all over my face as if I'd eaten each and every one of those ice cream bars, whose wrappers had littered the bedroom. "Goodness! No wonder you think I'm crazy!"

"Did you say crazy?" Jon laughed and he literally burst into song and dance. Music began to play from an unknown location and I was moved by Jon's singing.

"She's crazy but I think she's cute..." Jon sang

"I'm crazy but he thinks I'm cute!" I sang back, moved by the music. We danced and I found that I knew the movements. It was like the whole thing had been choreographed and rehearsed. I knew what I was doing and I was enjoying myself. Jon took me in his arms and dipped me. I laughed, feeling carefree and full of joy.

"I'm going to take her to bed!" he sang.

"I hope he prefers me instead..." I sang back at him. "Instead of Erika!"

"Why are you bringing her up at a time like this?" Jon pinned me to the wall and I couldn't help but notice the way he was blocking the scene like there were really cameras rolling. I looked around for the cameras but saw none. I figured I was dreaming, except it was hard to convince myself when I felt the reality of Jon's mouth on mine. He was such a good kisser! I let myself go, enjoying the moment of freedom as I kissed a man that I had only seen on TV up to this point. He peeled my clothes off, one piece at a time until I was naked. Then he did the unthinkable.

That's right. He went down on me.

I screamed as his tongue worked its way between the folds of my pussy and hit my clitoris. I hadn't ever had a guy do things the way that Jon was doing them. He was eating my pussy with enthusiasm and excitement, almost as if he was still acting. I let him do his thing, leaning back against the wall as he ate and ate, just as I must have done with the ice cream bars.

He stopped, taking a moment to clear all of the wrappers off of the bed with a sweep of his arm. He pushed me back onto the bed and he took off his own clothes. I waited, watching him take off piece after piece of clothing, then his watch, then an earring, then a necklace. Finally, he was down to his underwear and it was the moment of truth. I was finally going to get to see how big his cock really was. I had been watching the show and if I was being honest, I found him attractive. I had wondered. He was part Filipino, part Caucasian, and part Chinese. I wasn't sure what that meant for his dick size but when he finally pulled it out I was pleasantly surprised.

Jon Chang had a perfect-sized cock. It wasn't too big. It wasn't too small. It was just right and I don't know why I felt the urge to sing, but it overtook me. The next thing I knew I had burst into song. "Jon has the perfect size! Not too big, not too small, but a perfect sized prize!"

"That's right, my dear, get ready!" Jon sang. "I know we're not going steady but this is casual sex, casual sex, casual sex."

"Yes, Jon! I'm ready. I'm ready for this casual sex! Casual sex!" At that moment, he sunk his cock into me and I let out a wild scream. Jon's cock was fucking perfect and he was fucking me with it in the kind of rhythm that I always felt a guy should. Somehow, Jon seemed to sense what I needed and I opened my legs further for him to show him that I wanted more.

"You like this don't you?" he asked me, giving me a naughty stare that surprised me. He should definitely give that look to the camera more often.

"I love it! Don't stop!" I tried to say but the words came out as song lyrics and I was singing them. "I'm loving all this casual sex, casual sex, casual sex!"

"Then take this casual sex, casual sex!" he sang back and it was really feeling good. I couldn't sing anymore. Instead, I came hard on Jon's dick and I wondered if Erika would have been jealous if she could have seen me. There was a part of me that wished that she could. I wanted to meet her too!

As if on cue, there was a sound at the front of the house. Jon didn't seem to notice. He kept right on fucking me but I knew what was happening even before it happened. The door unlocked and opened and in stepped my favorite TV character, Erika Clump!

"What the fuck is going on here? Who ate all of my ice cream bars! What the fuck? Jon? Are you here? I saw your car out front!"

"Oh shit! It's Erika!" Jon began to panic. He pulled his cock out of me and searched for his underwear. I didn't know what to do and so I stood up, looking for my own clothing.

"You little slut!" Erika screamed at me. "How dare you fuck my ex-boyfriend on my bed! And how dare you two eat all my ice cream bars!" Erika looked crazy and in real life, she was a lot scarier than she looked on TV, especially when she started chucking things at my face. She hurled her keys at me and then any object she could find. I dodged the paperweight, thank God, but a picture frame hit me right in the forehead, corner first.

"Stop, Erika! STOP! Please! I'm your biggest fan! I was just watching your show and I ended up here by mistake!"

"That is NOT your line," Jon screamed at me.

"Well, what am I supposed to say?" I screamed back.

"You're supposed to say that we're having casual sex! Duh!" He shook his head with exasperation.

"Okay. We were having casual sex!" I stared Erika down.

"How dare you have casual sex with him. He's my ex-boyfriend! How did you get in here!"

"You're not the only psycho ex-girlfriend on this block, Erika. I watched you key in with that stupid rock key you think actually looks like a rock but actually has a space for a key in it. It's not rocket science."

"Yeah? Well, whose ex-girlfriend are you?" Erika asked me.

"Apparently, I'm yours, Erika. Don't you remember me from jail? We had a thing. It was casual. Casual sex. You told me all about your precious Jon and so I thought I'd come to get a little taste for myself."

"You bitch!" Erika screamed and she attacked me. We had a bit of a girl fight, pulling each other's hair and hitting each other with the kind of limp wrists that do absolutely zero damage. I tackled her to the ground and was on top of her, choking her when Jon stepped in.

"Ladies," he said forcefully. "I'm going to have to stop you right here. I think this is a great time to start some casual sex. Don't you? I mean, you two have fucked in jail. I've fucked both of you. Why don't we all just have a big casual sex party."

I looked at Erika. She looked at me. We burst into song.

"Casual sex, casual sex. She's my ex-lover, and he's also my ex," Erica sang.

"Casual sex! Casual sex. I think a threesome would just be the best!" I sang back to her and then we shared a moment where our eyes locked and then we kissed deeply. Jon was right there, his eyes right at our kiss-level.

He sang, "This is the hottest day of my life. If these women weren't crazy I'd make one my wife, but since they're both nuts I know what is best. We're all going to have us some casual sex!"

Erika and I were making out and I noticed that her body was actually really amazing. She had huge tits and once I had her top off I buried my face in them. I went down on my favorite TV idol, licking her pussy even though I wasn't really gay and I'd never wanted to have sex with another woman. Erika was different. I had often thought that if we met in real life that we would have been friends. Now, I was having a casual threesome with her and Jon!

"Jon, I want to see you have sex with her," Erika pushed me off of her and grabbed Jon by the dick. She was much more forceful and dominant than I had envisioned. She literally guided Jon's cock into my pussy with her hand and watched as he fucked me. She began to clap, slowly at first, but then faster until it was real applause. "This is epic! This is the best casual threesome I've ever had and it's all because of you, Jon. Don't you see? If we were together, this is how it would be all the time. We'd have casual threesomes whenever and you would get so much pussy! Wouldn't you like that Jon? In fact, come on over here," she pulled Jon off of me.

"Come over here," she beckoned to me. "Get on your hands and knees right here," she told me and I did as she asked. I was shocked when she climbed on top of me. "Jon, look! Now you have two pussies to fuck, stacked right on top of one another. I'll bet no other girl has ever provided that for you. Have they?"

"No! No one has! This is awesome!" I could tell he was smiling even though I couldn't see his face. He took turns fucking her hole, and then mine. It was absolutely crazy and I couldn't believe that it was actually happening. Jon fucked me until I came and then he fucked Erika until she came, all the while I had Erika on top of me, talking shit in my ear.

"I'm just using you to get to him. Keep your fucking mouth shut and nothing bad will happen to you," she whispered to me. She really was fucking crazy and I was really starting to worry about my safety. What if she actually did something horrible and hurt me?

"I'm going to cum! Where should I put it?" Jon screamed urgently.

"Cum in her pussy! Right?" Erika screamed at me.

"Wait!" I screamed but it was too late. Jon Chang's cum was already deep inside of me and I didn't have the heart to tell them both that I wasn't on the pill. I was shocked.

"Okay, cut!" Came a voice and I turned and looked to see that there were a whole camera crew and a director barking out orders. I knew this couldn't be right. There's no way that they would be filming an episode of the show with actual sex in it. What we had just done had been porno level and I was pretty sure that a TV show like "My Psycho Ex-Girlfriend" wasn't allowed to do things like that.

"Um, excuse me?" I asked Jon. "Where am I?"

"Here, have an ice cream bar," he said with a laugh and then he handed me an actual ice cream bar. I opened it and took a bite. It tasted like heaven. I closed my eyes, savoring the combination of chocolate and vanilla and when I opened my eyes again I was back in my room, the theme song from "My Psycho Ex-Girlfriend" playing in the background.

So, I had been dreaming all along, just as I suspected. I laughed to myself until I saw the melting ice cream bar on my floral comforter. "What the fuck?" I asked myself out loud. I grabbed the melting ice cream and headed to my bathroom to throw it in the trash. That's when my pussy erupted queefing out a generous glob of cum that landed partially on the floor, while the rest ran down my right leg.

"What the fuck?" I screamed. I got out a mirror to look more closely and turned on the bathroom light. There was definitely cum in my pussy! I was somehow filled with Jon Chang's cum! This was ridiculous! What if I got pregnant? I was stressing out. I walked back into my bedroom and frowned at the TV, which was still playing the show. I switched the TV off, shaking my head.

"No more "My Psycho Ex-Girlfriend!" I told myself. "Time to do something else with my life."

I tried to move on and forget about it, but a few weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. I wasn't sure if I should try to inform the father or not. He would probably think I was crazy, and I guess in a way I was. I still wasn't sure if I had hallucinated the whole thing or if that had really been Jon's cum. I began to think of a way to find out. I made a plan. I would go to the studio and get a lock of Jon's hair and have it DNA tested. That way I could find out if he was really the father without looking too crazy. I began to plan a disguise. This was definitely going to work. I was going to get to the bottom of things, even if I had to do some crazy shit to make it happen.