My Rival / My Rival Ch. 05

Not that it mattered, but with her back turned to me, she didn't notice that I was crying just as much as she was. Without ever facing me, she simply responded, "I just need time to think about things," before walking out the door, and leaving me standing there, devastated.

***

Emily

After confronting McKayla, I spent the rest of the night crying in bed. As I buried my head in my pillow, I couldn't get the images of those text messages off my mind. It was the lowest I felt in a long time. Definitely lower than at any point since I started seeing McKayla.

In a strange way, I didn't want to blame her for hurting me. Deep down, I knew it was my fault somehow. I started telling myself, I should have known better than to get involved with a woman like her. I was stupid to think she had genuine feelings for me.

After several hours of tossing and turning, I finally accepted that I wouldn't get any sleep that night. I got out of bed, hoping I could find something to get my mind off McKayla, but no matter where I went... everything reminded me of her...

I couldn't sit on the couch without picturing the first time she came over and we had sex on it. I couldn't watch TV without thinking about all the times we cuddled while it played in the background. Heck, I couldn't even take a shower without thinking about all the times... Well, I don't need to go into detail about that...

Putting on my pajamas definitely didn't help... When I finally changed out of the outfit I was wearing when I confronted her, I caught a glimpse of myself in the vanity. Until that moment, I guess I had forgotten I was wearing the underwear she bought me the other day.

Oddly enough, as I stared at myself in the mirror, I almost had to fight off a smile. I was nowhere near being happy, but I could admit I looked pretty cute in the bra and panties she got me...

After a moment, I pulled myself away from the mirror, thinking about how pathetic I was. How ridiculous, I said to myself, before putting on a t-shirt and shorts. She has given me more confidence than anyone else, even though she was just manipulating me... I guess that's how sad my life is.

That thought proved to be more of a dilemma in my mind than I thought it would be. Of course, I should have been upset at her for playing games with me, but I couldn't deny that she had made me feel better about myself. I wondered how someone could have that effect on me if I thought they were being dishonest. More importantly, I wondered why she would go to such great lengths to help me with my insecurities if she truly didn't care about me.

Obviously, I had a lot of thinking to do, but somehow, I didn't feel as miserable as I thought I would. I guess I truly was a stronger person than I was before having her in my life...

***

McKayla

I was miserable without her. All I could do was stare at the photo of us on the boat, looking at each other so lovingly before all this mess began. It left me wondering if we could ever get back to that point again.

It had been two days since I saw her and I still couldn't explain what had happened. Emily wasn't answering my calls and I still didn't know how those messages got on my phone.

With that night still replaying in my mind, over and over, all I could think about was the hurt I saw in her eyes. The catfish messages were concerning, and someone obviously wanted to split is up, but none of that mattered compared to Emily's emotional well-being.

Placing my hand over my heart, I told myself the only thing that gave me hope. Emily is smart. She'll figure out the truth.

I'll be honest, if she was the same timid woman I first encountered, I wouldn't have had any hope to hang on to. But after all we had been through together, I knew she was much stronger than she used to be.

A smile came over my face as I thought about the adorable blonde's growth. I always knew she was a wonderful woman. She just needed someone to give her the confidence to showcase it. It was an honor to be that person... I just hoped I could keep that role.

As I continued to think back to all the fond memories I had with her, I received a text, causing my heart to race. It was her, asking, "Can we meet?"

I swear I never responded so quickly in my life. Despite not knowing what she needed to say to me, I was just over the moon, knowing I would get the chance to see her again.

We agreed to meet in the courtyard of her apartment. It was just a short walk for me, and I needed a couple minutes to get my mind together, anyway. When I got there, my eyes lit up as I saw her waiting for me. Even though she still looked hurt, wearing a frown on her cute face, she was still beautiful to me.

I promised myself I would just listen to her, since I'm sure she had a lot to say to me. However, as soon as I saw the woman who had my heart, I couldn't stop myself from blabbering, "Emily! I still don't know how those messages got on my phone, but I swear it wasn't me!"

Shaking her head, the cute woman interrupted me by saying, "I don't want to hear it." As I shut my mouth, feeling hopeless, she continued, "I just want you to listen to what I have to say..."

A brief moment went by, but it felt like an eternity. Somehow, it was like she had my fate in her hands because... I didn't know what I would do without her...

"I've been doing a lot of thinking and... I really don't even care about those text messages anymore... What I care about is the way I feel when I'm with you..."

I did my best to stay quiet, but I could feel my heart jumping for joy, thinking she finally accepted that my care for her was real. I was so ready to put this mess behind us... until she continued talking...

"You see... I realized that it never mattered if you were telling the truth. Even though it was all a lie, what's most important is that it felt real to me. I would have never gained the confidence I have unless you tricked me into thinking this was a real relationship."

I was left frozen, with my eyes wide open. Somehow, hearing those words was almost more hurtful than her discovering the fake messages. "Emily..." I started, as disbelief took over my soul. "You still don't believe me, do you?"

After shaking her head, she looked at me with a brave face and replied, "No... but didn't you hear what I said? I'm not worried about that anymore. It's the way I feel that matters."

"Emily, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I still want to do this. I still want you in my life because even though you tricked me, it felt real enough to have an actual impact on my life. I don't want to lose that feeling."

"No... you have to believe me!"

"I don't have to believe you... I want you in my life... Isn't that good enough for you?"

Suddenly, everything Emily and I had been through flashed before my eyes as I stared at the hurt woman. I was broken inside, seeing how damaged she truly was from all this. I wanted to cry but I had to be strong in that moment.

Unfortunately, I couldn't agree with the justification she gave herself. Shaking my head bravely, I answered, "No... I can't do this if you don't believe me."

Emily reacted as if I had just offended her for rejecting her shitty plea deal. After a double-take, she responded in a fragile voice, "Isn't this enough for you?! I'm giving you an out... We can just pretend I never saw those messages and move on."

"No... If I let you believe this is just pretend, then it cancels out everything we built together," I expressed, looking at her as I poured my heart out. "I'll admit, I don't even know why we started having sex... that part was probably self seeking at first... but everything else; all the fun we had, all the times we connected, all the feelings we had for each other... that was all real! And by saying the only thing that matters is the way you felt, regardless of if it was real or not, means that you are accepting that all of it was fake...

"I'm not giving that up... I'm not giving up on everything we built together... The confidence you grew, the security you built, and the relationship we really had... I'm not giving up on that no matter what you believe!

"I don't even care about sleeping with you anymore... I just like spending time with you because you're amazing once you come out of your shell. You built all this confidence in yourself... and by you accepting the belief that I never cared about you throws it all in the trash! I refuse to let you believe that again... I absolutely refuse accepting that you were right for ever being insecure!"

Despite my outpour, Emily still had the nerve to argue back with me. I couldn't even hear what she was saying because my heart was so filled with emotions. With tears in my eyes, I pointed at her and shouted, "You need to get it through your skull that I really do care about you. It's not these stupid fake messages that are scaring you; it's your own insecurities not allowing you to accept the truth."

Before Emily could even say another word, I turned around and ran off, crying my heart out. I didn't have the heart to face her, knowing she had accepted the stupid thought that she wasn't good enough for me... or anyone...

***

Emily

Somehow, after meeting with McKayla, I felt even more devastated than I did when I found the text messages. After what she did to me, I was left confused by her unwillingness to accept my forgiveness.

After I caught her red-handed, I figured moving forward like it never happened would have been all she could ask for. However, she still found a way to make me feel guilty, despite me being the victim in this situation.

Her whole act was confusing, but some of the things she said really touched my heart. I wanted to believe her words were true, but I had self doubts, making me think she was just trying to manipulate me again.

For the first time, I didn't know where I stood in life. McKayla had sort of become my best friend. She was the one I talked to about everything. Losing her in this scenario kind of left me feeling like I had no one to talk to.

With so much weighing heavily on my heart, I could do nothing but sulk in my unhappiness. There were so many emotions stirred up within me, but I still felt empty at the same time.

Several times throughout the next few days, I would grab my phone and start typing her a message. I was desperate for someone to listen and care about me, even if I didn't think they were being genuine. However, I could never bring myself to actually hit send.

I was lonely, with nobody to talk to. But out of the blue, I got a text message from a surprising source. As I checked my phone, I read his name out loud. "Brian?"

It was him, my ex-boyfriend, once again. The one who made me aware of McKayla's mischievous activities in the first place, asking me how I was doing.

Desperate to vent out my emotions to any ear that would listen, I told him about the fight McKayla and I had. He was very understanding and told me he would be there if I ever needed him. He even suggested I go over to his place so we could talk about my feelings and he could try to make me feel better.

Not knowing what else to do, I agreed to go see him. I was such a mess, I needed to talk to someone... anyone. I was driving myself crazy, talking to the walls all day and night.

Although Brian only lived on the other side of the campus, he still offered to come and pick me up in his car. I guess with the fragile state I was in, he didn't want me driving or walking alone. I have to say I actually agreed with him. It probably wasn't the best idea to get behind the wheel.

It was a bit awkward when I got into his car, however. He was wearing an unusual amount of cologne, and was being a bit handsy with me, constantly touching me on the shoulder and thighs while checking if I was okay.

When we got to his apartment, I was completely caught off guard by how clean everything was. The Brian I dated a long time ago was never one to organize his things. I couldn't tell if he was trying to impress me or if this was just his new way of living.

Oddly enough, I actually felt comfort in talking to him about the McKayla situation. Just as he had expressed several times before, he was a good person to confide in because he had been hurt by her as well.

I retold told the story, breaking down the last time McKayla and I spoke to each other before going our separate ways. It was hard not to get fixated on the little details, like the way her lip quivered when she talked to me, and the way tears were forming in her beautiful brown eyes as she pleaded her case. I had to keep refocusing and trying to stick to exactly what was said and done.

As I finish talking, Brian just sat there and shook his head; I guess taking pity on me. "See how good she is at manipulating?" he pointed out as he put his arm around me. "She said a lot of those things to me too when I finally called her out."

"You confronted her about the situation, too?" I asked, looking up at him with a curious face.

"Yeah," he answered, pulling me even closer. "I told her I didn't want to see her anymore when I found out she was sleeping with you. I even told her to quit messing with you because I didn't want to see you get hurt."

Suddenly, he pulled me in and before I knew what was happening, I felt his lips were against mine. My eyes immediately popped wide open before I regained control of my limbs and pushed him away.

Staring at each other awkwardly on the couch, I furrowed my eyebrows and asked, "What are you doing?"

Brian scratched his head before laughing off his silly gesture. "Sorry, I thought we were having an emotional connection... That was inappropriate of me."

As those words rang in my head, I was left staring at my ex-boyfriend with red in my eyes. As memories came up from my past, I looked up at him and asked, "If you care about me so much, why did you leave me for McKayla in high school?"

His face immediately went white, like he had seen a ghost. As sweat appeared on his forehead, he quickly gathered himself and searched for an excuse. "Look, that was a long time ago... I thought you were too good for me... And then she tricked me into dating her... just like she tricked you!"

After all those years had passed, this was the first time I actually confronted him about leaving me. Until this point, he had never really given me an excuse.

I was suddenly left thinking back to one of the many nights I shared with McKayla. After our erotic sessions, we would often have deep conversations late into the night. Those were my favorites...

One time we even discussed how she dated Brian right after he left me. She explained that he lied to her, making her believe I broke up with him way before he ever approached her.

Despite my trust issues with McKayla, she could recall that event smoothly, without having to panic and stutter over her words. Maybe she was just that good at manipulating me, but she looked drastically more confident telling her story than Brian did telling his.

"Let's not talk about the past," my ex-boyfriend said, interrupting my deep thought process. Now sitting a bit further away after it became clear that I wasn't interested in him, he suggested, "Let's talk about something happier."

Despite my suspicions about his behavior, I really did need to move on to a happier subject. I just didn't know how much more my little heart could take.

Oddly enough, even though I was super mad at the brunette beauty, she was still the source of my happiness, somehow. When I thought about subjects that would cheer me up, the one thing I was dying to talk about was... her...

When I realized that the last time I thought about McKayla fondly was when Brian and I were shopping for her, I decided to ask, "What did you do with her present?"

After pausing for a moment, he answered, "I didn't want to see her, so I gave it to Tom. I figured he could give it to her the next time he sees her."

An awkward silence filled the room as I sat there staring at him with a blank face. After a few uncomfortable seconds went by, he looked at me and asked, "What's wrong?"

"McKayla's birthday isn't for another two months," I answered, shaking my head at the confused guy. "That's why I thought it was so weird that we went to the mall just to get her a simple present."

"Oh yeah! Totally!" Brian responded, throwing his hands up like he was getting defensive. "That's not what I meant! I meant when he sees her again... like the next time he sees her closer to her birthday..."

"You used to be her boyfriend and you don't even know her birthday?"

"Well, we only dated for a brief amount of time. Like I said; she never genuinely cared about me. We just went over to each other's apartments and had sex... because she manipulated me."

Now glaring at him with a fire burning in my heart, I began to interrogate the man that was supposedly sleeping with the woman I loved. "What color are McKayla's bed sheets?"

"Umm.. that's an odd question... What does that have to do with anything?"

"She has two sets of the same bed sheets and they're the same color. What color are they?"

"Ummm... white?"

"They're purple... because that's what color her sheets were when she was a little girl..."

"Oh, that's right! Yeah, silly me... How could I forget?"

"What kind of house slippers does she wear?"

"Oh, uh... brown ones?"

"No, they're pink and fuzzy..."

"Oh, really? I guess I never noticed."

"They're pretty noticeable," I pointed out, folding my arms. Feeling even bolder, I decided to ask, "What color are most of her bras?"

"Her bras?" he asked, now sweating uncomfortably.

"Yes, her bras. You said you were sleeping with her not too long ago. Haven't you seen her underwear?"

"I have, but... I don't remember... Why are you asking me all these little details, anyway?"

"Little details?" I repeated, looking at him in disbelief. "These may be little details to you, but I feel if you were really sleeping with her as much as you said you were, you would know these little details."

His face started to go red as he jumped out of his seat. "Why are you interrogating me? I'm not the bad guy here!"

I did my best to remain calm, but I could feel fire burning inside me. After glaring at him for a moment, I simply asked, "Can I see that conversation on your phone again?"

Rolling his eyes, he pulled out his phone and opened the conversation back up. I could tell by the way he was holding it, he didn't want me to actually have the phone in my hands. I snatched it from him quickly before turning my body so I could have a second without him controlling what I saw. After scrolling further back, I quickly realized that was the only conversation they had in months.

"Why is this the only conversation where she gave you more than one-word answers?" I asked, still holding the phone away from his desperate hands. "Seems kind of odd for her to get so bold after months of not texting you."

"I must have deleted the other conversations," he answered, almost begging me for his phone back.

Then, as I looked at the conversation again, the one that created this whole mess in the first place, I noticed something I was too emotional to notice before. "I'm so despirate for you." As I repeated it over and over, I suddenly realized... she spelled desperate wrong.

Once again, I glared at the nervous man, daring him to lie to me again. "Have you ever seen McKayla misspell a word?"

"Um, no... she's one of those annoying grammar police texters."

"That's exactly what I was thinking... which leads me to my next question; How do you spell desperate?"

Brian looked at me, going completely stiff. Trying hard to save himself, he slowly made his best attempt. "D... E... S... P... Uh... is it an E or an I?"