My Roommate's Toy Box Ch. 05

He grabs my shaft and strokes it a few times. "Fuck yeah, man," he hisses. "Go for it. Bust that load all over me."

My hand finds my dick again the second he lets go, my orgasm immediately mounting. I start moaning wildly, Alex looking on in awe as I work my dick. "I'm cumming," I grunt.

"Me too," he murmurs.

The first rope of my gooey cum shoots all the way past my roommate's head, landing on his sheet and in his hair, the rest endlessly spilling out all over his face. I'm still spraying jizz all over him when Alex groans, the strings of his hot cum shooting all the way up to my back and all over my ass.

"Fuck, dude," he says with a gleeful smile, gripping my butt with his hands and forcing me closer, my dick slapping against his lips. His mouth opens and he wraps it around the head of my cock, softly sucking on the cum-covered tip.

It's a fantasy come to life, but my dick is so sensitive after cumming that I can only tolerate the sensation for a few seconds, reluctantly ripping it away. "Too much," I pant. "It's way too sensitive."

Alex smirks, scraping his tongue across his face, lapping at the huge load I fired everywhere. He loudly smacks his lips together as he swallows it. "I'm not wild about the taste, but it's still hot knowing that it's yours."

He sucked my dick for the first time, however brief it was, and he just swallowed some of my load. His cum is literally dripping down my body. I'm in heaven.

"You want to take another shower?" Alex asks casually, seeming totally cool with everything that had just happened.

I already know he means together, nodding my head and smiling. "Yeah, sure."

Alex smiles back as I lift myself off of him. "Let's do a little cleanup first," he says, launching himself down to the floor and grabbing the roll of paper towels from beneath his bed. He tears a few sheets off and hands them to me.

"Thanks." I'm blindly wiping my roommate's cum off of my back and butt as he tears more sheets off the roll, blotting up the seed I'd spilled all over his face.

"It's in my hair, isn't it?" Alex asks, contorting his face as his fingertips trace over the wetness. "Whatever, fuck it."

"Sorry about that," I mumble, feeling guilty that he's going to walk out into the hallway with my cum plastered in his hair.

He waves his hand dismissively as he tears another huge wad of sheets from the roll of paper towels and presses them into my hand. "No worries, I definitely did you worse earlier, man. Speaking of, let's get all that piss off the floor."

We both kneel down to wipe up the mess, and stealing a glimpse of Alex, I know I love him. I can't stop thinking about it, the whole night replaying through my mind: the toys, the kissing, the hand holding, the facial, the few seconds of oral. I can still smell his scent on me, his cum and his piss, and it's so intoxicating. My dick is half hard reliving it all, even as we're wrapping towels around ourselves and heading down the hallway, but it doesn't bother me. I'm with Alex right now and that's all that matters.

We enter the communal bathroom, finding it deserted, my roommate walking into a stall and turning the water on. He doesn't bother drawing the curtain shut as he seductively motions for me to join him, a mischievous glint in his eyes as the warm water pours over him.

I step in, pulling the curtain shut, Alex wrapping his arms around me. Looking up at him, I appreciate how much taller he is at 6'2". We're rarely standing together like this, but right now the height difference is obvious and it's turning me on. My roommate kisses my forehead and we just hold each other for a few minutes, our bodies pressed tightly together with the water streaming down all around us.

He starts laughing up above me and lets me go. "I guess we should actually clean ourselves up, right?" We soap each other like we had the first time, Alex, paying special attention to my hole, delicately rubbing his finger across it.

It's so tender even that simple touch feels amazing. I'm moaning gently, my eyes rolling back in my head, Alex smirking up above me as he digs the tip of his finger into me.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Fuck yeah, Alex," I murmur. I feel him grab my balls, massaging them as his brown eyes look down into mine, his hand quickly traveling to my obnoxiously hard dick, and stroking it. Peering down, watching his hand caress me, I realize his eight inches is filled out too. Just when I'm about to lower myself down to suck him off again, my roommate pushes his dick against mine and wraps his hand around both of our shafts, jerking us both off as the water cascades down from the showerhead. I haven't ever done anything like this before, just like so many other things with Alex, but feeling his dick joined with mine, his hand fervently working both of us, it's intensely erotic. We both moan, my roommate gently kissing me as he works our lengths more urgently.

"You close?" he whispers.

"Yeah."

"Fuck yeah, me too. Shoot it with me. Let's cum all over each other."

I'm on edge waiting for his orgasm when I hear Alex start to grunt. I let myself go over, his hand still pumping both of our cocks, both of us groaning as bliss overwhelms us for the second time that night and our loads spray out everywhere. "That was hot," I say when my roommate lets go.

He smiles for a second, his face suddenly turning solemn as he washes my cum off of his body. Alex turns the water off without asking if I'm ready, walking past me without making eye contact again, not uttering another word as he opens and shuts the curtain.

I already know there's trouble. I sigh to myself in the stall, water still leaking out of the showerhead. The high of being with him is gone, my mood deflating. Sure enough, when I pull the curtain back, my roommate has already escaped the bathroom. I know it's going to be a long night. I'm naked and I feel even more naked without him, but I dry myself off and trudge back to the room.

When I walk inside, Alex barely looks up at me from his phone, his eyes completely avoiding mine. "Welcome back," he says without any hint of emotion, quickly staring down at the screen again. He's sitting upright in his bed, his back against a pillow, and he's wearing a pair of boxers.

I want to fucking scream at him. After everything that's happened in the past two weeks, after all the intimacy we've shared, he's retreating into his regretful, emotionally distant cocoon now? I have to consciously struggle not to cross my arms and shake my head, trying to avoid looking at him and betraying how pissed I feel. I walk over to my dresser, dropping the towel down and pulling on a t-shirt and boxer briefs.

I know anger is the wrong reaction. Settling into my bed and letting those feelings retreat, I appreciate that we were always destined to end up in this situation again. I spent years struggling to accept my sexuality, even after I'd admitted the truth to myself. I'd given up masturbation for six months once hoping all my gay feelings would just disappear if I stopped indulging them. How could I expect my roommate to accomplish that same process in two weeks? He was inevitably going to stumble at some point, to struggle with his desires in exactly the same way I had. If he'd really never entertained being bisexual until we started fooling around, I couldn't fault him for being confused right now.

Being rational about that reality is killing me, but I knew what I was signing up for when I strapped myself in for the ride. I'd accepted the risk of getting hurt. After a few silent minutes, I can't stop myself from looking over at Alex, noticing that his face is sullen. I can see that he's in pain.

My first instinct is to feel guilty, to feel bad about myself and regretful about the role I played in everything that just happened. I keep thinking it's my fault that he's hurting, but I know I have to stop thinking that way. Whatever's happening in my roommate's head right now, none of it is really my fault. He was the one who'd wanted to be watched, who'd urged me to participate; Alex had started the touching and he'd constantly continued it. I did kiss him first, seeing the unmistakable desire for it obvious on his face, but he'd kissed me back and he'd initiated it many other times, pulling my lips into his and ravenously making out with me. When Alex asked me to fuck him, he'd pleaded for it reassuring me that he really did want to explore his sexuality. Alex has been calling the shots all along, everything always on his terms. I'd offered to give the sex stuff up, to maybe at least to draw a line somewhere, and he was the one who adamantly refused. Whatever he's feeling right now, it's not my fault.

I can't panic every time he panics. I already know Alex is bisexual, that he has feelings for me, whether he realizes it or is willing to admit it yet or not. The way we'd touched and kissed, the way he'd held me, I've never felt anything more intimate, more passionate with another person in my life. Glancing at my roommate's glum face again, I wonder if that's exactly what he's wrestling with right now. Does he feel exactly the same way? Is that why it's so hard for him?

What happened in the shower? He shot his load and a switch suddenly flicked off. What the fuck happened? Why then? He'd only said that he might be bisexual, but what if the past two weeks with me have already convinced him that it's true?

Fearing that we're going to spend another silent, awkward night together in the room, like we had after Alex busted his load all over my face, I decide to grow some balls. The worst part of accepting myself had been feeling like I had no one to talk to, no one who was close to me and willing to listen; I had to silently struggle all by myself, and that made it even worse. But Alex has me, his best friend, literally sitting across from him in the dorm room. He has someone he's close to willing to hear him. We're not doing things on his terms tonight.

Getting the words out takes me a few minutes, but I know I need to do it. "You okay, Alex?" I ask.

"Yeah, man," he says gruffly, not even looking up from his phone.

I know that definitely isn't true, and I'm not going to accept his answer. "You know you can talk to me, right? Don't just sit over there pouting all night. What's going on?"

Alex snorts, letting his phone fall down and actually looking at me. "I'm not pouting," he mumbles.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, you definitely are. So what's up?" Challenging my roommate for a change feels good, even if I am totally out of my element. I feel my heart pumping harder, adrenaline surging through my body.

He looks away and shakes his head. "Are you really sure you want to know, dude?" Alex asks. "You might not like it."

I might not like it? Is he going to tell me he doesn't want to fool around together anymore? Has he changed his mind about maybe being bisexual? I instantly feel like I shouldn't have started this, but I know I have to stop thinking that way. Maybe he will say that, maybe I won't like it, but if that's the way he feels, I might as well know right now. "You can tell me anything, Alex," I say sincerely.

He glances at me again, his expression still sullen. He hesitates for a few moments, until our eyes meet, and he nods his head. "I had a really uncomfortable thought in the shower just now."

I'm desperate to know. "What was it?"

Alex starts running a hand through his short black hair over and over again, staring at the wall. "You know...I haven't talked to any girls at all since we started doing all this two weeks ago. Not a single one."

I have no idea how to interpret that. "Is that a bad thing?" I ask. /You might not like it/ repeats in my mind as soon as the words escape my mouth. Of course he thinks it's a bad thing.

He clicks his tongue. "Dude, I've been so satisfied for the past two weeks I haven't even opened any of the dating apps on my phone," Alex says a little sorrowfully. "Not once."

"And that bothers you?" I'm having trouble unraveling it. He's happy, but the fact that he's happy is making him unhappy? We're definitely riding the roller coaster right now.

Alex sighs deeply from across the room, his fingers tracing over the stubble on his face. "There's a part of me that...definitely doesn't like it? I feel like I'm giving something up? Yeah, like I'm giving something up."

Suddenly it dawns on me that I don't know anything about my roommate's romantic life, aside from the fact that he's embarrassed to admit his fetishes to women. He's never talked about girls, never mentioned anything about dating apps. How often was he sitting across the room staring at his phone and flirting with them? I don't know, and I'm not even sure what to say next.

He looks over again and smiles slightly for a moment watching me think. "I told you that you might not like it."

"Have you hooked up with girls at all this year?" I ask.

"A few times," Alex says flatly.

I'd always imagined him grinning, proudly declaring that he'd scored, but instead he seems ambivalent about it. "Really? I don't know why I thought you'd be bragging to me about it."

He shrugs in his bed, clicking his tongue again. "Well, you don't ever talk about hooking up with guys either, but have you done it?"

"Yeah, a couple times." I'd spent months feeling totally content just jerking off thinking about my roommate, but occasionally I had craved something more than my imagination.

Alex chuckles softly. "See, you didn't tell me about that either! But yeah, it was nothing to brag about. Now if one of them had fucked me with something..." He grins weakly, the sour expression quickly taking hold again.

Maybe the best thing I can do is let him go. I'm so conflicted. He's been so satisfied exploring with me for the last two weeks, proudly declaring that he might be bi, but now he's also telling me that he's mourning his desire to talk to women. I decide to be brave, realizing how far it's gotten me right now. We could have sat silently in the room all night after cumming together in the shower, but instead we're talking out his feelings. "Have you ever thought about me as more than a friend, maybe?" I ask.

He seems taken aback, his eyes wide as he runs his hand through his hair again. "As more than a friend?"

"Yeah, Alex." I'm sure he knows exactly what I mean, struggling to fight the part of me that wishes I hadn't asked the question.

"Uh...well..."

The fact that he isn't immediately dismissing the idea feels comforting. I feel like the tables are turned and I can't stop pressing him now. "You said you were really satisfied for the last two weeks, right? Didn't you have fun tonight? Touching me, kissing me, rubbing our dicks together in the shower and making us both shoot our loads."

Alex sighs, biting his lip and actually looking nervous. "Maybe that's the problem, I guess?" he says, his voice barely above a whisper. "You're confusing the fuck out of me, dude. Seriously."

I can barely hear him from across the room. "Well, if you're bi-"

"We're supposed to just be fooling around!" he interrupts, almost sounding angry. "Making each other feel good. That's all. It's not supposed to fucking take over the rest of my life."

I know he likes me and I feel like he's admitting it right now, even if he won't directly say the words. I smile at him. "Well, you make me feel really good."

There's silence. "You make me feel really good too," Alex eventually says.

Hearing him admit that makes me feel so happy. "I thought you said that was the only thing that matters? Two people making each other feel good."

He sighs, his face a little guilty. "Yeah, I guess I did say that. But it's really fucking easy to say stuff, man."

I can only think of one more way to push my roommate right now, to challenge him the way he always challenges me. "Well, I really want you to be happy," I say sincerely. "I don't want to be the reason you look miserable. So maybe we should stop what we've been doing and just be normal friends from now on."

Alex's face bolts to look at me before turning back toward the wall, one of his hands starting to rap against his knee. He's silent, but the loud thuds are audible across the room. "No, I don't think I really want to stop," he mutters.

Now I'm really stuck trying to think of what I should tell him next. A whole tranquil minute passes. "Well, you can't have it both ways, Alex," I say. "So what do you want to do?" Being in control for a change actually feels amazing.

That slight smirk creeps across his face for a few seconds, Alex still staring at the wall. "I think the whole problem is that I /am/ trying to have it both ways," he jokes.

I'm definitely not laughing. "Do you know how I feel when you get all quiet and distant with me?" I ask. "I fucking hate it. This isn't a game. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like I'm hurting you, and I don't like it."

"I'm sorry," Alex mumbles, glancing at me for a few seconds. "It's not your fault."

"I know." I feel powerful saying those words. Whatever he's feeling right now, it's not my fault. I know what I need to say next, as much as it pains me. I swallow hard. "If we can only be friends, I just want to be your friend."

The words seem to slice into him, Alex's face instantly turning to mine. "Don't say that," he says, actually looking into my eyes. "Come on, don't say that."

"Alex-"

"No, don't say that," he repeats more urgently, sliding his body toward the wall as he's still staring into me. "Come on, come over here, man."

He's fucking killing me. Every time I try to let him go, he doggedly refuses.

"Come over here," Alex invites again. "I'm sorry, Tyler. Please?"

I could swear he's on the verge of tears begging me to join him in his bed. Seeing that, all my resolution melts away. He wants me as much as I want him, whether he's willing to say it or not, and I'm witnessing the proof right now. He's begging me not to let him go. How can I let him go?

"Please," Alex pleads. "Come on, roomie. Please."

He's bending my will the way he always does, and I'm struggling to resist him, but I'm not just going to roll over for my roommate anymore. "I don't want this to happen again," I say as authoritatively as I can. "You can't just shut down. You have to talk to me about your feelings if something happens. Even if I won't like it. You have to talk to me, Alex."

He earnestly nods. "I will," he promises. "I'm sorry I'm a fucking dumbass sometimes, but I will."

Part of me wants to insist that he come to my side of the room, since I'd just talked him off the ledge and avoided another silent night of torture, but I know I want to be in the place we first cuddled. "Okay, Alex," I relent, taking a deep breath as I stand up and walk toward my roommate's bed. He actually looks happy as I settle beside him, not quite his normal fun-loving self yet, but he definitely looks happy, relieved that I'm lying down next to him.

Staring into my eyes, Alex lowers his face to mine, gently kissing me on the lips a single time. He settles on his side, wrapping his arm around me and guiding my body into his, his hand gently digging into my chest. "Thanks, Tyler," he whispers.

I'm smiling as I softly chuckle. Being in his arms, all my doubts disappear. He wants this as much as I do. "Well, you are my best friend."

Alex gingerly kisses my neck, his hand affectionately running up and down my torso. "And maybe we are more than friends," he breathes into my ear. "Is that good enough for right now?"

"Yeah, Alex," I answer. I want to hear him actually say that he likes me more than anything, but after what just happened, I know he does. Words are words, but he's holding me again, touching me like he cares about me, adamantly refusing to let go every time I give him the chance. His actions say everything. The night could have ended with both of us mired in horrible thoughts, Alex passing out across the room without speaking another word. Instead I'm cuddling with him in his bed, and it feels incredible, better than it ever has since he'd at least partially opened up to me about what's churning through his brain. My roommate doesn't want to lose me. He cares too much about me to lose me. Standing up to him, I made him admit it.