All Comments on 'My Stepdad Henry Pt. 01'

A little quick but the setup is great for more !!

Very nice

This is a good start. You might wanna work on your punctuation though. Many sentences ran on a bit and exclamation points should only be used occasionally.

Keep up the good work!

What a shit story. If the power was off from the storm, how did he turn the lights off? Too much Dad and Son talk going on. What is it with jumping from first person to third person on how it's told? Stick to one or the other.

Please learn to differentiate between First Person and Third Person.

Fun story, agree about the point of view. I edged through the whole series when I read it on Squirt.

You should not only improve your grammer, but give us also some background information: Where did Tommy learn to suck cock with such gusto? As an 18 year old he should have had quite some practise. How could he be sure his stepfather would like to get a blowjob? Nevertheless not bad for a start.

It is interesting that the 18 year-old son is comforting the stepfather in the face of the storm. Loved Henry's description -- soft hair on the chest, big cock, and precum and cum flowing from the cock. Maybe they can sleep together again!

This could be a really interesting story with the help of an editor. As others have mentioned jumping between first and third person is jarring. Also really pay attention to what you’re writing, see if it makes sense with what you have previously said. I’m not sure if English is your first language but you do not need to put an exclamation mark (!) after each sentence, unless actually necessary.

Really hot and an enjoyable read even with the few mistakes and being hard to follow at times. Where did tommy learn to suck cock, no way that this was his first time. I still gave you 5 stars because I want to see more of these two.

It was a good start, and the other commenters had valid points. Use either first or third person, also it was as if every sentence the Dad said ended with an exclamation point. Either use first person or third makes it much easier to follow the story. It does need a back story, perhaps explaining about the young man sucking cock for the first time, they maybe something about how he is attracted to his stepfather. Just a few ideas to help you make it an even better story. All in all not bad.

I enjoyed your story and hope to hear more from you.

Jumping between the first and third person ruined the flow.