My Wife Wanted to be an Ironman

It was full dark. I looked up and waited until their room light went on, got out of my truck, walked over and climbed the ladder. They made no effort to close the curtain as I stood on the ladder and snapped my own pictures as they casually got out of their gym clothes and got completely naked. On the rare occasions they looked toward the balcony, I simply ducked my head so they couldn't see me.

Laura would never have sex without taking a shower first, so that's where they went; right to the shower. They left the bathroom door open, but it was no big deal. The shower was a bathtub shower combination built into the wall so they couldn't see out of the bath room as long as they were in the tub or shower. I went to work. There were two overnight bags so I stuffed all their clothes in them. Everything. There were some clothes hanging on the clothes rack on the wall outside the bath room door so I took those as well. I threw it all out the window. Just to make sure I had everything I even looked in the bathroom for the odd bra, panties, shorts, or tee shirt that might be there. There was nothing. I even crawled on my stomach into the bath room and took all of the towels and wash cloths I could reach. I even took the bath mat.

I could hear them talking in the shower but I couldn't understand anything they said. I knew they couldn't see me because the shower curtain prevented it.

Everything went over the balcony, including the bedding. I climbed down and took everything to my truck. The people in the room directly beneath Laura's watched me. I looked at them, tapped the ring finger of my left hand, pointed to the room above them, pointed to my heart. I closed my hands and put them together and made a breaking gesture like my heart was broken. The man put his thumb and forefinger to his mouth, twisted them and made a tossing motion like he was locking his lips and throwing the key away, which indicated they wouldn't say anything. One or both of them was probably cheating on their spouse so there was no way they would talk anyway.

I met Zeke and Em at the front desk. I gave Em the bedding I had taken. The brothers looked at each other and started laughing. Em had already printed copies of the pictures Zeke had taken. We knew we were running out of time even if Laura and Hendricks knocked off a quickie in the shower.

Em had just started printing my pictures when the front desk phone rang. He saw which room was calling and winked at us. "Front desk." Pause. "Really?" Pause. "You say the ladder is still there?" Pause. "Well, stay where you are. I'll send up some extra towels and bedding. I can't do anything about your clothes and personal items, but I'll call the police. They'll be here shortly." Pause. "No police? But I have to since someone stole your clothes." Pause. "Well, if you insist, I won't call them, but all I can do is offer a few towels." Pause. "Yes, sir. Thank you sir and besides this little problem, I hope you have enjoyed you stay."

He returned the receiver to its' cradle and we all three started laughing. "Stay where you are? That's the funniest thing I've heard in years," I said. While we were still laughing I asked Em if I could take the new towels and bedding up to them. That started another round of laughter.

"If you really want to," he said. He left and brought back a stack of stuff.

I took it and went upstairs. I knocked on their door. "Room service," I yelled. The door opened just a crack.

"I'll take them," said Hendricks.

I ignored him and pushed him aside, muscles and all. Laura was standing there trying to cover her breasts and pussy at the same time. They still had water dripping from them. Neither of them recognized me until I tossed it all to Laura. She looked at me, screamed, and picked up one of the new sheets and covered herself.

I laughed. "I've seen it all, Laura. No need to hide. Your pecs don't seem to have gotten any larger. Maybe your trainer needs to give them more attention."

In the meantime, Hendricks was standing naked in the middle of the room not knowing whether to shit or go blind. His upper torso was, indeed, impressive, but nothing else was. I couldn't help glancing at his dick. When I did I started laughing.

I looked at Laura. "You obviously haven't been assessing his pec, er, ah, peter, Laura. It needs some help."

She finally found her non-screaming voice. "Wha ...how ... why...?"

"Don't try, Laura. It doesn't matter. I'll be in town long enough to file for divorce. Good luck in Wisconsin."

"Jacob. Jacob. Please." I didn't bother closing the door as I left. Hendricks didn't move the whole time I was in the room.

She tried calling me and left some messages. I had her phone as well as his so she was having to use the motel phone. The gist of her messages was that I left her and she needed him for support first in her training then emotional support after I left.

I decided to stay in town long enough to get the divorce started. That took two days.

Going through the clothing I took out of their room, I found Hendricks' wallet, keys, phone, and lots of other stuff. A little black notebook was one of the items. It had lots of addresses, names, phone numbers, and sex scoring. Laura was rated as a six on a scale of ten.

Em told me later that a couple of hours after I left a man brought some stuff for them; clothing he assumed. When they checked out the next morning, they were both wearing ill-fitting gym clothes. The man must have brought a key for Hendricks's car as well.

The morning of the day I started back to Leadville, I stopped by the Hendricks's home. Mrs. Hendricks was there. I gave her his clothing and other personal property along with copies of the photos both Zeke and I had taken. Zeke's showed them going into the motel hand-in-hand. Mine showed them getting undressed. There were no explicit sexual photos, but it didn't take much of an imagination to know what was going on. His little black book was also an item of interest for her. At the last minute, I gave her Laura's shit as well. "Maybe you can call her and see if she wants this stuff back," I told her laughing.

It had been about two hours since I left Mrs. Hendricks and I was motoring down the highway on my way to Leadville when my phone rang. "Hello."

"Jacob, I'm sorry, but you deserted me. Let's meet and talk about it. Oh, and bring my bikes when you come." She really missed her bikes. That was tough shit because I already sold them in Leadville.

"Fuck you," and I hung up.

My immediate boss, who was also the plant manager, was having a Christmas party and the whole plant was invited. I knew the difference between gin and bourbon so I volunteered to tend bar. The party was at his house and the bar was better stocked then some legitimate bars I had seen.

It was about eight in the evening and the joint was jumpin'. I had only taken a break to go to the bath room, but I was having as much fun as anyone there. One of the guests brought me a plate of food and set it on the bar. "You need to take a break and eat something," she said. She had stopped by the bar a couple of times during the evening and we had chatted a bit.

"Thank you," I said.

She sat on one of the stools at the small bar. The other forty or so guests were spread out over the huge basement. Many of them were sitting around the fireplace laughing or telling jokes while still others were dancing. The woman who brought me the food and I were the only two not doing something. Well, actually we were doing something; I was eating and she was watching me.

"My name is Diane by the way. Diane Webster," she said. "I've been watching you and you don't seem to mind missing most of the party."

I wiped my hands on a tea towel and stuck my right one out to shake. "Jacob Wagner," I said, "and I bet I'm having more fun than most of those people. You never know what some folk's tell their bartender." I laughed as I said it.

She laughed as well. "I take it you work at the plant," she said.

"I do. How about you?"

"No, not me. I'm a bookkeeper, but I'm also the next door neighbor so I get invited to all their parties.."

"Do they have many?"

"Not really. Three or four a year, but they tend to be good ones ... and some of them get pretty rowdy."

"Does this one?"

"Nah. They take it easy at Christmas, but their Fourth of July parties are huge."

"I haven't worked for him long, but he seems like a nice guy," I told her.

"Oh, he is. He and Amber are terrific and I love 'em to death."

I still had food on my plate and someone wanted a round of drinks for his group, so Diane took care of him.

"Thank you," I said. "You know your way around a bar."

She laughed. "I've popped the top on a few bottles."

Our host and hostess for the evening were Jonathan and Amber Whitmore. I enjoyed working with and for him. He knew his way around the plant where we produced the cement, the mine where we blasted, the quarry where we got most of our rocks, and the transportation system which included both rail and trucks.

I was lucky in that he took me under his wing as soon as we met. I was, for all intents and purposes, his assistant and I relished the role.

Shortly after I finished the plate of food Diane brought me, I was relieved as bartender by another guest. "Take a break and dance with this lovely lady," he said indicating Diane. I handed him my bar towel, walked from behind the bar and bowed to Diane, who curtsied back. We both laughed and went to the small dance area. Our bodies got close immediately and stayed that way for three songs.

At the end of the third song, we stopped and looked at each other. "In the interest of full disclosure I have to tell you that I'm married," I said and she took a step back.

"Is she here tonight?"

"No, and it's a long story but I can tell it very quickly.

"Good. I'd like to hear it," she said.

We both got drinks and she led me upstairs to the den. She sat on the sofa and indicated I should sit next to her. "Okay, tell me about this marriage."

I did. When I got to the part about stealing their clothes, she was almost on the floor laughing. When she finally stopped, she asked, "So when is the divorce?"

"I just filed after Thanksgiving so it will take several months." I took a sip of my drink. "So what's your story?"

"Pretty much like yours, only my husband didn't need a trainer for his sporting events. He already knew how and he practiced regularly with waitresses in some local bars. I never caught him, but this is a small town and someone ratted on his ass. That was just over a year ago."

"How's divorced life working out for you?" I asked.

"It's still new. We've only been divorced five months. The problem is the creeps who think that since I'm divorced, I'm easy pickin's "

I laughed. I sensed she was not one to trifle with.

We sat and talked until Amber Whitmore told us it was time to go home. I walked her to her house next door and we shook hands good night.

Two days later, I went into my boss's office and flat out asked him for Diane's phone number.

"I'm not at liberty to give it to you without her permission, but what I will do is give her your number and she can do with it what she wants if that's okay with you."

It was okay with me. She called three days later. We talked for a long time and ended with her giving me her number. After that we talked often.

Our first date came two days before Christmas. We had dinner, danced a little and I took her home. She was spending Christmas day with her family. I was spending it in my apartment.

My doorbell rang about 5:30 Christmas evening. It was Diane. "Would you like some company?" she asked.

"I would indeed," I said as she came in carrying a small basket. She put it on the table and started taking out food. Turkey, ham, potatoes, everything one would normally have for Christmas dinner.

"I told my folks that you were probably alone and starving, so my Mom put this together for you."

"Thank her for me. It looks delicious." She fixed us both a plate and we sat and ate, talking the whole time. Afterward we shared the cleaning up experience.

We were on my sofa later with eggnog and still talking. I learned that her husband worked at the best hardware store in town. When she told me his name I recognized it. I made a point of dealing with him when I went in that store. I liked him. They had been married three years when they divorced.

I told her I thought he was a nice guy.

"Oh, he is. We're still friends, but he's a cheater and I can't stand cheaters.

"Let me ask you a personal question. If it's none of my business, tell me." I took a breath. "Your ex-husband works in a hardware store, and you're a bookkeeper. How can you afford to live next door to the Whitmore's?"

She chuckled. "Courtesy of my parents, or, rather, my grandparents. They used to own the land where that subdivision was built. My house was the first one built there and they used it as a model for the others. When all the lots were sold and all the houses built, they gave it to me."

"Nice grandparents. Where do they live?"

"They have a little ranch in Texas hill country. They're at my parents house for Christmas. As a matter of fact, I just left them."

It was after midnight when she decided to leave. I walked her to her car to discover about four inches of new snow. I was not used to being in snow and was concerned about her driving in it. Of course she had driven in it all her life while that was my first winter having to deal with it.

"This is nothing," she said as we brushed most of it off her car. "The snow removal equipment doesn't even come out until there's about six inches on the ground. I'll be fine." She put her hand on my shoulder, pulled me close and kissed me. "Merry Christmas and I'll call you when I get home if you want me to."

"I want you to," I said and kissed her back.

That was basically our second date and first kiss. Our third date was New Year's Eve and we went to a party at her parent's house. She introduced me to her parents, brother, sister, and their spouses. It was a busy party and we didn't have much time to chat so I grabbed a drink and mingled.

Her grandparents were back in Texas, but about fifty other people were there including my boss and his wife. "Well, Jacob," he said. "You must be doing something right. An invitation to this party is pretty special."

"I think so too, Mr. Whitmore."

"It's Jonathan when we're away from the plant," he said. His wife spoke. "And it's Amber anytime you see me."

I didn't see much of Diane during the party. She was busy helping her parents and every time I tried to help, I was told to enjoy the party. I pretty much did, thanks to the Whitmore's. They introduced me to several of the couples who, it turned out, were pretty much the movers and shakers of the community.

One young lady attached herself to me and made it her personal responsibility to see that I had plenty to eat and drink. She introduced herself as Rosita Cameron. I was pretty much tired of her after about an hour and started looking for a way to escape her clutches. I tried hanging out with the Whitmore's and others, but I couldn't get rid of Rosie, as she told me to call her. I managed to get away from her for the time it took for me to go to the bath room, but she must have been waiting for me to come out because she grabbed my arm and held on tight.

I finally had enough and told her I had to leave. I looked for Diane but couldn't find her so I went to her mother, thanked her, and said goodnight.

I retrieved my coat and left.

The sausage was cooking and I was on my second cup of coffee the next morning when my phone rang. I saw who it was and answered "Happy New Year. How was the party?"

"It was fine until Mom told me you left. Then I got upset and the party sucked. Why did you leave and why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

"The main reason was a young lady named Rosita. She glommed onto me and wouldn't let go and every time I saw you you were busy serving drinks, or holding trays of food, or otherwise being the perfect hostess. I looked for you when I left but couldn't find you and Rosita was hanging on to my arm for dear life. I figured I would leave just so I could get away from her."

I could sense her attitude lightening a bit. "Good grief. She's a good friend of mine and I told her to watch and make sure no other woman got too close to you."

"She certainly did her job. Nothing could have gotten close to me."

"But I didn't want her to drive you off."

"Anyway, Happy New Year," I said.

"Happy New Year to you, too, but it would have been happier with you there."

"I'm cooking breakfast if you would like to join me." I told her.

"I'd love to, but I have to watch the Rose Parade with my family.

We chatted for a bit longer and made a date for dinner for three days hence.

The day before our date, I called to make sure she could still make it.

"I'm sorry, Jacob, but something has come up."

She didn't suggest an alternate day.

That evening I was on my way home and remembered I needed some epoxy to repair a lamp I had broken so I stopped by the hardware store. My old friend, David Webster, Diane's ex, was talking to another customer. "Yep, she's coming around. Another two or three dates and we'll be back together. I was stupid the first time and she didn't deserve me cheating on her. But I've learned my lesson. After dinner tomorrow, I'll have a better feel for it ... we'll see."

"Good luck. Let me know how it comes out."

"I certainly will," said David." He turned and saw me. "Hello, Jacob. What can I do for you?"

"I need some epoxy. Small. Not that giant economy size. I wouldn't use that much in ten years."

He laughed. "i don't see why we even carry the large size. We hardly ever sell any of it."

We went to the cash register and he rung up the sale. I handed him a twenty. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "I heard you talking about dinner tomorrow. Trying to get back with an old girl friend?"

"Hell, no. Trying to get back with my ex-wife. I screwed up the first time and I'm trying to make amends. Tomorrow is my birthday and I talked her into having dinner with me. She always gave me a extra special present on my birthday if you know what I mean." He laughed. I didn't.

"What does she think about getting back together?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. We're friendly enough, and we have dinner and a nice evening out occasionally, if you know what I mean."

That was the second time he used the expression "if you know what I mean" and the implication was clear.

"Yeah. I think I do know what you mean." I took my change and epoxy and went home.

Two days after her dinner date with her birthday boy ex-husband she called me. "How've you been?" she asked.

"Not bad. How about you?"

"Pretty good, actually, " she said.

"So, I guess your dinner date with David went well, huh?"

"Yeah. Wait. How did you know about it and how did you know it was with him?"

"Does it matter. What matters is are you getting back together with him? He seems to think you are. As a matter of fact, he thinks another couple of enjoyable evenings with you will do it. How about it Diane? Will a couple more enjoyable evenings do it? And what exactly constitutes an enjoyable evening in your book? Dinner? Dancing? Drinks? A nice slow roll in the hay to give him a nice birthday present? I understand you always gave him nice birthday presents. I also understand that sex with the ex is supposed to be pretty good."

"Jacob ... it isn't like that."

"Exactly how is it?"

"We just talk."

"Yeah. Pillow talk is always nice."

There was a long pause before I heard, "Good bye, Jacob."

I looked at the dead phone in my hand and said softly to no one. Good bye, Diane.