All Comments on 'Naked on a Beach'

Make up your mind. 1st person or 3rd?

I agree with the other comment made. You needed to lock into 3rd person and stay there. I really don't think that first person perspective works well for this particular story.

Another thing that bothered me was how John was exploring the thought about how many lovers Nikki has had, then shifts again knowing that she is screwing her current boyfriend. Then again at the end he throws in the dig about their father bragging about her being a good fuck. 😒 It's like the time line and history is totally wrong. It felt like you were just tossing ideas in willy nilly and no real thought about planning your story was even made.

I've seen so many other authors make the same mistakes. And just as I said to them, it was a good idea that was poorly executed. 3/5

great consept, absolutely horrendous writing.

You needed to be in the 3rd person and stay there. I really don't think that first person perspective works well for this particular story.

The premise for your story was good.....but as pointed out before the quality of writing is poor. Your first story had been written better. I feel you either rushed this or you might the help of an editor. Don't give up though. A.

Slow sexy first person build up.

Only to be ruined by a third person commentary of the sex part.

I was with the story, liked it quite a lot, but the last paragraph threw me out of it. It didn't fit. Besides parental-involved stories not doing it for me, personally, it didn't fit with her earlier behavior in story, her bashful and such with her brother, just before.