Nanny Sarah

Megan laughed. "You're all pipsqueaks compared to me, pregnant or not."

It was true. At five-nine I was tall, but Megan was six-one in flats. She was also broad shouldered and strong, and had been since we were kids. And she hated bullies. No one had been surprised when she'd become a cop.

Megan went back to the kitchen table and sat down. "So you're the last one, Con."

"Yeah, well, don't hold your breath. With work and Heidi I do not have the time."

"You have to make the time, honey." Lauren put her hand on my shoulder. I was saved from further good-natured lecturing by the doorbell, as Susie and Michael had arrived, new baby in tow. Lauren and Megan both rushed to the door, and I knew a repeat performance regarding the ring was coming so I checked on Heidi, who was happily playing Barbies with Sylvia in the playroom, before slipping out onto the patio.

Rick and Sam were out by the grill, sipping their beers. Rick was tending the meat, wearing his traditional 'Kiss the Cook' apron and cubs cap, while Megan's fiancé Sam looked hungrily over his shoulder.

"Congratulations, Sam. It's about time." I gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks, Connie."

Rick pulled a brat off the grill and nestled it in a bun. "So how 'bout you?"

I pulled a Mike's hard soda out of the cooler by their feet. This is what I hate most about weddings and engagements, answering the same annoyingly well-meaning questions over and over. I pretended to shake a magic eight ball and looked down. "Outlook not so good."

Sam laughed. "I've got a few friends I could introduce you to. Nice guys."

I shook my head. "No, thanks."

"Ok, fine. So what's new with you, then?"

"Hired a nanny today."

Rick nodded. "Cool. Is she like, young and sexy or old and scary?"

I took a swig of my soda. "Definitely the first one."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Man, and I'm off the market."

"She's not your type, only five-six or so."

They both laughed as the door slid open and Susie, Michael and Lauren stepped out onto the patio.

Susie gave me a hug. "Hey sweetie. You see the rock?"

I grinned. "Of course."

Lauren looked at her husband. "Honey, are things about done?"

"Yep, just gotta pull'em off. Connie hired a sexy new nanny."

My mouth dropped open, and Rick just stuck his tongue out at me.

Susie's eyes got big. "Like a Scott Baio thing?"

"No, it's a woman." Susie's face fell a little, but Lauren was still looking at me strangely.

"Con, can you help me with the sides?"

"Sure." I followed her into the kitchen and started scooping the beans into a serving tureen while Lauren opened the chips I'd brought and poured them into a bowl.

"So, sexy new nanny?"

"If only it were Scott Baio." Lauren looked over and smirked, and I shook my head. "She's nice, very professional. She has a real good energy with Heidi. Heidi likes her." I shrugged "Besides, it's just me. Doesn't matter how beautiful she is."

"Beautiful?"

"She's unreal. She has the greenest eyes I've ever seen. I'm so jealous. I mean, emerald green, mud brown." I pointed to my own eyes. I turned away and looked at my reflection in the stainless steel backsplash behind the stove. Wide hips, small boobs, dull hair, plain face, boring eyes. A huge teeming colony of flaws. At least I couldn't see my stretch marks.

WHAP! "Oww! What was that for?" I spun around to see Lauren standing with her hands on her hips, holding the dishtowel she she'd just popped me with.

"Stop it. You, Constance Walker, are a beautiful, intelligent, woman with a great deal to offer anyone."

I started to protest, but there was no point. Lauren knew me better than anyone, and she could tell when I was moping.

"OK, I'm sorry."

"Alright then." Lauren stretched out her back. "Now help the pregnant lady carry this stuff out to the table."

***

I lay in bed that night, trying to make a mental checklist of all the things I needed to get done before Sarah moved in. I had to call my lawyer for a contract, my accountant to arrange Sarah's salary. I also needed to clear out the second bedroom.

As I was thinking, the vision of Sarah opening the curtains in her room, the sun lighting up her hair popped into my head. I felt her hand in mine, wishing I'd been holding it instead of just shaking it. My fingers crept up, gently circling a nipple through my light summer nightgown. It hardened quickly as my mind's eye saw Sarah smile at me. I pinched, sighing into the sensation.

A tingle was building down below, and I rubbed my legs together, intensifying the sensation. What the hell was I doing? Jilling off to my new nanny? I wasn't gay! I have a daughter, for Christ's sake, conceived the natural way. Being a lesbian was for women who cut their hair short and wore flannel!

A part of me knew that was a stupid, bigoted thought, but I was grasping at straws. I was also grasping at other things, as my rationalizing had nothing to relieve the heat building in my body. My traitorous mind contemplated what it would be like to kiss her, what sounds she would make as I nuzzled her neck. As my left hand continued to knead my breast, my right dipped down to the waistband of my panties. As it slipped under I could feel the wet warmth there, and I knew I'd lost the battle.

I sat up and stripped off my nightgown before reaching into my bedstand and pulling out my little finger vibe. It hummed to life as I slid my middle and index fingers into the rings. Normally I needed a drop or two of lube to get things started, but the slickness of my sex told me that would not be the case tonight. I pulled and twisted my nipple as my toy disappeared below my soaked panties. "Ohh!" I bit my lip to keep myself quiet as the vibe slid down the length of my hood and between my lips. After a few good lower strokes I pulled it back up to my clit, running circles around it before diving back down to my vagina.

Fantasy Sarah was kissing me, nibbling on my lip before working down my neck and between the valley created by my breasts. As I imagined her sucking a nipple into her mouth I brought the vibe directly to my good-sized nub, which by now was begging for attention. My legs splayed wide, my toy working up and down, side-to-side and then around. In my mind Sarah's mouth moved further south, her tongue running along the faint marks on my belly, wordlessly letting me know they were beautiful. As she nosed through the soft hair on my mons towards the promise land I pushed down on my nubbin. My legs slammed shut around my hand and the world shattered as my orgasm tore me apart. I rode wave after wave, my body rippling from head to foot. I screamed into my pillow, trying to muffle the sound.

When the aftershocks finally faded I turned off the vibe and let it slip from my fingers, trying to catch my breath after what was easily the strongest orgasm of my life. My mind finally began to clear. I could start to ask myself the questions. Or I could just float here for a few more minutes. I decided the questions would still be there in the morning, and I slept, happier, but more confused than I could ever remember.

***

Sarah moved in two weeks later. We'd met several times before then to finalize arrangements and sign papers, as well as several play dates with Heidi. I could tell Sarah wasn't the type to just keep an eye on her. She really interacted. They played house and had pretend dinner parties. Sarah was always engaged and my daughter adored her for it.

Heidi was overjoyed. I was just nervous. The scene from my bedroom had played out half a dozen times more since that first night, which was very strange for me. I generally only masturbated once or twice a month, more as a stress reliever than anything. I hadn't been with anyone since Heidi's father, and I hadn't missed it, really. I just figured I had a low sex drive and written relationships off as not for me. The very few dates I'd been on had gone exactly nowhere. But there was no doubt; being around Sarah made me downright horny. There was no other word for it. And none of my rationalizing had done anything to alleviate my confused terror that it was another woman who was making me feel this way.

Sarah arrived on a Sunday afternoon. The Johnsons had gifted her the sofa and armchair from her garage apartment. That, along with a wooden writing desk, was the extent of her furniture. Rick, Roger and I had removed the bed from the second guest room the weekend before, so everything fit there easily. Three boxes and a suitcase completed the move.

The Johnsons insisted on taking Sarah out for a farewell dinner. I gave her a set of keys and her own alarm code as she left. I could still smell the slight melon berry scent of her hair as I flopped down on the family room couch, watching Heidi pretend to make dinner for her dolls, which were seated around her little table.

"Does Nanny Sarah live here now?"

"Yes, honey. Is that okay?"

Heidi nodded emphatically. "She's fun. I like her."

"I do too. Now, Nanny Sarah is going to watch you when I go to work tomorrow."

"So I don't have to go to daycare?"

"No sweetie, not anymore."

"Will you still come have lunch with me?"

I held my arms out. "Come sit on Mommy's lap." Heidi's daycare was located on the second floor of my building and I'd been able to come down for lunch most days. It had been our special time, and I was going to miss it. She crawled up onto my leg and I explained it to her gently. "And you'll be starting school next week and you'll meet new friends and have so much fun."

"New friends like Sylvia?"

I nodded. "There'll be lots girls and boys to play with."

"Maybe Nanny Sarah can be your new friend!"

I hugged her to me. "I hope so, honey. I hope so."

***

Monday morning was amazing. That's probably sacrilegious to say, but it was. I was able to get dressed, do my hair and make-up without any interruptions. No banging on the door, no cries of 'Mommy!' ringing down the hall. Voices were coming from downstairs as I made my way to the kitchen, where Heidi was already in her booster seat, stabbing at a piece of hard boiled egg with her IKEA plastic fork. Sarah sat next to her, already dressed in jeans and a V-necked tee.

"Say good morning to mommy."

Heidi's face split into a wide grin. "Mommy look! Nanny Sarah made fancy eggs!" She held out her fork to show me.

"I see that. They're called hard boiled, sweetie."

Sarah looked up. No make-up, like she needed any, but God, she looked perfect. Her hair was brushed, and her eyes were shining. "There's a couple more if you want some." She nodded toward the kitchen.

"Thank you. I fetched them and sat down, taking a piece of buttered toast from a plate on the table.

"Why don't you make eggs like this, mommy?"

"Because your mommy is a terrible chef." I cut one of the eggs in half and ran my knife around the inside, releasing the white in one piece. "I either break the shells or don't get the yolk cooked through."

Sarah laughed, a beautiful, bell ringing sound. I could get used to that. "It's not that hard. I'll show you sometime."

"You should probably talk to Joan about the perils of trying to teach me to cook first. Might scare you off."

Sarah smiled and my tummy went gooey. I gave myself a mental shake, finishing my breakfast before returning to the business at hand. "You have my numbers? Cell and office?"

"I do."

"And her doctor is..."

"On the fridge, along with the poison control center, her dentist, the security company." She reached out and laid her hand on mine, which sent my heart racing, but calmed me at the same time. For an instant, I thought she was going to pull back from the contact, but she didn't. Color rose in her cheeks as she looked me in the eyes, but her voice stayed confident and professional.

"We are going to be fine. Go to work. Call me as many times as you need to. We'll see you tonight." Sarah squeezed my hand. "Heidi, say goodbye to mommy."

I stood up and walked around the table while Sarah quickly wiped Heidi's hands with a napkin. I pulled my daughter into a big hug and a kiss. "Have a great day, honey. Mommy loves you."

"I love you, too, mommy." She buried her head in my neck, her curly hair tickling my nose. I handed her to Sarah, who held her on hip and walked me toward the door out to the garage, waving as I pulled out of the drive.

***

I'm proud to say I only called home twice that day. Stupid, I know, but hey. Sarah was absolutely professional both times. The second call caught them at Super Target, where they were shopping for groceries.

I heard Heidi's voice from the cart. "We got something else, but it's a surprise."

"Something else?"

Sarah chuckled. "Well, I did a quick inventory of your kitchen after you left this morning. Came up with a grocery list and one essential piece of equipment no self-respecting chef can be without."

"What is it?" I thought my kitchen contained everything imaginable. There were several things that I barely knew the names of, let alone how they were meant to be used. I mostly kept them because they'd been my mom's. But something she didn't have? Mind-boggling. "C'mon, you have to tell me."

"Like the little lady said, it's a surprise." I heard Heidi giggle in the background.

"Okay, fine. You win. I'll see you in a few hours."

"Say bye to mommy."

"Bye-bye mommy!"

"Bye honey, I love you." I pressed the red disconnect icon and sighed. Heidi certainly seemed happy, an impressive feat at the store, where she tended to turn into a green-eyed monster looking at all the things I wouldn't let her have.

The drive home was so quiet. I missed Heidi's constant jabbering from the back seat, or her singing along to her Anne Murray playlist. I was very ready to hold my daughter when I pulled into the garage. As I stepped into the small mudroom and slipped off my shoes, I could smell, God, what was that? Soy and ginger? I inhaled deeply as I entered the kitchen.

Sarah was standing at the stove wearing my one decent apron. My mother's wok was on the range, a place it hadn't been since the day she'd died. I'm honestly not sure where it even was. But the smell was heavenly. A pot of rice bubbled away on the back burner. My mouth was watering at everything.

Sarah turned her head towards me as I entered, the corners of her mouth quirking up into a little smile. "Excellent timing. Dinner's almost ready, another couple minutes."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I enjoy it. Didn't get to cook often at the Johnsons. At least, not for grownups."

At that moment Heidi came squealing into the kitchen, forcing me to drop my purse and bag so I could catch her as she jumped into my arms. I spun her around, kissing her cheek while she hugged my neck.

Sarah motioned towards the other room. "Go on, I'll call you when it's done."

Heidi clambered down, pulling me by the hand to her little table where she started filling me in on her day, what Charlie had been up to and anything else that crossed her precocious little mind. I heard plates and silverware being set onto the dining room table, and soon Sarah's voice was calling us back.

Dinner was outstanding, chicken honey cashew stir-fry. Even Heidi, my picky little eater, loved it. We sat and talked. I was able to tell stories about my day to an actual adult, which was so refreshing. I got to hear about how high Heidi could go on the swings and that she went down the big twisty slide all by herself.

Sarah talked about the moms and other nannies she'd met at the park. "Gotta start networking, scheduling play dates and such. It's good for her social development, and adult conversation during the day helps Nanny Sarah not go insane."

I laughed. I loved her sense of humor, dry and witty without being acerbic, a natural straight man. Or woman, whatever. Which was great, because I could be enough of a goof for any two people.

I insisted on clearing the table and helping load the dishwasher. When it was up and running Sarah gave Heidi a hug. "Well, I'll leave you to your family evening. Good night." I stared as she went up the stairs. Naturally, she looked incredible as her blue jeans swayed with every step.

But more than that, I had enjoyed her company, and I didn't want her to go. I sighed. She had the right to her evening off, so I went back to play with Heidi.

Several hours later, with Heidi bathed and safely tucked in bed. I curled up under a blanket on the sofa. I was playing the next episode of whatever Netflix show I was watching at the time, but my mind kept wandering upstairs, where I'd seen the TV lights flickering under Sarah's door. I wondered what she was doing. Probably playing on her phone like a good millennial. My tablet was on the side table. I grabbed it and opened Facebook. I didn't use it much, mainly to stay in contact with my friends who'd moved away, Mia in Korea and Wendy in Seattle. Oh, and also my brother in California.

I pulled up Sarah's public wall and saw a new selfie of her and Heidi from the park. The caption "My new charge! Isn't she precious? Our first day at the playground!" Heidi was beaming in the picture. I fired off a friend request, and it wasn't thirty seconds later it was accepted. My phone buzzed and I looked at the message.

Sarah -- I hope you liked the picture.

Me -- It's adorable. You're so good with her.

Sarah -- Thanks, she's a joy. It's after ten; I think I'm going to turn in. Goodnight Ms. Walker.

Me -- Pleasant dreams.

I hesitated a moment.

Me -- And you can call me Connie.

Sarah -- I'd like that. When it's just us.

Something about that made my heart flutter. I turned off the TV and made my way upstairs, where the light went off under Sarah's door. I closed my eyes and sighed, walking to my own room, where my little vibe was waiting for me.

***

The next few days passed in the same way. Coming home to a freshly prepared meal was just wonderful. And good, too, the woman could cook. Definitely the first time since Heidi had come off the bottle that I'd gone a whole week without eating chicken nuggets or mac and cheese. It was almost like being an adult again. She could even get Heidi to try things she'd never eat for me, because if Nanny Sarah made it, it was special. Honestly, I agreed with Heidi. And there was always enough left for me to take for lunch the next day. Amazing.

And the conversation! Just basic, dinner table conversation. Someone I could tell about my day, even bounce ideas off of. And Sarah was far more levelheaded and practical than I was. I was a dreamer; it's why I worked in advertising. But sometimes the best idea is the simplest and I need to be reined back in. After all, Ocean Breeze soap will get you clean. (Bonus points for anyone who gets that movie reference.) Anyway, it was really nice.

Friday I texted Sarah not to cook. It was pizza and a movie night, family traditions after all. I stopped on the way home and picked up my favorite, a Cheese Louise from Jockamo's with garlic knots, along with a ten-inch plain cheese pizza for Heidi. When I arrived Heidi was piling up her stuffed animals on the couch, while Sarah sat in the armchair and listened to her jabber. "Hoppy and Mr. Bear always sit together, 'cause they're best friends."

"Hi guys!" I slipped the pizzas onto the counter. Heidi ran into my arms, while Sarah smiled warmly from chair, legs tucked up under her pleated skirt.

"Did you guys have a good day?"

Heidi nodded. "We practiced going to school, and we went to the library for story time, and I got some books! Oh!" Heidi pointed at the cardboard boxes, each sporting the picture of a sophisticated monkey with a top hat and monocle. "Did you get the pizza?"

"Of course. So what movie are we watching?"

"Ariel!"

"The Little Mermaid it is." As Disney princess movies went it wasn't that bad so no arguments from me.