I'm a loser, always have been.

In High school the girls laughed at me, and often picked straws who would get to make a fool of me at parties. You know, play spin the bottle and when the bottle landed on me and I'd turn to kiss the girl to the left of me... all of a sudden it's a guy, puckering his lips and making smoochy noises, and a general tittering would erupt from all the girls... haha, real funny... just cause a guy is afflicted with crummy vision and has to wear coke-bottle lenses, I was branded. Un desirable, Un loveable, and definitely UN Fuckable! A brand I wore right through university, and even now. I fell in love once. Completely, and stupidly to a girl. Cynthia. A wonderfully creative and beautiful soul. She was a writer and as an artist she wore an artists passions. She taught me how to kiss one day. I was hers. Unfortunately she couldn't give herself. Having suffered some unspeakable emotional trauma as a child, she could never entirely love anyone. I moved out west where I hoped to forget her. But I never did I forget Cynthia and her gentle "cookie kisses".

I'm almost fifty now, Oh, I've been married, for 20 years. To a bitch that never really gave a shit and wouldn't even kiss me, thought it was dirty, or I was dirty. Only good thing that came from that was my two kids, or at least one of them cares.

So now I live alone, in a lousy 1 bedroom apartment that's so small I have to go outside to change my mind. No regular girl friend. It seems like the only women that pay any attention to me at all are the ones that I have to pay to do so.

Last month one of my little friends that I've been so kind to allow to stay at my place, "I have no place to stay, please please please can I stay with you, you're such a sweetheart" Oh this little blonde cutie knew where i lived and how much I was hurting for some affection, she ripped me off, to the tune of $150 and my DVD player. DAMN, I am so stupid. How could I ever believe that anyone as pretty as this little blondie would even think I was attractive?

Then Natalia came bouncing into my life. This little honey was barely 5 feet tall. A smile that would make you stop doing anything else but look at her, and sigh. A wonderful mop of brown Red hair that frames her delicate features perfectly. A trim figure with hardly any waist at all. Ok she's a working girl. I don't care any more. I am just so damn lonesome, and she is so sweet and lovely. I met her one day while desperately searching for company on a rainy evening.

"Hi, looking for company?"

Oh I've heard that line before.

"Maybe, It depends, You aren't out to rip me off are you? Or just sucker me for a quick $40 or so and split before I even get warmed up?"

"Oh no! " She looked shocked that I even asked the question, " I know some girls do that, I don't believe in that kind of thing"

"Look I'll be frank with you, I'm not your regular john. I can't just stick it in and pump like a fool and poof done good night ma'am, bang goobye. I need a more slow and gentle approach, and someone that like to kiss and make out, cuddle and get some serious foreplay going. before we get down and dirty."

"I know what you mean, I'm the same way, I like a man with a warm heart, and I pick my customers for that same quality." She gently touched my chest and traced a small heart with her left index finger. "That to me is way more important that looks or anything else."

I nodded and gestured her to come with me, as she walked along with me. We chatted about pets and how she liked cats and had cats all her life, and that she loved the way they purred and swayed their tail around your legs when they wanted to say hello. We talked about music, I mentioned my love of almost any kind of music, but especially Jazz. We talked about family, hers and mine, we talked about ex relationships, we talked and talked and talked. The more we talked the more I fell in love with her. Here was someone that related, maybe not the most educated woman around, you could tell from her questions about my computer that she lacked some basic twenty first century skills, but she was not stupid, she watched intently and genuinely interested as I explained about what I did in Photoshop where I work. She could be taught. After a while though when the lights dimmed and the music filled the room with soft warm sounds, and she started to kiss me, and so lovingly and gently touch me, and run her fingertips all up and down my neck and back. I held her face in my hands, like a nervous bird, barely touching her, and kissed her lips and felt her tongue slip in and slide over mine. I was filled with a thrill I had not felt in a very very long time, not since Cynthia had I felt this sensation of complete rapture. I was lost in her eyes, in her smile, her touch and now her kisses were making me woozy.

Then she took my hand and pulled me to my feet melted into my arms and kissed me more slipping her tongue over my throat and neck. I was getting more than a little aroused. My pants were tenting impressively, especially interesting since I am not a very well endowed man, my penis being only 5 and half inches long but I guess I make up for it in girth being 6 inches around,. Slowly, we kissed and loved each other, she slid out of her top, letting her sweater fall to the ground as I marvelled at her small but wonderfully perky breasts. Her nipples were incredibly responsive and extended fully two inches from the dome of her breasts, I couldn't resist as I cupped one and sucked in her other in my mouth, she hissed in approval as I played gently and wetly with her alive nubbins. Hse sighed and swayed as I ran my eager hands down her flat and hardened tummy. I lowered my head and licked at her abs and navel. Her fingers intertwined in my hair and she held me close to her as I laved at her torso.

"Oh Lord, Natie, I want to explore every bit of you."

"Oh sweetie, You do so know how to love me, but the pants stay on this time, I'm so sorry, but you know, it's just not good now."

I knew what she meant, and nodded my understanding.

"I promise next time very very soon, I want you to do it all to me, believe me. but now, my sweet, it's your turn."

"Natie, you gotta know, I haven't been able to get up for a long long time, you will probably find me a challenge, or get tired trying to get me off" I had heard such complaints from these girls before

"Let me worry about that. Just lie back and relax, and let yourself enjoy it."

She pushed me on the bed and slipped my underwear off. Once relieved of my fruit of the looms, she proceeded to lie between my legs and look me in the face as she started to lick, at first, the suck, then completely engulf me in her mouth. Now I have not gotten many blow jobs in my 49 years. The ex simply refused, I had my first one only 4 years ago, but this time, with natalia... oh man, she slurped and licked and sucked me deep into her mouth, never ever taking her eyes of mine, although I must admit my eyes surely left my sockets many times while she performed her miracle on me. I was completely ensconced into her throat, and yet she never scraped me with her teeth, or bit me accidentally, She fucked her mouth with my dick and ran her hands over my balls and crotch. She licked along the sides and hummed and moaned, she sucked it in deep the stroked me up and down and licked the tip, then took me in deep again and ever so gently ran her teeth on the base. Then repeated the process, until the inevitable came to happen.

"OH my UUUUUUUUUUUnghhhhh" I exploded, I writhed and wriggled all over as I orgasmed, and Natalia never took her mouth off me, all through my ecstasy, she took me deeper and deeper in her moth and she swallowed all of it. Not one drop escaped her ministrations. I let go what felt surely like a gallon of dead baby juice into her gently humming and moaning mouth.

"See, I knew there was nothing wrong with you. Impotent, my ass!" she beamed at me with that wide smile and kissed me.

She went home that night, with my heart in her pocket. And $40. And her phone number in my book. And a promice to see me again soon.

My dreams have since been pleasantly disturbed by visions of her in my mind. Dreams of her warm and naked in my arms. Dreams of me gently loving her, undressing her slowly and kissing every part as it became exposed to view. Dreams of my filling her with all my love, in as many positions that time would allow. But especially dreams of my lavishing her with oral affection unside her slender thighs, and the wonderful place they meet. I would watch her writhe and wiggle in my dreams, as I let my tongue enjoy its explorations of her womanhood. Inside and out. I dreamed how she would arch her back and pull my head into her crotch as I made her cum, not once or twice, but over and over again, licking and sucking and inserting a finger and gently flicking around inside her to find that elusive g spot, ooooo found it... now she's really cuming alive, she is pumping at me so intensely that we have effectively moved completely around the bed. She wrangles her way around and is about to engulf me in her special attention... and the clock warns of the approach of sunrise. Damn.

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