All Comments on 'Naughty and Delicious'

Well done first piece. Only glitch for me was when you wrote "feel like a slut should." First reading it seemed he was commenting on her state of mind, which would be out of place among the physical descriptions. After a couple rereads, I think he was still making a physical description comment. Having to stop to interpret that broke the hot flow you had going. Even as a physical description, it has a different feel, more judgmental instead of the intensely hot clinical that is the rest of the scene. She easily could have been reduced to an object here, but that intensity in his observation makes it very interpersonal.