Needed

Avery didn't see the point in coming to his office hours. No one would show up. Any freshman who needed help with physics homework would rather consult a classmate, or the professor, or an online tutorial than go out on a Monday evening to the office of a doctoral student.

At times like these, sitting waiting for nothing, he suspected his salary was a waste of university money. What he studied was such abstract theory, so mind-bogglingly unexplainable that it held no value to the vast majority of the public, if it would end up getting valued at all. If he'd made different choices, he could have been out working to support a wife and kids, but thanks to his stubborn academic passion, here he was now. Alone. Useless, he felt.

The door inched open.

"Hello?" He hoped it was just the wind. As bored as he was, he sure wasn't prepared for human interaction.

"Hi, uh, Dr. Lee told me to see you." She peeked in - it was the little brunette in the front row who always wore dresses and skirts. Her voice was as gentle as he expected.

Avery's heart rate rose. Here was a pretty young lady giving him attention, finally; he couldn't help it. "Well, hello there. What's your name?"

"Lucy." She tiptoed in, clutching a packet. "I just need help on this week's problem set. I did so bad on the other ones...really bad. Dr. Lee said if my performance in this class doesn't get better, I'm probably not going to pass."

He slid a chair next to him and motioned her to come sit. "Okay then, what are you stuck on?"

"Everything." Lucy's face crumpled. She set down her packet, a soiled mess of eraser smudges and teardrops. "I don't know if I'm cut out for this."

"Aw, Lucy, I know it can be hard sometimes, but as long as you keep trying-"

"I tried hard on all the problem sets. I really tried! And look how I did! I try and I try, and it doesn't pay off."

"You know, I've felt the same way." He'd been avoiding eye contact, but now he glanced up at her eyes-lashes fluttering, looking towards him for help so desperately. "I think all of us in the department have gone through this at some point. It's not the end of the world, honey." Oops.

Lucy didn't seem to find that inappropriate. She just nodded with a new little smile. "So you think I can still do well?"

"You're coming to me instead of dropping the class. I think that says something."

"I've come so far to get here; I can't afford to fail." She scooted her packet towards him. "If I don't get this degree, I don't know what I'm going to do."

"The homework can wait." He placed a hand on her shoulder. Honestly, he hadn't looked at this week's problem set. "Are you free at noon tomorrow?" One-on-one sessions outside office hours were improper under TA policy, but if he was to give her the help she deserved, he'd need some time to prepare.

"Mm-hmm." Lucy sniffed back her tears.

"I just want to make sure you're okay. Are you feeling better now?" he asked, giving her a soothing rub.

"Yes! Thank you so much."

"Great. Now that you know you can do it, I'd like you to keep trying tonight, and then we can go over it tomorrow. Take care."

"Oh, thank you!" She stood up and smoothed her skirt. "Can I get a hug?"

Whoa. He'd gotten a little touchy with her, but this conduct might be interpreted as a little too lovey. "Sure."

He stood, and she clung to him, tight, nuzzling her head against his cheek. He gave her some "you've got this" pats on the back. She just wouldn't let go-clearly she needed this hug.

Avery warmed. It sure felt nice to be needed.

***

Lucy pinned back her curled hair with a bow. If only she had some red lipstick, she thought. Boys liked lipstick, right? The best she had was pink gloss. She swiped it on and licked it smooth; it tasted like candy. Once she pulled up her stockings high above the hem of her shortest dress, just above her knees, she laced up her boots, grabbed her packet, and headed out.

She was going to meet with Avery. She had to look pretty for him.

When she reached his office, his door was wide open, but she was still too shy to step in. She just stood back and admired him. His hair was tousled like he'd woken up not too long ago. One hand held a Monster can, while the other typed on a light-up keyboard, next to colorful science-y desk decorations. He was scrutinizing his computer screen so intently, typing so rapidly-surely he wouldn't notice her.

Avery looked up from his work. "Lucy?"

"Here!" She pranced inside with a giggle, ready to show off her efforts. "I kept working on it like you said. I'm still stuck on a few things, but I definitely made some progress."

"Awesome." His voice was a low rumble. This was a real grown man.

"You were right; it really does pay off to keep trying. Thank you so much for believing in me."

"Of course. You're going into engineering, right? You've got some really tough classes ahead. You just have to remember that people support you being here. There were times I felt like giving up, but I kept going because I knew I couldn't let my parents down, and look where I am now-"

"My parents think I shouldn't be here."

"What? Why wouldn't they want to see you succeed?"

Uh oh. "Do you know about Jehovah's Witnesses?" She fidgeted with her hair, twirling it around her finger. Time to open the can of worms. "They don't think much of worldly education and careers. They want you to live a life dedicated to preaching about the Kingdom and raising children. No time for that in college! My mom and dad didn't go to college, my older siblings didn't go, and they didn't expect me to go."

"Oh." Avery's face froze, looking puzzled. "What brings you here, then?"

"I don't believe in that stuff anymore, haven't believed for years." In fact, she was hoping not to mention it to anyone here. She thought she could just leave it behind. "But I know my family will shun me if I quit, so I need to be able to support myself. I thought I wouldn't have trouble with that if I got a chemical engineering degree. There'll always be well-paying jobs for that."

"That's really brave of you."

"Thanks. I just hope it's the right decision."

"It is." He rested his firm hand on her shoulder. Just like last time he did it, something about it gave her a little tingle inside. "You can do this."

"And what brings you here?" She tried to pronounce the question delicately, but she seriously wondered what got him dedicated to this. Clearly he wasn't in it for the money.

"Well..." Avery paused in silence for a moment, scrolling on his computer. "I'll admit, sometimes I'm not sure if this is going to pay off. But when I help physics make sense to undergrads like you, that's when I really feel like being here is worth it."

"Aww! I'm grateful for your help." She hugged him. Her heart fluttered; his arms were so big and strong-

He pulled off. Oops, perhaps she'd been clinging too long. "Now let's get to the homework."

Lucy didn't have parents supporting her; she'd chosen this path on her own. But now she wasn't taking it alone. She had Avery. Such an angel, she thought. So patient, so caring-and so gorgeous.

Ew, no. Lucy wished her class could've had a female TA. If so, getting help wouldn't get her feeling awkward like this.

***

Where was Lucy? Avery had told her to come to his office hours again. She was always the little crack of sunlight in his dreary days at the departmental office. Not just because she was adorable, but because she was appreciative. Interesting that she was raised by Jehovah's Witnesses, he thought, but not surprising. No wonder she acted so sweet and proper (and dressed the part too).

He wondered whether she was a virgin. Being raised religious surely meant she was raised to believe her purity was the greatest gift she could give her man, along with her devotion and obedience. She'd probably be the only pretty girl in her class that was still innocent.

Just as he got wrapped up in these delicious thoughts, she walked in, no hesitation.

"Lucy! You did so well on the exam." He reached into a bag under his desk and pulled out a gift: a box of fine coconut caramel chocolates.

"Ooh!" Lucy's little squeal was too precious. "Thank you, thank you!"

"Now, what can we learn from this experience? What helped you improve?"

She giggled, staring at her lap. "It was you. I couldn't have done it without you."

Avery tilted her chin up. "Nah, give yourself some credit too, dear. I know you've been putting in the work."

"Hmm, okay. I still think I'll come to you for help on this next problem set, though. You know I can't afford to fail."

"It'll be my pleasure to see you." It would've been his pleasure to see her curled up beside him when he woke up in his bed, he thought. It would've been his pleasure to see her in his kitchen making a nice meal for him. To see her on her knees, pleasing him like a good obedient little girl. To see her eyes get all dreamy and fill with tears because he was making her feel so good and would be the first man to make her cum. "Just promise me you'll try your best. Remember, this is where you belong."

"Yep, I promise. Have a great day!" And she was gone.

That was all? She didn't try to hug him this time. He wished he could've asked her, but coming from his position, that request may be construed as inappropriate.

***

Deep breath in, deep breath out. No shame, Lucy told herself. The last time she'd done this, she'd tearfully confessed to her parents and had a serious talk with a congregation elder. This time, though, she was going to let herself enjoy this.

Lucy lay snug under the covers, alone in her dorm room. Her hand slid down her belly, down between her legs, where she was throbbing and dripping. She needed this.

You did so well, she pictured Avery saying. Avery, the angel, the big strong man who cared for her. Surely he'd want her to feel good like this.

Her finger ran up her warm slit, searching for the spot. She got a shiver when she hit it. She pressed her clitoris and rubbed in rapid circles-this was true bliss.

Her other hand explored her body, the way she hoped Avery would get to know it. She hoped that he'd cup her breast like this, that he'd make her feel like a woman. Maybe he'd stroke her nipples like this and give them kisses and sucks.

And oh, how lovely it would be to admire his full body as well. He'd take off his shirt, revealing his bare chest, his bulky arms, his belly with a soft bit of chub. Then off with his pants and undies; she'd get to see the part of him that was his secret.

Lucy wanted to slip her fingers in, feel what she'd feel if that big strong man took her, but she was afraid it would hurt. She kept rubbing and stroking. "Avery!" she cried out. "Oh, Avery!" For the first time, she didn't let guilt stop her. She kept going, letting the tingles flood her with warmth, letting herself keep indulging in fantasies of the one man she wanted to please, and for the first time, she came.

As she lay under the covers, ready for sleep, she remembered something-she still had physics homework. She was going to go over it during Avery's office hours tomorrow. Good thing he wouldn't know what she just did.

***

"Hello, Lucy." Today, Avery's heart rate was up before she'd even walked in. He was getting ready to tell her what she needed to be told. "Would you mind closing the door behind you?"

Lucy looked lovely today, hair braided with bows. "Sure!"

"Come here. Have you noticed we've been getting a little too close lately?"

"Um..." Her face scrunched up, like she was straining to keep tears from spilling. He hadn't seen her like this since the first day she came in. "I'm sorry."

When she was looking like that, he wanted to lean in and calm her with a kiss. Did she even know what a nice kiss felt like? "No, no. Don't be sorry. All I'm asking is that you understand the seriousness of this situation."

Lucy gasped.

"The official policy is that we're not supposed to give any students an unfair advantage. It's not exactly fair that I give you one-on-one time outside of office hours when I don't offer extra time to anyone else. And remember when I gave you those chocolates? I didn't give those to anyone else who did well on the exam."

"I didn't tell anyone. I promise."

"I trust that you didn't. I'm still concerned about pushing the limits. This is a position that's very important to me, but you're also very important to me, Lucy." He stroked her little hand. "If I wanted to get closer, how would you feel about that?"

Lucy gripped his hand. "I'm going to be your wife?"

Avery was stunned. What? Then he chuckled. This girl sure was raised religious. Jehovah's Witnesses believed the wedding vows had to come before the bedroom passion. "It would be a while until we can get married, you know, but we don't have to wait. If you want to get closer with me, we can get close, and it'll be our secret."

"What would we do?"

"Well..." Oh, man. Awkward conversations called for delicate word choice, but this girl really needed things spelled out. "You're interested in being my girlfriend, yes?"

"Yes!"

"So now that you're my girlfriend, would you like to come to my apartment? I live alone; it'll be just us. You definitely won't tell anyone?"

"Yes! Thank you so much!" She got up and reached for a hug. This seemed to be her favorite part of their meetings.

Avery had a few girlfriends in his past, but never one as pure as this-never one who so badly needed him to guide her into grown-up love.

***

The closer Lucy got to Avery's place, the more she got a tingle in her toes. Perhaps it was guilt-according to university policy, this man should've never invited her-but perhaps it was because this might be the day she'd finally do those wifely things she dreamed of.

She left the school's side of the city, walking past the little pizzerias and the lush green hills and the sloping streets littered with bottle shards and cigar wrappers, headed for a tall apartment building of faded old brick. When she reached the stone steps, there he stood in plaid pajama pants.

He took her hand, as if to pull her up to him. "Did you walk yourself here? That's really not safe." He leaned down to give her hand a kiss. "Take the bus with your student ID, or call an Uber. But no worries now-you're safe with me."

Lucy's fingers were throbbing with tingles. They calmed as Avery held them to lead Lucy up the stairs. Yes, he did make her feel safe.

"Here we are." He opened the door to the third floor and motioned her in, like when he motioned her into his office the day they met. A few steps further, he opened the door to the place he called home, and she was struck by what she saw.

"Uh... this place is tiny!" Shh, she told herself. How rude!

"It's a studio apartment." He gave Lucy a tour as she still clung to his hand, gesturing toward a stall-sized bathroom, the kitchen side of his room, and the side with nothing but a window, a dresser, and a couch.

She wondered how someone could live here. Even her cramped dorm room had more living space. "Where do you sleep?"

"This couch is a pull-out bed." He plopped himself down. She sat down with him-there was nowhere else to be.

His body felt so warm next to her. Maybe he was getting the tingles too. Lucy leaned in closer, breathing against his shoulder, in, out-she could be calm, she remembered. She was safe here. "Do you like this?" She rubbed and circled her fingers over his shoulders; her father seemed to like whenever her mother did that. What else was a wife supposed to do for her man on the couch?

"Mmm." Avery grinned, eyes closed. "Lucy, such a cutie. Lucy, my little beauty. My little Lucy, yes."

She found his face so handsome when he was in bliss. "Can I give you a kiss?"

"Mm-hmm." He nodded, reached for her waist...

She leaned in with pursed lips, aiming for his stubbled cheek-apparently that was not what he craved. He took her with his lips. "Mmf!" The wet warmth was strange. But she stayed in the kiss, letting him show his love with his tongue, feeling soothed by the softness and spit.

He cupped her chin and pulled off with a giggle, gazing into her surprise-widened eyes. "That was your first time, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, was it yours?" He was too good at it.

"Nope. Mine was in my freshman year of college."

Oh, no. She remembered that outside the bubble of her childhood religion, intimacy was seen as just fleeting fun. Worldly men didn't all kiss women they wanted as wives. "What happened with her?"

"Well, my dear, we were both physics majors, and I liked that she was so smart and into the same stuff as me, but she was too into it, you know? It felt competitive. She got so wrapped up in her schoolwork that she barely ever spent time with me, and eventually, we just stopped talking."

"I'm sorry! Sorry I brought her up."

"It's fine. She sure wasn't like you. You, my beautiful, dutiful little cutie." He pat-patted her cheek. "Now, listen to me. I know getting this degree is important to you. I want you to work hard and succeed here. But you're going to remember me, right?"

"Of course." How could she not? This was her protector, the only one who truly supported her here in college. She was still afraid, though, of what would happen afterwards. "Are we going to be together forever?"

"That's the thing-it really depends on you. I had another girlfriend after her when I was getting my master's, but we split when I came out here for my PhD. Can't blame her. I want to ask whether you'll move with me after I get this degree, but I still don't know where I'll be going."

"I have nowhere else to go." Wherever Avery would go, it didn't matter. Lucy needed to be with him. She didn't even want to head back to her dorm; she would've preferred to spend her night there on the pull-out bed. She'd given him her love, sealed herself to him with a kiss. She'd stand by him to the day they were Mrs. and Dr.

***

"You've been such a good girl," Avery whispered to Lucy, as they walked hand-in-hand out of the Chipotle near campus (fortunate not to see anyone from introductory physics!). He'd figured it was time to treat her to a date, now that her scores on the problem sets had improved. There was no way she'd fail the class now. "Promise me you won't tell anyone you're spending the night with me."

Lucy held up a dainty pinky with a sparkly-polished nail. "I won't."

"Good. Now we're going to take the bus to my place, as we should. Don't go walking." Avery's stomach twisted. Did she even know what he was suggesting, snuck into the words "spending the night"? Was he just a creep?

On the bus ride home, Lucy sat on his lap, bunching up her dress. He didn't feel any cloth rubbing over his crotch-just bare skin. Perhaps she did know.

As he led her up the stairs, he took deep breaths to calm himself. This was his duty. First, he was responsible for showing her how to do physics problems; now, he would be responsible for showing her how to please a man. He was the guide she needed. "Let's go sit down, my love."

Lucy obeyed. "Are you going to kiss me again?"

"Yes. Just hold still." He set a fistful of her hair to the side and left wet sucks on her exposed neck.

She couldn't stop giggling. "Ooh! Why does it tickle so much?"

"Girls like being kissed there. It's a sensitive part."

"I've never heard of that."

"You've got more sensitive parts too. I'll show you." He continued the neck-kissing, trailing his fingers down to her chest.

She squeaked out a quiet "Oh!" as he gave a breast a squeeze.

"Felt nice, huh?" He took her nod as permission to graze his finger across it, searching for a nipple. It was puffy-now he wanted to see. "I'm sure you'd like to take them out for me."