Neighborhood Secrets Pt. 02

The Neighborhood- Part 2

The second of a six-part series of exposed and confessed secrets focused on a crossdresser, his wife, and their neighbors.

I woke up the next morning just before seven. That was late for me, but I had tossed and turned trying to get to sleep. It wasn't unusual for Steph and me to have a disagreement when we were home alone, but it wasn't normally about my crossdressing since it was a subject that we didn't acknowledge to each other.

Since our neighbor Kim had told her earlier in the day that she had discovered her husband Rob was apparently attracted to crossdressers, or pre-op transexuals, my wife had confronted me. This had resulted in a review of the history of her discovering my crossdressing. In our confrontation yesterday Steph had used the word tranny a lot and said it with a tone of disgust. She had also drunk a lot of wine which had added to the derision in her voice.

I climbed out of the bed in the guest room and quietly slide into the master bedroom. I could hear some light snoring from the bed as I went into the bathroom to pee, wash my face, and brush my teeth. I grabbed a t shirt on the way out and switched it out with the shirt I had slept in. When I got down stairs, I pulled a bottled water out of the fridge, and got some Advil out of the cabinet. I took them up and sat them on the night stand on Steph's side of the bed.

I made a large pot of coffee and then spent the next hour surfing the net and social media sites on my phone. It was about eight-thirty when I heard some movement upstairs. When the hall bath shower turned on, I knew that Callie had gotten up. I decided I would make some Belgian waffles for everyone and got the waffle maker out of the pantry.

Just after nine o'clock I heard more noise upstairs and was pretty sure that Steph was now up also. I started cooking the waffles and put everything out to go with them on the kitchen table. Callie made it down first and hugged my arm and shoulder while kissing my cheek and saying good morning.

Steph came down a few minutes later and when she saw the kitchen she gave me a reluctant grin. I noticed she was holding the water bottle in her hand, and it was already three quarters empty.

"Good morning, everyone."

Callie and I said good morning back while I put the hot waffles on everyone's plate.

"Mom, can I try my dress on right after breakfast? I made plans to go on hike with Allison, Bethany, and Melanie later this morning."

"Sure. Where are you all hiking?" Steph asked.

"The National Park. We will be gone all day." She responded.

"Okay... remember you are on your own for dinner tonight. We have the cookout at Mark's."

"Yes. Zach and I will probably grab something to eat before going to see a movie."

"Sounds like a full day for you sweetie." I added.

Callie had a mouthful of food, so she just nodded yes. I realized this meant that Steph and I wouldn't have her here all day as a buffer so the tension from yesterday was likely to spill over. I was wondering how her hangover would factor into it. Would it make her angrier or would it mean she would avoid confrontation.

The rest of breakfast was finished in silence and when we finished, all of us pitched in to clean up together. When Callie went up to try her dress on, Steph sat back down at the kitchen table.

"Thanks for the water and Advil. My head was killing me when I woke up this morning."

"You're welcome. I haven't had a wine hangover in a while but the headaches from those are killer." I smiled at her.

She gave me an awkward smile back and a nod of yes. We both heard Callie entering the kitchen and turned to look at her. She hadn't done her hair or makeup but did put on the heels she was going to wear. Her dress fit her perfectly. It was a sequined rose gold strapless sheath dress. The hem landed mid-thigh on her. She was wearing a pair of nude ankle strapped stiletto heels.

"Callie you and the dress are gorgeous." I told her sincerely.

"Thanks dad."

"Do you like how it fits? You are okay with the length?" Steph asked.

"Yes... it is perfect."

"Your dad is right. You are gorgeous in it."

We all smiled at each other and Callie walked out and went up to her room to get ready to go out with her friends. Steph turned to me and looked like she was going to say something but didn't. She had a smirk on her face.

"What?" I finally asked.

"The dress is gorgeous... huh. A pink sequined prom dress. It is going to kill you not try that on isn't it." The tone of her voice wasn't mocking it was almost sincere.

"I would never do that. Ever!" I promised her truthfully.

"Actually... I know you wouldn't. But don't all of you crossdresser have an almost... addiction to sequins and super girly dresses? Did you like the shoes?"

"I don't want to fight." I told her as I started to stand up.

"I don't either... I was being serious. Do you like the shoes? She couldn't decided between those and some platform pumps. I told her to go with those and save the inch in height. You know how conscious she is about her height."

I didn't hear any sarcasm or cruelness in her voice as she spoke. It still felt like it was a trap or something. This was the most we have talked about women's clothing in years.

"The shoes looked good on her and went great with the dress." I hesitantly replied.

"But? It sounds like there is but in there."

"No... that was sincere. I am just more a fan of pumps than opened toed heels." I told her.

"Oh... the only problem with pumps is you can't show off painted toe nails." She smiled at me.

"Uh... yea... I guess that is true."

I was getting very nervous now and thought at any minute she would blow up. Plus, I was worried that Callie would come down and hear us talking. Every day I worried that Steph would get mad enough at me to spill my secret to my daughter. I thought Callie might be okay knowing about my crossdressing, she was a supporter of the LBGTQ community, but I wanted her to see me as dad, not something else.

I had seen through my wife that supporting the community and supporting a member of your family were two different things. Steph was friends with a lot of the gay nurses, both the male and female, at work. That still didn't mean she supported me.

I stood up to walk out of the kitchen. I had decided to go for a run this morning since the temps were already climbing.

"I am sorry about last night. I was drunk." Steph blurted out before I got out of the kitchen.

"It is okay. Not like you said anything that wasn't true." I just wanted to escape.

"Do you think... well... it is just... after you went up to bed I did some... could we talk later? Like maybe during lunch or this afternoon before the cookout. I think we need to."

There was something in her tone and even her eyes as she spoke. It was almost like she was pleading with me to do this. I don't think there was anything I wanted to do less, not just because I didn't want to fight with her or give her the opportunity to demean me. I hated talking about it, saying out loud that I was a crossdresser scared me more than anything.

It was a little irrational because obviously she knew everything, but I wanted Steph to see a man. I wanted her to be attracted to me. I didn't want her to see me as a crossdresser. Talking about it with her, admitting it to her obviously didn't line up with that.

"Uh... yea... I guess. Just let me know when. I am going to go for a quick run." I said walking out of the kitchen.

I ran for three miles. I had taken my Ipod and picked a workout playlist but I am not sure I had heard any of the songs that played because my mind was on Steph and our fight last night, our conversation this morning, and her desire to talk later.

I also knew that our neighbor Kim was going to confront her husband this afternoon. How was that going to potentially impact me. Kim and Steph were very close, and Steph had already mentioned telling Kim my secret. Plus, we were all supposed to go to a cookout at our other neighbors this evening.

I made it back to the house just as Callie was walking out. She had on a pair of short hiking shorts with a tank top over a sports bra. She was wearing a baseball cap and her ponytail was pulled through it. I checked and she had her hiking boots on and a small backpack hung off her shoulder. She looked really cute.

"Your outfit is a big change from your prom dress." I smiled at her.

"Yes. Sometimes we can't wear a dress, even when we want to, can we? As pretty as that dress is I don't think it would be good for hiking and I know those heels wouldn't be a good idea." Callie has a strange smile on her face as she said that.

"Have a great hike. Make sure you hydrate, use sunscreen, and be careful Sweetie." I replied suddenly wanting to end this conversation.

"I will Dad. Hope you a good day."

As I turned to go into the house I looked over and saw Rob stepping out of his garage next door. We exchanged waves. I felt guilty knowing about his pending confrontation and not warning him. I also was curious about his interest in trans girls. Was he curious because he was also a crossdresser? Or was he what some people called a tranny chaser.

It was difficult to think of him cross dressed. He was six three and in great shape, his stomach was flat, with defined abs and there was plenty of definition to his biceps. He also projected masculinity. Including the sleeve tattoo on his left arm. If I was honest with myself, he was the kind of man that occupied my thoughts when I got my toys out.

I went in the house and grabbed a water. It seemed quiet and I wondered if Steph had gone upstairs and laid back down. I took my water and went to sit out on the deck wanting to feel the warm sun. When I stepped out, I found Steph standing at the fence line talking to Mark. She seemed very animated and a big smile on her face.

"Hey Brian. Beautiful start to the day, isn't it?" Mark yelled up to me.

It seemed like Steph startled a little as he yelled up to me and she stepped back from the fence.

"How was your run?" She asked.

"It was good. And the weather was great. Mark, do you need any help getting ready for this evening?"

"No thanks. Pretty sure I am all set."

I moved over and took a seat in the chair. A few minutes later Steph came up the stairs her cheeks seemed a little flush and she had a funny smile on her face. She gave me an almost guilty looking smile and stepped inside. I decided to follow her in and see if she wanted to talk now. While I didn't want to have the conversation, I didn't want the anticipation of it hanging over me all day. I found her in the master bed room.

"Uh... do you want to chat now?" I asked walking into the room.

"I guess now is a good time. Let me just reply to Kim's text, okay?" She said looking up from her phone.

I nodded yes and went and sat on the end of the bed. I watched her type out a long reply as my nervousness grew. When she finished she dropped her phone down on the bed and took a seat at the head of the bed.

"Okay... first, again I am sorry about last night. I was cruel." She made a pouty face while looking at me.

"Thanks... the thing is... I... well... it didn't really upset me." I told her honestly and smiled internally at how cute her pouty face was.

"Really? You aren't just saying that to relieve me of my guilt, are you?"

"No... the thing is... I deserved everything you said. Nothing you said wasn't true." I stared down at the floor.

"Okay... even if that was the case. I don't have to be so mean and such a bitch about it." She countered.

I didn't respond so she continued.

"We never talk about it... not honestly or deeply. Do you know that I have read a lot about crossdressers? I have. What you have said... it seems like that is common. That you think it will stop, or go away, or is phase, whatever, but it always seems to come back. Am I right?"

"Yes... Or at least with me that is true. I really believed that you had cured me. I was so happy about that. After the first time you... I guess caught me or whatever... I went a year without doing it." I told her.

"Really? Why?" She asked.

"Because I hated myself for doing it. I hated that you had found out about me, and I knew you would think less of me. I wanted to be the man you thought I was. Unfortunately, it was obvious to me that after that I never would be and... well... my desire and need to dress up overwhelmed me so I started again." I was again staring at the floor.

"You know it is never going to stop right? That you will be able to stop for a while, but it will come back, maybe stronger." Steph said calmly.

I just nodded my head yes, not responding verbally.

"Maybe we have been handling this the wrong way. Instead of hiding it and pretending it isn't a part of you, and a part of us, we accept it. We find some compromise."

"What? Why? What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Look... the two times that it was out in the open... when I found the panties and when I caught you in my wedding dress. Those were out of the blue complete surprises for me, right. The first time I thought I had caught you cheating and was furious, I was still mad when we talked about. If you remember I tried to find compromise and understand it, then."

"Yes... but that was based on me lying to you about the extend of it." I told her.

"True, and I wish you had told me the truth then. But you just told me you didn't dress up for a year after that, because of me, so maybe you were kind of telling me the truth."

"Yes... that is a very generous take on what happened then though."

"Regardless, I know what we are doing now isn't working. I don't want to be the person I was last night. I want to find a way to make this work, for both of us." I could hear sincerity in her voice.

"I don't know... I don't know what that means or how that happens." I responded.

"If you could... I guess... what would be utopia for you regarding your crossdressing, like if you could do anything you wanted what would it be?" She asked.

I knew the answer to this. I just wasn't sure I could say it out loud. I also wasn't sure she really wanted to hear this. I sat for a minute to decide if I could tell her. I knew she was right, what we were doing right now wasn't working. I took a deep breath and started.

"I would like to be able to dress up and not be worried about being caught by you. I would like to wear makeup and not be scared to death of leaving a trace of it on me and you seeing it. I actually would like to be good at makeup. Um... I think I would like to be able to go to a local meetup with other crossdressers. I don't want to feel trapped in the house. I would like to get a makeover done by Elizabeth Taylor. I uh... would like to shave my legs and underarms... not all the time but at least once to see how it feels and looks."

I said all of that really fast. Some of it I was surprised that I admitted to and realized were a pipe dream. I couldn't imagine that Steph would be okay with me going out or the shaving.

"Okay... thanks for being honest. This wasn't so hard, was it?" She smiled at me.

"Easy for you say. I was scared to death as I said it." I blushed.

Steph laughed at my response then said. "Fair enough. Have you looked into these meetups you mentioned? And who is Elizabeth Taylor? The actress, isn't she dead? The shaving... how would that work with your work and people noticing?"

"Yes... there is a local group, and they have different events. Elizabeth Taylor is a woman who has a... I guess you would call it a makeup studio in her home. She supports crossdressers and you can book appointments with her where she does all your makeup, does a photoshoot, etc. The pics of people who go are amazing." I told her.

"Amazing... what do you mean by that? Is it expensive? And where is she located?"

"I mean she really makes you look like a woman, not even just a woman but a pretty woman. Not really expensive, at least I don't think so. She is in Maryland, just outside of DC, so about an hour or so away."

"Is it... important... do you want to really look like a woman and be pretty? It isn't just about wearing the clothes. Do you want... pass? I guess that is what is called right? You don't want people to see a man in a dress you want them to see a woman?" Steph asked nervously.

"Not all the time... I don't think it would matter that much if I was home alone with no one to see but... if went out to meet up or something... and if I did my makeup, I would want it to look good. I don't know... I guess I do want to look pretty." I told her.

"Is that part of the shaving? Girls don't have hairy legs... and underarms... except maybe in the winter. How does that work with your job and the guys seeing you in the locker room." She giggled as she said winter.

"I don't know the answer to that one. Maybe I could take up swimming for exercise or bicycling, say that is why I shaved, I don't know. Right now, I use pantyhose, or tights, to hide the hair and that works." I told her.

"When you dress up now. What do you wear? I know you have your own stuff but like... what kind of clothes do you wear?"

"Uh.... Cocktail dresses, skater skirts, tartan skirts, I have a couple little black dresses... pretty much always heels. I think most of closeted crossdressers tend to go for very feminine things because we don't get to wear girls' things very much and we didn't get to experience it our teens and twenties." I said nervously.

"LBDs..." She smiled. "Nice... every girl needs at least one of those. Honestly, that wardrobe sounds a little like Callie's. I guess it makes some sense. Most teenage girls love when they get to start wearing things like that. The cocktail dresses, sequined?"

"Funny about the Callie comment... I have a theory that closeted crossdressers are basically teenaged girls at heart. And yes, they are sequined or at least sparkly. I do have a couple of lace dresses also." I was getting more comfortable talking about this.

"Would you let me help you with your makeup? At least until you get a chance to go to that Elizabeth Taylor place." She blurted out quickly.

"Would you do that? Do you want to do that? Honestly, I don't know. I don't know that I want you to see me like that." I blurted back.

"Yes... I would do it, I think. Honestly, I am not completely positive I want to do it but I think I do. I also understand your reservation but... right now the imagine I have when I think of you in a dress, is of you in my wedding dress, or wedding lingerie, with badly done mascara, but surprisingly not bad lipstick. I am thinking it might be good for me to change that."

Steph had looked at me as she said that and I saw sympathy, caring, and something I couldn't label in her eyes. She had also smiled warmly as she mentioned the lipstick. As much as I had dreaded this conversation it was good that we were having it. It also felt like we were hearing what the other person said for the first time.

"All morning I was worried about this conversation but I am glad we have had it. I hate the question I am going to ask but.... Why now? What happened to make you want to have this conversation suddenly?" I asked breaking our eye contact.

"You think this is the first time I have wanted to have this conversation in the last three years or whatever? Almost every day I think about having it. I didn't though because one, I hate fighting with you but... more than that I was... and still am a little scared at what I might hear." Her tone was slightly harsh.

"Ok... far enough. Then why now?" I tried to make sure my tone was soft.

"Three things really. My conversation with Kim yesterday scared me some or maybe it made me realize not talking was making it way worse. I really did hate myself this morning for my outburst last night and I know that was mostly because I have kept things bottled up. Most importantly though... Callie is going to be gone in four months. What happens to us then? We need to figure out how having an empty nest works and how your needs fit with that." Steph eyes were a little wet now.