by stephiel1
Needs fleshing out way more than that and needs to be more descriptive.
What an INANE storyline! She crossed the hall and entered her neighbor's apartment...without opening a door? What is she, a Superheroine, or are you WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE pretending you know the first thing about writing????? It's OBVIOUS which applies!
Very good indeed. Rather like the well-known soap: 99 and 44/100 pure, in this case pure sex. When I want literature I'll read Jane Austen. Please keep on submitting things.
I am sorry that some people felt the need to dump all over this. Yes, I think you could flesh it out. But at least you had the beginnings of a character there, and descriptions were pretty good. You just need to stretch it out and think about how people would really react to things-- how would she plan to make herself part of the sex across the hall, not just walk into it? How would they react? Please don't be discouraged, go back and work out a more complicated scenario with some twists and turns to it for the next one. Good luck!
very good story would love to read more of what happened between Marsha and her neighbor