Never Say Never

I went out with Edward for about a year before I went to Budapest with Sue. Edward was another tall man and was a real gentleman when we first started going out together. There were a few signs of his true nature, but I didn't notice them until after I moved in with him. It was then that I slowly became more coercive and controlling, deciding what he wanted me to wear, where we went out for the evening and then cutting me off from some of my friends whom he didn't like. He was also insecure and jealous and hated other men looking at me; something that happens a lot. Edward had travelled to Hong Kong on business when I went on holiday with Sue, and I didn't ask his permission. He wouldn't have liked it, and after I told him about it on our respective returns home, he sulked. Needless to say, I never mentioned Gordon.

The days I spent in Budapest with Gordon were wonderful. After three days in his company, I desperately wanted to sleep with him, but I would have broken my strict moral code. I had told him that I would never sleep with him on the second day I met him, but he stayed with me for a further three days anyway. I wished I had met him under different circumstances, but realised a relationship was hopeless, my rules would not let me. I was not going to two-time Edward or sleep with a married man. If Gordon had slept with me, even if he believed he loved me, I would never have trusted him. Even though I had fallen in love with him, I refused to acknowledge it even to myself.

After Edward returned from his business trip and sulked, I had had enough and issued an ultimatum. I told him he would have to change his ways, or I would leave him. Over the summer and into the autumn, Edward was a changed man, and his behaviour whilst not perfect, was much improved. Like many women before me, I made the mistake of believing I could change a man. You can't.

Just before Christmas, he reverted to type. I went to a school Christmas party to which he was not invited and when I returned late, after going to a girlfriend's house for a drink, he accused me of having an affair. The following day I went to my father's place in Kent for Christmas. I needed time to think. Edward was beside himself. He text messaged me incessantly, and when I didn't answer he rang and left voice messages. In the end, I sent him a single message.

I will return after New Year when we will talk. I need time to think. I am switching this phone off.

Throughout the summer I had thought of Gordon nearly every day. I wished that we could have been together, but it was hopeless, and I tried to make myself forget him. It wasn't easy, but nonetheless by Christmas when I was with my father I only thought of him occasionally.

My father realised that I was having personal problems but said nothing until I was ready to talk. One evening between Christmas and the New Year I finally confided in him. I told him everything, and he listened quietly.

"Do you really need my advice?"

"I guess not, Dad."

"What will you do?"

"Cut my losses. I'm going to leave Edward immediately after I get back to Richmond. I've got a girlfriend I can stay with or failing that I'll stay in the house whilst I find a place to rent. As for Gordon...I'll try to forget him."

He nodded.

"Leopards don't change their spots, and married or divorced, Gordon is in Budapest..... and call me a cynic but you have only his word his marriage was in trouble."

I was sure that Gordon had told me the truth, but I didn't argue. I knew that I should forget him and move on with my life, and I resolved to try. That was to be my New Year's resolution.

***

I travelled home by train on the day after New Year's Eve. When I was twenty minutes from Charing Cross Station, I switched my phone back on and started to read my text messages. There were a few more messages from Edward that I deleted without reading and several from girlfriends asking me where I was, or wishing me Merry Christmas or Happy New Year. I posted the same apology to all of them, then amongst the assorted Junk messages, I noticed a text from an unknown number and opened it.

FYI, I am back in London and Alone. Gordon

I read it once, and then I read it again. I couldn't believe it. I was shaking with happiness. I wanted to scream out loud, but good sense prevailed, and I didn't. After I had calmed down I examined the text more closely and saw the date it had been sent. It was sent on the 23^rd of December. Poor Gordon had been waiting ten days for a reply.

Just at that moment, the train pulled into the station, so I put the phone in my pocket and decided to reply after I had gone home and spoken to Edward. Another few hours wouldn't make any difference, other than by then, both Gordon and I would be free agents.

When I arrived home at about five o'clock Edward was not home. I put my handbag, house keys, and mobile phone on the table in the hallway, and hung up my coat. I left my suitcase containing my clothes from the trip in the hallway. I felt dirty after my journey, so I went upstairs had a shower, and changed my clothes. Whilst I had been showering and dressing I heard Edward enter the house, so I took a deep breath and went downstairs for the inevitable confrontation.

I was not ready for what happened next.

I walked into the lounge. Edward was standing in the centre of the room holding my phone.

He was red-faced and furious.

"Bitch!" he snarled. "Who the fuck is Gordon. Is that who you've been screwing?"

"Give me back my phone!" I screamed. "How dare you spy on me!"

He crossed the room and pushed me hard with his left hand and I fell across the settee.

"You cow!" he shouted, and then as I struggled to get up he hit me backhanded across the face with his right hand and knocked me to the floor where I curled in a ball and waited for him to kick me or hit me again.

He didn't. I think he realised what he had done because he threw my phone to the floor and walked out of the room. A few seconds later I heard the front door slam.

I didn't waste any time. I went to my room and collected all of my jewellery and threw them into my suitcase still waiting in the hall. Then I grabbed my keys and handbag and quickly left the house. It was raining heavily as I left, and I headed directly to a nearby pub where I texted Gordon. I was so happy when he replied, and I discovered my lost love was only a short taxi ride away.

In the cab, the driver looked at me with sympathy.

"That's a real shiner," he said.

That's when I started to cry from a mixture of joy and relief.

***

If this story has any messages it is these. However hard we try to do the right and moral thing; our humanity and our emotions can still betray us. Love is not just blind or sometimes causes hurt, it can be very inconvenient. Sometimes if we are lucky we can get a second or even third chance at getting things right. And lastly, New Year's resolutions are made to be broken. In this story. the protagonists lasted two days.

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Endnote

In 1938 in Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia, nine army offices started to go on a weekly run every Monday. Originally the idea was to run off their weekend hangovers and they called themselves the Hash House Harriers. The runners stopped running during The Second World War but in 1946 the club was reconstituted with a constitution. These were to promote physical fitness, make older members feel younger, run off hangovers, and yet simultaneously encourage a thirst for beer through running. The Hash became popular attracting new members who spread the idea to every continent including Antarctica. Today, nearly every major city on the Planet has a Hash which runs weekly or sometimes monthly. Run lengths are between three and six miles long and are marked by a runner or "hare" who lays a trail, often with chalk markings. The run invariably ends at a bar. Runners are often given a hash nickname, and new members are called Virgins. Socialising after the run varies from group to group, with some being very bawdy and others more family orientated. There are several thousand Hashes worldwide.

"Drinking clubs with a running problem."

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The Hungarian language or Magyar originated in the Ural mountains with the Magyar people who migrated west around the fifth century and settled in the area comprising modern-day Hungary. It is unrelated to any present-day European language other than Finnish and Estonian. These three languages are the three main Uralic languages. Hungarian is a complex language with fourteen vowels and forty-four consonants. Not all consonants are represented by a single symbol but can be represented by one or two symbols such as dzs or gy. The language is agglutinative meaning that several words, suffixes, and affixes are bound together to make one long complex word. Very long words can be constructed in Hungarian. It is one of the most difficult languages for an English speaker to learn.

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