All Comments on 'New Family Rules'

I liked it. It was a little rushed, but it worked. You make reference to the new changes the kids neec to adjust. You need to explain what those changes are to the reader. I think you need to a follow up.

Great work a little short but a good story

This is a joy an an erotic beginning of the first order. Upon first meeting Marissa, "her naked white, plump bum - Asshole slightly stretching and ass parting slightly" one is eager to know her inside and out through the eyes and lust of her horny son. Please bring these characters back; let us follow Marissa's journey as a mother with a responsibility "to make her children feel good."

Next chapter

Sorry, try again. 1 star

Not a bad start, but a little backstory would have added a lot. Seems a bit of an abrupt ending to stop with just a handjob.

Completely up to you, but I've always been turned off reading the sound of blowjobs, or whatever we wanna say she did here. It's just too much.

Would have been a good short. Might i suggest an editor?

I liked it. But as tallman441 said, what are the changes. Obviously sexual contact between mother and son, and perhaps daughter, is a change. But why. What is driving the change. What other changes are there? Context. Mother can have conversation(s) and more interactions with her children in next chapter to provide context and stimulus for the changes leading to the new reality of the family structure and interpersonal relationships.

Proofread. Hayden is short for Hayden (it's not) then its Howie?

Check capitalization. Any word processing software will do that for you.

Oh, and "brunette almost red" is called auburn.

I’d like to see this continue. Was a third sibling mentioned? I need to reread

I would highly suggest picking up a style guide and study it, there are a lot of issues in this story. Tense switching, awkward sentences, unnecessary words, misused punctuation. I can get behind experimenting with style but you have issues with consistency throughout which suggests to me that you are forcing yourself to write in an unnatural voice.

My suggestion is to read a lot in the genre you want to write to pick up clues about styles that work for that genre. Preferably professionally edited work and not stuff you find on websites like this.

I'm not qualified to be a critic, but we need much more info. Please continue.

Chloe is 18 and Hayden is 18 and a half. Unless they're twins... That doesn't work.

You have asked, so I will try . . .

PROOF READ ING is very important. I have seen a suggestion from another reader that I will shsre; Record yourself readingredients your text. Play back the recording g while reading along. Errors Woll jump out to you as you do this.

Sometimes you interject terms unfamiliar to many readers. Occasionally it seems you reference the 'other person' as doing/performing an action.

You do have a tendency to overly repeat actions within the text. These, and other quirks will be revealed during the exercise I have suggested.

Of prime exposure will be your tendency to err with punctuation. The most basic rules for punctuation is, while you are reading and feel yourself pausing - punctuate.

I do hope these suggestions are accepted positively as this story is, otherwise, quite good. It has displayed a strong potential for pornographic literature that could well develop a following.

I wish you well and GOOD WRITING, as you further entertain us, your readers.

This story caused my snail to turn into a king cobra even though I was on facetime with my mom XD

Consider this experiment a failure. Back to the writing desk.

Great for your very first story. Ignore the grammar police, they can't ever write a story, just critique. You should continue the story. I don't think Marissa would object to Hayden putting his hard cock inside her wet pussy.

You are constantly switching from present tense ("She washes her body sensually...") to past tense ("Hayden couldn't get it out, but his voice was clearly breaking.") Most prose is written in the past tense. Switching around can pull your readers out of the fantasy (it did for me). You also called Hayden "Howie" at least once. The story is called "New Family Rules" but you don't ever make mention of new rules in the family. It felt like there could be potential, but it also felt disjointed and hard to read.

Literotica has a volunteer editors program (I'm one of them, but there are loads more), and I would recommend having one read over your work before publishing. Outside of that I'd suggest that when you're done with a piece, put it aside for a day or two (just to put a little distance between you and the piece) then re-read it yourself - SLOWLY. I know that when I just quickly skim my own work that my brain will read what I think I wrote, and not necessarily what I actually wrote. That's how typos and other little things make it through self-editing.

I hope this helps. Keep writing! :)

It's ok I still enjoyed it I'll give it 4★'s

A great start and i do hope you continue on with this story....................29/10/23

Not much to it no incest 3 stars

Run-on sentences are too hard to follow. Break these into short declarative sentences, and your story will read much easier.