All Comments on 'New Girl in Town Pt. 20'

Keep it coming!

I've been on tenterhooks waiting for the next chapter. I appreciate that real life takes presidence especially now though. However, on point, wow. Keep up the good work.

Assed mother fucker is gonna have a face turn, he better not tell his Dad & just turn himself in to the cops & do some serious time! Hit & run attempted homicide of 2 people, reckless endangerment failure to render aid; I’ll probably think of more later but yeah, he should get full karma for this one!!!! Awesome story so far can’t wait for the next installment

5 stars

Long awaited but waaaay too much periphery not enough main.

Keep it coming. Can't wait for the next one

Of all the chapters of this great tale of two loves, this one has been the best. You have out done yourself showing the reality of the events on Patrick and the emotional connection with Jessica and jake. Please keep going and don't worry about how long it takes you to write em. It is better to take longer and write well then to rush and be less.

What a wonderful next chapter. We will try and be patient and wait for the next one. Be safe and be well in these times.

Thank you for another great chapter & I hope you are doing well in these crazy times.

As mentioned previously, the improvement in the writing techniques, grammar and style from the beginning of the story through to the later chapters is impressive.

With the exception of only a few sections, this chapter seemed relatively pointless. Not much more development of the characters or the plot, and little to motivate anticipation for future chapters.

Hopefully the story will get wrapped up soon.

Enjoying this story very much. Looking forward to nakes recovery and getting back into game shape if he is down for too long to still be in shape.

Pt. 19 came in 33 days after pt.18.

Pt.20 comes in 55 days after pt.19

Just don't keep us waiting for 77 days for the next, okay?

At least I will be unstable, I think 😃😃

Btw, just great, greater, greatest part.

From a south asian country.

Stay safe!

That would be a nice upgrade to a standard BJ!

5* as per usual.

5 stars Keep them coming.

Keep them coming please made my day with the new chapter.

I can't say much more right now (and I haven't finished Part 20 yet), but I'm glad that Part 20 has been posted by Literotica (and that author "AuroraIncident", editor "Devir Ginator", and their collaborator real-life Jessica are therefore -- in a sense -- "back" at Literotica). : )

(And if the last glimpse we've seen of Patrick-the-Villain here in Chapter 20 means that there is some kind of hope that he might turn from being The Villain into a more-normal teenager (VERY late), that (to me, although maybe not to other readers) would be a good thing. (It's definitely good that Patrick's father is starting to realize that something has gone wrong (also very late, but better than never, I think/hope). )

(I'm not sure what kind of good it would do Patrick were he to be tried for attempted vehicular homicide. (I take it his punishment would *not* be as a "juvenile" -- being 18 years old for Literotica purposes and all (??) )

Best Wishes to the creative team behind New Girl in Town and to all my fellow readers that as many of you as possible will be safe and relatively-healthy (and relatively-stress-free) in coming weeks and months.

E. in New York City ("nycreader" at Literotica) -- trying to keep his distance and peace of mind.

Part of me wanted Patrick to go down in flames kicking and screaming, but as Shelly said, "we are big on redemption here" and this has him heading in a direction that will allow him to prove himself redeemable. I still think there should be heavy consequences for his actions, but it might be better for the character to accept them willingly rather than have them forced upon him if redemption is the final goal.

With the new storyline about the recruiter & her assistant are you trying to transition the future storyline into the kids’ college years? Right now, it just seems like filler to drag out the accident storyline. It’s distracting & i’m guessing not too many readers care about those characters at this point.

Good chapter. Love this story very much and looking forward to see where you take it next! Just don’t keep us waiting too terribly long okay? I may have a slight addiction to these characters. I personally enjoy the California character storyline if I was to give my opinion on it as I see others submitting their concern. In my head I see it as a nice side story to Jess and CO’s story, and as a nice transition into a college storyline if you do take the storyline that far. (In which I really hope you do (: ) Anywho time to patiently wait for the next installation. -L

Good stuff. Have enjoyed this story. I think expanding the list of characters to add the bruin clan is a mistake at this time. It looks like patrick gets a soul. Hopefully jake makes a full recovery and walks on at ucla.

one of the very best here. You need to listen to him. This chapter did nothing. We like the characters, but cuteness is not enough. It was over 4 pages of kids talking and nothing happening. The new characters, with whom we have no vested interest, offer nothing at this time. They may make a good story on their own, but are not helping this one.

You are getting away from the confused points of views and tenses. That is a great sign. Technically, the story has improved. Tension-wise, not much is happening.

Thank you for posting this story. It helped my mind stray from the current situation. Please keep them coming.

My outlandish guess is that Patrick’s voice triggers something deep inside Jake and that’s what brings him back.

Taking very long at this point.

Love the story but need some movement forward

you continue your way. This story is your work and piss on those who think they know how to write something with a fallowing like this. if they could they would but they cant. i enjoy this chapter.

I really hope Jake recovers fully I’d hate to see anything happen to him and Jess.

I am but a reader, not a published author. Nonetheless, I thought this was a great chapter, and did in fact move the narrative forward, albeit incrementally. Kind of like real life. The insight on Patrick's mindset is interesting, fleshing out a previously somewhat two dimensional character. Please keep up the great work and don't be discouraged!

Please keep writing Your Story. The way you see it.

There are already enough quick hitters on the NEW tab to satisfy impatient souls.

I liked your pacing in the segments before you took the break. And, I think you are getting better at it now. More characters - more challenge. I think you are up to it.

Just greedy here for more of this story.

So I am hoping you get most of this chapter of "New Girl" out before some one convinces you to move your efforts to e-books on Amazon!

Being stuck in the quarantine leaves me waiting on more chapter desperately. Stay safe!

Hi to everyone who will read this post.

("Full" disclosure before continuing: while I have never been a part of Our Author ("AuroraIncident") 's core collaborative team on New Girl in Town as "Devir Ginator" and Real-Life Jessica have been (and am mostly a reader of the series myself, with relatively-little knowledge of what will be posted before it is posted), I *have* corresponded with both Our Author & with Mr. "Ginator".)

My take on the controversy over developments in the installments of New Girl in Town after Our Author returned from a *long* hiatus to continue the series:

1) I tend to stand more with reader "d119b63" in stating that the latest installment *was* a good one in which progress was made in the plot "arc" (with the nice surprise twist indicating that Patrick may be thinking of no longer being Purely a Villain anymore). This installment *did* (in spite of what 2 other Literotica authors seemed to contend in their own comments) move the plot away from Patrick's attack and toward the series's future: the investigation has moved forward a bit, Patrick's parents have (if barely) begun to notice that something is wrong with their son (and noticed the damage to his car which will probably cause local law enforcement to be interested in that car) *before* law enforcement gets interested in Patrick, Jessica has continued to heal (and is starting to provide information to help the investigation) -- and (I'm glad of this) there has been some exposition to explain why recruiter Jessica Langston would take herself and 2 friends/co-workers clear across the country to North Carolina to see Jessica after learning of her injury.

(Umm... -- and Staci's continuing sexual interest in Jake (and Jessica's problem with that) has returned (and brought some needed tension back to the series). ["thumbs-up" from me])

2) I think Our Author made a near-fatal (for the plot) mistake in having Patrick nearly kill Jake (and in sidelining him from the story for at least 2 installments or so): for a while, it looked as if grief and injury would (so to speak) "cripple" the story itself -- perhaps irreparably.

3) I (personally) think that Jessica Langston and her associates/friends from University of California at Los Angeles are (at this point) somewhat of an indulgence of the author (who obviously loves the characters and what he can do with them) -- who -- while they would best return to Jake and Jessica's story when they get to college -- *do* fulfill 2 purposes at this point in the story: a) they provide support and hope to Jessica, and b) their banter (and the "slow"-ly developing sexual/romantic relationship between Jessica L. and Ken not only provide Sarah/"Sar-Bear" with an opportunity to show how precociously-observant she can be : ) , but provide comic and sexual elements which Jake (being in a coma as he is at this point) and Jessica simply *cannot* provide at this point in the story).

(That said, I hope that after Jake becomes (I hope) able to get romantic and sexual with Jessica (and -- Staci hopes -- with Staci (I'll see where *that* goes) ) , Jessica L., Ashley, and Ken will return to California (except -- perhaps -- to attend Patrick's trial and/or Jake & Jessica's graduation)... -- and not return to Jake and Jessica's story until they enter UCLA (although perhaps the 3 of them could be "spun off" into another series?) . )

I know most readers of the Comments (and perhaps Our Author) may not have wanted such a lengthy critique, but I wanted to state where I (myself) stand on developments since Our Author created Patrick's "accident" -- and to state that I think this latest installment is a good one (and if the author can keep the series progressing and keep most readers happy with it, a bit of indulgence of his interest in some somewhat-extraneous (to the main plot) characters is something that I think readers should allow him to enjoy (in these trying times in the US and in the world beyond it).

Best Wishes to the New Girl in Town core creative team, and to the rest of us readers as well. [Smile.]

E. in New York City ("nycreader" at Literotica; amateur literary critic [Shrug]).

PS: 1 other thing: there are so many characters in this series that I was *really* confused as to who "Jenny" and "Tommy" were when they were mentioned in this latest installment (it seems they were Jake's ex-girlfriend (or would-be girlfriend: taken by Patrick and lost to Jake before Jessica arrived) and her new boyfriend -- but I needed Literotica's search function to confirm who "Jenny" was) -- and if I am losing track of all the characters, other readers might be too.

E. in New York City.

Did the other person not read the whole series im so enthralled with New Girl ive read it twice keep up the great work forget e books once you've gotten to graduation try to sell it as a screen play minus the dirty bits lol not another teen movie has got nothing on this bag of epicness

Only because I get really impatient when waiting for the next installment from any authors writing a series. Btw I rely heavily on the new flash stories while biding my time for the 7 -8 series I am reading. Stay healthy everyone.

Please tell me you're going to go with an amnesia plotline next. Jake wakes up with no memory of the last few months, doesn't remember meeting Jess at all and is really confused to find a bunch of Patrick's friends attending him in the hospital. Then this strange girl with bruises on her face appears and jumps on him...

Going along with what the other commenter said, it’s a great idea to have an amnesia plot

On second thought, it's very "Days of our Lives," isn't it? Might not be the best idea after all.

As a reader, the delays between chapters are terribly long. If I were the author, I'd still be on the first chapter ! Great writing. Not sure where you're going with the second Jessica, as it seems to open a second thread and multiple possibilities. You could be into a long saga here. Keep well, keep writing and I'm looking forward to the next.

I hate waiting for the next instalment. This story is great.

I truly love this story. I have honestly lost count how many times I have reread the entire series. I have even created a playlist containing all the songs you have mention in the series so far. Please keep up the amazing work and try not to keep us waiting too long for the next chapters. I hope you continue the story of Jessica and Jake all through their time in college and into what I hope is a happy ever after for them.

I hope you and your loved ones are all healthy and happy at this awful time.

Thanks again for this incredible story

I've enjoyed the story immensely. I have one small suggestion, instead of miss Langston use coach Langston. When you coach kids they always call you coach not Mr or Miss. Like I said small thing. Thanks for the story I look forward to the next part.

This is getting silly. I'm coming here once a day just to see if the next update has appeared yet.

I have really enjoyed reading your story. Masterful storytelling. Characters seem almost real. Please continue writing; I can't wait until the next installment! Thank you!

A lifetime of being abusive to Jake (and probably a crapload of others)... likely years of effectively "raping" girls (even an unspoken "have sex with me or be ostracized" should be rape for teens whose whole life is tied into school), willingly telling someone to "take a guy out" in a sport where that could equate to permanently crippled...

No way I buy that Patrick feels guilt over Jake being in the hospital even if in a coma...

I'm not sure i'd believe him feeling bad if Jake was dead... No way I believe he was unaware that Jess was in that car too...

"But hey, don't let it bother you, Patrick. I'm sure once your father figures out what you did he'll help you cover up the evidence."

..

Waiting....

Is AuroraIncident's health OK?

My second time through this! Love the story and I'm invested now!! I can't wait to see where this goes next. Love the characters, and I'm actively rooting for them. That my friend is the sign of a very good author, telling a really great story. Well done!

I just adore this series, but really hate the waiting! Anyone got any recommendations of similar stories on here?

I'm eagerly awaiting the developments in the mail story line, but I'd like to hear some details about Ashley and Jessica L's history.

Mmh. Not sure about the final scene. The bad guy discovering his conscience. Maybe this scene was a tad too much in the fairy tale ballpark.

Otherwise, again, a great chapter.

Does Patrick have a conscience??!!

Patrick, our resident loser having regrets? Who knows, it's about time he woke up. Maybe he'll be smart and confess? Good story, still moving along.

Man, the tears. Also love the callback to when Sarah said that Jake put a baby in Jess way back