All Comments on 'New Girl in Town Pt. 21'

I hope you keep up with this story it’s one of my favorite series on here

That’s all your going to give us? We’ve been hanging on this cliff forever.

Please don’t have Jake die he and Jess are so perfect

Wish I was this good at writing

You have a cracking good team of helpers to make this chapter happen

I just hope the next month flies by and we find out what’s happening because I’ve been checking for updates each day for this to come out and will be doing the same for the next chapter

Good luck writing and stay safe

What a cliffhanger you have left us on. I really hope that Jake won't die.

I have read and enjoyed all of your stories so far. I just wish it wouldn't take so long for the next part to come out. Keep up the good work.

You may be overplaying the melodrama. The dream sequences were a bit repetitive. Jake had the accident three or more chapters ago and almost nothing has happened since. The volleyball coach is an aside piece of fluff with very little bearing on the current plot. I like the story, but you are dragging out the hospital situation dreadfully. There may be too many characters involved in the short chapter. It is difficult to keep them all straight. On the other hand, the technical aspect of the story has greatly improved. You are not mixing POVs and tenses like you did early in the story. You are growing as a writer, but you need to keep your story telling on track. Thanks for all of the hard work. I will be looking for the next chapter.

Seriously? A month and a half wait and you leave us with a cliffhanger like that?

Man, a short chapter at this point is just cruel.

Great chapter. Please get the next one to us as soon as you can. This cliffhanger is high stress. Wonderful story.

Really good. I like that Patrick actually has a conscience, that's he's not a psychopath. Keep up the good work! :)

Thank you for another chapter in this story. It is an enjoyable read & I am always left looking for more. Please keep up the good work & I hope you are doing well during these uncertain times.

Good stuff. Please continue with this great story!

No pressure for the next installment.....grin.

But I was beginning to feel like a smack freak waiting for the snow man to visit the neighborhood.

This chapter didn't flow as well as previous chapters, but still 5*. You seem to be dragging the hospital aspect out, and not a lot is happening. Hope the next chapter is sooner.

You are way to good at cliffhangers. literally checking back every day for the last 2 weeks after around a month after the last chapter and for this. aaaaaagggghhhh. great chapter.

that is a great chapter..... Patrick is getting a conscious. Wow, was not expecting that. I sure was hoping Jessica's friend would get a scholarship for UCLA.... thanks for another great read, I just wish the chapters were longer... lol

another sideway chapter,you probably took lessons from that arse

robert jordan,he was the master of writing hundreds of pages without

advancing the plot an inch,the sooner you realise you don't have a story

without jake,the better.

one star,and this is the last time i am reading your series.

I love the whole story but I feel like the coma part is dragging out a bit, just my opinion but otherwise great read 👍

Great story 1 page or 10 you're great keep rolling

Jake has woken from his coma. If he had died, Jessica’s mom would have gone to the school to tell her and driven her to the hospital. There is no urgency if Jake is dead.

Keep them coming but don’t make me wait so long.

Waiting for more!

It definitely advanced the plot, unlike the commenter said. Not every chapter has to have gratuitous sex scenes to be good. Ignore the idiots and keep on going with this excellent story. Thank you for writing it.

Not interested in the romance between the UCLA coach and her assistant. Distracts from the main narrative, which I've enjoyed, but has really bogged down.

Great chapter. Please keep it up.

Too much side nonsense with those recruiters not enough main story, short submission plus long delay between stories detracting from enjoyment now.

Don't make us wait another 6 weeks for the next chapter!!!

Finally, I keep coming back daily for my fix. Read the series three times between chapters. This is a great chapter. At times I want Patrick to go down in flames and take his asshole father with him. Can hardly wait for Jake to wake up and be with Jess. Please make it happen.

Thanks to "AuroraIncident" and his collaborators (including "Devir Ginator" and the non-fictional Jessica) for this new installment of New Girl in Town; I'm particularly pleased by the use of the parts describing Jake's dreams to finally (for the first time since he nearly died) bring Jake's consciousness back to the story.

(I had expected that Patrick's role in the near-fatal crash would have come to light from local law-enforcement persons as a result of their investigation, but I like the way that Patrick's mother led Patrick to change his ways -- and to confess what actually happened (from his point of view) on New Year's Eve.)

(I'm feeling that the part of this installment showing how the sexual relationship between Ken & his boss Jessica (and somewhat of one between them and her friend Ashley (?) ) -- while I'm sure that it pleases Our Author and it (with the scene in which Jenny seems to be turning herself -- and the not-quite-conscious Jake -- on sexually with her reading) makes up for the fact that Jake and Jessica cannot do anything sexual again yet -- takes the reader too much away from the world of Jake and Jessica and their high-school friends, and that Ken, "boss" Jessica, and Ashley should perhaps be quickly "spun off" into a series of their own (and I'm glad that it seems that they will "exit" this series soon.)

With respect to the "getting worse" Anonymous Commenter's comment: I disagree that there is no plot advancement in this installment -- and think that perhaps it will be best if that Commenter would find other things to read besides this series.

I look forward to finding out what exactly happened to Jake that got the nurses concerned (a turn for the worse (related to his nightmare about Patrick getting involved with Jessica?) -- or possibly (at least eventually) a turn for the better??) .

E. in New York City/"nycreader" at Literotica.

I hope he about to wake not die

Interesting story pls summit the next chapter fast

This story showed promise at the beginning, which is why I tolerated the problems with the writing skills of the author.

While I'm sure that the author enjoys the accolades bestowed by anxious readers, he should listen more to solid critiques from writers such as Harddaysknight. This isn't a cliffhanger any longer, it's becoming drawn out, repetitive and frankly, predictably boring.

I get the sense that the author is struggling with how to end the story, which is common when a writer starts posting chapters of an unfinished tale. While he might have had an idea on an ending originally, the development of the story and/or comments from readers have likely rendered the planned ending unusable.

An ending needs to be found, and any remaining chapters should be focused on bringing the readers to that conclusion. This isn't fun any longer.

Don’t listen to Bobbybrandt. I for one love the series and want to see it keep going and to have a spin off of their lives in college and further into adult hood. Solid characters and solid plot with plenty of fun.

You have now entered into The New Girl in Town, Twilight Zone!

Next chapter please, five stars all the way.

First, thanks for the new part. I would encourage you to continue to tell your story your way. Don't let anyone else tell you how to structure your story arc. I appreciate the effort you have made to continue the story of these characters since the original story arc was completed with Part 16. I almost wish that you had titled parts 17 - 21+ as Chapter 2 of New Girl to help your readers understand that this was a new story with many of the same characters as the first 16 parts. Similar to how "Don't Look Like a Seal" and "The Rescue" use many of the same characters but tell different stories.

Unlike some readers, I enjoyed the dream sequences. They provided background for Patrick's motivations and allowed Jake to have some voice for the first time in several parts.

I seem to have less of an issue with the addition of California Jessica, Ken and Ashley than most. I appreciate that you included an erotic scene in a posting to a site that focuses on erotic fiction. And I hope it indicates the possibility of continuing tales of Jessica and Jake as they leave High School and move on to college.

As NYCReader said, "I look forward to finding out what happened". Hopefully more on the schedule of Part 18 than the schedule of Part 19.

JustinCarolina

Glad to see another chapter in this story. For all the folks complaining about the wait and length of the chapter, they need to lay off the caffeine and smile a little more. This pandemic has given way too many people way too much idle time on their hands. They are getting this story for free so they need to chill. Do they have any idea how many stories on free amateur sites have been abandoned midway through?

I am a bit surprised to see Patrick feeling any remorse. This guy has been inflicting emotional and physical damage on people for years. He's also become a pro at justifying his actions. People like that don't change much, they just find different ways to do it. Sometimes in a professional setting.

I was wondering if Jake was going to regain consciousness but suffer amnesia as well. It would be quite a jolt for him to not remember anything since the start of the academic year. Essentially he would have Jessica and all the recent changes wiped form his mind. I am looking forward to seeing what happens next.

I'll admit I find the UCLA staff storylines kind of distracting. Jessica and Jake are definitely the focus. There was some attention on Staci and Ray earlier but I think that was kept to just the right amount.

Keep up the great work and look forward to the next chapter!

You are so mean!!! I can't wait to see what happens next! Please hurry, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat!

Great story, just need to finish chapters it a little faster. I like the way you give just enough to make it a cliff hanger with just about each chapter. Very good story, very believable too, Kids can be very mean and hateful.

I can identify with the cat in the picture we've all seen that shows him with his claws on all four feet trying to hold him and keep him from falling as he slides down a wall. Please, please sir don't make us wait too long for the next installment. This is a great story line with lots of potential - at least equal to if not better than the one that WW has going.

Thank you.

I honestly almost threw my phone because of that cliffhanger. I'm going to need thr next chapter in under 48 hrs or I may loose my mind+

Wow what a cliff hanger. Just finished reading all 21 chapters. I agree with everyone, please don't keep us waiting to long. I can see this going to a 3rd part, The college years, or the two Jess'. Or not, love your talent for story telling.

Amazing... please keep this going

Please hurry the next chapter!! I’ve read this series so many times and it’s driving me crazy. Awesome story and the characters are so real.. 5 stars every time

I just adore this series, but really hate the waiting! Anyone got any recommendations of similar stories on here? Looking for longer high school or college series.

Read chapter 21 and then went back and read the entire story again. Can’t wait for future chapters. Great story. I love the detail and the complexity.

Please continue, this is a good read.

OK, it has been 3 1/2 weeks Since 21? When is the next installment? I can't stand the suspense!

pt 22 overdue??

We need more chapters. This story is amazing!

Very harsh leaving us in suspense

too much high school bla bla, but brings back some memories. ending bla. waded through 21 chapters for that.

Read the story 3 times since you posted the last chapter. Post the next chapter please.

I see there was an update on June 28th but part 22 isn't showing up. Could there be a glitch or something with the submission?

...for the next part, does anyone have any recommendations of similar stories on here? Looking for longer high school or college series.

He said it’s close to being ready.

This means not yet submitted!

when will another chapter coming out

Try Tybalt and Juliet by SpindleTop

I stayed away in 2019. Checked a few times during the winter and COVID-19 shutdown. Noted that you had put out more story. My life became busy Memorial Day week. So I waited until the middle of October to read the new chapters. Very enjoyable.

After reading comments to chapter 21, I was curious about the prolonged delay. Read your bio update a few minutes ago. Sad to hear about your situation. I hope you come out with minimal, if any, damage. And if you need, maybe find joy in continuing the Jake and Jessica saga.

Wishing for the best for you.

Not really buying the Patrick with a heart thing...

asshole dad has asshole son, big surprise, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Well they say confession is good for the sole.

I know many people are having a hard time believing that Patrick would feel any remorse, but you need to remember, these are 17 & 18-year-old kids. KIDS. It doesn't surprise me one bit to see how Patrick's father is taking this new information. He's a real piece of shit. Patrick definitely sucks, but he sucks because his father is a piece of shit and spoiled the hell out of Patrick. I can see this weighing on Patrick's conscious. Remember, he doesn't hate Jessica. Knowing that she was injured kickstarted this guilty complex.

When will these tears stop

Glad to see Patrick growing a conscience.