All Comments on 'New Town, New Experience'

PROOFREAD!

Didn't like rich being introduced as a character at all.

Take him out and make John go hero in the next part.

There's a concept in English called commas. The main use is to separate parts of a sentence. You seem to think commas and periods are the same thing. The following is an example.

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As John steps over slowly. He wonders if Rich saw him watching from the window. When his family was talking with Rich. His steps became slower. Not knowing what he would see when he looks inside his sister's room..

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Using periods, these are only sentence fragments.

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As John stepped over slowly, he wondered if Rich saw him watching from the window. When his family was talking with Rich his steps became slower, not knowing what he would see when he looked inside his sister's room.

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You also keep mixing past and present tense.

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These are NOT "Oh, I'm not a professional write" concept. The are ones anyone past the age of 10 should know.

This is a confusing story. Mother and daughter want John to come with them because they got along good with him and he did with them, but after meeting Rich, they throw away any value they had for John. Then why bring John at all if they could just pickup any good looking guy with an assumed big cock like Rich when they moved in.

If you put John into a Gym and give him a great body and make his cock grow bigger, maybe you would have a really good story line to expand upon.

You need to go back to school. Start back at third grade where you dropped out, work your way all the way through graduation from high school, then go on to college.

Pay special attention to English classes. I know that was probably your worst, and hardest, subject in school, but you really need to learn the language you're going to try to type in to put your typing out for the world to read. Without knowing English, you prove to the world you're an idiot.

Once you've gotten an education, maybe consider typing out something to submit here. That shouldn't take you more than about 25 to 30 years. Hopefully I'll be dead by then and won't have to choke any of it down.

I enjoyed it.

I see a lot of mean comments but I think it's a hot story and want you to write a sequel. I hope john watches Rich dominate the family.

Great start, I hope Rich comes to rule over the family