All Comments on 'Newlyweds'

This kind of bogus crap is bad science fiction and totally unerotic

Cut it down to one or two pages...

Nice story fun to read and a good fanitsy. What more could one ask for. The situations were fun and I don't know what the scifi coment earlier was except possible from a very short sided person. All that happened in this story are very posible. I have know of forced TV infact I have one almost written. So Little Tom please keep up the good work and thank you

Well, not the ending I would have imagined but I thought it was a great job of getting into the character's thoughts and feelings.

The only thing we can say is that you write too long of a trashy story. Thank Goodness this is only fiction because a husband and wife would die before they were humiliated and sexually changed. They should have killed the mistress when they had the chance, even if it cost them their lives. To all the women who read this, just remember to fight and keep on fighting.

Laura & Lisa, bi sisters @ CU

I really enjoyed the story, even if it was implausible. Its just a fantasy after all, doesnt have to be possible/likely. Couldnt stop reading to the very end, good job.

A little bit odd how Tom's name became Tim in the end though... i gather you let quite some time pass between finishing the story? Also quite a lot of typos... strange typos that make me think you used a voice-to-text converter to write (dictate?) the story. Such as 'close' instead of what should obviously have been 'clothes'. Needs editing due to this. But dont let that stop you, I for one would certainly read more of your stories.

I read it and was enjoying it at first. However after page 3 it seemed to get boaring and drag on too much. Next time try a shorter style.

Getting the negative out of the way first. It was a little long, I found myself scanning through as there were a lot of repetitive situations, though the writing style did try to compensate for this.

On the plus side it was a highly inventive (if a little implausble) story, with some highly erotically charged situations decribed with some style.

Excellent, keep it up, when's the next one due?

I didn't think it was too long at all. It was a lovely story, full of nicely descriptive sex scenes. It could have been edited a bit better to remove all the spelling mistakes, but all in all I really enjoyed this story.

I've never understood these kinds of rape fantasies. It was well-written but horrifying in every aspect. It was traumatizing to read. I know no one forced me but I read anyway foolishly hoping for some kind of justice or revenge. This is fantasy in the deepest sense of the word, because it couldn't possibly happen. No one forced against their will into the sex trade ever comes to love it. Trust a former prostitute on that.

I vehemently disagree with the one poster who said no married couple would do such things.

If it were my wife and I, I'd put myself through every minute of it with a big wide fake smile on my face if I knew refusing would get her hurt or killed.

And I know deep in my heart she would as well.

this story was disturbing and completely & utterly fucked up. how can you find this arousing? torturing a newlywed couple, and making them slaves to two complete wastes of life, now thats a new low. this crap does not deserve to be posted on this site.

DO SOMETHING..ANYTHING BUT SUBMIT

Never read a long story when tired. I got lost so many times.

first time it was put in his mouth?

GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT WHEN THEY NEED TO WIPE THEIR ASS AND/OR TAKE A LEAK....MAKES EATING DIFFICULT ALSO.

WHY DON'T THEY WANT REVENGE...RETARDS..DRUGS??

SOMEONE STICKS A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH ...BITE IT OFF...UNLESS YOU ARE GAY OR BI..THEN THE STORY SHOLD HAVE BEEN LABLED GAY OR BI AND I WOULDN'T HAVE WASTED MY TIME READING THIS ...WAITING FOR THE NEWLY WEDS TO GET REVENGE...AND THEN FIND OUT THEY TURN QUEER...YUCH!!!!

I know you've gotten a lot of harsh comments, but here are a few that will hopefully help.

1: The story is overly long. It is a trend I notice in a few of your other works as well. Try finding a natural pause point and breaking them up into separate submissions. (newlyweds ch 1, etc.)

2: Try to find someone to review the work for you. Grammar, spelling, and continuity errors can all through the reader off.

3: Keep writing what you like. Unless someone's paying you to write, it's your choice on the subject, plot, and characters.

This story was a bit hard to follow sometimes. Still, when the story would seem to go all directions at once, an existential power seemed to pull the frayed plot solidly together, because is that not how reality really exists? I vote a "most unusual story" and give it "all stars"...

Bobby and Debbie were kidnapped twice, the first time to be trained as sex slaves. The second time by the Mistress who trained them. Bobby was made a hermapodite to service the son of the man who had them taken. Was the son's name Tom or Tim I hope it was a type-o as on a keyboard the I and O are next to each other. Did Candy remain as a hermapodite or did she get female insides so she could become pregnant by her brother. If it were me, the first time a guy fucked my pussy, I would love asked that my cock be removed and get female insides so I could get pregnant. Did Alistair, Candy and Debbie become trainers for Mistress and was Alistair trained to suck cock. I hope there will be a part 2 to explain why Mistress took back Candy and Debbie.

This took about 2 paragraphs to become the same boring , randomly kidnapped for no apparent reason , made slaves , lives ruined , bullshit , that is in here 1000 times . No stars , no points , and no originality .