All Comments on 'NewU Pt. 06'

Hands down my new ultimate favorite. And this is going against some heavy hitters. DreamCloud, Tefler, Lien Geller, BurntRedstone, and so many many others here. Absolute Magic.

More Please.

5⭐

Thank you 👍

I have only one complaint - the chapter ended. It was great to see the story unfold from another character’s perspective. Great work! I wish I had a fraction of either of your talent.

Props to the guest writer. It was a good chapter and if I wasn't told in advance I doubt I would have noticed.

It was good but... and I'm sorry - you're not going to like this... it wasn't great. I (the reader) connected with Pete. It took several paragraphs until I remembered who Evelyn was supposed to be, and I had to fight through her ditzy roommate (Lori, I think) to make it that far. Then I felt like I was forcing my way through Evelyn's thoughts in the rest of the chapter and, for me, she was too melodramatic.

Now, for the record, Lori and Evelyn were well written characters. They were fleshed out and served the purpose they were supposed to. I even felt some growth in Evelyn in this chapter, which is crucial for character development for a long term character. The problem was, I didn't come here to read about Lori or Evelyn. I came here expecting to read about Pete's growth and exploits... from Pete's perspective.

If your plan is to farm out chapters to guest writers - that's all well and good, but this belongs in the chain stories section. As for Sophia, please don't take my critique as a slight - you are a talented writer and this piece is proof of that, it's just not what I was expecting or wanting to continue Pete's tale.

With you guys as the writers, you tell the story you want to tell - I'm only offering feedback from one reader's perspective. Continuing down this route, for me, means that I expect to lose interest and abandon the story. Talent and / or wordcraft aside, if it turns into a story of different first person viewpoints then it's not a story that interests me.

I have never commented on a literortica story in the almost 20 years I have been reading erotica here. I LOVE this chapter. The only criticism I have is I wish it was longer so I had more of it to read!

I thought this was an excellent addition to the series. Gives the reader an outward perspective of Pete.

The way that Evie was written made me think that we were going to be seeing another unknown “EVO” character (you never know) but I really loved the perspective of the new characters. It goes without saying that the sex scene was off the charts especially since none of it was Pete’s point of view/inner dialogue.

Well done and of course a 5 star chapter!

Ooooooooo Sophie, you little vixen. Lol! You did great, it was amazing to see you and the Novelist go back and forth with words. I saw when he jumped in and when you would not budge on your descriptions. You guys did great together!!! I check weekly to see if there are new chapters published. If this were a book, I would have already purchased this best seller. Novelist just so you know, her words would allow you to publish this as a book. The ones you use for the members that read it, will only be looked at here. But this could really be published, think about it.

Really enjoyed this chapter, but an idea for these guest chapters might be to give them 5.5, 6.5, etc namings, as while incredibly well written(and very hot), did not push the plot forwards in terms of the main character, so the reader comes in with an expectation of world-building/side story, rather than feeling like the plot is stagnating.

Greatly enjoyed the prior chapters, and while this was well written the point of view change was jarring enough that I found myself disliking it. Nothing against Sophie, it's just that I've been led along a course for several chapters and then suddenly I find myself floating along in a balloon rather than walking, with no real warning. I have no complaints about the material or the workmanship - both are quite good - just the context switch.

I left a long and thoughtful critique that disappeared when I came back later the same day. Now, a day or so later, I see others are sharing my viewpoint. Interesting.

In the unlikely event it was a bug that made my comment disappear, my thoughts are that this was well written, but not the story I expected or wanted.

Phenomenal written piece. I will absolutely be going to check out Sophie’s other work. I do agree with Frostblackwood’s comment about labeling these entries as x.5 in the series, or with something else to differentiate them. But again, the writing was absolutely incredible. Bravo Sophie

I want to start by saying awesome craftsmanship and well written.

I do agree with previous comment about naming it chapter 5.5 instead to clearify that this is not MC POW.

With that said, will we get any answers to how Pete expericed this in the next chapter? Has he too fallen helplessly in love or was it only Evie? Also I think it was a bit ambiguous in this chapter (which is reasonable since it’s Evie’s POW) but could he or could he not read her mind, and if not, why? :D

Sorry for log post, here’s a potato: 🥔

Beautifully written. And to paraphrase the authoress: "More. Please more."

Less sex more plot please!

Love it ..... more .... please more !!!!!

SO hot!

The comment that Phineas made is exactly how I feel. This chapter is a different perspective of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of Pete's magnetism. The chapter was enjoyable but for me it doesn't sit well as a chapter within the story itself.

This was indeed very well written. Calm, steady, sensual, and erotic all in one. However, even though it included characters from the main story, this felt like it didn't belong in this spot. I feel his perspective should have came first and then this piece of written artwork come immediately after as a sub-chapter. The first what 40-50k words are from his perspective and then bam out of nowhere you get an entirely different character's (who hadn't even been mentioned up to this point) point of view after a seeming jump in the time frame. He was about to be released from the hospital and then this story picks up what could be day(s) or week(s) afterward. He's out of the hospital, his stuff is already moved, and he has started the unpacking process. Don't get me wrong this is a very well written contribution but it feels out of place and somewhat out of sync. Kudos and thank you for all your work so far.

I don't usually read incomplete series but this series intrigued me until now. Don't get me wrong because I liked this chapter. It's well written but the change from the first person to the third is too big a discontinuity to ignore.

The second problem is that Literotica at one time rejected work that wasn't by the author submitting it All authors use editors but Ch. 6 goes beyond mere editing. This is obviously Sophie's work as a device to see the feminine view of the protagonist. Sophie deserves her own voice and should sign up to publish independently. BTW, partners in a relationship always benefit from healthy independence. Go to it, Sophie!

it has to be one of the hottest series ever. i have been patiently waiting for more but now it has been too long.

A very good addition to this story, and a different perspective too. I'm not sure if this was the right place to insert this chapter, it seems that you missed a chapter in the story line; as detailed as the previous chapters were, you didn't continue on with his leaving the hospital and getting setup in his new apartment with Jimmy... I'll certainly be looking forward to see how you bring the two roads together in future chapters. It's still a great story. Thank you!

please post next chapter

Great addition to the story Can't wait for the next chapter.

Why weren't stories like this written 50 years ago, when they would have given me some insight on the female species. Penrhouse and Playboy don't hold a candle to your stories.

I thought the girl he liked on campus was Olivia, not Evelyn? Is this a mix-up, or will we get future chapters with Olivia too?

Olivia and Evelyn are two different chapters. We will meet Olivia properly in chapter 8.

This is quite a departure from previous chapters. All over the map at this point and isn't really even the same story or at least doesn’t move the story forward from the previous chapters. Not doing the story, or the readers, any favors to be experimenting like this. Could have been under a different title rather than part of this story.

A bit sappy and longwinded for me. Very mills and boon.

But I liked allthe previous chapters...😉

Well written...thoughtfully erotic....I could relate from a male perspective....super! Kenny

Excellent writing. Totally worked if the style changed a bit because of the POV change. Thanks for this. And keep writing!

A lovely change of emphasis and a delightful chapter. Waiting for some baddies to arrive but glad that Olivia is still to come.

Great chapter. Obviously a different writer but don’t listen to critics you did a good job and it’s really really cool that you helped him out like this. Definitely more

Agree with Wicked62…very sappy and long-winded. Leave room for imagination.

Delightful addition to an already enjoyable story

Your collaboration has produced fruit that is very enjoyable

Keep up the good work - deserved and given a 5 star rating

girl did justice to the storie

When I was already so engaged in this story I have to say my heart sank at the thought of a guest writer.

I should have trusted you both more.

If this chapter didn't come straight from the core of a very sensual person with a high talent for expressing themselves I would love to know where else it could possibly have emerged.

I read a lot of erotica on this site. Stories often amuse, annoy, titillate (and sometimes gross me out), but I can't remember ever being sent into complete goose bump overload before. Not just once or twice either.

Truly outstanding. I can't wait to devour more of this and other stories from each of you.

Thank you.

Setting the Mars versus Venus critique aside I think Sophie did an amazing job.

Dear Sophie!

your first work is outstanding! The take from a lady is completely different from Novalist, refreshing, surprising.

Keep up writing!

Very hot. Partner and I loved recreating it.

It's two years later, just reading it. Loved the female perspective, wondering if Evie is an inquisitor, or has some power related to Pete's. Was that her true feelings, was she manipulated or manipulative herself.

Yeaaaaa Sophie ...... LOVED IT !!!!!!!

Knocked that one out of the park, Sophie.

Hope everybody was taking notes.

I can't wait on an combined effort to describe both sides simultaniously!

Sounds like she's an Evo and he didn't even bother to tell her? When her life is at a daily risk? What an utter bastard. Or very foolish/forgetful writing.

What an amazing picture you painted with words. And the feelings that came through your words and grabbed on to me as if i were the character in the story myself. An Absolutely beautiful thought put down in words that played like like a movie in your head

Words escape me on this. Brilliance

A special, special chapter. Amazing, simply breathtaking. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Super Hot!!!

I got the impression that Evelyn is modeled after Sophie.

The chapter being only from her view

.

Sorry Novalist. At least for me you have been one upped. That was fantastic. I know nothing about shared writing but if that is the result, please share some more.

Ummm remember hot nurses who we built up and care about?....this was throwing a hotdog in fajitas and shouting ta-da!!!

For me, this Chapter focused too much on what she was feeling and wanting, what about him? What was he thinking? The only thing I got out of this chapter is she’s probably an Avo as well and one more to add to his little collection of lovers. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t too bad but for me it didn’t really hit the mark. Sorry, Sophie.⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sophie, a fine addition to the story. Kudos to you. And thank you for sharing your talents with us

The change of perspective was a pretty fun read. The inner monologue was realistic, the slow tease was pretty damn erotic and sensual. Loved it! I'm reading the series for the first time. Hope Sophie comes back for another guest chapter or two. Looking forward to the interaction between Becky and Evelyn. I wonder if it's going to be a cat fight or, more probably given Becky's submissive nature, they'll end up friends / harem sisters / sister wives.

Loved the change in perspective but not sure this chapter totally fits as your nurses and the relationships built were totally forgotten by both Pete and Jimmy! Where did Sophie go? Link says user doesn't exist!

Holy shit.

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Hope Sophie has gone full time author!

Great perspective shift in the overall story for a bit, but also just damn great.

Excellent. As a man I felt really inside the woman's skin. Thank you. 6 stars.