Nikki Kim: A Secret Between Sisters

The meal got off to an uneventful start. To go with the pizza, Johan, Steve, and Nina were all drinking Coronas, while the boys and I were drinking Coke. Then, at some point, the conversation turned to Johan's impending departure the next day.

"Are you excited to be getting back to school?" Steve asked.

"It will be nice to see friends, but for me, there's nothing better than traveling," Johan replied. "Meeting new people, trying new things... I want my life to be an adventure."

"What are you studying?" Nina asked, taking a sip of beer. I noticed she was now drinking a Heineken. Had she finished her Corona already?

"International relations," Johan said. "I'm going to be a diplomat, like my father."

"That sounds exciting," Nina said. "What parts of the world are you most interested in?"

"It might sound like I'm playing to the crowd, but I'm most interested in South Korea," he said.

"Really?" Steve asked. "Why?"

"Well, it's an incredibly important country from a geopolitical standpoint, but what interests me most is the way that impacts the culture," Johan said, taking a drink. "The entire peninsula is constantly walking a tightrope, and I think you can see that pressure reflected in the people. In many ways, it's probably the most competitive country in the world, and I think that's directly related to the existential threat they feel from North Korea, China, Japan..."

"Wow," Nina said, cocking her head. "So you know a lot about Korea, huh?"

"I just think the level of competition that exists there is remarkable," he continued. "I'm not a Social Darwinist, exactly, but I do think that the incredible power of Korea's recent cultural exports--K-Pop, K-Drama, K-Beauty--has a lot to do with the geopolitical climate."

"That's very interesting," Steve said, nodding. "Very interesting."

"You know, they say that pressure forges diamonds," Johan said, sliding his hand beneath the picnic table. "And I think that some of the world's most beautiful things come from Korea."

As he finished speaking, I noticed Nina twitch, her eyes opening ever so slightly. She glanced to her side, looking surprised, maybe confused, but only for a moment. It was almost imperceptible, but not to me. Not to her sister.

Suddenly, Johan stood up from the table.

"I'm going inside to get some more beer," he announced. "And then, I'm going to teach you all a drinking game that we play in the beer halls of Munich."

"I should probably start heading home," Nina said.

"Nonsense," Johan cried, sounding almost jolly. "This is my last night in the United States, and I want to show you about my culture. You can't leave now!"

"Yeah, Aunt Nina!" Riley said, latching on to Johan's exuberant tone. "You can't leave now!"

Nina shot a glance at me from across the table. I knew she was trying to tell me something, but I wasn't sure what.

"It's getting late, honey," I said, turning to Riley. "And imo has a long drive home..."

"Well, if it's too late, then I guess we just won't play," Johan said, his voice falling theatrically to a somber tone.

"It's not even dark yet!" Riley whined, looking first at me and then at Nina. "Can't we just play a little bit?"

Nina looked at me again, and then back to Riley.

"Okay," she nodded, cracking a tiny smile. "A little bit, but only because I can't say no to that face."

Johan disappeared into the house, and a few seconds later, he came out carrying a two-liter of soda in one hand and several bottles of beers in the other.

"This game has its own name in German," he announced, clearing the empty pizza boxes from the table. "But in English, it's called Thumper."

Johan filled our cups with soda and set the fresh beer bottles down in front of him, Steve, and Nina. Then, he explained the rules.

The way Johan explained it, Thumper is a rhythmic, call-and-response drinking game that involves chanting, pounding the table, and using hand gestures to pass the "beat" to another player. The goal of the game is to keep time with the beat when another player passes it to you, then pass it along to the next player. Each player has their own hand gesture, and you pick the player you want to pass to by mimicking their hand gesture. The longer the game goes on, the faster the beat gets, and if someone passes you the beat and you make a mistake, then you have to drink.

I have to admit that the game turned out to be really fun at first. Although it was technically a drinking game, the chanting and the hand gestures made it fun for the boys. Riley, in particular, seemed to be having the time of his life, cackling wildly every time somebody else made a mistake and had to drink.

Soon, however, the game started to take a turn. Johan was sitting across the table from Riley, and at one point, I saw him lean over and whisper something to my younger son. Riley giggled and nodded, clearly enjoying that the two of them now had some secret pact the rest of us didn't know about. It didn't take long to figure out what it was.

You see, the thing about a game like this is that you only have to drink if you're the one who messes up the beat. And you can only mess it up if another player passes you the beat.

Pretty soon, it became clear that both Riley and Johan were only passing the beat to one other player: my sister, Nina.

With two players constantly passing her the beat, Nina couldn't keep from making mistakes, and she finished her Heineken almost immediately, too quickly for her to quit the game after agreeing to play. Then, before I realized what was going on, her next beer was more than half empty as well. She kept fidgeting in her seat as we played, almost like she needed to use the bathroom, but for some reason she never got up.

My sister is a grown woman and a good sport, so I felt awkward trying to intervene on her behalf. But as the liquid in her third beer began to dwindle, I turned to Riley.

"Honey, it's not nice to choose the same person over and over," I said.

"But it's so funny!" Riley cried, laughing. "Imo's gestures are just the funniest."

I turned to my sister to see what she thought about this, but she seemed not to have heard it. She had a confused look on her face, and I could see her fidgeting again, unable to sit still.

"Unni, are you okay?" I said. "Do you need a glass of water?"

She didn't say anything, but she nodded, shifting in her seat like she was trying to get comfortable.

I went inside to get a pitcher of water, but I could hear the sound of them continuing to play the game in my absence. When I came back outside, I heard Riley laughing hysterically.

"Imo lost again!" Riley cried. "Imo's drinks are all gone!"

"Unni, here," I said, pouring her a glass of water. "Drink this."

"Thanks," she said, glancing at me distractedly.

"Steve, can I talk to you?" I said, pulling my husband up from the table. "I don't think she can drive herself home."

"I can drive her," he volunteered, ignoring the fact that he'd been drinking, too.

"She'll have to come all the way back here tomorrow to get her car," I complained. "That's such a long drive."

"I can drive her home in her car," he said. "Then I'll Uber back."

"She drives a stick-shift, honey," I said, exasperated. "When was the last time you did that?"

"Right, yeah," he admitted sheepishly. "Well, she could spend the night, but we've got Johan in the in-law."

"Can she sleep with me in our bed?" I asked.

"You want me to take the couch?" he asked, incredulously. "In my own house?"

"You shouldn't have let her drink so much," I said, peevishly. "This is your fault."

"Fine, whatever," Steve said petulantly. "I'll take the couch."

"Good," I said. "Now go tell her she's staying the night."

Satisfied, I turned back to the table.

"Nina, umm, we think you should probably stay here tonight," Steve mumbled. "Wouldn't that be fun, boys?"

"Sleepover!" Riley yelled, giving Danny a high-five.

"No, it's okay," Nina said, shaking her head. "I can drive."

"We'd really feel better if you didn't," Steve said. "You and Nikki can share the bed, and I'll sleep on the couch."

"No, no, I can't do that," Nina protested.

"Why don't you take the in-law unit?" Johan offered. "My stuff is mostly packed up already, and I don't mind taking the couch."

"Are you sure?" Steve asked Johan hopefully. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all," Johan said, smiling. "It's the least I can do."

"No, Steve, you should take the couch," I said, frowning at him. "Johan is a guest."

"I really insist," Johan said warmly. "Steve shouldn't have to take the couch, and this way, Nina gets her own bed."

Then, everyone was looking at me. Steve and Johan were obviously hoping that I would say yes. Danny and Riley were, too.

Only Nina's face was hard to read. I was used to her being so self-possessed, but now she seemed preoccupied, and I couldn't tell what she wanted me to say.

"Okay," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "Sure."

...

As the game broke up, Steve cleaned up the patio, and the boys went inside to start getting ready for bed. Johan walked back to the in-law unit to collect his things, and I went back to my bedroom to get Nina some sleep clothes.

I was rifling through my dresser when I heard the bedroom door creak open and click shut behind me. I jumped, fearing that even with everyone at home, Johan had somehow come for me again. But when I whirled around, my sister was the one standing there, looking at me from across the room.

"Hey," I murmured uncertainly. "You scared me. Is everything okay?"

Nina didn't say anything at first. She was just watching me with that same preoccupied look on her face, as if I were some distance acquaintance whose name she couldn't quite remember.

"Nikki," she said quietly, like she finally recognized me.

I waited for her to say more, but she was silent.

"What?" I said nervously. "What is it?"

"There's... there's something wrong with Johan," Nina said slowly, glancing around the room as if someone might be listening. "Isn't there?"

"What?" I croaked, my throat going completely dry.

"He keeps--he kept putting his hands on me, under the table," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Touching my thigh, squeezing my leg..."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. My mouth was bone-dry, incapable of speech.

"At first, I thought--I dunno, I thought it was an accident, maybe, or a cultural thing," she stammered. "I kept pushing his hand away below the table, but every time I took a drink, he kept putting it back and--and trying to rub me..."

I looked at Nina. I was so used to seeing her as my confident, self-assured older sister, but she didn't look like that now. She was blushing, the Asian glow having started to show somewhere around her third beer.

Or maybe not. Maybe she was flush from embarrassment after being groped in front of her entire family, from trying to fend off the wandering hands of her nephew's 19-year-old friend.

"It's him, isn't it?" Nina whispered, a tremor in her voice. "He's the guy...?"

I cast my eyes down into the open drawers of my dresser. I could feel the blood rushing to my face, and I wondered which of us was redder now.

"Ohmygod," Nina gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth. "Nikki, he's--how old is he?!"

"Nineteen," I whispered inaudibly, my lips moving without sound.

"Ohmygod, and he--he's been living here?!" Nina whispered, her eyes wide with shock. "He's staying here with your family?!"

I couldn't speak. I couldn't look at her. My entire body was paralyzed, frozen with shame as if I'd been cast in amber.

"This is bad," Nina said softly, her voice faltering as she formed the words. "Nikki, this is really bad."

I felt tears forming in my eyes.

"Does Steve know?" she whispered, walking up next to me. "Have the boys seen anything?"

I tried to shake my head, but it barely moved.

"And he's definitely flying out in the morning?" Nina asked, standing beside me. "You're sure about that?"

I closed my eyes, a tear running down my cheek. Could Nina feel the guilt that was boiling me alive from the inside? It felt like the shame was radiating from my entire body.

"Okay," she said quietly, putting her hand on my shoulder. "This... this will be okay."

I forced myself to turn and face my sister. Her face was still red, but now she looked more like the Nina I knew, the poised, capable, gorgeous girl that I'd often envied but always admired.

"I'm sorry, unni," I whispered, choking on the words as another tear fell.

"I just need to know," Nina said slowly, choosing her words carefully. "This thing with him... it's over, right? You're done?"

"Please, unni," I pleaded, looking sidelong at the door. "Please don't make me talk about it. I--I can't..."

"Okay," she nodded, taking a deep breath. "I... I should go."

I lifted my hands, holding up a soft white t-shirt folded atop a pair of my sleep shorts.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "For... understanding."

"I'm your sister," she nodded, taking the clothes.

...

After Nina left, I stayed in my bedroom, watching and listening as the rest of the house got ready for bed. I watched from my bedroom window as Johan walked up from the in-law unit to the main house with his suitcase. Then, a few minutes later, I saw Nina make the opposite trip, walking down to the in-law carrying the sleep clothes I'd given her.

I heard Steve putting the boys to bed and getting Johan set up on the couch. Then, he came into our bedroom.

"I hope you're happy," I pouted. "God forbid you should have to spend one night sleeping on the couch."

"What is the matter with you?" he said in exasperation, shutting the door behind him. "I said I would sleep there, but Johan offered to take it. Why should he get a bed instead of me?"

"But now Nina has to sleep in the in-law unit!" I said angrily. "Johan's been in there all week long, probably doing god knows what. It's just gross."

"You could've washed his sheets while you were home this week," Steve countered. "Anyway, it's just one night, and Nina didn't seem to mind."

"You shouldn't have let her drink so much," I said. "Why do I always have to be the responsible one?"

"Jesus Christ, Nikki," Steve said, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "Why do you keep making me the fucking traffic cop? First it was Johan, and now Nina. I'm responsible for Danny and Riley, not their friends or your sister."

"This is your house," I protested. "What happens here... it happens on your watch."

"Yours, too," he shot back, changing into his pajamas. "Why didn't you stop her, then?"

"You were the one sitting right next to her," I mumbled. "But you let Johan keep opening beers for her."

"She's an adult, Nikki!" Steve said, his voice getting louder. "She's older than I am! Why are you acting like she's some sorority girl being peer pressured at a frat party?"

"You just don't get it," I huffed. "You're so Korean, but you have zero nunchi."

"You need to calm down," Steve said, shaking his head as he got into bed. "It's just one night."

...

Steve fell asleep almost immediately, but I didn't. My mind was racing, busy with a million jumbled thoughts and feelings. I considered taking an Ambien to calm my mind and help me sleep, but something stopped me.

I'd been in bed for less than 15 minutes when I heard a creak, the sound of the screen door opening onto the patio. Immediately, I slipped out of bed and walked over to my bedroom window.

It was dark outside, but our patio lights have a motion detector. When they flipped on, I saw a tall figure disappear into the darkness beyond the patio, moving towards the in-law unit.

I gasped, clapping a hand over my mouth to stifle the sound. Suddenly, my heart was pounding inside my chest, so loud that I could feel it ringing in my ears.

I could see that a light was still on inside the in-law unit. Nina was probably still awake.

Had she thought to lock the door? Why hadn't I reminded her? Even if she had, what if someone knocked? Would she ask who it was? Would she open it?

Panic rising in my chest, I grabbed my phone off the end table and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

"Lock the door," I texted frantically.

Several seconds passed. No response.

I tapped the call button, holding the phone up to my ear. It went to voicemail.

Oh shit, I thought, my blood pressure spiking. Oh fuck.

I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. Here, behind my own locked door and with my husband sleeping beside me, I felt safe. Once I ventured beyond the security of my bedroom, however, there were no such guarantees.

What if Johan was just trying to draw me out? What if this was a ploy to get me onto the couch with him? That would be insanely dangerous, with Steve and my sons all sleeping just down the hallway.

But I couldn't just hide in my bedroom if Johan was really trying to get inside the in-law unit. Nina had gotten a taste of what Johan was like earlier that evening, but she didn't know what he was capable of. I did, and that meant I couldn't just leave my sister to fend for herself.

Before I could change my mind, I unlocked my bedroom door. The familiar click of the latch sent a shockwave through my body as my mind was instantly transported back two days earlier.

Was it only two days ago that I'd unlocked this door, knowing that Johan was waiting on the other side? Was it only two days since he had burst through it, his eyes wild with angry desire, his teenage libido raging out of control? Was it only two days since he had pinned me down and fucked me in my marital bed, since he had made me beg for his cum in the spot where my husband now slept?

He's a monster, I thought, a cold shiver of terror cascading down my spine. And I led my sister right to him.

I padded quickly through the house, slipped on a pair of flip-flops, and stepped out into the backyard. But this, too, jogged unwanted memories.

The last time I'd snuck out of the house in the middle of the night, I'd been trying to recover the Ambien that Johan had stolen from me. But instead, I'd ended up in Johan's bed, naked and high on pills, riding his enormous cock with delirious abandon, unable to stop him from finishing inside me and claiming me as his "cum-bride."

Trying to shake this memory from my mind, I moved carefully across the backyard, keeping my eyes open for Johan. But as frightened as I was of encountering him here in the darkness, it was equally worrisome that I hadn't found him. It meant that he might already be inside the in-law, with Nina.

As I reached the in-law unit, I crept up to the window, standing on my tip-toes so that I could peer inside. My chest tightened reflexively as I took in the scene.

There was Johan, sitting on the edge of the bed, propping himself up with one hand while he held a beer in the other. He was still wearing the same tank top and shorts, and his legs still looked dusty with sand from his trip to the desert.

My sister was standing on the far side of the room, a few paces away from the bed, near the bathroom. Like Johan, she was still wearing the same clothes, but she had taken off her shoes, and her leather jacket was hanging from a hook on the bathroom door.

The form-fitting white top she'd been wearing had come untucked from her tight black jeans, and now that her jacket was off, I could see that it was sleeveless, exposing her tan, lean arms. She was wearing a couple of simple gold bracelets on one wrist and a black hair-tie on the other, but the main thing you noticed were her tattoos.

Nina has ink on both of her arms, but more on her left than on her right. I don't try to keep up with every tattoo she's gotten, but she has quite a few at this point. Her tattoos blend together to create a cohesive tableau, but they aren't as dense as a sleeve, so there's plenty of negative space where her honeyed skin tone shows through.