Nineteen Hundred Ch. 04

"Um, look...I really do like you...so..."

"C'mon, Julie; shit."

"Tony, if you're okay with casual kissing, petting and sex, I'm okay, too. I...I just don't want to lead you on, that's all." She said looking down at her keys.

"Girl, c'mon..."

"No, seriously, Tony. I have a really long road ahead of me. As of right now, I'm more than 50% sure I'm going to divorce Jake. But...we still have a few more weeks of school, so I have to carefully plan everything. The kids make this so much harder, ya know?"

Tony looked at her sincerely.

"Tony, please. Don't let me get in the way if you meet someone or...or..."

"Or what?"

Julies eyes teared up..."I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, girl. I'm not going to lead you down the wrong path. I'll be straight with you. If I meet anyone special, I'll let you know, but right now, I have no plans other than finishing school. Besides, I have a hot, married-ass white woman I can play with for now."

Julie looked at him and laughed awkwardly. "Yeh, I guess you do," wiping away the tears.

They kissed passionately before she opened the door and sat down.

"See you Monday?" she asked.

"Hope so."

Julie tried to keep a positive outlook on life as she considered her options regarding her marriage. She booked another counselling session with Jake for the following Monday at five. As much as she tried not to think of Tony, she often found herself doing so. She was afraid she was falling for him. Another part of her told her his friendship over the past few weeks is really what she cherished.

Monday's counselling session didn't seem to make Jake change his point of view. Julie was saddened as she drove from the counselor's office to class. She just didn't see any possibility of saving her marriage. She knew she was the one who should have stopped Tony's visit that night. She didn't stop Tony from coming over, but Jake was just as much to blame. She was confused. Regardless, the damage to her marriage was done.

Tuesday morning, Julie was in the shower getting ready for work. Jake was in the bathroom shaving, then left. Julie stepped out of the shower and dried herself. Jake came back into the bathroom.

"What the fuck, Julie?"

"What?"

"You know what. Explain," Jake demanded.

"What?"

"You fucking shaved your pussy!" he snorted. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, geez," she said with a touch of humor. She'd taken her lunch hour Monday to get waxed. She had hoped to keep it from Jake for a day or two.

"No. Bullshit! Why did you shave?"

"C'mon, Jake. A lot of women trim down there," she explained.

"Trim my ass, Julie. You shaved it all off! What the fuck is going on? Does this have anything to do with Tony? Are you guys fucking and you're not telling me; not being honest?" Jake was pissed.

"No, Jake, settle down. I just wanted to try it to see how it feels, that's all." She softly said, trying to calm Jake's anger.

He stared at her. "I swear Julie; if you've been doing shit with Tony and not telling me, I'll..."

"You'll what, Jake?" she said staring at him, as silence fell over the bathroom.

After a few seconds, Jake spoke. "I swear, Julie. You told me you'd be honest with me if anything happens between you and Tony. As far as I know, you've given him a kiss or two over the past few weeks. Is there something I need to know about?"

"Oh, Jake..."

"Don't fuck'n oh Jake me!" He shouted, then stared into her eyes.

"Jake; there's nothing to worry about. I'm not cheating on you. I'm trying to get my degree. Tony is a smart, gifted, talented guy." She softly told him in hopes of him lowering his voice. "Honestly, Jake, I feel badly...I feel like I'm using him to get me through the project," she told her husband knowing full well she was lying to his face.

Jake took a deep breath, still staring at her. "Okay, if you say so, Julie. You said you'd be honest with me. I hope you still are."

"C'mon, Jake...please," she softly replied.

Jake went to make sure the kids were getting ready for school. Julie took a deep breath. If Jake knew she paid over fifty bucks for a Brazilian wax, he'd go bonkers. She hoped she convinced him there was nothing going on with Tony, but that was a close call; not that she didn't expect him to ask when he saw her pubes were gone. Hopefully, he'll stay convinced that she shaves and didn't pay for a wax.

That night, after she came back from class, the kids were already in bed, for the most part. Julie asked Jake why the kids were ready for bed. Jake explained he wanted to spend time with her tonight. She knew what he meant and the last thing she wanted was to have sex with Jake, the night before she went to Tony's; even though she really didn't plan on sleeping with Tony.

"Jake, really, I don't feel well. I've had stomach issues all day. I really don't feel like having sex tonight," she explained.

"C'mon, Julie. I want to see if you feel any different without your bush."

"Jake, please. I feel gross down there. I don't feel well. Can you at least have the courtesy to wait until tomorrow night after I get home?" she asked.

"Fuck; okay, shit, Julie," he snorted.

Julie made a mental note of his attitude towards her request, even though she was lying to get out of having sex with him. Again, she felt Jake no longer respected her.

The next morning, she packed her backpack with a change of clothes to go to Tony's after work. Everything went smoothly with the kids and getting to work.

She finished her work around 5:10. She texted Tony to see if he was home. Tony replied stating he was on his way home and would be there shortly. She informed him she was leaving work and would meet him at his place.

She arrived at his building and texted him. He was only minutes away. She waited, then watched as he pulled into a spot in front of his building. She grabbed her backpack and met him at his car.

She greeted him with a huge smile and he replied with a quick kiss on the cheek, followed by a passionate kiss in front of his car. He followed her up the stairs to his apartment.

They entered the apartment and she headed to his bedroom to change. Tony followed her to change, as well. She had no qualms about changing in front of Tony and made no effort to hide as she undressed.

As Tony came out of the bathroom, Julie walked over to him in her underwear and bra. She grabbed his hand and slid it inside her panties, down her smooth womanhood.

"What did you do?" Tony asked in somewhat of a startled manner.

"I just wanted to try getting waxed. I've never done more than trim my hair for a bathing suit," she said, looking at him.

"Did you do that for me?" Tony asked.

"Well, yes and no, I guess," Julie answered, pulling off her underwear, giving Tony a full view of her smoothly waxed sex.

Tony looked at her crotch, then looked at her. He said nothing.

Julie could tell something was wrong by the looking at Tony's expression.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" she asked, full of worry.

Tony sighed deeply. "We need to talk."

Julie stared at Tony, standing in just her bra, looking at him. He quickly pulled sweats and sweatshirt out of his dresser. Julie pulled her yoga pants and tee shirt out of her backpack and began changing; throwing her panties into her backpack.

"Julie. We can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore." Tony sighed, pulling his sweatshirt over his head.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"C'mon, Julie; stop. You know what." He paused, watching her hold her yoga pants, ready to put them on. "Yes, or no? Did you wax because I said the other day, I don't like pubic hair on women?" he asked with a matter-of-fact tone.

She didn't look at him as she finished pulling up her pants. Then sighed. "Yeh, maybe you had a little to do with it. I mean, honestly, Tony, I've wanted to try it for quite a while, but I guess your comment made me feel like taking the plunge."

"Don't play with me, Julie." He stared at her.

"I'm not, Tony. Okay, yeh, I had a wax, in part, because of you, but not solely because you said you didn't like pubic hair." She answered.

He looked at her with concern. "Get dressed and meet me at the dining room table, please."

Confused, Julie finished changing and putting her work clothes in her backpack. She went to the dining room table where Jake was already sitting down.

"I'm in trouble; aren't I?" she asked.

Tony took a deep breath. "Julie, I can't see you anymore after tonight."

His words didn't hit her. "Tony, we still have to finish the project. How are we going to finish it together?" she asked with concern.

"Sit down, girl." Tony said, offering the chair next to him. He took another deep breath and put his hands to his face. Julie prepared for the worst.

"I've been talking to Mr. McCall. I've told him our project is done and we can turn it in early."

"But, but it's not done, Tony." Julie interjected.

He sighed, "Yes, Julie. I did it over the weekend."

"Tony! C'mon, you said..."

"I know, I know, Julie. I'm sorry." Tony interrupted.

Julie stared in disbelief.

"I'm leaving town; soon. I...I've accepted a job." Tony told her.

Still, she didn't catch his words about leaving. "Wait; you're dropping out of school with just a short amount of time left?" Julie asked in disbelief.

"No." Tony sighed. "Julie, I took the final yesterday before class."

"What?" Tony's words finally started sinking in. He was leaving town. There would be no more Tony in her life. It was as if time stopped. She stared at him in a dazed.

"Julie, I told you...this shit is easy for me, and well, long story short, Mr. McCall and the school agreed to let me finish early so I can relocate and not be punished for missing the last few weeks of school."

Julie was in complete mental disarray. She stared at Tony; her mouth partly open. Silence filled the apartment. Then a tear fell from Julie's eye. "Job? What job? Where? Doing what?" she asked.

"Girl," Tony sighed; looking away. "I accepted a job Tuesday morning. They wanted me to start a month ago, but because of school, I asked for a delayed start date. After talking to Mr. McCall and the school last week, everything was set."

Julie sat in anguish, trying to comprehend Tony's words. "When are you leaving? Where are you going?" she asked.

Tony was silent.

"Tony, I deserve an answer, don't I?" she asked quietly.

Tony exhaled. "No, Julie. You're married, remember?...and not to me. I think it's time I move on. I think I've caused enough problems for you and your kids.

"But Tony..."

"Julie!" he snapped. "You and I are having an affair...Do you not see that even kissing the way we do is wrong?" He stared at her. "Let alone last week in my bedroom." He paused again, looking at her. "You have two options; stay married or divorce...I can't...I won't...tell you which is the correct road to take. I told you; I should have never come to your house. I should have never accepted working on the group project with you." He stared at her; watching tears roll down her cheeks.

Tony sighed. "I let things happen between me and a married woman. Then we fooled around last week in my bedroom...after I had just told you how I'd never disrespect a woman, like my father did." He paused, then Julie interrupted.

"Tony, you said your dad hit your mom. You didn't abuse me. Not the first night and not last week in your bedroom. You never hurt me." She tried to reason.

Tony looked at her in silence, then quietly asked, "If I didn't hurt you, why are you crying in front of me right now?" The room fell silent again. Julie began to get Tony's point; the truth stinging.

"Julie, I...I have no excuse or words to explain my actions last Wednesday. I disrespected you, Julie. I disrespected your kids. And even though I don't give a shit about Jake, I disrespected your marriage; again. I'm sorry." He paused.

"I failed you. Above all, I failed myself. I didn't want to get close to you, yet I invited you into my bedroom. Thank God for your period or you know what would have happened."

He looked into her eyes and sighed heavily. "When...when I protected my mom; when I stayed in my hometown to go to college...I knew I was doing the right thing. I wanted to protect something I loved. It wasn't until boot camp that I slowly began to understand the word 'honor'. I was proud to be a marine. I almost didn't get out, but I knew I had a different calling in life." He explained. "Julie, sleeping with you, then continuing to see you...that wasn't honorable. As much as I like you and enjoyed your company...it's not the man I became. I hurt myself and I've played a part in breaking a marriage." He softly explained with pain in his eyes.

He hesitated briefly. "I slept with you once. Once was one time too many. After that night, the...the...the kissing, the petting, the blowjob; none of it should have ever happened. We all failed...Jake, you, me; everybody." He anguished.

More tears fell as Julie sat looking into Tony's eyes and hearing his words. A silence fell over the apartment again; both staring at each other.

Finally, she raked her fingers through her hair and sighed deeply. She softly asked, "Okay...how are we going to complete the project?"

Tony sighed. "I spoke to Mr. McCall. He said we can turn it in next Monday night. If he has any questions, he'll tell us Tuesday whether we need to discuss it with him. If so, we'll meet in one of the classrooms next Wednesday night."

Julie's mind was like a tornado inside. "So, next Wednesday is the last time I get to see you?" she softly asked, tilting her head; tears falling.

"Julie, I think...I think he won't have any questions on the project. I'll be at class Monday for sure...and we'll turn it in. I don't have to show up Tuesday night if he calls and says it's good." He paused; "Well, unless I blew the final yesterday."

She silently scoffed, "Like you've ever failed an exam in school."

Julie's tears fell silently as she sniffled and wiped her eyes in the silence of the apartment. Julie collected her thoughts eventually.

She sighed deeply. "Okay...okay, let's go over the project to make sure I understand everything." She said, wiping her face and nose.

Over the next hour, Tony and Julie went over the slides he had finished. She asked questions and they discussed certain material. For the most part, she was in agreement with his work and understood the concepts, statistics and findings from the research. She felt comfortable she wouldn't be lost if she had to explain anything without Tony present. They finished the slides and Julie's heart began to sink, knowing she only had minutes left with Tony, other than next Monday night in class.

"Do you have any questions, Julie?"

She sat there in silence, looking at the laptop.

"Girl? You okay?" Tony asked.

Julie looked up at him as a tear fell. "No." she said, barely audible. "I...I mean, no, I don't have any questions," she answered quietly.

Tony could see she was in pain; a pain caused indirectly...and directly by him.

"I guess...I should get going," she added, as if in a daze.

"Julie." Tony sighed. "I'm sorry; really. I am part of the cause for your pain; for your marital problems. If you divorce Jake..." Tony paused, looking down, catching his breath. "If you divorce Jake, my memory will always be with you. I'm not proud of anything that's happened between us. I just want you to know that."

Julie looked back at Tony and for the first time, she saw sadness; she saw a single tear roll down his face.

They looked at each other for an eternity. Julie's tears easily outnumbered Tony's.

"I have to go." She said, barely above a whisper. She stood and gathered her things. She went to Tony's bedroom to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Tony met her by the door.

"You don't have to..." she started.

"Julie, yes, I do." He opened the door and walked her down to her car.

At her car, more tears rolled down Julie's face, where she painfully searched Tony's eyes. "I was falling for you, Tony. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry," she uttered as she began to sob quietly.

He looked at her, fighting his own emotions. "No, Julie. You weren't falling for me. You're not in love with me. This all happened so quickly. It's barely been over two months." He paused.

"What happened is Jake pushed you into a situation where you thought being a good wife would make things better. Mistakes...bad decisions were made be all three of us. You now resent him and that makes me look like the good guy. That's not what reality will show in a month, two months, six months from now. I promise."

She listened as she sniffled.

"You're not going to tell me when you're leaving town?" she asked through her tears.

He exhaled deeply. "I'd rather not, girl."

"Where are you going? Won't you please tell me that, at least?" She asked with pain in her eyes.

"C'mon, girl. Please." He stood there, trying to avoid her questions. She stared back into his eyes; waiting.

"Can I text? Call? Email you?" she asked, quietly sobbing. "Tony, if nothing else, you've been the best friend I could have ever had during this chaotic time. I know we've done more than friends do, but I really need your friendship right now."

Tony exhaled and looked away briefly. "Julie, look. I'll see you Monday night. I promise you that. After that, I think it's best we move on without each other; separately."

Julie knew he was right, but she didn't want to accept anything that happened tonight. She wanted it to be a very bad dream. Slowly, she did begin to accept reality, although it didn't stop her tears.

She opened her door and put her backpack inside the car. She closed the door and put her arms around Tony's neck; sobbing, shaking; then letting it all out.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed into his shirt, trying to control herself. She held on to him for a couple of minutes; letting herself somehow face reality.

"C'mon, girl. You need to get home," Tony whispered into her thick blonde hair.

After a few more seconds, she let go of him, "Yeh, I know." She said, trying to compose herself.

She looked at him. "One last kiss?" she softy asked.

"Girl, I'll see you Monday night. Don't tell me we won't say our good-byes again," Tony said, trying to somehow lessen her pain. Even so, Tony kissed her passionately for several seconds until Julie pulled away. She patted him on the chest and tried to smile; looking into his eyes.

"Okay, see you Monday night?" She semi-asked.

"Yeh, I'll be there. Count on it." Tony replied.

She opened her door, sat down and closed the door. She rolled down her window, looking at Tony and wiped her tears. She started her car and Tony stepped back. She looked into his eyes for a few seconds, then slowly pulled out of her spot.

The drive home wasn't that far. She had plenty of time to think about the next phase of her life. Her decision wasn't made during the drive. It was made over the past few weeks. She didn't see any benefit in delaying the inevitable.

Julie arrived home a little before 8pm. Her eyes still evident of pain and turmoil. Jake was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. He turned to greet her as she came through the garage/mud room door.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Where are the kids?" she quietly asked.

"Upstairs. You've been crying. What's wrong, babe?"

Julie put her backpack down on the kitchen counter. She looked at Jake as more tears flowed.

"Jake. I'm sorry. We both made mistakes involving your fantasy. You shouldn't have forced it on me and I shouldn't have let myself go through with inviting Tony over here." She began to weep.

"I've been thinking. I was wrong. You didn't break our vows, we both did. I don't put 100% of the blame on you. I know I could have stopped it, too." She paused, tears flowing, sobbing. "I don't think I can continue in this marriage. I'm filing for divorce tomorrow."